webnovel

Inside the life of a billionaire teen

Author: ZoeTinnah
Teen
Completed · 72.3K Views
  • 42 Chs
    Content
  • 4.5
    18 ratings
  • NO.200+
    SUPPORT
Synopsis

Give this book a try, don't judge it by the first chapter or the second one, it keeps on getting interesting chapter to chapter . Her existence was like a bone stuck in the neck . Nothing was good about her life, only bad memories filled with regret and anger . No one knew her pain apart from herself. Her life seemed good to viewers but only herself knew how messy it was. Heaven's only happiness was spending money like water , changing boyfriends like clothes, fighting and causing troubles.

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The Italian God

“I said,  go" I warn her. She scoffed and cursed in Russian under her breath. But made her way to the door. "It was nice meeting you" she addressed Maya who I think passed out. I walked to the pole and started untying her hands. I did it slowly so I wouldn't hurt her already bleeding fingers. She is going to be in a lot of pain tomorrow. I caught her before she fell and her face contracted in pain. My suit had blood on it as well, not that I cared. I carried her against my chest looking at her face. Her hair was a different kind of red. God I fucked up big time, she will definitely kill me. I walked with her in my arms out of the basement. "Oh god" I hear, I walked in to the living room. It was filled with Aria and some of her friends, also Enzo and Alessio, who was shaking his head at me when he saw Maya. "Who is she" I hear the girls whispering "Call the doctor" I tell them carrying her upstairs to my room. I sat at the corner of my room with a drink in my hand. With a clean fresh suit. I stared at her unmoving body on my bed, she looks so small on it. The doctor came and checked her body, she had bruised all over her body, a small concussion and her ribs were bruised. Veronica might have went over board this time. He cleaned her cuts and left a ton of medicine she has to take for the pain. He also attached a drip to her cause she was dehydrated. I cleaned her with wet towels and changed her filthy clothes. I was so thankful she didn't wake up, I didn't know how she would react to me seeing her naked. I noticed small cuts and scars on her upper thigh. She also had old ligature marks on her wrists. Something happened to her and I was going to find out what. I put her in one of my shirt and let her sleep. I had to chance into a new suit, my other one was covered in her blood. And I was meant to be at a party very soon. I had to make sure every gun and anything that can be used as a weapon was taking out of my room, I don't want her hurting anyone or me. And I know when she wakes up, she is going to want to kill me. I don't know what to do with her now and I couldn't let her go, she's seen too much. CIA agent Maya Reed is undercover in a mission In Italy, for the past 3 months. When her partner gets killed and all hell breaks loose. She gets kidnapped by the most power Mafia boss in Italy. She tries to escape still having faith that the Americans are looking for her. Not knowing they think she died. Lorenzo … Cold. Ruthless. Killer. I am respected and feared by all. I wasn’t put on this earth to love or be loved. I was put to be a killer, to be feared. When I find a strange girl in my club , killing two of my best costumers. I don’t let her live out of compassion. She’s a trinket, my plaything.

cluelessgixl · Teen
4.8
86 Chs

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Winzentwinni
WinzentwinniLv15

Dear Zoe, Mika_Me asked me for a favor so here I am, giving you a honest review. I hope it helps :) My impression after the first chapter: The plot seems common for reincarnation/transmigration novels. If this is the case is still unknown. For now the MC only has amnesia. Your writing has some room for improvement. The grammar isn't perfect and the used tense is inconsistent. (I tried to point it out with two comments.) Maybe it would help to do some research on the times jused for writing (I am no expert as well). Then choose one and stick to it consistently for the whole story. Make this a point to check when proofreading your book as it can be hard to be consistent with it at the beginning when being immersed in writing. You tend to repeat the same words. Try to use synonyms instead. For example look at the first few sentences of chapter one: female figure/male figure. Better would be just male/female or man/woman, alternative you could say female figure and just male/man, just don't repeat figure. You have this problem with several words like yelled (alternatives: screamed, shouted etc). If you notice something like this but don't know other words, just Google for synonyms of that word. The internet is a great helper ;) Of course it's not always possible to avoid using the same word twice in a short time (like tea and tea bag or she/he etc - here try using alternative like the girl/woman/man/patient etc) but you should still try to reduce same words in the same frame. Besides this, the reading flow isn't great. It's caused because you use the symbols for direct speach (") very inconsistent and you haven't found a way to clearly show when something is an inner thought. Often it's unclear whether the people said something out loud or not and the reader therefore has to pause to figure it out. I think you should do some research and look on other web novels and how it's done there. In paperbacks inner thoughts usually are in italic letters, in webnovels I think the distinction is done with spacing. Your writing could be more detailed and give some more information about the MC besides that she's yelling and has amnesia. You already used the I-perspective so you could include more inner thoughts. This would improve the depth of the character as well and help the reader to emphasize and understand her more. The writing would seem less superficial because for now it's mostly a short description of the facts. (On a personal note, I am no fan of the I-perspective.) Maybe look the perspectives of writing up as well and consider your options. On top of that you should give a bit more detail to the surroundings. For example [She looked arround and found herself in a spacious hospital ward. Next to the door stood a man and a woman, observing her. In shock she blurted out loud: "Who are you?". The woman had a green-blue bob-cut that framed her face and wore a business outfit. The man, in business clothes as well, had short black hair and wore a pair of silver framed glasses. (I made their looks up as an example.) After taking a short glance at her confused face they resumed their previous chat and completely ignored her.] Chapter 2-5: You changed the perspective to bird view (Don't know what it's called in English. Sorry, like I said I'm no expert.) The story now is about Mirror Stephanie till chapter 5. There even seems to be a time skip to her marriage before chapter 5 begins.... I am confused. Wasn't the story about Heaven? Chapter 6: Your grammar has improved. You seem to get ei and ie mixed up often like in their or weird or hire/heir. You also like to leave the "I" out from "I am". Many of your sentences only start with "Am". In the later chapters her amnesia seems to be forgotten although it was such an important thing for the start of the story. I feel like you could have used the amnesia more. I stopped reading after chapter 18. Teen isn't really my genre. As for my thoughts on your book: I think you have and interesting plot in mind that just lacks details and more experience in writing. I could see your writing improve chapter by chapter which I really like. This shows that you should definitely stick to writing and collect experience. Your English was also getting better and better. Just read more and continue writing. I didn't check how old your writing is, so maybe you already worked on some of those issues. As for now I recommend you to download a English template for your smartphone keyboard or to use a writing program that offers a spell and grammar check for the English language (depending on how you write). This will help to improve your understanding of the English language and prevent a lot of mistakes from the beginning. I guess writing is just a hobby of yours so hiring an editor would be a bit overkill. Please don't take my criticism to heart. No, that's wrong, please take it to heart, just don't take it the wrong way. I tried my best to give you constructive criticism (positive feedback) that is helpful for you to improve further. It may seem like I wrote a lot (I did) but they are just a few points in total that I excessively talked about. Some of them are an easy fix, others need time to improve (writing experience and English grammar) but all of them are fixable if you're willing to. Also I am no writer, just a reader. It's easier to pick out flaws if you've never done the work. I am not good at writing, being creative and creating my own story just from imagination. I am just able to point out the things I notice and work on top of the basics/the words written by you. Without you doing the groundwork I wouldn't be able to suggest options for you. So please don't take me as a know-it-all. It's all based on your hard work for which I would like to thank you. Looking at your comments and reviews you have some loyal readers that enjoy your work, so please continue doing what you do. I hope I was of some help and I wish you all the best for the future dear Author-san 💜

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