Comments of chapter undefined of Dragon Ball- Zarbon's adventure

First let me start by saying it is very well written which is a joy for me. I worte my own fanfiction "Heaven or Acension" an scribblehub due to the lack of well written Isekai Dragonball stories. But there are issue. 1.Way, Way, way too much monologuing. Stop going so in depth with the other p.o.v's. 60% of the chapter could be cut and nothing of significance would be lost. 2. You need to start a new paragraph every single time the speaker changes. 3. Let up on the descriptions. You are going overboard. I honestly skipped a large majority of the chapter, and only read the spoken text. The descriptions and internal monologuing added nothing of value to the story. If it's not the m.c's internal thoughts, or important to the story we likely don't need to read them at all. From context we can understand that Krillins is scared. You don't need to mention it half a dozen times with every interaction.

cut out the useless monologue and the unnecessary descriptions, it makes the story boring and just makes the reader bored

Bom capítulo

Thanks for the chapter

Nice