13. Chapter 13

Breakfast at Aubrey Hall was a raucous affair since the Bridgertons did not make the youngest eat in the nursery. Kate watched fondly as Anthony listened to Hyacinth as she told him about her plans for the day before Benedict drew her into a conversation about art.

"That's wonderful!" she exclaimed as he told her about his application for the Royal Academy. "You must show me some of your work! His Lordship told me you paint while you're here. Maybe I could join you one afternoon? If I'm not a distraction, of course."

"You would be a welcome one." He assured her. "Do you paint?"

"I've dabbled in watercolors, but I fear I didn't bring any supplies with me." She replied, but he waved away her objections.

"I'm sure I can dig some up. I would love for you to join me."

"Then it is a date, Mr. Bridgerton." She said, smiling brightly.

"If we are to paint together, you might as well call me Benedict." He told her. "There are far too many Mr. Bridgertons to stand on ceremony."

"There are far fewer Miss Sharmas, but you may call me Kate." She replied happily.

She felt eyes on her and glanced up to see Anthony watching her with a small smile. She returned it before refocusing on Benedict.

"Are you really going to race my brother, Miss Sharma?" Gregory asked a little later.

"That's the current plan, Mr. Bridgerton. Will you cheer for me?"

"No stealing my sibling's support, Miss Sharma." Anthony told her with mock severity.

"You have so many, Lord Bridgerton." She shot back. "Surely you won't miss one or two?"

"What's this about racing, Kate?" Lady Mary interjected, making Kate wince.

"His Lordship has gifted me a horse, mama." She said, blushing as Mary raised an eyebrow. "We were just going to have a friendly race so that I might have a chance to put her through her paces."

"Kate." Mary sighed.

"We'll be careful." Her stepdaughter assured her.

"Like you were careful when you raced the Raja?"

Kate's expression turned stormy.

"That was entirely his fault!" she protested. "He cheated! And I still won!

"You broke your leg and were in bed for two months." Mary shot back. "You are not the best patient, my dear."

"I trust Lord Bridgerton to not cheat, therefore it should be fine." Kate told her.

"Anthony is very honorable when it comes to horse racing, Lady Mary." Benedict added. "The only time he's a dirty cheat is when we play Pall Mall."

"I have never cheated at Pall Mall." The brother in question called, not looking away from his conversation with Simon.

He then studiously ignored the sounds of dissent from his siblings.

"He's also a blatant liar when it comes to Pall Mall, but we allow it because the rest of my children are just as bad." Violet said dryly. "I apologize in advance for their behavior, Lady Mary."

"I'm sure Kate will fit right in." she replied just as dryly. "Do not protest, Kate, you know it's true."

Kate grumbled but held her tongue.

"I suppose I can't stop you from racing, but if you hurt yourself, I will hear no complaints." Mary warned her.

"Of course." Kate replied happily.

Breakfast passed peacefully after that, and Kate soon found herself walking next to Anthony as they headed to the stables.

"Are you really that bad of a patient?"

Kate smiled ruefully.

"I am not built for idleness, my Lord." She headed over to where a stable had Isis ready and saddled and began checking her over. "I may have been rather petulant while stuck in bed."

She finished checking the horse over and turned to find Anthony grinning at her.

"I am much the same." He told her. "As a child, I broke my arm falling out of a tree I had been warned multiple times to not climb. I thought my parents might kill me before I had a chance to heal, given how badly I behaved."

"You? Badly behaved?" she asked with an arched eyebrow as she swung herself up into the saddle. "I can hardly fathom it."

"Nor I you being petulant." He replied, grinning as he followed suit.

Kate just gave him a grin as she took off, leaving him to follow in her wake as she galloped across the field to where both families waited for them.

"That does not count!" Anthony called as they stopped.

"You really must learn to be faster if you plan to beat me, my Lord!" she called back.

She pulled up beside him, smiling brightly and he shook his head.

"Who's going to judge?" she asked.

"You don't trust me to determine the winner, Miss Sharma?"

She just stared at him.

"Fine." He relented. "Hastings, will you be our judge?"

The Duke nodded his agreement from where he stood with his arm around his wife. Kate and Anthony haggled over the start and finish lines for a bit before eventually agreeing that whoever could make it from the house to a particular tree they had chosen at the edge of the wood and back to the house first would be declared the winner.

"Shall we have another wager, Miss Sharma?" Anthony asked as they took their starting positions.

"Do you have another horse you'd like to lose to me?" she shot back.

"If that is what you wish, I'm sure I could find one." He told her. "I, myself, will be asking for what I wanted before: your first dance for the rest of the season."

"Very well, my Lord." Kate agreed with a wicked grin. "But when you lose, I want a boon. Anything I want, if it is in your power to give, whenever I ask for it."

"Very well, Miss Sharma." He agreed with a nod. "I shall enjoy my dances when I win."

"Promises, promises."

The two nodded to Hyacinth, who had won the honor of starting the race over Gregory in some complicated battle that only they seem to have understood.

"Ready! Steady! GO!"

And they were off. The cheering of their families quickly faded as they threw themselves into the race. The thundering of the horses' hooves was so loud that Kate couldn't hear anything else, but every time she looked over, Anthony was keeping pace with a large grin that she was sure matched her own. They reached the tree that marked the turnaround point and both turned to head back. Kate pushed Isis to go faster, but Anthony and Osiris stayed right at her side.

The house was quickly approaching, and Kate desperately tried to push Isis even faster, just a little faster. They hit the finish line and allowed their mounts to slow naturally before turning back to the others to receive their results.

"Well?" Anthony demanded, looking to Simon.

"A tie, Bridgerton." He declared as his friend glared at him. "I can't help that your horse could not run faster. Perhaps you should have given Miss Sharma a slower mount."

"That would still not give him the victory he desires." Kate said, laughing merrily and making Anthony smile along with her. "I have told you, my Lord, I do not lose!"

"A tie is not a win, Miss Sharma." He pointed out.

"It is also not a loss, Lord Bridgerton." She replied serenely.

"Are you two going to spend all day arguing on horseback or are you going to come back inside?" Eloise interjected.

"I find I am not ready to end my ride." Her brother replied. "Miss Sharma? We shall, of course, stay in sight of the house."

"See that you do, your Lordship." Danbury told him severely as Kate nodded her assent.

Anthony nodded to the matron as the rest of the party headed inside. Daphne paused to give her brother a look that made him glare at her, but Kate was distracted by Hyacinth.

"Miss Sharma, could you teach me to ride like that?"

"That's up to your brother, Miss Bridgerton." The older woman told her gently.

"Please, brother." The youngest Bridgerton sibling begged, making the eldest sigh.

"You may come riding with us tomorrow, if Miss Sharma agrees."

Hyacinth turned her pleading eyes to Kate, who nodded her head with a smile.

"I would be happy to ride with you."

Hyacinth clapped her hands happily.

"Thank you, Miss Sharma! Thank you, brother!"

With that, she ran off after the others.

"Shall we?"

Kate nodded and turned Isis so they were soon trotting across the park, side by side.

"Are you pleased with Isis?" he asked.

"I am, my Lord." She replied happily. "She is a wonderful creature. Thank you."

"What shall we do about our latest wager?"

Kate was quiet for a moment as she thought.

"Perhaps we should honor both terms." She said finally. "After all, as has already been established, a tie is not a loss."

Anthony grinned broadly.

"Then what is your boon, Miss Sharma?"

"I said at a time of my choosing, Lord Bridgerton." She replied slyly. "This is not that time."

"Very well." He agreed easily. "But I will be claiming my dances, starting with my mother's ball next week."

"Imagine my surprise, my Lord." Kate said dryly.

They rode in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"So," Anthony said finally, "tell me about this Raja who was so enamored with you."

Kate groaned.

"Please don't listen to Mary and Edwina." She begged. "The Raja and I were only ever friends."

"A friend you seem to have spent quite a bit of time with and engaged in horse races with." He shot back.

"I do both of those things with you, my Lord." She pointed out.

"That is rather my point."

Kate blushed, shaking her head with a laugh.

"The Raja and I are distantly related and of an age, so I was deemed a suitable companion for his highness and his sister, the Rani."

Anthony looked at her with surprise.

"You're related to the royal family?"

"Very distantly." She replied. "My great great grandmother was a lesser wife of a previous Maharaja. My mother found favor as a young woman with the current Maharaja, who doted on her as if she were a younger sister. When she chose my father, he gave him a place at court as his personal secretary so she would remain at court. When she died, his favor passed to me, as I reminded him of her. He has been very kind to me."

"Kind enough to allow you to marry his son?" Anthony asked, his heart in his throat, but Kate shook her head.

"Even if he had been so inclined, I would not have married where my heart was not engaged. When I dreamed of such things, I dreamed of marrying for love and, while I value the Raja's friendship greatly, I do not love him."

"And now?" Anthony asked.

"Now no marriage I could make in India would be able to provide for Mary and Edwina, and I am unlikely to make a match equal to what Edwina can accomplish in England. I have no dowry or standing to attract an English Lord, and none would be foolish enough to choose the penniless daughter of an Indian secretary."

Her words crashed into him, and it was all he could do to stay in his horse. This is what she thought of herself? What did she think of him? Was she completely oblivious to the fact that he had been courting her all these weeks? Surely, she couldn't have that low of an opinion of herself. But as he thought about their time together, he realized it was entirely possible. He thought of all the times she had stood in the background as everyone, including her stepmother, had fawned over Miss Edwina. Had it always been like that for her? He knew she had sacrificed much for her family, just as he had, but how could she not see that she was entirely worthy of any of the idiots of the ton, that she was worth more than all of them combined?

"I have a duty to my father, to my family, to do what's best for Mary and Edwina, no matter what." She continued. "That's all that matters."

How many times had he said the same thing? Duty to family before all else…until he met her.

"But what if circumstances were different?" he asked her softly. "What if you did find someone here willing to provide for you as well as Lady Mary and Miss Edwina? Would you still desire a love match?"

"What I want does not matter." She replied just as softly.

He pulled Osiris closer so he could reach over and take her hand. The two horses slowed to a stop as he ran his thumb over her gloved knuckles as she looked at him, her eyes sad.

"I do not think that is true." He said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Kate opened her mouth to respond.

"Anthony!"

He distantly considered that he should be concerned at how often he now contemplated the murder of his siblings as he turned to Eloise, who had yelled from the top of the steps to the house.

"What?" he shouted back, making Kate giggle.

"Mother bids you and Miss Sharma join us for tea!"

"Fine!"

"What?"

Kate could barely contain her laughter.

"I SAID FINE!" Anthony bellowed.

"VERY GOOD!"

With that Eloise flounced back inside with Anthony glaring at her and Kate fully laughing now.

"You cannot kill your sister, my Lord."

He didn't even question how she knew what he had been thinking.

"But it would be so satisfying." He replied as they turned back to the stables.

"Only for a little while." She told him. "You would miss her eventually. Besides, it's much more fun to make her suffer."

He returned her evil smirk with one of his own and followed her back to the stables before taking her arm and leading her back to the house for lunch with their families.

Anthony couldn't sleep.

He sat in his study, under the watchful eye of his father, as he sipped his brandy. The ledgers in front of him practically mocked him as he thought about everything Miss Sharma had told him on their ride. Beyond her ties to the Raja and his family, which were surprising enough, he could not banish her words on her own prospects from his mind.

How could she think so little of herself? He wanted to march up to Lady Mary and demand for her to explain how she could have possibly allowed the woman she claimed to love as a daughter to believe herself to be worth less than her younger sister. How could she be so blind? If he thought she would let him, he would propose to her in front of the entire ton when they arrived the next week, just to prove she was worth more than any one of them.

But he knew she would hate him if he did, so he quickly banished the idea.

A noise from the hall disturbed his musing and he set aside his drink to investigate.

"Daph?"

His sister gave him a sheepish smile as she righted the vase she had knocked against.

"I'm sorry, brother. I didn't mean to disturb you."

"Is everything alright?" he asked, shutting the door behind him as he joined her in the hall. "It's late."

"Perfectly." She assured him. "Auggie was just fussy. I finally got him to sleep and thought to get myself a glass of milk."

Anthony's mind was thrown back to another house a year ago where a very similar conversation had happened.

"May I join you?"

Daphne smiled brightly.

"Of course."

"You know, you do have a nurse." He pointed out as they headed to the kitchen, but she just sneered at him.

"When you have children, I defy you to let them cry without going to them. How many times did you get up in the night to comfort Hyacinth?"

"Far too many." He agreed. "I couldn't bear to hear her cry."

"Nor could I." Daphne admitted.

They walked the rest of the way in silence and soon found themselves in the kitchen with a very familiar predicament.

"You know," Daphne said dryly as they stared at the stove, "one of these days, one of us should endeavor to learn how to light the blasted thing."

"Probably." Anthony agreed. "But, until then, cold milk."

"Most refreshing." His sister teased, taking one bottle from him.

This time found them sitting side by side on the table as they sipped from the bottles.

"You know, when I received your letter informing us of your desire for us to come to Aubrey Hall to meet the young woman you were courting, I couldn't believe what I was reading." Daphne told him. "Simon was convinced we would arrive to find you had found a perfect little debutante to pass away the years in friendly acquaintance. I cannot begin to tell you how thrilled I was to meet your Miss Sharma instead."

"That was the plan." Anthony admitted ruefully. "In fact, I briefly considered courting Miss Edwina when she was named the Diamond."

"Well, that would have been a disaster!" Daphne laughed. "God, Kate would have eviscerated you had come near her sister!"

It warmed his heart to hear his sister speak of Kate with such fondness.

"Most likely." He agreed with a smile. "But it didn't matter. From the moment I first met her, there has been no one else."

Daphne reached over to take her brother's hand, squeezing it tightly.

"Tell me about her."

Anthony raised an eyebrow.

"You spent practically the whole day with her, Daph." He said dryly. "What more could I tell you?"

"I've spent the day getting to know my new friend, Kate." She replied. "I want you to tell me about your Miss Sharma."

Her brother was quiet for a moment.

"She is…" he trailed off. "She is so strong. She is kind. She is the most vexing person I have ever met. She doesn't care that I am the Viscount and allows me to just be Anthony. She loves her family so fiercely…" he trailed off again, seeming lost for words. "I don't know what you want from me, your Grace."

Daphne wrinkled her nose at his mocking use of her title.

"I suppose I want you to tell me how you feel." She told him. "I want you tell me if she is the one for you. If she is the one in whose presence you cannot properly think, or even breathe…the one that makes it impossible for you to look away from them at any given moment. Whey you two are near, does your body and soul feel as if they could burst into flames? When you are in her presences, do you fight the urge to lean forward and touch her lips with yours?"

Anthony set aside his bottle and stared down at their clasped hands.

"Sometimes, I feel like I will go mad if I can't touch her." He told his sister softly. "Like her hand in mine would fix all that ails me. When I see her smile at other men, even our own brothers, I have to fight the urge to drag her away so she will only smile for me. When she speaks of leaving, of returning to India, I am horrified…not at the thought of her leaving, but the knowledge that I would follow her. I would give it all up, the title, England, everything, if it meant I could stay by her side."

Daphne felt tears gather in her eyes as the true depth of her brother's feelings became clear.

"I never wanted this." He told her. "I am not like you. I never wanted to fall in love, but now the thought of losing her is abhorrent to me."

They were both quiet for a moment.

"She doesn't believe I am serious about her." He said finally, so softly that Daphne almost didn't hear him. "She doesn't believe I could want her when she is the only thing I want."

"What do you mean?" his sister demanded. "Anyone with eyes can see she feels as strongly for you as you do for her!"

"I do not doubt she cares for me." Anthony told her. "It is the only thing that gives me hope. But her only focus is marrying off Miss Edwina and saving her sister and mother from poverty. She cannot even conceive of the idea that she might accomplish the same goal by marrying herself, that someone might want her instead of her sister."

"Then you will have to convince her." Daphne told him. "Would you be willing to provide for them if she married you?"

"I would do anything for her." He replied matter-of-factly. "Providing for Lady Mary and settling a dowry on Miss Edwina to match my own sisters' would be nothing, but she will not consider it. She believes her background and her lack of dowry would keep an English lord from ever offering for her. If I were to propose, she would say no. She would think me insincere."

The two siblings were silent as Daphne absorbed what he had just told her.

"I told Simon I would fight for her." He told her finally. "Will you support me?"

Daphne squeezed his hand tightly.

"You never needed to ask for my support, Anthony." She told him. "It has always been yours. And if Miss Sharma is the one you choose, I will of course stand at your side, no matter what."

"Mother feels the ton will not accept her, a fear I believe Miss Sharma shares."

"The ton will accept what we tell them to accept." His sister announced confidently. "You concern yourself with convincing Kate of your consistency. I will handle the rest." She studied her brother for a moment. "I believe Father would be proud of the man you've become…and I know I don't say it often enough, but I do love you ever so much."

Anthony surprised her by pulling her into a tight hug.

"Just how much have you had to drink, brother dear?" she asked with a laugh as she hugged him just as tightly.

"Enough to tell you all this." He admitted. "But I love you, too. I know I don't always go about it in the best way, but all I have ever wanted for all of you is your happiness."

"That is all we want for you as well."

They stayed that way for a moment longer before letting go.

"I'm sure Simon is wondering where I got off to." She said, hopping off the table. "You will try to get some sleep?"

"Yes, sister." He replied in a long-suffering tone that was softened by the smile playing at the corner of his lips.

"Good night, Anthony." She said with a playful glare.

"Good night, your Grace." He replied, leaning forward to press a kiss to the top of her head.

She shook her head and headed off. Anthony put away the milk, before following her. When he finally reached his bed, he surprised himself by falling asleep almost immediately and sleeping through the night.

The next morning, Kate and Anthony took Hyacinth and Gregory riding. The youngest Bridgerton was determined to learn to ride astride as Kate did. Anthony watched fondly from the corner of his eye as the older woman spent her time gently coaching the girl on the best way to hold herself and how to best control the docile creature he had chosen as her mount as Gregory told him about his lessons.

His conversations with both Kate and his sister had not materially changed his plans, but they did make him more determined. Watching her patiently teach his youngest sister to ride only strengthened his resolve.

Now he just had to convince her that his affections were true.

"You're doing wonderfully, Miss Bridgerton." Kate told Hyacinth kindly as they walked back to the house. "You just have to get used to it."

"How did you learn?" the young girl asked. "You ride so well!"

"Lots of practice." Kate said with a laugh. "I didn't want to get left behind by the boys, so I practiced until I was better than them."

"One day I will be better than Gregory!" she declared.

"No, you won't!"

"Yes, I will, and I'll beat you in every race!"

Gregory opened his mouth to start the next round of arguing, but Anthony clapped a hand on his shoulder to stop it.

"Neither of you will win any races if Mother kills you for showing up in this state to lunch. Go get cleaned up."

The youngest siblings took off up the stairs, bickering all the way and making Kate smile fondly.

"Thank you."

Kate turned to find Anthony looking at her with a soft smile.

"You don't need to thank me." She assured him. "She's a darling girl and I enjoyed spending time with her."

They turned and Anthony offered his arm before leading her towards the guest wing.

"She adores you." He told her. "She's much more active than the rest of our sisters and I am afraid I indulge her unladylike pursuits too much. Eloise would rather read, Francesca would rather practice her pianoforte, and Daphne is a wife and mother, so I think she feels left out. Benedict, Colin, and I are so much older, and that just leaves Greg, who's reaching that age where it is no longer acceptable to like your sister."

"I think you sell yourself short." Kate told him. "She clearly adores any time she spends with any of you, but particularly you."

"I'm the only father she's ever known." He admitted softly. "Father died before she was born, and I fear I've been a poor substitute."

"I do not believe that." She placed a hand on his arm, making him stop and look at her. "No one knows what it's like to step into a parent's shoes better than I do. I can see how hard you work for your family. You have kept them safe and as happy as possible. That is an accomplishment, my Lord."

"Sometimes I resent them." He whispered. "For the choices I was forced to make."

She squeezed his arm and smiled softly.

"I understand that as well." Kate assured him. "They are allowed the freedom to do what they want, to make mistakes. We were afforded no such luxury."

She did understand. She understood him in a way no one else ever had. She had given up her dreams for her future for Edwina's and convinced herself that was what she wanted, just as he had tried to convince himself that a marriage of duty was all he wanted.

This was going to be an uphill battle.

"Thank you." He said softly. "It's such a relief to speak with someone who understands."

She smiled brightly.

"You are very welcome."

They continued on, mostly in silence, until they reached Kate's door.

"Until later, Miss Sharma." He said, lifting her hand to press a kiss to it.

"Until later, Lord Bridgerton." She replied softly.

She turned and slipped inside her room, meeting his eyes as the door closed and blocked her from his view.

Neither one ever knew how long the other waited on the other side of the door, longing for something more.