Chapter 17: Guilty Confusion

'That was awkward..'

Kousei thought of the other night as he walked towards the park near their house. It really had to be the day that he woke up in Emi's house when her piano teacher, Ochiai Yuriko, appeared out of nowhere. He did not know she had piano lessons in the morning. 

'She could have at least told me.'

"Kousei Arima-kun..", Ochiai Yuriko boomed. 

Kousei immediately stood up in attention from the floor. He passed out and slept through the entire night in Emi's music room.

"Ochiai-sensei! Good morning..", replied Kousei and bowed at the same time. He was already feeling embarrassed, and he was as red as hellfire.

"Would you happen to know where Emi's pants are? It seems that she has failed to find it before I arrived..", Yuriko shot back as she gestured towards Emi, who was sitting on the piano bench, wearing the same bedroom clothes as the previous night. 

Emi gave Kousei that awkward smile as their gazes met. He wanted to shrink.

"Sorry..", Emi mouthed the apology and giggled awkwardly. She was as red as her shirt.

And then, Ochiai-sensei turned her stare towards Emi. She approached her and just stood in front of her. Emi looked down. "Emi, how far did you two go?..", her piano teacher asked. 

All the blood inside Kousei shot up and sank at the same time. He wanted to run.

Emi didn't answer. She just looked up to her teacher and flashed that eyeless smile. But it was an awkward smile with cold sweat all over her forehead. It also didn't quite help that she kept blushing wildly.

Ochiai Yuriko then turned her attention to the boy. He couldn't help but imagine that this sorceress was about to turn into a fire breathing dragon to burn him to a crisp and eat his ashes afterwards. Something greater than both dread and terror combined started to build inside him. She closed her eyes and sighed.

"It's fortunate that I saw you two sleeping in a more appropriately acceptable manner when I arrived..", Yuriko said coldly. Then, she looked at Emi again. "Emi, go get dressed so we could start", she added, to Kousei's utmost panic since Emi was leaving the room.

"Arima-kun.. unless you plan to back out from the Western Japan Music competition, you can't stay here. And I believe you need to practice with Hiroko-sensei as well..", Ochiai-sensei said with that smug look on her face. 

It actually surprised Kousei that she wasn't mad at him. 'Yeah.. that's not the angry Ochiai-sensei. She's just cold.. really cold..'

"Wait, sensei.. You're not mad at me?..", Kousei asked.

"Why would I be? You're at that age. Just be careful.."

"Of course, sensei.. I'm sorry for the trouble..", Kousei apologized with a bow and praying hands. Yuriko just smiled at him after, keeping him in awe with the teacher's uncharacteristic reactions. 'I didn't know Emi's teacher had this side.'

"You are aware that Emi's playing depends on her mood, right?..", asked Yuriko. 

Kousei just nodded. 'I've known Emi too well to recognize that fact.' 

"Well.. she's in a very good mood right now thanks to you..", the old instructor continued with that discomforting smirk on her face. "Now off you go. The time for fooling around is over."

Before Kousei left, he looked for Emi to say his thanks for unintentionally letting him stay for the night. 'And for a bit more things..'

He was also probably in trouble for not informing his dad and Hiroko for not going home. He had to hurry home. Like what Ochiai-sensei said, he needed to practice. And when he saw Emi getting something from the refrigerator, he instantaneously looked away as he flushed.

"You could at least squat down when you're getting something from the bottom compartment!", yelled Kousei, scolding Emi.

"This is my home, stupid Kousei! I can do whatever I want. Just don't look, you pervert!..", Emi shot back as she stood up, throwing a carrot towards Kousei's face. 

'I had no idea that carrots can do that much damage..', thought Kousei while massaging his almost bleeding face. He picked the carrot up and returned it to Emi. Then, he kissed her, which immediately made her blush. "Anyway, I need to go home and practice. Thank you for letting me stay for the night.."

For some reason, after what happened the previous night, it urged Kousei to hurry out. He didn't even wait for Emi to answer. He just left. 'I did something wrong.. I just know it. This guilty feeling keeps on lingering.'

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A black cat in a snow covered park wasn't something easily negligible. Spotting several of them was even distracting if one was concentrating on something like a piano piece. Obvious little dark specks played around in random directions. It was an entire family.

The cat Kousei saw the other day in many locations may not be the same cat after all. It was pretty much like the blonde girl in the picture and in the station. It was not the same person. There was an abundance of blondes that day. 

'But just like the black cat, when I've finally given up on catching it, she appeared out of nowhere.. Miyazono Kaori is alive.. And I will keep saying it.. until I finally accept the reality of it..'

Just like the other night, when Kousei went to the same park to unwind and play his ukulele, there she was unexpectedly. He did not approach her at first. Instead, he decided to go to the Miyazonos' restaurant and buy some canelés, hoping it would kick something out of Kaori's short circuiting brain.

Seeing Kaori in her winter clothes was something unusual to Kousei. He never really got the chance to take her out the last time they were together during the same season. She was in the hospital then. Seeing her very alive, in those clothes on a white December night, made his heart dance.

Hearing her laughter, staring at the starry sky and singing out of tune got him thinking he didn't want that night to end. When the moment came he had to say goodnight, he hesitated. Good thing that her violent tendencies brought him back to consciousness. However, his mouth lost its composure and unintentionally blurted out what he was thinking.

"I'm leaving in a few days.. Wanna hangout more and do some catching up?..", asked Kousei without even thinking.

'Leaving in a few days? Catching up? What the hell?! Really!?..' Kousei blushed upon realizing that he just asked her out.

"Sure! That would be great. Y'know where to find me. Don't know why you hesitated to ask that..", Kaori answered with so much energy that it made Kousei flush more at the thought of her being excited.

'Why'd I hesitate, you say? Because I have Emi. This guilty feeling just keeps on lingering..'

"At least you have your answers now..", Emi's words kept echoing in Kousei's head as he stared at the family of cats.

'No you fool. You just got me more confused..'

It was very much like he knew the answer already, but he just couldn't get himself to accept it. One thing was for sure though. He needed to get on his feet to find a more acceptable answer. 'This wouldn't do at all..'

Kousei suddenly found himself walking towards a specific and familiar direction. This time, there was no hesitation. He abruptly stopped to look through a glass window pane of a place he had always known. And beyond the pastries and sweets that were placed together in an obsessively categorized manner, there she was playing the piano at the far corner.

It had been a week since Kousei saw her the first time in a long time inside the music room. And yet, he still stared in awe, thinking that if this were a dream, fate would've played a cruel joke on him. He still couldn't believe that Miyazono Kaori was alive.

He eventually entered the restaurant and sat down. The place was drowned with the rich tones of her playing. The colors that splashed through his monotone world before filled his senses. Her music was so strong that it made everyone stop at whatever they were doing, so they could watch her. Even the waiters and waitresses took a while to take Kousei's order.

'There you go again.. you and your need to reach everyone..'

As Kaori played on, the piece seemed to escalate. The tones were getting thicker. The keys hit were increasing. The tempo was still the same, but it felt faster. It was played with a great degree of technicality, but she sounded like she was pounding on it. For some reason, it gave Kousei the impression that she was angry. 'And one more thing.. I don't recognize the piece.'

"She plays that when she's having a bad day..", Miyazono Yoshiyuki said as he playfully headlocked Kousei out of nowhere, almost crushing the boy's brainstem like a famous fighting video game's Panda would in a surprise attack.

"Oh.. Miyazono-san, good morning..", Kousei said as he stood up and bowed. "But it's quite early in the morning to have a bad day. What could possibly go wrong upon waking up?..", he asked while having a vision of Kaori's dad eating her last piece of canelé for breakfast. 'That can actually be a possibility..'

"It doesn't matter which time of the day. It happens when she forces herself to remember something.."

Kousei stared at Kaori for a while. It seemed like she had no plans of slowing down. The intensity was still gradually increasing. It was like on repeat, but new notes were introduced on each round. The customers gasped for air as if the atmosphere inside Ma Fille was getting heavier. 

"Miyazono-san, did she ever play the piano that good?..", asked Kousei as he continued to admire her way of playing.

Yoshiyuki looked at the boy for a moment with a soft smile. And then, he sighed as if a heavy load was just removed off his shoulders. "It all started a few weeks after her surgery. She just finished her daily therapy session in the hospital when she asked for a piano.." 

Then, Kousei's eyes widened. 'Why would she ask for a piano? She's a violinist..' 

"Of course we bought it.. anything that could help her.. It was the first time I saw my daughter smile like that since before the operation..", added Yoshiyuki.

Kousei nodded to that. The playing wasn't perfect though. There were some places that she went off. She could still improve some more. Still, her skill was enough to make it past the preliminaries if she joined a competition. 

"I could actually imagine her, itching to go home after her therapy sessions just to practice the piano..", Kousei said with a smirk.

"If she could've come home running back then, she would..", Miyazono Yoshiyuki said. And then, he chuckled. "The piano was actually her first instrument, although she was just five when she learned the basics. For some reason, she got so attached to it during our time in California.."

"And no one knows why, Miyazono-san?"

"Even Kaori couldn't understand her connection with the piano..", and then, Yoshiyuki paused. Kousei looked at him when he sighed. He put his hand on the boy's shoulder and gave off a weak smile. "Her memories are still all over the place, Arima-kun.. One thing is for sure though.. only you can make her remember her colorful melody..", he added, which made Kousei's eyes widen again.