Pilot (Part 4)

Author's Note: Last I said Felix worked at the restaurant as a server, which makes sense, until the legal age limit to be a waiter who serves drinks is 18 in California. I was wondering if I should make him into a dishwasher instead, but then I said, "Fuck it, he's working as a waiter, but doesn't serve drinks in this really fancy restaurant."

...

The taxi came to a screeching halt, the asphalt smoking with a dangerous immediacy. Grimacing, Felix looked at the charge for this drive. More than $30 for a less than 15 minute drive? To him that classified as highway robbery. However, money does not triumph over his perfect introduction plan. He took an estimate count from his wallet, placing it passive-aggressively to the driver, pieces of cash floating down sadly like an angel feather.

Flying over to the front door, backpack slung to his back, the cake held by the handle, and the other hand at its bottom, Felix ran for what felt like a marathon's worth. He would not be late to face his nemesis at this moment. Haley.

Conveniently, Dylan walked out the dark-wooded door, massaging the sore spot near his throat. Felix managed to mouth out a passing 'Thank you.' before booking it to the kitchen. Haley, Phil, Claire and Luke were sitting in the dining room table. The silence was deafening, except for Alex flipping of a page. Laser-eyed, Felix turned to Haley, and set the box down.

He stared at Haley and used a force only known to some. Telepathy, the usage of psionic force to neurologically link one's thoughts to another, relaying messages without speaking. The closest to this is twin telepathy for Felix. He wide-eyed looked at Haley, with a combination of eyebrow, facial expressions and head movement, took Haley to the patio.

The twins stared into each other, a standoff was happening, both were in deadlock. He worryingly looked at the sliding doors, proceeding with a hushed tone. "Don't you dare tell Mom that I have a girlfriend."

"You weren't here, so I brought out the big guns." - Haley

"I was in a taxi, Hales. Its California! I'm lucky I barely made it here at 4:50, nearing rush hour." - Felix

The standoff came to a halt again, both were trying to figure out how to resolve this problem. Haley was threatening a catastrophe, not for her life, for Felix's. See, Felix was a slight perfectionist, not one fully, however, he wanted to spare his girlfriend of potential meeting potential unhinged minds in a panic state, which often his mother was in. He was planning the perfect 'Hey, this is my girlfriend.' meet.

Remembering an obscure memory, Felix lit up, epiphanized by the godsent idea. "You know the concert? The one Dylan wants to go to?"

"Yeah, we both know mom's never gonna let me go." Haley scoffs and shakes her head.

"What if, I convince our parents that I would go with you. Hales, let's be honest, they think of me as a chaperone, so, I tell them I'm coming with you, then I ditch you guys to hang out with my girlfriend." Felix smiles and raises his eyebrow, every explanation of this deal was slowed down, beat by beat.

Haley ponders upon the proposition. This deal had been slightly more complex than the other ones. "So, I get to go to the concert, while you get to spend time with your girlfriend?"

"Mhm..." - Felix

"And you won't follow us?" - Haley

"If I followed you Hales, that would be a violation of the Twin Trades Act." - Felix

"Add in $100 bucks and its a deal." - Haley

Felix looked at his sister and reconfigures the numbers in his head. "$50."

"Deal." - Haley

She reaches out her hand meeting Felix's for a courteous short handshake, pulling Felix close and whispering to his ear menacingly. "If you screw me over, I swear Felix..."

In a tone accumulated by the years worth of watching Law & Order, Felix whispered back. "That would be an ethics violation of the Twins Trade Act."

They walked back into the house and informed the family of their recent deal, and the conflict have been resolved. Claire and Phil looked at each other and shrugged, this was the power of the deal. Usually, a twin with a grievance pulls the other a side to make a special deal. The family had a name for it 'Twintrades™'.

...

[Claire and Phil's commentary]

Both looked puzzled, formulating the words on how to explain this system. "So, the twins created a system that resolves their conflict." Phil started by explaining the rules of the trade. "First, you take a side, then you negotiate. If you go back on your word, you were upheld to a violation."

"So, punishment for those ranges from cleaning the house to grounding or worse punishments." - Claire

They looked at each other with a mix of amazement and awe. "I don't know how they created this, but, I am loving it. Not only that if there's been a suspected breach, Mitch gets involved." Claire looked at the camera with a slight knitted grin.

...

[Mitch's commentary]

"Ah, yes, the 'Twintrades™'. See, I'm happy with a breach of contract, because both sides actually argue what they believe. Breach, no breach, Felix even wrote up a whole guideline of the trade." Mitch giddily took out a binder with scraps of tabs sticking out. "I have obviously made some revisions to the guidelines. And when I get called, I'm the judge and I watch it all unfold."

Mitch smiled and melted at his seat, "It's like my own personalized law show, but this time, I'm the judge."

"If America's legal system was better, it would look exactly like 'Twintrades™' system. More drama and semi-better law." - Mitch

...

The whole Dunphy family stood up and made their way to the van. It was around 4:56 pm, and time was running out for them to arrive at the dinner.

...

[Cam and Mitch's commentary]

"My Dad… My Dad still isn't completely comfortable with this." Mitch sways his hand between Cam and himself. Cam raises his arms up and showily flourishes them slightly while fully circling motioned them to the side.

"He still does this thing, it's been five years now, and he still does this thing, where he announces himself before walking into any room we're in, just to make sure he doesn't ever have to see us kiss." - Mitch

Cam turns towards the camera and reminds of one incident. "I wish my mother had that system." Turning to Mitch, "Remember…"

"Not now." Mitch patted Cam's arm.

…

Entering the room with a board of fruits and cheeses, mostly grapes and cheese, Mitch complains to Cam of his surprise. "I still can't believe you did this to me."

Cam following Mitch reminds him of the occasion carrying a fresh bowlful of snap peas and a mixed salad. "Would you get into the spirit of things? It's a celebration."

The doorbell rang, alarming the couple, mostly the anxious Mitchell.

Nauseously Mitch, fears of his family's arrival. "Oh, God."

"Okay, I'm gonna go get Lily ready." - Cam

"Okay." - Mitch

"And I want you to just come straight out with it." - Cam

"All right." - Mitch

"Okay? You can do this." Cam encouragingly looks at Mitchell with determination

"Sports guy chest bump." - Cam

"No."

He reiterates to do a sports guy chest bump, and Mitchell relents. A wave of confidence filled Mitchell as he answered the doom door clutching his stomach slightly from nausea or the impact of Cam's chest bump.

Mitchell takes a quick exhale before throwing a facade while greeting his family. Claire goes in for the hug and Felix abides by and does it too, showing the cake to Mitchell.

"Felix, what is this?" - Mitch

"Cake. Mom said she was gonna make one, and I told her not to. I'll take care of it, so I made a really good cake." - Felix

Phil hands over a bottle of wine while Felix heads over to the food.

"Oh, don't thank him. Dad is coming right behind." - Claire

The doorbell rang incessantly as Jay pressed to remind that nothing gay should happen near him.

"Knock, knock. We're here. Coming in." - Jay

Tiredly Mitch swings over to Jay. "Don't worry, Dad, nothing gay going on here. May I take your multicolored coat and bejeweled cap?"

Inspecting the attire their father had worn, both snickers and Claire hold back a laugh while Mitch holding Jay's cap turns to his sister and mouths, "What?"

Phil shakes Jay's hand, and greets Gloria with a hug.

"What a beautiful dress." - Phil

"Thank you, Phil." - Gloria

"Okay. That's…" He brushes down on the dress to feel with his fingers. Claire slaps his hands while reminding him that English is not her first language and there might be some discrepancies with her words.

Felix had fixed himself a plate of vegetables and a medley of cheeses before settling down near his sibling and regrettably his uncle.

"Hey, Manny." - Felix

"Hey, Felix." Manny dejectedly answers back.

He was about to ask what was wrong before the salad smell had hit his nose. That was some nice ass dressing here. Diving in completely, took his worries away with Manny. Moving onto the cheeses and grapes Mitchell settles everybody down.

"So, how was your trip?" Jay poured himself a glass of whiskey.

"It was good. It was good, actually. But, um… about that I have something that I need to tell you guys. We didn't just go to Vietnam for pleasure. We kind of have some big news." Mitch builds up the courage to tell his family of the joyous news.

"Oh, God. If Cam comes out here with boobs, I'm leaving." - Jay

Luke turns to Felix and asks him a curious question. "Why would Uncle Cam have boobs?"

Felix was about to take a mouthful of cheese before he looked at Luke with horror and confusion. Internally, he was debating whether he was the right person to tell his brother the concept of the spectrum of LGBTQ, most of which he barely knew himself.

"Dad." - Claire

Haley without looking up or missing a beat. "I hope he didn't embarrass you, Mom."

"Oh. Don't mind her. Haley had her first boy over today and Phil shot him." - Claire

An awkward silence had befallen the room for a moment, as Mitch soaks in the information.

"Uncle Mitch, your cheese is about an hour off, it's musty." Felix stuffing his face of the cheese groans and switches to the plate of grapes.

"What? No, it's not. Anyway, so about a year ago, Cam and I started feeling this longing, you know, for something more, like, maybe a baby." - Mitch

Jay turns around and groans at the idea, pessimistically shutting it down. "Whoa. That's a bad idea."

"What do you mean "bad idea "?" - Mitch

"Well, kids need a mother. I mean, if you two guys are bored, get a dog." Moving with a glass of whiskey in hand, Jay walks towards Gloria and the rest on couches.

"Okay, we're not bored, Dad." - Mitch

"I support you, Mitchell, even though you are not my son." Gloria supportively says to Mitchell, while glaring at Jay due to the whole Manny situation.

"I think what Dad is trying to say is that Mitchell, you're a little uptight. Kids bring chaos, and you don't handle it well." - Claire

Mitchell scoffs, offended by his family's comments, he was just trying to say he had a baby. "That's not what Dad's saying. That's what you're saying. And it's insulting in a different way."

Before Claire defends herself digging her hole even further, Phil intervenes in the conversation. "Okay, people. Let's all chillax."

Puzzledly Alex looks up from her book and notices a glaring hole in the room. "Hey, where's Uncle Cameron?"

"Thank you. Thank you. Someone who's not insulting me notices he's not here." Mitch emphasized the word 'insulting' looking at Claire and the general direction of his father.

Jay got the wrong gist of the message and turns to Mitchell with a knowing expression. Dryly, "Oh! So, that's the big announcement? You two broke up. Well. A baby wasn't gonna help that anyway, and you know, let me tell you. You're a little better off because he was a bit of a drama queen."

Offended by his family's wrong assumption Mitch halts his family's offense. "No, no, no, no. Stop. Stop. You come into my house and you insult my choice of cheese, me and my boyfriend, who, by the way, is not that dramatic…"

🎶(Circle of Life plays by Carmen Twillie and Lebo M ) 🎶

The lights suddenly dim and the theme to the Lion King booms out in the living room. Cam, excited at the meeting, wearing a red patterned robe with fruits; held Lily in his arms. He raises Lily to a spotlight above him. Exhaustively Mitchell looks down, the point about Cam's excess dramatic tendencies were gone to the wind. The family looked with a mixture of shock and pride. Felix, distractedly still focused on his plate looks up to a wild Cam standing near him.

"We adopted a baby. Her name is Lily." - Mitch

"Exciting!" - Cam

"Just turn it off." - Mitch

"I can't turn it off, it's who I am." Carrying Lily closer to him, cradling her in his arms.

"The music." - Mitch

"Oh, yes, the music." - Cam

"Come say hi to Lily." Cam invites everyone to go near her. Everyone flocks over with a loving gesture, while the only ones left out of the pack are Felix and Jay. One stood, shocked and a little regretful of what he said. The other looked over at everyone nodding, and continues to shovel food that he had.

"Felix, come here and greet your cousin." Claire demanded for her son to join the welcoming. Stubbornly, Felix places his plate down and joins the swooning.

Obliviously Phil comments about the name. ""Lily." Isn't that gonna be hard for her to say?"

"Dad, she's gonna grow up in America, so no." Felix answering Phil's inquiry.

Jay coughs and goads the attention to him. "Excuse me. Okay, I know that I said I thought this was a bad idea. But, what do I know? I mean, it's not like I wrote the book on fatherhood. I've been trying all my life. I'm still screwing up. Right, Manny?"

"I wrote a song about it in the car." - Manny

"Of course, you did. Anyway, I'm happy for you and you should know that I'm not here to spit in your face, I'm here to blow at your back." - Jay

Everyone unsure of the meaning confusingly mutters what it meant.

"It's supposed to sound better in Spanish." - Jay

They all turned to Gloria and she enunciated the beautiful phrase in Spanish.

"Anyhow, Mitch…" Gearing up for the apology, Lily lies in Claire's arms and she hands him over to Mitchell.

"She wants her daddy." - Claire

"Do you want to meet Grandpa?" - Mitch

"Are you kidding? She's one of us now. Let me see the little potsticker." - Jay

Lily stares at her Grandpa, with the baby-ish excitement they have at the start of childhood.

Recording the pure joyful moment, Mitchell lovingly cradles Lily in his arms, with Cam and Jay surrounding him.

…

[Jay's commentary]

"We're from different worlds yet we somehow fit together. Love is what binds us through fair or stormy weather. I stand before you now with only one agenda. To let you know my heart is yours; Feldman comma Brenda." Reading the letter, Jay expresses with his glasses Manny's poem to Brenda.

Laughing, Jay takes off his glasses. "I mean, seriously."

…

[Phil's commentary]

"Luke, so far, you know, hasn't beaten me in basketball." - Phil

[The scene cuts to the backyard, Luke and Phil are on a trampoline playing basketball.]

"It's 2-0, 2-0." - Phil

"Okay." - Luke

Luke attempts to shoot the ball; Phil, taking this as a moment for a lesson, smacks the ball out of Luke's hands. He took several dunks and blocks beating Luke in his game.

[Back to Phil's commentary.]

"But when the day comes that he does win, if, you know, if, when he beats me, I'm just gonna be like, "Well done, well done." Just support him in that kind of stuff. I mean, I probably wanna just go, like, two out of three." - Phil

[Over the hedge.]

Felix sees a ball spiraling down lobbed over the tall hedge of his backyard. Taking the ball with a rough estimation of where the hoop was, he shoots it over the hedge, hitting Phil in the head.

...

Author's Note: I kinda like this author's note. No real excuses, there isn't too many things going on in this fanfic. Pretty long chapter. The 'Twintrades™', is something that will be seen on later chapters. Yes, the tm part was issued by Phil. I had the whole half of the page written out, before I accidentally closed my laptop, like shut it down. So, the progress was a bitch to get back. I forgot to save it, so, completely my fault.