2. RAVEN
Nothing makes me more at peace than drawing pencils and a blank piece of art paper. There is something sketching that is like therapy. However these past few months, the hobby I love the most has turned out into a nightmare.
I have stared at the same blank page for the last four months. It is making me frustrated. Why can't I find my muse again? Frustrated, I rise up from my seat and pick up my bag. Without my muse, I feel helpless. Without the art, I feel worthless.
I suddenly bump into someone on my way tipping their things down to the ground.
"Fuck!" I quickly bend down to help pick up the things.
When I lift my gaze to the owner, I find a red head staring intensely at me. I collect the rest of the things and hand them to her.
"I will watch where I am going next time." I mutter walking away not giving her chance to speak. I am in no mood to be friendly. After all, everyone in Side view High hates me. I am glad to know I don't care.
"Saltzman."
I groan loudly when I hear the voice.
"Saltzman." he calls again. Can't he get the hint? I am really not in the mood. I quickly shove my earbuds into my ears speeding up.
"I can't believe you are making me run after you." I increase my pace.
"For fuck sake stop!" Matthews blocks my way a hard glare etched his face. Did the saint Elijah just cuss at me? I gaze at him innocently.
"What?" I pretend to remove my earbuds.
"I know you heard me the first time I called you." he accuses.
"Sadly, I didn't." I shrug. He pinches the bridge of his nose before he shoves some papers in my chest.
"There is all the information you need to know about the project. Read them." Matthews orders. I resist a retort.
"And don't be late on Monday." He warns one last time before he turns to leave.
"Why don't you just let me off the project?" My question stops him.
"I so badly want to but that is what principal Tanner wanted." Matthews replies.
"It is your project. You could just scrap my name off."
He studies me intensely before he nods his head.
"You want me to let you off easy, don't you?" he cocks a brow.
"I mean it is what you also want. You want me out of your hair asap and I am easing your job." I shrug.
"You are right about that. I would rather pull my hair out of my scalp than work with you but now that I think of it, I think I won't let you off so easy." Matthews smirks. I clench my fists annoyed. I thought he wanted me gone easily. Why doesn't he just accept the offer I made?
"I think I am going to love to see you do all the work." His smirk widens.
"You are going to regret it. I am going to make your project hell." I threaten.
"I would love to see you try." Matthews retorts.
"See you Monday. If you plan on coming late, I am sure you won't like working overtime."
I cuss lowly at his back as he walks away. Son of a bitch. I let out a loud groan before I resume on my walk home. This term is already hard enough for me with everything going on and the money I have to come up with for the surgery.
I am just waiting for the end of the year so I can wave goodbye to the hell called high school and all the wanna bes who pretend they are self righteous and rule the entire world.
"You are back early today. Anything interesting happen at school?" Grandma asks from the couch.
"No. It is the same ole stuff grandma." I gulp down the glass of water I just poured.
"Felicia came by today. She left you some food in case you are hungry." she informs.
"Felicia?" I ask surprised.
"You sound surprised." Grandma frowns.
"Yes. It has been long since she last visited." I mutter.
"She lives two states away Raven. She can't visit everyday."
"I know. I am just saying."
"Do you miss her?" I nod. Felicia is the youngest daughter of grandma Lolita. Out of all her children which is three of them, Felicia is the good one. She checks up on her, pays her hospital bills and likes me which I can't say for most people.
Things were easy when she was around. She is the only other female apart from grandma I can get along with without wanting to strangle them.
"She left you something. It is in your room if you want to check it." I waste no time rushing to my bedroom. I notice the red wrapped box on my rarely laid bed as soon as I open the door.
It can only be Felicia. She laid my bed, cleaned my laundry and organized my room. That girl makes me feel guilty all the time. I quickly take off the wrapper from the box only to find a cute black feminine dress inside. I quickly frown. It is not like I don't like her gift, I am surprised she gifted me with a dress.
Inside I notice a neatly folded paper.
Dear Raven,
I am sorry I haven't been calling and emailing frequently as I used to. I have been busy with work and moving in with Gabe.
I missed you today at the house but I want you to know I did your laundry which was extremely dirty.
I crack a giggle at the use of extremely.
You have to know that you are a fully grown woman and you need to take care of yourself. I replaced your toothbrush which you should thank me for too.
I find myself smiling at her words. Felicia has always had a sense of humor unlike Viviane and Mario, his other siblings.
You should actually learn to lay your bed more often. I hate doing it for you everytime. You should also go grocery shopping. I left the money in your drawer.
I know how you must feel after the last doctor's diagnosis. I want you to know that you are the strongest girl I know. I also want you to be strong not only for you but for mom too. She hurts too even though she is pretty good at hiding it. Please take care of her and yourself.
It is the same reason I bought you that dress. For long, you have lived in a world of your own. You always like to think no one cares about you and you deserve to be alone but that is not right. You are only seventeen Raven. You have a whole life waiting for you.
I wish. I whisper to myself. I wish I had a whole life like her.
Don't let the doctor's words stop you from enjoying the little you have. Stop shutting yourself down. Stop being too hard on yourself. Stop treating anyone around you like they are the enemy. Move out, make friends your age, get a boyfriend, fall in love, go to prom, apply for college. Life might happen in a way we never expect it but I would rather see you live it happily than see you bury yourself each day of your life.
I love you so much Raven. Hope to hear from you soon. Take care.
Felicia.
At the end of the letter, I feel my eyes teary. How do I tell Felicia that I dream about those things? Sometimes I yearn to feel happy but I can't. There is a darkness that keep hovering over me like a death whisper.
A girl like me perhaps wasn't made for any of those things. How am I supposed to be happy then? No one likes me. I didn't make that up. I hear the whispers in the hallways. I see the looks thrown my way each day. No one wants to associate me. I am not being too hard on myself and making things up, I am enjoying my life in the way I know. I glance over at the little dress before I cover the box.
Felicia is wrong about me. I am going to prove her wrong.