Entrée De Journal Quatre: Distracted

I know, I know, I left off at a weird place, but I had gotten tired of writing everything down. I'm not sure what Nico thought I was doing, but I was glad that he didn't question it. And besides, I think what we had discussed was a little personal, on his end and mine.

We both opened up to each other more. If I'm honest, it was really nice. I didn't feel like I was being judged like I would have with my siblings. And I know that my siblings do it jokingly, but sometimes I just feel like they aren't taking me seriously like Nico does. Nico took me seriously. Gods, I think I'm starting to develop a crush on him. I'll tell him, just not now. He has to get better first. And before you come after me for only liking him when he's in a good mental state, that's wrong, I know that because if that were true, I wouldn't currently like him. So, therefore, I like him whatever way he is. But, as his doctor, he does need to get better, he's even said it himself.

Anyways, we made the list yesterday, or earlier today? I'm not sure how to phrase that one, it's currently nighttime and I'm in the infirmary. It's quiet and kinda nice. But it's also that type of quiet when it's a comforting quiet but also a bit of an unsettling quiet? Do you know what I'm trying to get at? In my head, that makes sense but I don't think it will make sense to you. If you're learning English, I am so, so sorry for this entire thing. This is probably just making things so much harder for you. Especially that whole orange conversation Nico and I had.

This entrée is probably going to be short as there's not much to write about this time. I just wanted to apologise for the way the last one left off. I also wanted to write about my feelings a little bit more.

I wasn't lying to Nico when I said that I was questioning myself. It's true. I think that he's also the reason why I'm questioning myself because if it weren't him, I probably wouldn't be questioning it right now. But, it is what it is.

If this were to be a real book, this is what they would call a 'filler chapter', which I wasn't planning on making in this Journal, but I'm bored in the infirmary and I have nothing to do but write. I'd go talk to Nico, but he's probably sleeping by now. Speaking of whom, I should probably go check on him.

So, that's what I did. I stood up and quietly made my way to his room and slightly cracked the door to see that he was, in fact, sleeping like I had assumed, so I went back to where I was sitting.

Like I had mentioned earlier, nothing major is going to happen in this entrée because nothing is currently happening. I just have a lot of thoughts going through my head right now and I need to write them down so I don't think of them as much.

I think that I like Nico and not in a friendly way. Like a couple ways? I'm not sure how to phrase that but I think that Kayla was right when she told me that I only hated him because it was me denying my feelings for him.

I guess you could say that he was my 'Gay Awakening'.

That wasn't funny.

He doesn't even like me.

And plus, I'm not even one hundred percent sure that I even like like him. I think it may just be a small amount of affection?

Like I said, I'm still figuring my feelings out.

I want to go to Kayla with this new information, but I don't always feel like she's taking me seriously when I go to her with my problems.

Is that normal for siblings? I wouldn't know. I've never had a real sibling besides all my half-siblings, but even then, at times it just feels like we're one medium sized group of friends more than step-family.

I guess that is just the life of a demi-god!

10/10 do not recommend.

That was stupid, I'm sorry.

But seriously, I do not recommend being a demi-god. It gets you hurt and possibly killed if you're unfortunate enough.

But even if you don't die, you're still constantly in danger and what you can do in life is really limited because of the amount of monster attacks you might encounter.

Some of us can't even go to school like a normal mortal. It's not even just that way for the kids of the Big Three like Nico, Percy, and Jason, yeah sure, they have it worse most of the time because they have a bigger scent on them, but even if you're an Olympian kid like the most of us, it's still hard.

I'm not sure how Percy's managing school without any trouble.

I don't think you want to hear about my troubles, though, that's not what you're here for. In fact, what are you here for? Like, how did you even find this Journal? Did a Hermes kid set you up to this? To go looking around in my things and try to find my most prized possession?

Okay, maybe that was a little much. This isn't my most prized possession, but it is close. Actually, I take some of that back, I don't think I have a most prized possession.

Wow, okay. Reality Check.

It just got really quiet and I just realized that I keep getting off track.

I don't like how quiet it just got. Let me go check on Nico.

[15 minutes later]

Sorry, I'm back now. He was having a nightmare and I was able to wake him up from it. Gods, I hate it when he has to go through that. I told him I would sit in his room though to keep watch. I had to argue quietly with him for about ten minutes because he was getting upset about the fact that I'm not sleeping, so I said I would sit with him for about fifteen to twenty minutes to make sure that he's sleeping okay and then I would sleep in the chair in his room. He was not happy when I said the chair part, but when I explained why to him, he didn't seem as upset, still upset, yes, but not as upset.

So, now I'm taking you to Nico's room and I'll continue writing about my feelings because that was the whole point of this but because I'm a demi-god and I have ADHD, I can't keep track of things, which is also a bad thing about being a demi-god.

Okay, we're in Nico's room now.

I'm going to wait a few minutes before I start writing again to make sure he's okay.

Wait, he's talking to me.

"What are you writing?"

"Oh, um, it's my Journal," I said, embarrassed, "It helps me keep my feelings in check because I don't always feel like my siblings take me seriously when I try to talk to them about how I feel, so I just starting writing in this a few days ago,"

"Does it help?"

"It does, yes,"

"How do I get a Journal?"

"We can share this one? Just don't look through what I have wrote because there's some stuff in here about you because you were upsetting me- Not upsetting me, I'm sorry that was the wrong word, but you were frustrating me when you wouldn't cooperate when you first came into this infirmary,"

"I don't want to take something that's yours," He said,

"It's okay! If you don't look through my stuff, I won't look through yours?"

"Okay,"

"Alright then, I'll let you have it in the morning, now go back to bed. I'm going to finish up what I'm currently writing and then I'll sleep too," I said,

"Promise?"

"Promise," I said and with that, he was back asleep and snoring.

Gods, that's cute.

Anyways, that's really all I have for now. I had planned on using this entrée to get some things off my chest, but now I'm glad that I didn't do that because that probably would have bored the Hades out of you all.

So, leaving off here, I hope you either have a good day, or a goodnight!

Signing Off

-Will.