To Die For

Furious.

Confused.

Sad even?

Emotions I hadn't felt in a while.

I have always been complimented by the maids and my friends on how composed and strong I was.

But not this time.

"Your highness?", Idina, my personal maid asks me as I run past her. I make a quick turn around the upcoming corner.

I ignore her. I do not have the courage to face her right now. I don't want to destroy her favorable impression of me.

I also don't feel like telling her what happened.

I would consider her one of my best friends. But I know she has burdened obligations towards me.

I wish she hadn't.

I continue to power walk through the castle corridors. It is like my feet have a will of their own.

All I can think about is the security of my room and hiding in my bed.

As I finally reach for the gold decorated door knob, I quickly dash into my room and lock the door behind me.

Pressure starts to fall upon me and I collapse against the door.

I'm out of breath. Surprisingly.

For the amount of running and cardio I do every day this short power walk should have been nothing. I suppose that my body is reacting to the news of my most definite death.

"Asraa?", a familiar voice.

A calming presence that almost breaks me into tears. Almost.

"I know you're in there, Idina said she saw you storm out of the throne room".

I furrow my eyebrows. Damn it.

Why does Vince always have to stick his nose where it doesn't belong.

"Go ways", I try to say as composed as possible. Not breaking into tears.

I find myself shocked at how emotional I am being today. Fighting against tears is battle I lack experience in.

"Hmmm… I don't think that is possible right now".

"Can you unlock the door Asraa?", Vince says in his most compassionate tone.

Vince is usually very humorous, almost to the extend that his humor is humorous in itself. It is only in situations like this that I ever hear his more serious voice.

I hate to admit it… but I prefer him when he is less serious.

"Not right now, I'm afraid"

"Asraa, your highness. You know that situations like this does not benefit from isolating yourself".

I didn't know Idina was there as well.

"If you don't open the door know Asraa, I'm afraid I will have to kick it down".

I let out a sigh, mostly of annoyance. But there is a tiny sprinkle of relief as well.

"No thank you", I answer to Vince's ridiculous threat. I use my knees as support, and stand up.

Quickly I dust of my dress before I reach for the door.

Vince's serious gaze falls upon me as soon as the door slide open. Idina looks at me worried, her hands form a tight clutch in front of her chest.

"What?", I say in annoyance.

"Oh nothing…", Vince says sarcastically and marches into my room. Almost shoving me aside.

"Let me get you the usual your highness", Idina says with a smile.

This is our usual routine whenever I am upset about something my family has done.

I give her an approving nod, forcing a smile before she turns around and leaves for the kitchen. Her black hair, very neatly braided in a single braid, makes a slashing motion as she leaves.

I always find her appearance amusing. Not because she looks dumb or anything like that. Her small stature and delicate features are enjoyable to observe.

"Asraa…", Vince says. Reminding me of his presence.

I close the door and turns to face him.

He has placed himself on my bed, in his self inviting usual way. Half laying down with his legs dangling on the edge.

I walk up to sit next to him. Letting out a sigh, to inform him that I find him vexing.

"I heard that the king called for you, what did he say?".

I refuse to look at him. Angry at myself for being in a situation where I have to speak on what happened today.

I can already visualize Vince's reaction to hearing about it.

His face will turn as red as his hair and I will have to convince him not to commit treason.

"You see…", I start by saying.

"I need you to not react too dramatically, okay?".

"Okay".

I pause for moment, making a quick decision on how to break the news.

"As you know, the leader of Rivesaw lost his sister in our latest attack…".

"Yes, that I know of".

I continue to avoid looking at him.

"And you do know that there are currently huge uprisings and turmoil because of it".

"…"

"And Rivesaw are threatening to unleash bio weapons as revenge".

Vince switches to a sitting position. Indicating that he wants me to get to the point. He bends over slightly, resting his elbows on his knees while focusing on me.

"Father just told me that I will be the solving compensation, and I am to be sent to Rivesaw territory in a week", I say quickly shutting my eyes. Afraid of Vince's loud reaction.

To my surprise it is remarkably quiet.

I open my eyes and finally look at him.

Vince has stopped facing me and is instead staring at the floor with his mouth slightly open.

This is a rare reaction from him. Last time I saw him like this was when Aviv poisoned me and I was left paralyzed for a week.

He then turns to face me again. This time I keep eye contact to. I try not to have any sort of expression. But instead I end up with both furrowed eyebrows and a clenched yaw.

He raises his left hand and softly places it on my cheek. His finger tips subtly slide into my black hair.

"I am so sorry Asraa", he says with a pained expression.

Usually this sentence is one he uses sarcastically. But this time he uses it with such seriousness that I'm almost frightened.

I grab his hand and pulls it away from my face. Instead placing it in my lap, still holding on to it.

"Yeah… I don't know what to do", I say in defeat.

I can feel Vince's hand tensing up. He quickly switches emotions.

"You have to escape!"

"Your family, your father… they have all gone to far!"

I tilt my head and sighs. "I don't think it's a good idea".

"WHAT?! How is it not a good idea?"

"I can't abandon all the innocent people", I say with a serious tone.

Even though I am devastated, this situation is something I can't escape from. I realize that.

"Damn them all!", Vince exclaimed, letting go of my hand and stands up. He walks to stand in front of me. Then squatting, placing his hands on my knees in a desperate gesture.

"No… a bio war would me death for everyone. Not just knights, but civilians on both sides!".

"Please Asraa…".

"I'm sorry Vince, but this is something I can't escape from I'm afraid".

Vince stands up again and walks to sit on the other side of the bed, our backs facing each other.

He puts his face in his palms, with a hunched over posture.

My blue bedsheets have become crumbled from all the switching of positions.

I look down at the bed, becoming angry at the royal blue color I see. As a member of the royal family, I am obligated to represent Arvings royalty with everything I do. My room is decorated with gold and blue. Blue because it is the official color of the Arving kingdom.

On my wall hangs a family portrait. Faces of people I feel nothing but bitterness towards. The painting has no emotion what so ever.

I lightly chuckle at the amusing thought that a so carefully crafted art piece, with the intent of capturing my family's most desirable side, manages to be so realistic.

In the painting, my mothers hand is softly placed on my shoulder. I am brought back to reality.

The scene in the painting somehow becomes painfully present. I aggressively brush my shoulder. Attempting to remove the uncomfortable sensation that comes.

I turn around to find Vince in the same position as before. He has a lot to think about it appears.

I put my hands down on the bed, leaning backwards.

Thoughts linger.

To sum it up… all my life I lived under the will of my father. And now I am to die under that same will.

I sigh deeply.

I wish I had had a moment living my own life.

Or to at least die for something else than my family.