C1: Life is Meaningless, Just Die

Date: June 25- 29, 2021

Time: 11:46 am- 9:02 am

Reminder: The point of views (POV) of the characters will be switching from time to time...

•=>Yang Huo Yi<=•

Am I not handsome enough? Then why doesn't she want me? Or did I still missed something? What could I possibly lacked, I'll make up on it so that she'll like and love me back.

I questioned myself repeatedly inside my head as I'm silent and stared gloomily at my reflection on the cup of clear wine I've been drinking since this afternoon. But whatever angle I did look, I couldn't find if something's wrong.

I have perfect contour shape of face where lies my sharp blue eyes with diagonal oval irises that could changed to red if I'm angry. And attached to it was long lashes that could make women died of envy.  My black eyebrows were not too thick or pointy, it's just right.

But on constant days of sleepless and miserable nights, under my eyes was deep and large dark visible circle can be seen. It was an evident that I can't get over from what happened to the confrontation a month ago.

Then going back to see my face, those red lips can hold candles of many girls I've seen. I have pointy nose that matched perfectly to my feature. My complexion was not good and it's not as much like a snow in color but still so white and pale. Then a character 'king' appeared in my glabella for a short while before it disappeared. Also I have long silvery smooth hair.

I looked more beautiful than girls yet can still keep the manliness. I appeared like a normal human on the surface. The only difference was my furry and soft ears and tail. I also have long and sharp nails that only appeared at my own will.

It was so bewitching. I remember every time I go out...aish many girls swarming in my direction but what could possibly in me that she doesn't like? Maybe she was really different from others?

*Sigh...If my handsomeness wasn't enough then I have strong and well built body. I can protect her from many dangers. But she said she doesn't need it. She said she's a cultivator herself and she doesn't need a man to protect her. She can, by herself and needing help from others will only hurt her pride.

Well if it was wealth, I have countless of it! In fact it's not difficult to accumulated wealth.

I'm also a king of spiritual, demonic, or any beast in the whole continent of Jizhuan. I'm Yang Huo Yi. My subjects called me the Lord Beast King.

While I'm here sitting and drinking countless cups of wine, the moon hanging above the dark starless sky of the night was exceptionally clear, round and bright tonight. It's so beautiful and I was mesmerized.

Ahh~ how great it would be if I could bath under the moonlight while absorbing the Yin energy from the moon. Maybe I can be more stronger until no one can rival me anymore. But...

"Hah~ Great! You're a powerful legendary beast and yet youuu~... You lost to a man with great wealth!... Now tell- tell me!... What so great of having wealth if he's so weak?! Can he protect the one we love?"

"And what the hell?! That da-damn woman! You're such a liar! You... *hic... said you will come if I call out your name! *coughs coughs But... but why?~ You never come!!! You made me... made me look like an idiot!... So why would you gave me hope?!... Dammit! No matter what I did, you wouldn't accept my feelings."

It's already midnight and yet here I was still drinking my sorrow and anger away where I should already sleeping peacefully in my comfortable place.

Yeah, you heard me, right? The Lord Beast King that everyone feared, admired and respected lost its heart to a mortal human being which shouldn't be. And funny, his love never been accepted.

As said, the relationship like love between a human and a beast never been accepted or allowed.

I can't accept the ending of my love life so I drank one two three... I lost counts of how many cups of wine did I already drank. I soon feel the dizziness and the whole world feels like spinning.

I've been talkative and seemingly truly a drunkard freak. I never knew that I was such a bad drinker. Just half a day and I already drank. I felt miserable as the throbbing headaches attacked me along with something more painful.

Is really falling in love in a person that never loved you back this painful? I felt great pain so I clutched my clothes in my chest. My heart seemed shattered and ughh! Not good, it was aching- no it's bleeding and it was damn hurts! A tear would never escape my eyes but it showed how painful and lost truly I felt.

Didn't I asked a question earlier but who would answer me?

I heard something blue flapped its wings and approached me. My attention shifted on to it for a while as it appeared in the wooden windowsill where I was beside.

"Cuckoo! Kruuuhh... Cuck cuck cuckoo...," it talked to me in an animal beasty language but I understand it very well. And his statement fueled my anger.

Translation of the blue bird: "You're jealous! I pity you Oh great Lord Beast King... Ha ha ha you've been cuckold..."

It's clearly mocking me!!!

"You...! Brat come here! I'll pluck all your treasured blue feathers!!!," I shouted angrily while my veins popped  out. Then I tried to catch him with my long and sharp nails. And of course, I succeeded.

"Hahaha oh~... it's just you~, Shui! You damned dumb blue bird! What the hell are you doing here?!!!" I laughed crazily but suddenly I loudly roared at him making the dumb blue bird shiver.

Didn't I told them to leave me alone? Why so disobedient, blue bird?!

I keep frowned as I looked interrogately at the charming but frail and weak blue shiny feathered bird.

"You-you seemed lonely and depressed L- lord Beast King, so I... boohoo huuu," he tried to explain himself but to his fear he ended up crying.

My expression softened a little. Why looking so silly? You're already past 53 years and still acted as a child sometimes. "Ahahaha," I laughed everything and poured every emotion I can.

Alas, never mind I also need a companion to go through this sorrow and depression.

Yes, i was so depressed and... lovesick or heartbroken? Is that was what humans called in my situation? Maybe, I don't know.

I also heard some humans said that drinking strong wine can make you forget many things. I want to forget this damnable feelings even for a while so I think I already drank two whole barrels of wine but no matter what... I can't forget!

"L- lord Beast King... You should... Should stop drinking! You're already drank... please.... I b-begged you don't abuse your body anymore!... Don't drown yourself in sorrow!!!," the damned blue bird immediately begged me on his knees.

"Shui, you damned bird, talking in your worried and pitying voice, I think you belittled me."

I know I'm already drunk. My lashes and eyes became heavy, fortunately there's still some conciousness left in me. My heart started to turned numb yet I still remember earlier how happy and excited I was but it dissipated when I finally found her ...with someone else!

Her smiling face, beautiful figure and  a happy scene, a family of three was still vivid in my mind. I tried to escape and erased what I saw. I even convinced myself that I was just hallucinating but no avail. Wanting and needed a clear explanation about everything what happened, I confronted her.

Little did I know that this was the time where my heart started to break.

"Please forgive me but I... We're really not destined and can't be together... Trust me if I say that we'll both have a good life after this. You'll have your freedom back and I have my happiness... Don't worry, you're such a great... beast, the king of them, I think not long enough you'll find many people pursuing you. Just pick one of them and I know you'll find your own real true love!," her last statement stung and hit my heart many times. It feels  like stabbed millions of knives. I felt shocked and shaken to hear what she said. Did she doesn't have any little ounce of love for me anymore?

I felt tormented. Despite what she said, I can't accept it. I have the desire to destroy that family just to bring her back with me.

It's just that I don't want to be so selfish and ruined her happiness. I don't want to be a villain, wrecking people's lives.

They said letting go was also part of loving. So even though it's almost unbearable I will let her go.

I don't know what to feel anymore. It's too painful and it's turning me crazy. Arghhh!!!

"Dang! I was so frustrated! Why~ ...did she wanted me to let her go?!... If so, did-did I waited and search for her in vain? Damn damn damn!!! Such bullshit... Ah ah ah arghhhhh!!!"

That's my agonizing shout. It was full of pain, sadness, disappointment,  despair ...You name it. It startled all of every living being inside this piece of territory.

I heard them, running in my place. But before they see me, I already slipped away. My movement was not in its best condition. Swaying side by side, trying to walked steadily but fast in the unusually dark and quiet stoned bridge. It was just near lotus pond.

I frowned then smiled bitterly. I remember I doesn't like any flowers not even lotus. But for her, I let them build this lotus pond. Look how big and beautiful each flower and buds were. It's the evidence that it was been taking care properly.

"Heh, I don't need some remembrance of yours! ...Any sight of things that can trigger of my memory of you shouldn't exist! It should be destroyed!," I sneered nastily at the sight of the demolished burning lotus pond. I'm bitter. I don't want anything that will make me feel the pain again.

"Hahahaha hahahah Hahahaha  hahaha," in other's eyes I'll surely looked deranged, crazy, and... heartbroken? I don't even know the severity of my situation. How crazy am I already?

There's rustling sound near the bush. They surrounded me. I know it. Does they think I never sensed them? They're wrong!

"Oh no! Lord Beast King was mad!"

"Shush! If he heard you, you'll never know how you lost your head!"

"Our Lord Beast King suffered too much!"

"Do we need to kill the bitch? Maybe we can-," I angrily cutted off that someone.

"Don't you dare! Whoever dares will met grieve consequences!"

It successfully quieted them.

"...It's better to die! Right? I... I don't want to think anymore! I'm tired! Just I want was silence! Peace, anyway there's no reason for me to live... She already have a happy life and she won't be affected even I ...Just die!"

After that, I was being merciless to myself. I didn't even think twice as I jabbed my chest with my long, sharp nails. It was severe. I couldn't believe that I can inflicted self-harm.

Maybe it was what the heartbroken people can do. Coupled with the borrowed strength from the alcohol . They have much more courage to do outrageous and harmful things, like me.

"Lord Beast King!!!," they were shocked, stunned, scared and shaken. They immediately revealed themselves from their hiding place. They don't know what to do. Yes I know everything was fast and decisive that they didn't expect me to harm myself.

"Quick call our healer bunnies!!! Lord Beast King injured himself!!!" They became busy alerted and more actively anxious as soon as blood gushing out from my chest. I supposed that stab was deep. I flinched a little. Of course its painful but soon my whole body turned really numb and cold as I wished.

"Pffft!," coughing blood, I'm almost out of breath. I know I seemed as pale as white sheet now like what dying people was. Everything was so fast. Right, make it fast. Faster before I rescued by those rascals.

"Hey hey hey you're still the king and master of this place you know? You can't possibly wanted to die just because of a woman?... You're so pathetic!... You should've be called fool!!!," it was the damned dumb blue bird, Shui.

Heh, he's worrying yet insulting me at the same time. Didn't he already forgot who I?... He always really enjoying mocking me, isn't he? Seemed like I was being lenient this years.

"Wait my ...my Lord Beast King! You can't die yet... Not at least you left an heir!"

I don't know who said that but I felt like it was the biggest joke I heard in my life. How can I have a heir if the one I loved doesn't love me back? If I doubt I could love again?

Shui, that damn blue bird seemed right. I'm pathetic and I don't want to accept but I think I'm kind of fool... fool in love. That's the truth. Committing suicide, I thought seemed best for me.

To end this sorrow and vain longing. It hurts to know that she can't be mine no matter what I do or how hard I tried to please her.

They're worried? It's great. But I don't want anymore! I want to... just die! Life was meaningless for me now that the only thing that I want in this whole world will never ever be mine.

Could I possibly her new family? No, even though I am did ruthless. She won't find happiness even she's with me. So I better die early than make everyone more worried.

I looked up in the sky. Still, there's the silver moon. Its bright and clear moonlight illuminated the place especially my pale face.

I know my own blood escape in the corner of my mouth. I soon started to drift away. Darkness overwhelmed me. I felt I was tilting and nearly fall on the ground. But I felt a warm small petite body catched me.

"Don't disturb me!!! Please don't be wary of me! I promise can save  him!," don't know who was that but I seemed somehow wanted her to stay with me.

I preyed my heavy eyes open. I caught a glimpse of a woman. She greatly resembled her, the woman I loved the most. The one who broke my heart...

"Lian... Lian'er? You're here," I murmured. I don't know if she heared me but it was okay. If she really was you then it's great. I can see you for the last time and die in your arms.

As I feel the warmth... I already contented.

I felt she did something and it's miracle that my injury healed fast. And I don't know what happened next... Ahh~ But all I know that was I who gave up living because of a woman.

*<{C1 Finished}>*

{[To Be Continued]}

¤☆¤(C2 In Next Entry)¤☆¤

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