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Elemental Archon (Hiatus/Rewrite)

Eastern
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  • 25 Chs
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Synopsis

Undergoing a major rewrite. Probably won't be restarted until December at the soonest.

Chapter 1The Fallen Legend

In a large realm, there is a broken planet.

This planet used to be the central population centre for that realm; a place of unmatched splendour, boasting some of the most powerful clans and sects in the realm.

Now, however, in a short hour or so of battle, the entire planet had been fragmented into dozens of pieces.

On the biggest piece of this fractured planet, there is a man surrounded by a dozen people.

The man appeared very common, seemingly like a mortal; while the people encircling him are cultivators of extraordinary aura.

Yet, despite their aura's of power, all the cultivators look upon the man they surrounded with fear and respect.

"Just give up Daoist Dawn! You are strong, but there is no way you can resist us. Just hand over the Pearl and we will spare you. In fact, you can even join the upper echelons of our Dao Transcendence Sect! In this Heaven, our sect is unmatched! With our resources, you can become a Heavenly Acupoints Champion easily and even have a high chance of breaking through and becoming an expert at the Earth Meridian Realm!"

The man with the strongest aura out of all of the cultivators surrounding Daoist Dawn speaks up.

The Dao Transcendence Sect, although they are among the top 5 Invincible Sects of the West Heaven, would still suffer quite serious losses if they fight this man.

They would eventually win, but even the dumbest of the cultivators attempting to hunt this man was aware of the pyrrhic victory fighting him would be.

"Give up! And let your despicable Transcendence Sect gain the benefits of the only thing I have left to remember my wife by?! GO TO HELL! If you want the Pearl, then you must kill me first. If you do not have the strength to seize the Pearl from me, then forget about even glancing at it!"

The man was surrounded; covered in wounds from head to toe with blood oozing out.

The man's aura, however, was as unyielding and tyrannical as his words.

The wounds seemed to have no effect upon him, even beginning to heal at a visible rate.

When the surrounding cultivators saw this, their expressions turned even more apprehensive than usual.

The cultivators all turned to look at their leader.

The leader was standing, smiling with confidence and appeared to be waiting for something.

Suddenly, some of the cultivators noticed another group of cultivators around the same size as their group in the distance.

"Hahaha…. Reinforcements! So, you, the incredibly powerful Daoist Dawn, undefeatable within your realm, where shall your confidence go now? Hopefully not back into your shell like the turtle you are! Hello, Nether Revelations Sect. I am glad to see you arrived to honour our agreement. As we agreed, we shall create a sect comprised of our most heaven-defying talents using the Pearl as the heritage treasure of the sect. That was the deal was it not?"

The group had quickly arrived, smiling upon seeing the encirclement of Daoist Dawn.

The leader of the newly arrived group smiled and nodded amicably when he heard the correctly stated terms of the alliance.

Daoist Dawn, seeing the alliance consisting of two of the famous Invincible Sects, the second and third-ranked ones no less, finally felt his confidence falter.

Although he could likely have managed to break out of an encirclement that only had a single Sky Meridian Pupil expert despite their difference in cultivation level; facing two such experts along with almost 30 more experts around his level was suicide.

Even if he managed to break out, he would be so severely injured that he would likely die of his injuries a few years later, especially given that he wasn't completely healed from the events of half a decade ago that caused him to be weak enough to become encircled mere years later.

That sequence of events had reduced the quantity of his blood essence down to near nothing.

The healing he was receiving was due to his active absorption of the natural qi around him in as stealthy a manner as possible.

Fortunately, his absorption had avoided detection; unfortunately, however, that display of power was now useless.

Regardless of whether he was at his peak power right now, he would still die all the same; the enemy just required a much longer time to kill him if he was at his peak compared to Daoist Dawn's currently weak state.

The Dao Transcendence Sect and Nether Revelations Sects' cultivators knew this and would likely attack within moments.

As expected, after some curt nods between the two leaders, they ordered the assault to begin.

The space around Daoist Dawn instantly became filled with myriads of differently attributed qi

The cultivators of the Dao Transcendence Sect had variably attributed qi, while the Nether Revelations Sect had qi exclusively related to their Netherworld Inheritance arts; arts that primarily cultivated demonic and devilishly-aligned variations of attributes.

The Daoist surrounded by attacks yelled in defiance, a burst of Yang-yin qi being released from his body.

Daoist Dawn defended himself admirably considering he was surrounded by cultivators all equal or above his level of cultivation.

However, he still was beaten down into submission over the span of an hour or so.

This battle quickly ended once the two leaders became involved in the fight, sending their most powerful and compressed attacks in the mix.

This sudden inclusion of incredibly powerful and focused attacks among the waves of weaker attacks was enough to overwhelm Daoist Dawn.

After subduing Daoist Dawn, the two groups had suffered only 8 or so deaths between the pair.

Although Daoist Dawn didn't attack more than 7 or 8 times, each one was easily strong enough to guarantee a kill on those his level or weaker.

The cultivators that he targeted were also the most talented cultivators the two groups sent.

With anger in their hearts, the two groups proceeded to humiliate and torture Daoist Dawn for the Pearl.

Yet, despite their hopes, Daoist Dawn didn't give them the Artefact.

Even after almost a year of torture, he still held firm and his will was unbroken.

As the two groups of cultivators were finally preparing to end his life, Daoist Dawn laughed with wild abandon, not even caring that his doom was near.

"Hahaha… Today marks the fifth year since I passed on the legacy we found on the brink of death. I will tell you something about that Pearl you want because of this special event. The Pearl is useless, absolutely useless. It has only ever reacted to one person and that is the kid I gave it to. Not even my wife, the most knowledgeable Artificer in this realm, could identify the activation method of the Pearl. All she knew was that it was a single-use inheritance based artefact with what we believe is puppet-level intelligence; choosing its inheritor using an unknown list of factors. So even if you had found it, it wouldn't have been useful; let alone the fact that it has consumed all of its power to give the kid its inheritance! Hahaha!"

In their rage, the two groups of cultivators began to launch their most destructive attacks towards Daoist Dawn, wanting him to not just perish, but to be completely obliterated from the Universe.

As the attacks start to disintegrate Daoist Dawn's body, however, his final words echo throughout the realm they are in, able to be heard by everyone within the realm.

"The successor shall awaken, beware his potential; for his inborn talent, awakened due to that Pearl, is likely so strong, even the heavens will not accept it! However, he knows that already and I have faith in the one chosen by the Pearl!"

At this point, the two groups truly realise the exercise in futility they committed.

They realised that even if they got their hands on the Pearl, it wouldn't matter.

Such a genius with the potential to be chosen by the Pearl was likely merely one in a trillion years' worth of cultivators!

Even then, they had no idea what kind of person was chosen by the Pearl, for all they know the Pearl might have chosen a mortal with a weak constitution and no bloodline!

After all, how could such a godly Artefact be bothered to choose those who already had a planned path of cultivation?

So, with dejected expressions and many heavy hearts; the two groups of cultivators sent by the Dao Transcendence Sect and the Nether Revelations Sect depart the fragmented aftermath of their failure.

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Don't Enter The Jianghu · Eastern
4.3
3086 Chs

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Elude
EludeLv10

I decided to read this novel after all. First, the minor things, always ensure to make the synopsis is mistake-free. (The reason should be self-explanatory.) In your very first sentence you wrote, "In a large realm, there is was a world." You have two verbs connecting that sentence; I don't believe I have to point that out. In the second sentence, you wrote, "cultivators from of of the 5 Invincible Sects". Overall, the flow of your writing is majorly disrupted by the overly long paragraphs. E.g, "Daoist Dawn, seeing the alliance consisting of two of the famous Invincible Sects, the second and third-ranked ones no less, finally felt his confidence falter. Although he could likely have managed to break out of an encirclement with only one expert who was likely at the Integration realm despite their difference in cultivation level; facing two such experts along with almost 30 more experts around his level was suicide. Even if he managed to break out, he would be so severely injured that he would likely die of his injuries a few years later, especially given that he wasn't completely healed from what he had done half a decade ago that caused him to be weak enough to become encircled mere years later. That had reduced the quantity of his blood essence down to nothing. The healing he was receiving was due to his active absorption of the natural qi around him in as stealthy a manner as possible. Fortunately, his absorption had avoided detection; unfortunately, however, that display of seemingly peak conditional power was now useless. Regardless of whether he was at his peak power right now, he would still die all the same; the enemy just required a much longer time to kill him if he was at his peak compared to Daoist Dawn's current weak state. The Dao Transcendence Sect and Nether Revelations Sects' cultivators knew this and would likely attack within moments." This paragraph honestly scares the **** out of me. It's literally one long, unbroken chain of text! This is especially daunting to the readers, the reason why should be obvious. (My main point: Having such an enormous paragraph will completely ruin the flow of the story!) (Constructive Criticism: In stories especially, paragraphs are joint from many sentences which are all there to express a thought, the idea is to group all these thoughts into a central idea, a single, direct focus for the readers!) E.g., I'll try to break up your block of text into a less scary, and more manageable paragraph. (The breaking won't be smooth, but you can easily change that with a few updates, etc.) — Since I'm not going to be adding any words to the paragraph. Daoist Dawn, seeing the alliance consisting of two of the famous Invincible Sects, the second and third-ranked ones no less, finally felt his confidence falter. Although he could likely have managed to break out of an encirclement with only one expert who was likely at the Integration realm despite their difference in cultivation level; facing two such experts along with almost 30 more experts around his level was suicide. Even if he managed to break out, he would be so severely injured that he would likely die of his injuries a few years later, especially given that he wasn't completely healed from what he had done half a decade ago that caused him to be weak enough to become encircled mere years later. That had reduced the quantity of his blood essence down to nothing. (These transitions can be made much more fluent with a few words.) The healing he was receiving was due to his active absorption of the natural qi around him in as stealthy a manner as possible. Fortunately, his absorption had avoided detection; unfortunately, however, that display of seemingly peak conditional power was now useless. Regardless of whether he was at his peak power right now, he would still die all the same; the enemy just required a much longer time to kill him if he was at his peak compared to Daoist Dawn's current weak state. The Dao Transcendence Sect and Nether Revelations Sects' cultivators knew this and would likely attack within moments. What do I think overall about your novel? Your grammar is definitely above the average original writer, (I'm not sure if that can be considered an achievement.) Furthermore, your descriptions are described in an overly-grandiose fashion, (which I like personally, but many readers may not.) Also, you can easily imagine the world and characters within the novel after only four chapters. Thus, I believe that if your writing was broken up into smaller, more manageable paragraphs, it could be a terrific story. (Also, ensure to always run it through a grammar checker first before posting. The errors in the synopsis should have easily been found by a free-product like Grammarly.) Writing Quality: 2.5-3 (Can be made to a five * easily if you add the aforementioned criticism.) Stability Of Updates: 5. (So far lol, it's only been one day.) Story Development: 4.5 (Story is developed pretty well atm, but I naturally can't give it a 5* due to only 4 chapters.) Character Design: 4.5 (Done well, yet I can't bond with the characters on a intimate level in only 4 chapters.) World Background: Described very well, 4.5. Once again... these scores can all be bumped up if the above criticism is implemented. If anyone wants me to do an in-depth review, simply @reply to me in one of my reviews and I'll do a truthful in-depth review if I can actually understand the flow of the writing. (I write these reviews so that the section for determining whether someone reads a story is actually truthful and not full of deceit.)

WorstNameEver
WorstNameEverAuthor

Hey guys, shameless review by the author. Although I am giving my honest opinions in each section, this is mainly just to tell people what this book is about and such. So first up; this book is updated simply whenever I have finished a chapter. This means that any mistakes you find within a chapter can be easily fixed and it also gives me less stress in having to pump chapters out to fulfil an update schedule. That isn't the type of writer I am, I write based on moods and when I get into the zone which makes it hard to... forcefully write chapters. The main character is op but not at the same time. Although he will be strong (once the book really gets started), he has downsides as a result of cultivation technique that makes him less like Chu Feng and Huang Xiaolong (who are well known for their stupid levels of poor intellect and ridiculous strength). The book is quite a slow burn early on, with plans to only really pick up the pace at the roughly 10 chapter mark. Cultivation and its names are complicated, to be honest, but I have made glossaries to fix this. In my opinion, the general knowledge of cultivation should make it complicated purely on principle, much like science is complicated despite being the base of our universe. Character names are done using some websites because I have no knowledge of any Chinese language (the fact I don't know the official name of their language shows my lack of knowledge), but I have tried to make the names make sense using other books that have such names and using them as reference for the conventions of the language when translated. Hope you enjoy the book and please leave a review or comment on chapters you like. Any criticism would be preferably constructive and reasonable cos I do have a temper when haters come calling. Then again... When you have haters, you know you are popular heh heh heh

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