30 The Kiss & The Lesson

Yes, near.

Nearer.

Three steps.

Two steps.

One step.

Darren gulped. This is it. This is it. This is the day he would experience fireworks behind his eyes, songs ringing through ears, and an actual realistic moment.

This is the day he would hurl the banner of maturity, he would wave it with pride and the biggest honor because well, achievements should be flaunted like it is the source of oxygen. And he will do as such.

He will make sure he would have the most perfect seconds of this and would stamp the memory in his strongest and biggest braincell so he wouldn't forget it.

Well, that is if Tim would like y'know, draw a little bit closer.

'Coz he cannot possibly reach that height. He doesn't wanna strain his neck because it deserves hickeys and kisses and yes, it's official. He is as shameless as the man in front of him.

Darren stared up at the intense and yet gleeful eyes and he wasn't sure what kind he was sporting in his own. He just knew he's probably getting breathless.

Come on. Anytime now, yeah?

Or maybe Tim is reading a slow down sign in his forehead? Because he's just staring. And Darren had already visualize what happened for the last thirty seconds and if Tim could only just get on with it and finish this, it would be appreciated.

And besides, it's kinda uncomfortable to stand between the bookshelf and this renaissance gorgeousness but well, if this is Tim's plan is for this moment, then he'll just have to oblige, right?

But he suppose, Darren could really use some fast forward button now. He cannot handle this anticipation and impatient burning of his chest.

Anytime now Tim. Really.

When slowly, he inched his head closer, Darren nearly nodded in agreement. Good thing he didn't because he might break this invisible bubble between them.

Six inches.

Too far.

Five inches.

Far.

Four inches.

Hmm.

Bloody hell! Why'd he stopped?!

Is Tim not aware how long they've been standing in this bookshelf? How long Darren's been holding this book he just snatched? How long they've been staring at each other's lips?

Don't frown Darren. Don't frown.

Maybe he should lick his lips? Because it's been drying.

Tim's making him wait for forever. And he doesn't have that much time left.

Oh my god. Just kiss him already. Enough of this staring and pining because he ain't got the time for that nonsense.

Just kiss him already Tim. Gosh!

Three inches.

Good. Getting closer.

Two inches.

Getting closer.

This is it. Heart, please steady or Darren would throw you out. Kidding of course. He gotta need that to leave.

One inch.

Darren gasped.

Ooh. Darren's breathing quickened and he blinked. They were still staring at each other and in every second that passes makes Darren's blush worse. He doesn't know what to feel exactly but there's some excitement blooming in his chest. Confusing but much welcomed because who wouldn't like to kiss this man who passed his standards?

"Shit" Tim murmured and drew a half inch closer. Their noses faintly brushing with each other. That's quite sweet.

Tim drew a sharp breathe and repeated it for a few times before groaning and pulling back with a conflicted expression.

Oh well. . .

You gotta learn how to spell disrespectul now.

T-I-M.

Every time. Every time!

Darren blinked and averted his eyes. His cheeks flaring with the almost moment and the embarrassment. He didn't know what to do.

Tim palmed his face and groaned pissed off. He took a step back and gave them both a considerable space.

He nibbled his lips in awkwardness and hurt. Who wouldn't be hurt? They, er, almost kissed. Darren waited for it and didn't even flinch when Tim was leaning closer, only for him to pull back on the last second?

Who wouldn't be ashamed when he was willingly waiting for it to happen?

It's painful alright. Darren patiently waited for him to lean closer until their lips brushed but instead got the unexpected.

He pulled away. Tim pulled away. Darren slowly started to feel a lump in his throat, he clenched his jaw to prevent himself from crying because why would he cry!?

Darren blinked, trying to control whatever it is he's feeling. He gripped the book on his hand tight and poured everything there. He can feel his insides shattering. This wasn't suppose to happen.

"C-cutie" he stammered but Darren didn't answer nor look back.

He bit his tongue, trying to hurt himself physically because he's never one to appreciate emotional turmoil. It's better to be physically in pain rather than breaking his heart because it heals faster, right.

He learned everything he can learn in this moment now. He really cannot risk it again.

Tentatively, Darren took a step and was grateful when his feet didn't tremble of this overwhelming feelings.

"Fuck. Cutie look. Oh shit"

Darren silently made his way to leave. He cannot listen to Tim's yadda yadda now. He wants to sulk in his room and probably, rot in there too.

He heard Tim shuffled behind him as he still tried what he can to speak to him, "Shit shit shit. C-cutie"

Why did he let this happen?

He technically doesn't even know him that much. Why did Darren let whatever it is he cannot name get in the way? He's just staying here for the meantime.

These all wasn't suppose to happen.

The disappointment is obvious. But maybe it's his fault too. He's the one who's planning and thinking about the date, the one who thought of kissing him, the thought of having his first.

He was willing to give Tim his first kiss. It was pretty obvious.

This is a pure embarrassment and he wouldn't like to remember this day.

"Cutie please, listen-

He wasn't able to hear what Tim was saying because he was out of the library before he can even finish speaking.

He needs to go to his bedroom. He needs to pack his emotions, the plans, the visualizations and imaginations. He shouldn't dwell on those again.

He should also wrapped his top five ways on how to execute fun. And his admiration of those tattoos and everything he had thought while checking him out.

Heart aches are real.

Darren can vouch for that.

Whether imaginary or actual, they are real.

Without a label or not, they are real. They come in many forms. Sometimes they are found in love, crush, interest, or lust. They are real. They can stem from disappointment, promises, imaginations, failures, or even gestures.

Other times, they are dressed as Timothee William.