JiyuYami
I really love how you used those words with awesome effects in webnovel! Like, woah! That's a new feature I have seen in a novel! And the system or the abiltiies too really looks complex. It has this sort of descriptions that makes it more immersive and detailed for us readers. Kudos for the author!
This is Brandon Gould and I am responding to a Review Swap here is my review Firstly what i liked about the book is that the story from what i read was well paced and expect for some parts with i left some comments on, the story was written well enough to were it was did not impede my enjoyment. From what I have read there is one thing that was missing that would make this book with can be a very interesting story is that lack of detail explaining to the reader thing like where the story takes place, the envierment around you and other such details that make the story lack the depth that would allow you to become sucked into the writers world,
There is a lot to say about this book. A lot of problems too. The author knows how to write dialogues and created compelling characters, but descriptions are cruelly lacking. There is also a lot of repeated text, problems with verb tenses, etc. Some of these issues can be explained by English not being the author's first language. I would advise writing first in your native language and then translating since you'll have more vocabulary choices in your native language; and be more at ease with what you're trying to tell. However, the writing is somewhat lacking content. It's a bit too fast, and quickly overlooks any detail. It's too "light". There is also some 'parasitic text', like author's notes put with the story itself, and "this is picture of mom", etc. That can be solved pretty quickly though, by editing said chapters. I think the author needs to work on his general storytelling, be it the pacing, the depiction of the environment, or properly shifting points of view. Though, the author already writes good dialogues, so give it a chance, as well as some advices, to help the author improve!
The starting looks interesting and promising. But Xing being able to talk like a mature man from the birth even though he doesn't have any memory, It kinda feels weird to me. Nonetheless the story has potential. There are some grammatical and spelling mistakes. I hope writer will fix them and keep it in mind.
You can tell the writer takes passion in his Characters and novel from the detail that isnt over bearing but just enough. The only Potential flaw i could see in the future is making Xing way to Powerful for any antagonist to fIght. but i love the system, keep coming with the chapter though author im loving it .