Chapter 4 : S.Eigrene

Words of Lady Syndria coming to her mansion in Lutterville came. Everyone was thrilled, as they were tasked to. Preparation of the mansion to accommodate Lady Syndria's needs went on for two days and were finished the day Julie got out of the clinic. Julie loves her aunt Claire because she is there for her. She was not tasked to, nor forced to. Rather purity is what carved that block. Aunt Claire was always nice to Julie, in many ways she does not recall, but the most notable moment was when she hugged her and gave her the love and reassurance when she needed the most. She spilled her first smile on the car and said ' Thank you '. A word that brought a beautiful smile to Claire and made her grin with happiness. Julie looked at the red coat aunt Claire wore and kept looking across the dim window at the passing cars, then the passing road. That beautiful scene of a river under the bridge in perfect time with an exclusive red sunset. It was a pleasant thing, hope that is. When we close to danger, but afraid of facing it, we keep our eyes on things we believe in as good, soft, beautiful. Things we had discovered as kids, that gives up hope, another emotion block that makes our lungs in sync with our heart, where each beat receives an equal amount of life. But Julie experienced in her past memories what hope brings, what it can do if it incorporates life on its own.

Throughout the ride, Claire mentioned different names whom Julie might come across in the next days as new people in her life, she kept describing the wonderful place she'll be living in, how it is one of her biggest achievement and how proud she was of it, the small wood fences surrounding the village as part of her philanthropic initiative to bring low class citizens with free light, water and a house that comes with furniture, a car and a dog to bark away the misery of their previous low lives. The fact that Claire's generosity is to look at her with respect is what made her itch to create what she called a Hamlet, a word that had meaning in Julie's dictionary. Julie's mind skipped most of the words but that word reminded her of the Danish prince she read in one of her pillow books, it swore vengeance to someone dear, it summoned wit, cunning twists and the choices one could make that gives alternatives to a presumable death. The words added together make up for the distraction from reality Julie carves for, maybe the wounds she has right now had to do with how much dependence she put on the others. After all, the only person closest to Hamlet is Claire, she is able to use her wits and creates possibilities that satisfy the choices she put in reality. But the reality in itself is that one cannot impose on life and not expect some sort of sacrifice. If you choose to be free, you have to discard those holding you. A beautiful poem for the mind to say from time to time, but discarding is not a good word, and so is freedom. Reality is that choices are imposed after how you prepare for life, how witty one is to distract the light for a moment and show his side of the story. Julie is pure, innocent but she has a small candle that scratches the surface of reality. The power of doubt is what it is called. To doubt someone after he shares a part of himself that is more beneficial to him than what life normally gives. Then questions are popping up inside the boiling water. Julie cannot help but ask the question, what is it that aunt Claire did that makes her...?

' Julie my sweet child, we have arrived at our home '

' You are finally where you belong! '

And different versions of the usual conversations came to Julie as she was imagining what kind of way she is going to leave the car. Is Aunt Claire going to hold her then kiss her forehead and walk with her holding hands to the long, large stairs? are there going to be maids waiting for the arrival of her with that cozy smile she used to see in her books? Her gazes were directed at the galactical ceiling, a beautiful combination of colors that are not noticeable unless you get distracted from the beautiful view outside or the words pressured by aunt Claire or the shapes of the passenger cushiony seats. Julie doesn't talk, she doesn't mention words to others. This is usual for her. Usual for us. But is it usual to not talk when you are confronted by someone powerful that knows exactly what happened to you, more than you might do, especially if that person saved you and held you tight and told you that everything is alright? Is right to not answer a question that person asked you, personally, you with no knowledge with that small desire to get back to yourself. Julie depends on others, among them is herself. Others represent us because we depend on them, so they are in a way us, in a way, they can see us better than how we see us in a mirror. Standing in front of a mirror has mostly given us a small kindle to face the truth on the fact that we are not just us but we are others as well. There is someone else that is us, in a way that when we look at ourselves we know that it is that person that represents us the most. Since dependence is a necessity for us, our best bet is to find someone with equal characteristic, equal attitude and cast ourselves into that person while living our next moments updating how much that person cast into us. This is also called, Love. Thus, a pure person as Julie has the ability to love others, including her, this means that she needs to respond to aunt Claire the question she just asked, ' Do you remember anything? ' with the right answer that gives her a thread to hold onto as a way to give the question she's been pushing down.

' I want to know what happened '...'I do not know what happened, however, I want to know'...'Where are my parents?'...'I don't remember clearly but it felt like an accident..' 'It was blank before I seen what happened'...' I think I was with my parents' 'Mom was there with me, I don't remember much'...'Are they in the mansion?'...'What happened?'...'Something happened?'...'It did, I'm here after it did'...

'No...'

'How is your head feeling, I heard you were screaming for some time in the hospital. Do you remember when I took it?'

'...'

'My sweet child, what happened is unfortunate, it happens in this world, you are a good person, you didn't deserve all this. But this is destiny my child'

'Wh..' Julie's murmurs as she looks at Claire's nose, she tries to say it, she is saying it.

'You're a formidable child Julietta, your parents were always proud of you, they wanted to see you happy, they love you very much.'

'...'

'Come to me my beautiful girl, let me braid your hair, don't worry about anything. I'm here with you '

Julie was speaking to her, every time she mentioned her parents, Julie was talking, only to her parents. It is not sad, to lose someone, it is devastating. It makes everything crumble, including life itself. But Julie, Julie is innocent, Julie does feel that, but she cannot express it. She cannot fight on her own, because Julie doesn't understand that. As much as crying is a call to serve a baby's needs, looking through a white wall is all Julie can do to let go of her pain. Julie sat beside Claire, the billionaire, the one with riches, the one with hope. The picture of power is being crafted in her hair, the picture of being accepted by a powerful human. So why would Julie feel bad, she had a fortunate life, and she is experiencing more fascinating things. But is this picture better than when she wanted to go to that tree? Is adding more power at her service covering the parts where she encounters her parents. Across the hallway, when she sees her grandfather, isn't she passing through her father? Isn't she ignoring the two pictures next to her grandfather's?

Aunt Claire has a daughter-in-law, so her status as a mother is there, her character of showing care and 'love' are looking brighter than the sunflowers slaving for the sun. Yet Julie doesn't see it, she is illuding to that picture next to her smiling stepmother, as further as she knows, a real parent is nothing compared to an Other. The block that let our Love for Other becomes what it is, is the fact that Love comes from ourselves, no matter how many pictures passes by, we ignore them and look for the door to our comfortable place, that in which we see our usual self. Julie feels that this place has to be where she needs to be, it has to be that favorite place of hers, so maybe, one day it'll lead through that door she will never be in, she has to accomodate to that new hairstyle she's getting, that small pony braid being pulled down to her neck. She has to project her pain into that pull. But it hurts, that hurts. Julie feels pain anyways, all the while she's being tenderly brushed and loved. That moment sure is goldified and cherished, in another time. But Julie's pain will only grow worse. Julie is an innocent person, an act of love brings that one scar she got along with the other colorful scenes she has been escaping from together, and sweep her brain with different emotional blocks trying to take the initiative to play, the consciousness keeps sending signals because pain suggests more impulse to the brain, which gives birth to what we call, emptiness. That feeling we get after we think that no matter what we do we won't get what we want, that feeling when you think that life has ended. A child cannot feel all of that, it only grows as a fear of the unknown. Julie is shedding tears in her heart, heavy tears to wet the hole and make it a deep sea where she could come back to it in her boat as a memory and laugh with her future self. Hope is a pattern that creates all this maze. This is what hope is, and it does it's job because we made it for what it is, whether we believe in it or not, that only feeds on how we percieve the world. Julie's shock prevents her from shedding true tears, because the state inside of her is further than sadness, it is more than that. It's confusion. Julie is confused, whether to cry, whether to be happy with that person with her, whether to avenge whoever made her parents disappear. But the more we dwell with our imagination, the harder it gets for our brain to express them, it is not simple to express 'jump out of the car and roll then run' or ' Ask Claire what truly happened and analyze the way she speaks, the way she's going to flirt with her eyes, or the way her legs jumps around from crossing too much. ' They might be true possibilities, in our head, in which we already executed, but the more we execute inside, the more confused ourself becomes in determining the righteousness of things. What could be said or done to get the necessary informations, the ones that'll feed that corner of curiosity. Regardless of the many real and unreal plans we come up with, the emptiness takes on our sight, and we always end up doing the natural in our case which is not speaking, or saying the wrong terms along the upcoming situation. It is us who chose that, our lack of manipulating the blocks didn't allow us to be put in a position where we can see this outcome, and that lack is mostly due to how simple our sight actually is.

Julie fell asleep...

Small sound coming from the sides, Lutterville is in sight. Claire is caressing her beloved neice while looking outside at the pride of her light. They have arrived at the mansion shortly after the hype and dynamic of people around her, ones equipped with many facilities, one of them being replacing every 'church' or 'mosque' location with big libraries, libraries with many sources and apprentices coming to donate their books, some conferences and public speeches were held there. May I remind that the Hamlet had only the low class citizens with struggle on finances but a higher morale on life, they were happy to learn more and see more of this life, but maybe what allowed that happiness is the intense fear of being in depression from the money problems, these words came from different sides of them inside 'houses of share' they called them. Besides, a group of people's first interest is survival, if knowledge brings them evolution, then knowledge is the one power they uphold, especially knowing that every other world-class problem is solved by Claire. No hunger, no lack of entertainement, no lack of households, no problem as long as they follow one condition, ' Do not get close to the mansion or interacte with its members'. Julie passed through most of the village, but some of these words, Claire already mentioned during the trip.

A big fence ahead, a big clean wall, along with a road that shows how much perfection it took the workers to keep clean. Julie opened her eyes at the dim window and noticed the brighter sunset. They were there, and it was sunset. It felt chilly, it wasn't cold, but her heart started beating, the truth sunk, the reality surfaced. She is in that place she was imagining moments ago. Julie walked out of the car, but there was no one, aunt Claire was not with her. Maybe she went before her, after all, she couldn't bother waking the little girl's sleep. Julie felt it, that thing we feel when we suddenly step out in a place we never seen, with no one around we know of. Julie was looking around but nothing was making sense, she didn't see any of the gigantic gardens around her, or the big stairs she was imagining, they were there, but her eyes were looking at that tree in her memories. That tree that suddenly shouted, ' He..llo '

' Julie '

Julie turns around and she finds a girl starring at her, this girl is the same height as her, but green eyes are what captivated her. She was startled, to the fact that someone suddenly jumped into her life. ' Hello ', she responded to this girl, as it felt for a moment that she could be someone of an equal. ' Hello Julie ' with a sweet smile she told her...

' I'm Eigrene... Syndria Eigrene! '