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Magical ties

Fantasy
Completed · 248.8K Views
  • 300 Chs
    Content
  • 4.5
    19 ratings
  • NO.200+
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Synopsis

She is descendent of both a Wiccan and a shaman. Unaware of her powers she attracts both good and evil . He is a descendant of strong powerful shaman who can communicate with the spirits. Can he guide and teach her before she gets herself in trouble.

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Chapter 1Stirring dreams

Laying by a gently flowing creek With the warmth of the sun on her face. The cool feel of the earth on her back, surrounded by the smell of rich soil and water. There is a soft breeze drifting by with the faint smell of lavender, the birds singing overhead to lull you to sleep. Aisling slowly opens her eyes with a smile at the peacefulness of the forest. This small elvish girl looks around in awe of the beauty around her. The lush green of the grass and trees, the crystal clear water of the creek. With a sigh, she gets up and gathers her basket of wildflowers and blanket to head home. A smile crosses her small round face as she sees a dandelion. Bending down she picks it and blows the seeds through the air like snow. She giggles when she noticed only one seed was left. That means she will meet her destined love and get married by the next year. Running happily she heads home. Just before arriving at her doorstep, she hears the call of an eagle overhead. Looking around wondering who is coming to visit.

Just outside of the Town of Harpers Ferry Astila People is driving his sports car beside the river. He has the top down so that he can better admire the beauty of the small mountain town nestled between two rivers. He hears an eagle overhead and his heart begins to pull him up the mountainside. He knows to follow what his inner instincts tell him. He turns the car towards the mountain road following the eagle's path. To where or who is it taking him to. Just a few minutes up the mountain road he sees the eagle sitting on a large branch right beside a hidden driveway. Turning into the tree-lined drive he sees the yard has fruit trees scattered the right. At the end of the trees is a herb garden. To the left is overgrown trees and Forrest. He sees a two-story house with a wrapped around porch. Noticing that there are displaced spirits sitting on the porch as if they are waiting for someone. Just passed the end of the driveway he sees a small petite girl the sun glinting off her reddish hair. It looks almost like polished copper. She is carrying a basket of flowers and gives off an aura of light. She sees the car and slowly walks towards him. She notices his intense black eyes first as if he is looking for something.

"May I help you?" Aisling looks him over. He is dark and very well built. His raven black hair is long and tied in a hairband at the base of his head. His features are chiseled making him look more like a god than a man. He opens the door and gets out. He stands over 6ft easily and walks closer to her.

" I am looking for a place to stay. I was following the eagle over there and he led me here." He points to the eagle perched on the rail of the porch.

"Oh well, I don't rent rooms out. If you want a place there are several good hotels in the area. " she turns towards the house when she hears a whisper.

" let him stay you will need him ." This whisper was very faint and seemed to be coming from the area of the front of the house. She turns back towards the gentleman standing in front of her.

"Did you say something?" Asking in a confused voice.

"No, I didn't say anything. Thank you for your time." He looks at the spirit on the porch. She is an elderly lady with hair braided almost to her feet. Her dress is that of a shaman but not of this land. This girl has shaman blood in her. That must be why he is drawn to her. From behind the old woman, an older male walks around. He is dressed as a high shaman. His buckskins are decorated as a tribe of his people. This woman and he are of the same people. At least somewhere in her ancestry. The old shaman nods to him acknowledging that they are kindred spirits and gifts. He knows he has to find a way to stay here with her. He just doesn't know-how.

As if an answer to a prayer a truck comes speeding down the drive. A burly angry-looking man slams out of the drivers' side. You can feel the anger coming from him like a blast of heat.

"Aisling what is the meaning of this?" Holding out a small pillow looking object in his hand. She nonchalantly waves her hand at him as if he isn't upset at all.

"Oh, Sam that is just a small sachet of lavender and sage. Your wife asked if I had something that could help her relax. You know she can't take any medication since she is pregnant. If she has that under her pillow the smell will help her sleep. Why don't you come to sit down and I will get you some chamomile tea and honey . " she turns and starts to walk to the house. Sam looked at her and began to say something. When he noticed that someone else was there.

" Who are you and why are you here ?" Crossing his arms across his chest in a very unwelcome way.

"My name is Astila People. I was just driving by and saw this wonderful place. I thought I would stop and take a look." Reaching his hand out to Sam. He rolled his eyes as if annoyed.

" Aisling why do you always have strangers showing up on your doorstep. You know that your sister worries over you. Why can't you be more careful? " Sam looking at Aisling while he shakes Astila hand. Without looking at him as if distracted by something.

"You know Sam I don't ask for people to come here. Most times it just by accident that they show up. " Aisling turns to looks at Sam and motions for them to go inside.

When going into the house through the back door they walk straight into the kitchen. She walks over to the stove and puts a pot on. Walking over to some drying plants on the far side of the kitchen. In front of a large window that lets the full sun come in. She has plants hanging to dry. They are arranged in the fashion of the ancient people. Looking at her carefully plucking the flowers and herbs from the stems it reminded him of his grandmother. Taking the dried ingredients she places them into the boiling water and removes it from the flame. Motioning them to sit she quietly starts to prepare a meal. The entire time she doesn't say a word. She then looks at the two of them.

" Don't leave my kitchen. I will be right back." Walking quickly outside. She looks at the man coming out of the forest. He is wild looking and seems to have not showered in days. He looks dangerous to Astila. Going over to the outside pump. She begins to draw water. Sam stands up and looks out the window he seems agitated as if wanting to go outside but not wanting to anger the girl.

"That fool girl is going to get herself killed one of these days. I don't understand why the weirdest people show up. " he scoffs

" Should we go outside and check on her?" Astila has a heavy feeling in his gut. It usually means someone evil is close. Looking out at this tiny woman he becomes very nervous. He stands and heads towards the door.

"She will take care of it, She gets angry if someone interferes. She is very stubborn at times, the last thing you want is to have her get upset. Most times she is just quiet and just stays to herself. She is kinda shy " Sam looks like he wants to run outside but is sitting still. Tapping the table as if he is counting the seconds until he thinks it's acceptable to interfere.

Astila can't ignore his instincts. He gets up and goes outside. He boldly walks over to the girl letting the man know to back off by just looking at him.

" Aisling darling are you coming back inside to eat your dinner?" He walks over to her and places his hand on her waist. Making a show of possessiveness leaving little room for doubt. Looking straight into the eyes of this filthy person in front of them. As if to say you are not welcome. Astila notices that she is rubbing a piece of black crystal around her neck. He wonders if she is a practitioner of magic. The man notices that Astila is not moving away from her. He gets a little more aggressive in his manner.

"Miss I would like to have some food now if you don't mind." The dirty man bumps into Astila as he begins to walk towards the house. Astila covers his nose from the odor.

" Even if she doesn't mind I do. You may not enter her home not now or ever. You may not come here again You are not welcome. Take the water she offered and leave." Astila demands this man leave. The stench from his body is not that of just being unclean. You can smell death on him. Astila sees the two spirits behind the man. They are angry at this man. The male shaman whispers to Astila.

"She doesn't know of her power. She is in danger from this man, He seeks to corrupt her. To use her for his own means. You need to protect her and teach her." The spirits disappear but they leave a clue behind.

The man goes to grab Aisling but Astila stops him. Placing himself between her and the intruder Grabbing his hand before he can touch her.

" I told you to leave. If you do not I will call the police . " fear crosses the man's face the moment that their hands touched. He turns and runs back into the forest.

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SighetiLv4

After noticing your post on the forum explaining that you were looking for some commentary that could help you improve, I did my best to deliver on your entreaty. I do realise, however, that this review may appear rather negative. I focused mainly on what — in my best opinion — has the most need or potential for improvement. Do note that I am not a professional writer myself and cannot claim to be a better storyteller: I simply hope to give you an idea how it is like reading your story. So to start off: There is a considerable absence of rhythm in your writing from the very start. Due to this, your story fails to be immersive: it fails to grasp your reader's attention. The characters feel sympathetic but I fail to imagine them. They don't feel like genuine people. You have given me a description of the physical appearance of your characters, but personally, I have difficulty imagining them. I would like to know more about the way they stand, their posture, their bearing. I need to see more personality in the characters in order for them to be appealing, in order for us, readers, to empathise with them. As your reader, I wish for even more texture, intensity and sensation. Show me peculiar character details. Do they pick their nails? Play with their jewellery? Any particular violence, abruptness or charm in the way they move? A particular way they move their eyebrows? Do they make exaggerated hand motions when they talk? Nonchalant scratching? Do they look away at some points during discussions? Do their smiles reach their eyes when they talk? As your reader, these things tell me a lot more about the characters than the colour of their eyes or the length of their hair. The dialogue doesn’t sound quite genuine. It’s entertaining, but most conversations sound forced and almost obligatory. Generally, dialogue should follow basic capitalisation rules as well. The overall grammar and sentence constriction is poor but not as poor as most works on webnovel. Your tenses are very inconsistent. You also quite often write sentences without a subject. If I may give an example: Laying by a gentle flowing creek. With the fresh smell of rich soil and water. A soft breeze drifting by with the faint smell of lavender. Listening to the birds singing over head. Aisling slowly opens her eyes with a smile at the peacefulness of the forest. This small elvish girl looks around in awe of the beauty around her. The lush green of the grass and trees. The crystal clear water of the creek . First, notice that almost all sentences are about the same in length. This will become tiresome and boring to the reader as it lacks rhythm. These opening sentences, I assume, are here to set the mood, but they sound very off. Try painting the scene with sentences that at least include a subject. For example: She was lying by a gently flowing creek. Surrounding her was the rich smell of soil and water, and the soft breeze drifted by bringing with it the faintest whiff of lavender. Overall, I can only advise you to keep writing in order to practice. I applaud your enthusiasm, wish you all the best and hope I at least helped you a little bit.

Bhole_Nath_7334Lv1
ChouxPastryHeartLv4

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