Chapter 77

"I'm so sorry Doll." I shivered at his name for me. I didn't think I would ever hear it again. "We were fools to risk what we had. And I am grateful you are brave enough to take the risk to be with us again." He paused. "Can I kiss you?"

I nodded and he gently kissed my lips. It was so sweet and when it was over, I gave a soft sigh. I felt Loki's fingers turning my head. "May I also kiss you, my pet? I know I have done the most damage so I will understand if you do not want me to." 

I looked deep into his eyes. My eyes widened as I realized Loki was baring his soul to me. He was offering me everything, his entire self. It was mine to accept or deny. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. I felt his arms gently encircle me and hold me.

I decided to risk everything. Thor had already assured me that he would not leave me. So, if this went wrong, I would still have home. Because he was home to me.

I moved and pushed against Loki until he fell on his ass. He sat up and sat cross-legged in front of me. I looked at him and then I moved and sat in his lap and curled up against his chest, listening to his heart. It was racing. He had frozen, not sure of what I was doing, scared to hope. I turned my head and nuzzled into his chest. It was something I used to do all the time.

His arms came around me and held me close. I whispered, "I love you." His voice cracked as he tightened his hold on me. "I love you too my sweet. I will never again give you reason to doubt that I love you, that I worship you." He cleared his throat. "My love, I can't read how you really feel about Thor. While it does disturb me on some level as he is my brother, Barnes and I talked about this the last few days. We owe Thor so much. He healed you and helped you in a way we couldn't. Without him, we would have lost you for good. We will not be upset or jealous if you want a night with him. The only thing I am unsure of is how much you want to, and I worry that it would harm him. To have something he loves and so desperately wants, but only for one night. Bucky himself knows how it feels, the pain of knowing you won't have that chance again."

I smiled a little. I knew what that concession had cost them, how much they valued me. That simple offer spoke volumes. I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and took a chance. I prayed it would not destroy me again. Slowly I removed part of my walls, the third and second layer, leaving only the original wall. Carefully I rebuilt two doors. But I was scared to open them. I felt Bucky lay his head against my leg, just content to lay there. Slowly I opened both doors fully.

I felt some shock as they realized what I had done. Gently they let their feelings enter my head. I felt the love, as deep as ever. I felt desperation to be with me again. The pain of believing I was lost to them. The horror over what I had done. The regret and guilt they both felt.

Very carefully, I let my feelings go. They both took a deep breath as they felt exactly how much pain and anguish I had felt. How now I am so uncertain of who I was or what to do. They had never realized how deep my pain went, how sharp it hurt. By sharing what I felt they understood how I felt with Thor. They felt my desire, but realized it was more for them than for Thor. They could feel that part that did want that night with him. To feel him love me. And they felt that I still wanted them. In every way. I was just scared to reach out. To trust and put myself on the line again.

"Doll, I think you need to talk to Thor and let him make that decision. I feel how you feel about him, and now knowing how much you had hurt, I see why you love him. But I also see your love for us, shining as bright as before. He's a good man. I know without a doubt he'll keep our secret. I also know that if you take the night, he'll never pressure you about more."

"It does feel odd sharing with my brother like this, simply because he is my brother. Can you feel that we are sincere with this offer? I will be completely honest. I could not handle more than one night. I already share you with Barnes and I have no desire to share you with more men. But he saved us all. He deserves a night to give you the love he so desperately wants to. And you deserve to feel that love."

I nodded. "Will you come see me tomorrow? Please? I… I want to reconnect. To try to get back what I lost. When I lost you, I lost myself. Because without you, I'm nothing."

"Of course, Doll. We'll do anything you want. All you have to do is ask." 

I hugged them both and gave them soft kisses. I would offer this night to Thor. And tomorrow we would begin the road back to happiness.