[Another shameless author found. Initiation of the wave of hate in progress.] Hello! Everyone I am the author of this novel. It's second try to write this novel. I want to share my imagination and practice my writing and English. The writing quality is probably low for now but it will be improved with time and effort. I hope you can help me with pinpointing the grammar, spelling and logic errors to make this story better. I am using Grammarly but it's basic version and it only shows the basic errors. Thank you for your attention! I hope, all of us will gain something from this story. :)
The story has a promising premise. Down the road, I noticed there were too many abrupt time-skips in a single chapter. While this is inevitable, please consider a time-skip once every other chapter or so if necessary and use the chance to elaborate more about characters. Settling that aside, as other had pointed out, there are grammatical errors, incorrect uses of punctuation marks and chopped sentences. I'd suggest getting an editor to help you with this issue and you could focus more on fleshing out your main plot.
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I have really enjoyed reading this book. I hope you will resume updating the story soon. As for the editing, make things easy on yourself and partner with a volunteer or hired editor. Even professional writers use another set of eyes to catch their errors and make constructive suggestions for the flow of the story. This is an excellent work. Please continue developing the story, characters and plot. And, don’t forget to come back with new chapters!😎👍
Flow of the story is a bit jittery, with lack of commas and spacings in some spots. Paragraphing can have a little more work done, because reading a block of texts is never fun. Characters are great, despite the jittery quality of writing you can tell the characters have at least more depth than the skin. World background? Gradual introduction...? Eh, but at least it's somewhat believable, despite the fact that having languages from different worlds be so similar is slightly too unlikely. Unless we are dealing with multiverse type of transmigration/reincarnation. Overall, 4/5 stars. Obviously, English can be improved, but no one is perfect.
Author buddy i think you should stop writing this novel too and try improving your writng skills and logic even more.the charecters of the people are too shallow, almost one dimensional.and if there are immortals in that world this idiot selling things like cleansing elixir as a weakling will only result in those immortals kidnapping him,torturing him,getting info from him,then finally dissecting his brain to look for abnormalities.and your world background is terrible.i hope you can atleast reach the minimum standards of a proper author by the time of your next novel if you dont give up by then.Goodluck.
The most important point for now, in my opinion, is the quality of writing. There are many mistakes in the sentences, for example words that are missing ... It is difficult to understand the story in these conditions and it could discourage many. I therefore recommend reviewing your sentences before publishing the chapters.
Author shows an improvement as he progresses through the chapters. Something on my mind would be in the latest chapter, the partnership that forms between N and A. It reminds me a little of two thieves plotting a grand heist before it all happens. The image of partnership comes across clearly but there seems to be something off about it. All the best, yeah!