These memories...what am I?

"?????" POV

I have always been awake.

First it was like I was floating in darkness, but after I felt like I was wrapped in warmth. It's comforting. As life went on I found out, I am a little different from the norm.

I can think, I always have these monologues. But I can't speak out loud.

I can't move much, but I can show what I want through my eyes. But sometimes it doesn't work.

They always call me "baby", and it seems I'm an infant.

My mother is always beside me, she's lovely. I love her too. I think. She always look at me with those love filled eyes, it's comforting.

Then there's my grandmother. Though at not as intense as my mother, she also look at me with love filled eyes, but they are more on the gentle side.

She's like light. When she catches me looking at her, she smiles so gently that I would giggle if I could show emotions.

And lastly comes my grandfather. The only loud one in our house. He's always shouting about teaching me the way of the axe and making me succeed his techniques in his place.

I'm not really sure about all these but one thing I do know is that, if the memories that show themselves when I sleep at night are accurate, I had a past life.

And he wanted to feel something, but he died without ever achieving his dream.

It's confusing. What am I? Where am I?

••••••••••••

1 year later.

In the same bedroom.

So that's what happened huh...

Finally I understand where I am and what I am. This is not the world of my predecessor.

And I'm not him, but I have his memories. So it wouldn't be reincarnation, but awakening past life's memories.

He was a gloomy man, even though he had money. Pity really...

But even though I'm not really him. I want to achieve his dream, as I have always felt that I'm also missing something. It was like an itch, I can't scratch. Frustrating.

Yesterday after going through all the memories and finishing watching his life, I found what it is.

He wanted something that he didn't have in that world. Something that money could never buy.

He wanted to see the impossibility becoming reality.

He wanted to see colour, in that awfully monotone world.

My world is definitely better and all, but... haahhh... there's just one teeny tiny problem.

'Mother!! When are you going to take me outside??'

This is the problem!!!

My family is always concerned about something. I just don't get it!

Even though my predecessor died at 25 and didn't marry, even after fucking around. He had a elder sister, and she married and had 2 kids.

He was always the nice uncle and spoiled them rotten, always being scolded by his sister for not giving her any nephews or nieces and trying to steal her kids. He loved the kids as they were his light until he died.

So I know parents don't keep their kids inside the house for an entire year! Is it different in this world?

If I could show emotions, I would cry. It's not helping when I can't fully understand their language yet.

The only other person I've seen beside my family is a purple haired woman, but even then, my mother put me to sleep, the moment she started looking at me. Errrghh!

"Babyyy... it's breakfast time~"

Oh milk!

My companion.

My old friend.

*sniff sniff You're the only one who like me.

•••••••••••••••

3 and a half years later.

Finally I can show my emotions.

And I can talk!

Isn't it fascinating? It was so damn frustrating when I couldn't even talk even though I can think properly.

Still my family don't let me out. They tell me I'm too young. I'm almost 5 years old and I haven't left the castle. Arrghh...

"Mamaaa, when can I go out?", I asked lazily moving closer to her on the bed, though I knew her answer.

She looked at me in a teasing gaze and then said,

"Hehehee~ Let's go then. Grandpa is waiting too"

"Yeah, I guessed so. Then read-"

I paused for a moment. My brain wheels slowly started to unfreeze and...

Huh?

What?

What she say?

"Mama.... I didn't quite hear right. I must be too young and haven't matured in the hearing department", I immediately lifted my head and sat up looking at her.

"Awww~ my baby doesn't believe mama anymore??

Oh I see! You don't want to go out and want to stay with mama right??", she looked at me in an expectant gaze.

My baby brain started working in over drive to find out how my mother even arrived in that completely unrelated conclusion but quickly changed the direction and started finding a right answer so that my mother won't be sad. I can't stand seeing her sad.

"Noooo no no... it's not that mama. I just wanted mama to carry me outside, so I can see outside for the fist time with mama".

As I planned her face ignited in the everyday beautiful smile, and she quickly picked me up and started walking to the washroom.

Our washroom was quite big. No, it should be really big. Because even with all the memories of Esther (the past life's name) I can't really remember any one of the hotels or hot spring inns having this much a big washroom. And he travelled the world and stayed in the finest hotels and inns in the entire world.

Must be because I'm royalty. Oh! I found out that I'm royalty when a maid came into our bedroom, a year ago, and called my mother "my queen".

A maid! But weird clothes though... they wore red and white dresses.

I was still in my sleeping pants and mom was still wearing her nightgown. She quickly took off my diaper and took off her nightgown too. I don't soil myself anymore as I can speak now. It was so frustrating those days.

This was our normal daily routine, and I understand my brain is not mature enough to understand lust or romance.

After we cleaned ourselves, we came out of the washroom and she used a towel to wipe my body off and used wind and fire magic to created heated air to dry my body at last.

Magic is handy. I want to learn too. I've been observing my family using magic in many day today occasions. But once I asked my family, they told me it's not time yet. Again with the same damn excuse.

Another important thing is my mother is still very adamant about me wearing animal clothes. Haahh. I want to wear those armor like ones that grandpa wears. They are so cool.

After putting on a tiger like dress on me with a tiger head hoodie, she picked me up and started walking outside.

Now that all the maids have seen me, every time they look at me, they look at me with those predator like eyes that want to eat me. It's like they saw their favorite snack. It's because of these animal clothes for sure. I'm not tasty okay?

I clutched my mothers neck harder as they were starting to scare me.

She looked at me and then the maids and then chuckled and kissed my head, and proceeded to held me tighter too. After some more minutes of journeying through the hallways, we arrived at the living room.

There I saw my grandpa. My idol!

"Grandpa!". I yelled.

He turned to look at me and his eyes lit up.

"BAHAHAHA... my handsome boy. I see you're wearing a cute outfit today too.

Good morning to you too, honey bun"

As I was flustered about he mentioning my outfit, my mother returned her father's greeting and placed me near him.

"Grandpa I told you I want to wear robes like yours"

"Hah... not even 5 years old and you want to wear this kings robes?", he scoffed. You're the former king tho?

"Tch... stingy old man... anyway grandpa when are we going out"

"Any time now, your grandmother is coming too, we can't miss this exciting moment right?"

Just as he finished, my grandmother came in the living room in a light purple dress looking like a saintess. She arrived in front me and kissed my cheek still with her gentle smile.

"Good morning sweetie~"

"Morning grandma", I returned her greeting.

She then turned to grandfather and my mother and then nodded. Then my mother picked me up and started walking towards to front door of the castle that I always wanted to walk through.

I can see the light seeping through the door cracks, can hear the birds singing. I have seen it with all the windows in the castle.

I've longed for it. I've missed it.

Finally.

Will I be able to see it? The colour?