Review Detail of Asteralles in Legend of Aurum

The story has a promising premise. Down the road, I noticed there were too many abrupt time-skips in a single chapter. While this is inevitable, please consider a time-skip once every other chapter or so if necessary and use the chance to elaborate more about characters. Settling that aside, as other had pointed out, there are grammatical errors, incorrect uses of punctuation marks and chopped sentences. I'd suggest getting an editor to help you with this issue and you could focus more on fleshing out your main plot.