Guilt, Regret and Pain
My life has been nothing but hell....my father didnt want even to see me and my mother was so disapointed it took four months for me to be crown as the Alpha of my pack but without a mate as i couldnt have a relation with Britney all i knew is that i will hert her in the end sohhh i decided to fall in love with my Alpha duties.
Well my pack became the most powerful and fearful pack in the whole world as i trained people non stop as i was always thinking what if my mate is tortured whenever she is. All i know is thatshe's not dead as if she would be then i vould have felt it but she still alife though Damien cant sence her wolf and its making the both of us go nuts
"I think its enough for today" came Ronalds tiring voice.
"One more time" as i stood up
"No....you said that for the tenth time today....i need to go see my mate and yoy need to clean up"
"But..."
"No men.....you look like you need a shower"
"And a heavy one too" now it was Bea rubbing her big bumb
"And a lot of rest.....i mean...you've been working your butt oit since forever.....you need your own time and not just because your the Alpha but be Tyler for a day" well.....she said a lot and meaningful too
"Soh....what are you suggesting exactly" she looked at me like a dumb baby the shoke her head while rolling her eyes. She just took her mate and left me there dumbfully
I just collected myself and went to my room to take that long shower. But before i stood infront of a mirror...a thing i dont do often. I've really changed for the past nine months as i have a beard now and huge black circles around my eyes but i pushed all that away and went to take thta long shower.
Amfter the shower i felt so refleshed that i felt like sleeping but j have to eat something and so i went to have my meal down stairs as i met everyone already seated
"Here have some of these" said Bea as she pours me some roasted meat. Well her and her mate have been taking care of me like am the kid in her stomach and....well cant deny because i couldnt do anything by myself.....i cant even pour coffee for myslef wothout spliting it elsewere....yeah nerd Alpha...i get that a lot.
"I've heard that the the hunters are back....and this time with nore power than we think" said Ben one of the worriers
"Yeah i heard that too....last week the Lunarious Pack was attacked and many of their men died" now it was Ronald
"We have to be prepared meaning we have to train more am i understood"
"Yes Alpha" as they go back yo their meal then
"What about us women...are.we still allowed to train...i mean to meet and train with the others pack" asked Bea as she looked direct at my eyes looking for any answers as i just stayed silence
"I suggest they come here so that we could protect you more" i spoke politly
"No" she shouted unexpectedly making all of us to turn to her seeing confusion full in her face..
"I mean.....pregnant....yes the luna is pregnant.....their Alpha wont allow her to come here" that made me laugh really hard
"Bea....were the fearless pack in the whole world....who wouldnt allow their mates to not be protected by us"
She was still stunned and said no word
"Hey honey.....its gonna be owkey....trust me" her mate soothened her as we all went back to our unfinished food silently.
Well...the meal was so awekward and it just kept me wondering as to why was she so tensed about the trainers to come i our pack but i just pushed it aside.
"Heyy...wanna do some training and stuffs" said Ronald as he comes near me
"No men....think i should lay down for a min....but you can go with the others" he just nodded and left me as i head in my room.
I just laid down feeling tired but not sleepy as my mind was occupied with Ava. I really couldnt feel anything really as she bloked us completely. This is not just disturbing to me but Demon has been off since she left making me stick alone most of the time.
I just asked myself alot of questions like is she owkay, is she even alive, has she thought about me even for a sec but all those had no answers as she wasnt here so as i can ask her.
But in the end sleep took me and so i drifted to the dreamless wonering dream.
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I woke up and the sun had already set so i just went and took a short worm shower and then head to my office for some Alpha stuffs like paper work.
"Hey.." came Bea's voice as soon as i steped inside the office.
"Hey....am watcha doing here" clearing my throat.
"Ummm...do you like have a min....i wanna talk to you bout something"
"Yeah....sure...have a seat" as she sat but something about her felt not normal.
"Ummm....its about the luna training stuff"
"What about it" as i scratch my chin
"Well.....if its owkay..i was wondering if we could just not do it here"
"And whats the reason" she stayed silence for awlime making it a little unconfortable.
"Just.....dont please" i just looked at her not wanting to push this
"I'll tbink about it" with that she stood up and left without another word like maybe a thank you or something like that. I decided just to push that and proceed with my paper work.
As i was half way it a knock was heard on my door.
"Come in" then Britney came in with her caked face and a really short tight red dress. Not deciding to concentrate on her that much i just decided to proceed with my work.
"Arent you gonna say something to me" with that sound i hated the most.
"What do you want" still not looking at her ignoring whatever attention she wants from me. She sign then came to sit on the front cheir.
"I've missed you Tyler...havent you missed me" i just didnt bother to consider what she was talking and just wanted to get rid of her.
"Just get out Brit....i respect you and so just respect my decisions owkay...its over get that in that thick head of yours" already getting irrited with her presence. She started taking slow steps to me
"Ohhhh....its over to you but not me babe....to me its still on and i know you feel that too" as she got her discusted hand on me making me feel dirty
"GET OUT and know this....from now on your juat my pack member and if you keep disrespecting me and my decisions i can excile you with death... get that" shouting now and she didnt look any where scared.
"Ohhh..now i get it...you have hopes that your make will come and run into your hands....listen this if you never knew...when you reject your mate she dies ans so does her wolf so your mate is long gone"
"GET OUT BRITNEY...NOW" with that she took her purse from the chair she was sitted and left leaving me with so much guilt, pain and regret as i just pushed everything that was on my desk and screamed to the top of my voice.
I just sat there feeling a lot of pain inside but no tears left my eyes as it was stuck inside me as i could feel.my heart break into pieces as i couldnt believe 'she's not dead...i...i just know that shes still alive and waiting for me.....hey Demon.....can....can...you...feel her' bit i was replied with a silence
"No...no...noooooooooo.....this cant be no she cant just die....i mean i need to see her so that she doent die.....i need to find her" i just spoke to myself pacing around not realy not k owing what to do as i thew everything i saw infront of me.
Now hot tears dropped as i sat down sobbing like a baby. I was really angry at myself and nobody else as nobody told me this....
"Hey men wacha do....Oh My Goddess whats the probs men" came Ronald concerned voice.
"It hurts men.....what...what if she's dead or something like that.....it will be my fault" as iproceeded crying like crap
"Its not you fault....you just.....didnt know what you were doing" as he sat beside me
"I wish i couldnt feel anything" as i proceed with my pain.
We stayed for a while as he soothes me until i felt better an djust went to.my room took a shower and decided not to think 'bout anything and let the day pass.
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