Chapter 6 Inner struggle

I stood frozen as I watched the events happening, from my other self's point of view.

Focusing on my core self, I could feel a boiling rage coming to the surface, my irrational thoughts came out to the surface with it.

In the next second, all of my irrational thoughts, came to the surface .

My thoughts, on how to kill them, or slowly torture them, or do unspeakable things to their parents.

But right as my irrational thoughts, were about to influence my decisions, all of my emotions were smothered, all of my rage, all of my anger, towards the trio vanished only to be replaced, by an unnatural calmness.

I hated it.

I hated not being able to express myself, I hated not being able to express my hatred for Sophia and Emma.

I try to bring out my hatred through this unnatural calmness, by thinking about Emma's betrayal or about the fact that Sophia, my Bully is a government approved hero, or my dad's despondent behaviour.

but no matter how much I try to hold on to my rage, or any emotion for that matter, I feel absolutely nothing, I feel so numb that I can't even feel my disappointment.

Lastly, as a last resort I try to get some sort of joy from imagining them dying, but it's not them dying that Gives me joy it is their parents reaction that gives me joy, it is imagining their sadness, there despair, that gives me the joy I imagined to get, when imagining them Dying, but it's the parents despair, that gave me the emotion I wanted.

No!!

I didn't want to feel joy from other suffering. I wanted to feel joy from getting revenge, but no matter how much I try all I could feel was nothing.

But was I just gonna give up right there?

No, I still have one more way to visualise their deaths.

I used my recently regenerated MA energy,

To enchant my glasses, with the effect of boosting my visualisation.

Then I visualised Their dead bodies.

Seeing Emma and Sophia's dead bodies, my heart was unmoved.

It is not because, I have become numb to the death of living beings.

It's because to me, their deaths were meaningless, I didn't see it, therefore, I gained no pleasure from it, Therefore, I don't care about it.

If I were to see them die, I would gain pleasure from it, therefore it benefits me, that's why it has meaning to me.

But if I just saw their dead bodies It would be meaningless, I would feel as much as if I saw a dead bird on the side of the road.

But if i were to see a human, I don't know die I would feel nothing, I would feel as much as if I saw a Trees death.

this is because I see most, if not all living things as equally uninteresting.

But Emma and Sophia are not uninteresting, that's why when I see their dead bodies, and not them dying, all I can feel In the end is nothing.

That is why instead of thinking about their death, all I could think in this situation, Is if it benefits me or not.

And this certainly does benefit me ,In fact I feel a sense of joy at their inevitable suffering.

And the second thing I thought of is that this is, in fact, a side-effect of my power, because Sophia's powers are shadow based.

And even if she was mastering me, she was doing it in a poor way that only benefits me.

Of course, this could be a side-effect of the mastering, but I won't go down that rabbit hole.

So instead, I think about my successful experiment and the verification of the theory, and that theory is, if I can enchant living things or even myself, the results are very beneficial.

For example, enchanting myself takes about roughly as much as enhancing my strength.

I even think that it's the same thing, I just enchant my strength, instead of literally enhancing my strength with MA energy.

There are so many possibilities with this discovery, for example, giving others permanent superpowers, but I don't know if this is feasible, or not, so for now it is just a theory.

[Time skip]

As I finish riding down my experimental results on my notebook, I look at my beds general direction, and ask My servant, what it can do.

[Answer]

[Administration]

So your main thing is administration like mind, control, or.

Not mind control but administration of powers.

But you can only manipulate powers to a limited extent, because of an injury that you sustained.

So mind control is what you settle for.

[Highly limited physics manipulation]

So you can't manipulate physics as well because of your injury's.

[Space manipulation up to dimensional scale]

[Matter manipulation]

[Matter disintegration]

[Technological knowledge\ expertises]

So you've lost a little bit of data since you've been injured.

[Almost unlimited processing]

[Highly accurate simulations]

Wait, you can even simulate the future that's amazing.

[Highly weakened energy and intensive sting]

So, in theory, this could pierce almost any defence, even dimensional ones.

But it got highly weakened because of your injuries so it's not as good.

[Highly limited power manipulation]

[Shard communication]

[weakened lower ranked shard subsumption]

So let me get this straight before you could just instantly take over other powers, but now it's a little more limited because of your injuries.

[New]

[Limited access to MA energy]

So you have limited access to my energy.

[Elaboration]

Oh, it's only my excess energy, that you can take.

[Elaboration]

[Please]

So you want more MA energy to repair yourself.

Well, you aren't getting any from me I still haven't forgotten how you didn't mention that we could mentally connect.

[Queen administrator]

[Punishment]?

So you want to get punished?

[Elaboration]

Oh, you want me to punish you to get my forgiveness.

Well, I don't know what your punishment should be.

[Suggestion]

Connecting to a host?

[Elaboration]

Oh, you want to connect to Emma as your punishment, no way that's more of a reward, besides

your going to be doing that anyways.

Hammm...…

[30 seconds later]

I've got a suitable punishment, for you first you have to, find out all the information you can find , about the powered people, in Brockton Bay.

But wait, there's more, make a friendly connection to all of the powers around Brockton Bay.

If you have successfully done all of your punishment tasks, you can come and get more MA energy from me.