The gift

Waiting around for some field trip to begin, I couldn't help but remember the doubt on dad's face when I said I had friends.

And I could see why but I didn't need them, looking at the fools talk amongst themselves, why would a king like me stoop down to their level?

My time is far too precious to waste. Now back onto the school trip, it seemed we had the delight of visiting a greenhouse. Oh, how wonderful.

Back in phoenix, this would be the time where I bulli... talked to my sister, but somehow she's become popular with a whole gaggle of flies buzzing around her.

Maybe she took me telling her she smelled too literal and decided to find the flies to complete her image. Silly lass should learn how to read people better.

Watching as Emo boy flirted with her, I couldn't help but reevaluate my previous praise of his brain wrinkles. For all who know the science knows, wrinkles equal braininess.

Alas, it seems I've been distracted as we now have to board the coach heading to the greenhouse, quiet the primitive vehicle and its lack of flames or go faster stripes on the side tell of its slow nature.

Laying claim upon the back row of the bus, none dared to approach and invade my new territory. Good, I had thought some of these flies would be foolish enough to stake a claim to my holy land.

Looking at the wary pale gang, it would appear Mr. Doc has informed them of my fishing trip. Ha, jokes on them. I'm strapped with enough C4 to blow this bus to Kingdom come.

Watching both Emos shoot up and look at me in shock, I reinforced my idea of their stupidity. Why would I bring C4 on a school trip, silly kids, I left that in my secret base with my napalm.

Why did that knowledge not calm them down? I thought they would be happy to know they weren't in the blast radius, but noooo they had to be babies about it and worry why some 18-year-olds has a supply of military-grade napalm and C4.

Tut tut tut, such worrywarts.

****

Standing at the back of the tour, I get a great view of emo and sis conversing. Why are they both so awkward? Lad, if you don't want to talk to her, the best way to do that is not to talk to her. It's just basic math.

"We need to talk," came a voice to my right. Looking at the group of three, we got bubble girl, the rock, and the mind pervert.

"Don't call me that" ah, there she goes again with the perving on the sacred garden of bobulon, housing all the holy scriptures. I'm tempted to fill my mind with tortoise sex this time.

"Look, Bob." she started again already backing down from the fight.

"That's Sir Bobbery, the Holy lord to you all." I cut her off for the improper use of my name.

"I'm not calling you that" this heathen! If you don't refer to me by my proper name, I shall bid you a good day, Hmph.

With that thought I spun on my heel and walked away.

"S-Sir Bobbery," she said through gritted teeth as I turned around. Hmm, I shall allow the lack of my title as she's cute, but should it have been anyone else, their heads would roll.

"Pray tell me, what brings y'all to my humble abode me?" I asked in an inquisitive tone. I couldn't remember anything of note that I've done that has garnered this sudden intrusion on my quiet time.

"Look, You're invited to our house for dinner tonight as we need to talk to you," said the more hairy rock, "Be there by 7" as he told his part, he walked away, seemingly exasperated by something.

I wonder what could have caused him to get so tired? with all those muscles. You would have thought he would be fit as a fiddle, but I guess some are just posers.

Looking at the two who remained, one was contemplating their emo life and how to end it while the other was staring at me.

Ooh, I see, a staring contest... GO!

...

..

..

..

.

Neither of us backed down, our eyes locked in an intense duel for superiority. Alas, she was destined to lose, for all who oppose god suffer from defeat.

As the duel was coming to a head, it was interrupted by a fly. No, not the kids, but an actual fly landed on her exposed eye, forcing her to blink and look away.

While I Savoured my victory, I had to admit she was a worthy challenger, so much so that I bequeathed upon her a nod of approval.

****

"Your mother called, again." father said, which I acknowledged with a hum, more focused on what to bring for dinner tonight. As a superior being my mere presence is a gift in of itself, but I wouldn't want to appear tardy; thus, a donation was in order.

"Father, what would the Cullen's like as a gift?" as I hadn't given one before, I thought Father would be a good person to ask, I was wrong.

"What?" came two voices, weird I don't remember asking you, sister, so why is it you have joined my conversation?

"The Cullen's, what gift would they like?" I rephrased my question in case my first was too complex for their tiny minds to understand.

"Why are you getting them a gift?" my sister rudely interrupted yet again. While you weren't meant to be a part of this I'll see fit to grace you with an answer.

"It's customary to bring a gift when invited for dinner, is it not?" sometimes I worry I'm thinking four parallel universes ahead of everyone, but I know that isn't true. It's six.

Looking at the pair of shocked statues, I couldn't help but lament how I had no one of the same intellectual prowess I could converse with, not that I could find anyone close to my genius, but half as much would work.

"Why?" The lass managed to croak out, breaking the awkward silence that had settled between the group of us. She's being a right old nosy git, isn't she?

"Father, back to my original question." I brilliantly shifted the focus of the conversation with none the wiser.

I had thought bringing the severed head of their enemy would have worked fine, but sadly I don't know who they hated; thus, it's a thought for another time.

"Wine?" dad, did you suggest that your son buy alcohol illegally? You're meant to be the chief of police. It seems he caught onto the problem to, if his look of shame was anything to go off.

"Why are you going?" asked the busybody who didn't know boundaries. Why does she feel the need to know what I'm doing? has she not already learned that my thoughts work on a higher plane than hers?

"For Dinner," I said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. To be fair, it was, as to what else would dinner entail.

Seeing as they weren't helping out much with my question, I decided to head out into town, leaving my sister with more questions. What would a bunch of up-tight corpses want as a gift?

****

"Welcome to our home," said Doc as we made our way into the living room. Their whole family gathered to greet me.

You've got the big doc himself, Blonde hair, golden eyes, and pale ass skin.

Big Mumma, Doc's wife was preparing dinner.

Emo boy and girl both being depressed n stuff in the corner.

"Oi!"

Bubble girl and some constipated dude chilling on the couch.

The hairy rock and Barbie shooting a pretty mean glare in my direction, I would say these guys are the life of any party they go to.

"You've got some cool shit here, mate," I say to D man as I look around the room. I wonder how viable it would be to steal something to rub in Bella's face.

"I would give up on that thought," came the depressed voice of someone in dire need of therapy. Hmm, that doesn't narrow it down much, came the voice of an emo boy who never left 'That' faze.

"Can you stop insulting us to our faces?" said a slightly annoyed voice. Silly emo girl, please don't assume that it's my fault that you're some perverted Weirdo who finds enjoyment in breaking into my holy mind.

"ye boi brought y'all a small gift," I said while ignoring the sound of gritted teeth.

"I had to search high and low to find something I deemed worthy of being a gift from me. Thus I present to you... a bear cub!" I said as I pulled the cub from the bag I had been carrying, it was a complicated endeavor taking it from its mother, but after a small talk, they relented.

It seems they hadn't expected me to bring them a gift as they all had frozen like statues. Silly kids don't even know basic manners. This is where they thank me and hand over a gift for me.

"Where did you get that?"

"Why do you have it?"

"What else should I have expected?"

Came the many voices of the now moving statues. They acted like they had never gotten a gift before...

"We've gotten gifts," said the pervert.

"Stop calling me that" silly pervert. Try not looking into my mind next time.

*Whoosh*

"Ooo feisty," I said as an emo girl had to be restrained from attacking me by Doc and a few others. Why is she looking at me with so much hate?

"IT'S BECAUSE I HATE YOU!" wow, that's a rude thing to say to a guest who just gave you a gift. She's starting to look like a crazy person.

"Let me at him!" she yelled while the others told me to stop thinking. At this rate, I'll keep the bear myself and give them a one-star review.

****

Alrighty, lads imma be posting this early as I'll be busy with DND later, but ye boi just wants to say *Sheds tear* thank you for all your support. I had thought this would be another dead fic from me, but y'alls constant messages keeps me going!

Also, I saw some lad wanted my patri ooon so I'll post the link to my PayPal below or something, and I'll use the money to buy vodka.

Give me reviews and stones, or else!

patr##eon.co#m/GingerGiant

This is only if ye have the money or ye want to, as I don't really have anything to give.

Also y'all want me to set up a discord?