Suddenly

That's how it happened.

As cliche and utterly unbelievable as it sounds, it all ended in a sudden.

I don't remember exactly how, why or when it changed, but the events that took place just before, will forever be etched in my mind.

It was a night in November, the year is 2019 and the city of Beijing bustles with life. It was very chilly that night, a clear sign that we were fast approaching the heart of winter, and although it wasn't my favorite season due to the biting cold, I had many other reasons to look forward to the years end.

Like always, I parked my car and headed inside. I live in alone, in a luxurious apartment and while it isn't a penthouse like my father wanted, it is the next best thing.

To my surprise, Yura my younger cousin was home when I arrived. The twenty two year old college grad only came over when she was having reality issues, we are just like sisters so I often have free sessions with her outside the usual time we spend together.

On this day however, Yura was not herself at all. She begins accusing me, bringing up things from the past, comparing the both of us, our accomplishments, our families, stating how I hang my head above her and belittle everything she does while pretending to be nice.

I work as a therapist. Coming home exhausted, the last thing I want to see is my darling cousin throwing a tantrum.

She continued screaming at me as I entered the kitchen for a glass of water.

This behavior isn't new, Kang Yura suffers from manic depression which often spark such actions whenever she skips her doses.

Besides being my cousin, she is also one of my clients, 

Her attitude is troublesome to deal with, especially since she neglects her medications... often.

"Listen TO ME!"

Yura screams as I ignore her, I need a bath.

She finally catches my attention when the crystal antique vase I treasure, glides past my head and smashes against the wall, scattering over a thousand shards across the kitchen.

The room seems to spin as I turn to face Yura, and my breath catches in my throat.

In her trembling hand, she clutches a gleaming kitchen knife, fear and shock grip me completely.

I have had treated a lot of people in my time as a psychologist, that is why I can recognize this empty look in a person's eyes anytime.

The same look my cousin has.

Yura is going to hurt me!

All the warning bells go off in my head at once and a rush of adrenaline pushes me to act first.

I lunge forward, abandoning caution or any attempt to converse, my sole intent on wrestling the knife from her iron grip.

She stumbles back from the momentum of my attack, but her fingers still latch onto it. 

The kitchen suddenly blurs as Yura's fist connects with my stomach. I gasp for air, the pain reverberating through my entire body like a wake up call.

She doesn't skip a beat, she painfully stomps my left foot and pushes me back, I yelp both of us straining against the blade, both unwilling to let go.

I manage to pin her to the sink, momentarily disarming her.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH---!"

My shout is cut off when a wooden chop-board slams against the side of my face, I'm momentarily stunned and Yura pushes me against the island, dragging me by my hair.

"I HATE YOU! JUST DIE! DIE!"

She screams at me and I scream back, clawing at her hands and face, struggling to regain my balance.

Our struggle turns the kitchen into a chaotic battlefield, Yura's eyes burn with madness and conviction, her experience as a judo champion puts me at the shorter end of the stick. 

But I claw, kick and punch, knocking over chairs and sending utensils clattering to the floor. 

She deftly uses my weight against me, sending me sprawling twice in my fight to escape the kitchen. I feel something snap in my right foot, the second time she slams me again the tiles, accompanied by a stinging pain.

My fists finally manage to connect with her face, followed by a clear 'Crack'.

My hand hurts instantly.

The pain that shoots through my arm right after is droned out by adrenaline as I half limp, half sprint out of the kitchen and toward the main entrance, my heart racing wildly and tears stinging in my eyes.

Yura has gone mad.

"HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME!"

My scream resounds throughout the house, I hope the neighbors hear me, God please someone hear me.

Somehow she tackles and pins me to the ground...again.

At the familiar gleam of the kitchen knife, I instinctively use my hands as a shield, Yura slashes the side of my left arm open without hesitation, blood instantly gushes from the large wound.

Fear, pain and shock envelope me.

Although I have studied these emotions for many years, I never imagined I would feel them myself with such intensity, in such a situation no less.

Yura's determination to harm me is clear in her wild eyes.

Her grip on the knife remains surprisingly strong, as I try to wrestle it from her hold a second time.

Tears stream from my eyes, no matter how I try to push her back, or shove her off, the blade steadily nears my chest.

I hold my breath straining against her grip, my hands are failing and I'm so scared to let go.

My cousin laughs over me in a crazed way, tears pouring from her own eyes, she is almost as injured as I am and utterly devoid of sanity, yet for some reason...

I know she is completely sane.

I loose the strength in my hands and I can feel the blade's cold metal against my skin, a searing sharp pain follows and i I scream as the knife digs into my chest.

I gasp for air, Yura buries the length of the knife in me. 

My head hurts, my body hurts. I continue struggling to breathe, with no energy left to move, fight or even scream, each painful breath causes my chest to constrict awfully.

Yura begins to cry, sobs wrecking her body, her trembling fists still wrapped unto the handle of the knife.

"W-wh-y."

The choked words manage to leave my lips, words meant for my assailant and dear cousin.

This wasn't an act done in a fit of madness, the sobbing mess on top of my injured body knew exactly what she was doing, she knew and didn't stop.

I didn't understand, I don't understand it at all.

'It hurts, someone help.'

"I just want to live," she croaked, digging her fingers into her messy brown hair. 

"I just want to be free ---to be my own person, not your shadow... not anymore."

Her crying intensifies and I can feel my fear and anger slowly dissipating, along with whatever strength I have left.

"I w-want to live too."

I whisper.

My vision blurrs, but it remains fixed on her.

The lights above us seem to shine even brighter, a steady warm glow, calling, embracing me.

Am I dying?

Yura's silhouette that is still perched on top of me fades in a sheen of blinding white light and I'm left to wonder.

How did we get to this?