The Awkwardness & The Relief

Darren opened his eyes.

He blinked at the ceiling of his bedroom and sighed.

It turns out he was just being dramatic yesterday. Heart aches are real yes but thinking about it now, he's not hurt.

Of course he's not. It's just a simple string of disappointed nerves that struck him. Maybe he really just anticipated and thought off too much. Given how much he had planned for that date, he was sure he stepped a delicate line.

Sometimes, things don't happen in the way you would want them too. Move on Darren.

He's too beautiful to dwell on things not even worth a penny.

So, this is what he's gonna do. He's gonna go downstairs, face him like a professional actress, won't open what happened before, and listen to him like a mature and rational person then fix things straight.

Sounds good? Sounds good.

So, he stood up energetically and did his morning routine. It only took him 30 minutes to finish and when he was satisfied he didn't look like he got the worst luck in the world.

He slowly walk down the stairs, ready to face this day and what is to come.

He was ready to listen and ready for whatever storm that may or may not destroy the foundation of his new found strength.

He went straight to the kitchen. He didn't realize he was holding his breath until he saw Tim wasn't there and he breathed deeply. He shook his head. Don't be nervous Darren. He also reflected last night.

Do.not.overthink.

He made himself some coffee and while waiting, stared at the coffee maker. Just stared straight into it. When he felt his chest getting heavy, he realized that maybe he really wasn't ready and it's just his ego talking.

"Hey"

Darren jumped a little. Startled at suddenly hearing Tim's voice out of nowhere. He didn't even hear him came in. Oh well, this is gonna be awkward.

Darren turned his head and stared at this man who was described as a renaissance gorgeousness but turned out to be a black plague.

Yep, he's not ready.

He realized he wasn't really being dramatic yesterday. No. That was him reacting. That was him responding. It wasn't him dramatizing things because what happened yesterday was real.

His reaction was normal especially it involved someone who shouldn't be on his story. It was real alright.

Images of what happened yesterday flashed through his mind and he quickly turned back to the coffee maker. Tim was watching him seriously and it's not helping.

"Hey" he spoke, voice calm but insides weren't.

His inside are at war against his conflicting thoughts. Why is he acting like this? It's not even that much.

"I'll cook breakfast?" Tim's voice was full of uncertainty and Darren can feel this weird energy coming from them both. Maybe now's not the time.

"It's fine. I'm not hungry"

Darren grabbed himself a cup and poured coffee into it. He turned around and saw Tim looking unsure at where he was standing. He looked like he wanted to speak but it seemed that something is stopping him. Apprehension, maybe?

Darren didn't care.

-x-x-x-x-x-

"Hey"

Darren looked up from the book he has at hand and saw him standing at the doorway in the library.

He raised an eyebrow and Tim smiled doubtfully, "Lunch?"

He shook his head and focused on the book. It's hard. He can feel Tim's gaze in him and it's again stirring what Darren tried so hard to control.

This man is dangerous.

Darren was right all along.

"I'm not hungry" he lied.

Tim sighed, "You haven't eaten breakfast. It's already 1 in the afternoon"

Darren only shook his hands again. He'll eat when Tim's not in view.

He realized this is just wasn't about the disappointment anymore. This is also the shame and embarrassment he's feeling. And of all the things he had thought off, he thinks he already doesn't have a face to show him.

"Look cutie, if this is about yeste-

Darren stood up abruptly, cutting him off. He isn't ready to talk about that and will never be.

"I'm gonna eat" he rushed towards the dining, not bothering to see if he followed or not.

This all simply just isn't right.

For the next minutes, Darren busied himself in eating. It was a good thing Tim have the right mind not to follow because if he did, he will backhand that arsehole.

He can suddenly feel his nostril flaring in annoyance as he chew the food he cooked. How dare him! How dare him cook delicious meals when he's feeling down and sad and everything?!

He glared and ate some more.

"He-

Darren was quick to raise his hand for Tim to see when he suddenly heard his voice and to stop him of whatever he's gonna say. He's a busy man with a busy schedule with his thoughts. He also needs to harness some positivity or he'll end up lashing at him.

If he loves his life, he should back off.

"I just wanna say I'm sorry-

He raised is head and shook his head, "Move on" he butted in.

Tim looked both conflicted and surprised at what he said, "It's my fa-

"No big deal Tim. Let's just move on, alright?" he interrupted him seriously. He was surprised he can find his voice calm and not quivering. The power of acting is marvelous, yes.

"It's not fuckin' fine. I'm sor-

"Timothee" he started off, making his voice even more serious.

His chest is getting heavy and he wants to slap the hell out of him.

Relax, relax.

"It's fine. Forget what happened. It's nothing serious"

Because if it is, he wouldn't pull away right? So, it's not serious. Perhaps, all those speech and compliments were just a joke too. Of course it is Darren.

Darren merely saw the frown that crossed Tim's face at what he said before he stood up and decided to wash the utensils he used. He cannot face him. He's overwhelmed. Too overwhelmed to listen to everything he has to say.

He can hear Tim's footsteps getting away and he sighed. This is like a break up and his emotional heart is making things worse. But is he really making it worse? Tim did something wrong too, right?

It's not just him who saw intensity beneath those eyes when he was staring at his lips. It's not just him who saw something flicker in them when Tim tried to inch his face closer, it's not just him who felt immense passion when their noses brush only for him to back away as if he had been electrocuted with a bob wire.

So, his reaction was acceptable, right? It's not invalid, right? Everything he had said is okay, right?

Because it seemed that it was Darren who only took things seriously. It was just a dillydally on the other side. So, before Tim could step on some more, he had to put a stop.

He shook his head to brush the thoughts aside and when he finished, contemplated whether to go to his bedroom or library or the office, or the living room.

Scratch the last one. He was sure Tim is in there. So he went back to his bedroom and stayed there for the remaining time. It's funny how he's acting right now as if he had just face the biggest break up of the whole generation.

But you gotta admit that they worth the ship, right? Of course. He's cute and adorable and nasty while Tim is shameless, flirty, and annoying. They could've been the mightiest and most supported couple ever.

On the other hand, you should curse him for thinking that when Tim already had proven otherwise with that simple action. They will never. Ha! Funny!

Darren looked at his phone when it rang. It was on his bedside table and when he saw it was Lily, he knew it was time to really move on. He has things to take care of.

"Lils?"

He can hear noises in her side so she must be outside together with Lee because he can also hear his voice.

"Don't worry too much. You sound restless"

She really knew him. But of course, she might have the wrong reason. He's not worrying because of the case, he's worried because once again, he's distracted by this one man who keeps on bothering him.

"What is it?"

He heard the biggest sigh of relief he can ever hear.

"The hide and go seek is over"