Tick-Tock

The constant ticking of the clock against the wall accompanies the soft clicks and thumps that filled the air, Bulma hard at work with a tiny sphere, having been poking and twisting it with all kinds of tools for a few hours now. It is well into the morning already, the clock displaying two A.M. Quiet reigned safe for the space Bulma and I occupied, nothing to be heard outside my room. Most of my bed has been taken over by Bulma, leaving me to linger in a corner, making myself comfortable enough. A single window remains open, welcoming the chill air that felt pleasant against my skin. The same could not be said for Bulma as she shivered in the cold, mumbling a complaint to herself, though not requesting for the window to be closed. Deciding it's best I prevent her from catching a cold, I slide the window shut, leaning against the wall and munching on some of the popcorn I had recently made. There's not much for me to do at the moment, I'm just to keep Bulma company for the night once more.

"You can go to sleep you know" she urges as she drops her tools, seemingly in frustration. I offer her my bowl of popcorn to quell her frustration, an offer she does not turn down when she grabs a handful of the crunchy snack. She seems a bit surprised, chewing on the popcorn and realizing that it's sweet instead of salty. Her surprise is gone as soon as it had come, the girl reaching for another handful.

The wall is cold against my back, the feeling enough of a distraction for me not to point out that Bulma is in my bed at the moment, a clear obstacle between me and sleep. Not that it's much of an issue as I truly have no problem keeping her company since it's far better than spending the night by my lonesome.

The bed shifts as Bulma rolls onto her back, kicking away the covers so her legs can be free before she seems to instantly regret it and rolls herself back into the thick blanket. She's not a fan of the cold, something proven time and time again when we're up this late. Though I do wonder why she insists on wearing clothes that do nothing to warm her when she despises the cold. I highly doubt an oversized shirt and some shorts do much to fight off the chill. Then again, it's best to sleep in whatever you're comfortable in so there's no reason she can't wear her big shirt and shorts.

"Sleepy already?" I ask when she yawns and stretches like a cat, her legs just barely reaching me where I sit at the end of the bed.

"Yeah" she mumbles, grabbing a pillow as a snuggle toy and I wonder if she's actually going to fall asleep on my bed.

There's quiet once more, only interrupted when I gather the tools and parts she left scattered on my bed and carefully store them away in a drawer. With that gone I nudge her to make space for me, collapsing into the softness of the blankets and pillows, content with the feeling.

"How come every time I come to your room so late you're already up?" She asks, turning to face me with a raised brow.

She has come to me in the dead of night at least three times this week alone, already used to me keeping her company when she stays up late to work. I was quite a bit surprised the first time she came looking for me, wondering if something went wrong for her to come looking for me. All she had to say for herself was that she has gotten used to me keeping her company at these hours, as stupid as she feels it is.

Again, not complaining, it's far better than just being alone.

"Durian" she calls, pressing a finger in the center of my forehead to get my attention. "My question"

"Hmm" she has taken most of the pillows, I notice, using them all to keep her warm and to use as teddies. "Sleep does not come very easily to me"

I'm awake at these hours more often than not because sleep just doesn't find me and when it does it's practically already time for me to get up and do my stretches. I sleep at least two to three hours every night, but as used to it as I am, it doesn't torment me as much as it did when I was younger.

"Do you have insomnia?" Bulma wonders, her brows furrowed in either curiosity or concern.

"I'm not sure" it could be that or many other things.

"I guess that's why you never turn me down, huh?"

"Yeah, rather keep someone company than spend the night with my thoughts" it's not very pleasant when I get the time to just think about things. My mind often wanders down roads I would rather keep closed, which is very hard when I'm alone with no distractions.

"Why can't you ride that cloud" the question is unexpected and one I have been asked once by Kakarot as the boy fails to understand how the cloud refuses to accept me. Slight joy fills me at the notion that he believes I'm such a good person.

"Only the pure-hearted can"

"I know that" she huffs. "I tried to ride it and fell right through"

I could only imagine

"I'm not mad and I guess I understand why I would not be considered pure" she explains. "I am a selfish person more often than not, spoilt amongst other things"

It's quite admirable that she knows and admits such things about herself, not something many can do so easily.

"You on the other hand" she's looking at me once more, eyes scanning my face as if in search of something. "You aren't like me, you aren't bad, obviously and you don't show any terrible qualities so I don't understand"

What does one say to such a thing? How do I answer this, how do I explain that sometimes even the kindest person can be tainted by the darkness of the world? Even the sweetest most innocent of people can harbor dark thoughts, as that is simply part of our nature. Hatred, jealousy, anger, all of those can taint a person, can't they? Perhaps I am wrong in assuming all living things must eventually be dirtied by the world, by the struggles of life. Perhaps it is just me, perhaps it is I who have let the world ruin me, let hatred and anger fuel me.

Though, who are those emotions directed at?

I'm not sure

"I hate" I find myself admitting. "I hate whatever took my family from me, I hate that I had so little time to spend with them, I hate that I ran away like a coward, I hate that I'm seeking.....something through helping Kakarot revive his parents" hatred is everywhere, isn't it? There's always someone to hate, something to loath. "And I'm angry and I'm resentful because Kakarot gets to revive his parents when I could never. He gets to see them again and I don't and I hate that I feel this way because-"

My eyes sting and throat suddenly hurt as I realize that I'm holding back tears and I don't know why I'm feeling this way all of a sudden. I've never felt any form of resentment towards Kakarot, I've never felt any sort of bitterness for his situation. He would get his parents back and he'll be happy, that's why I'm helping him, so he can have them back. That's my reason, isn't it?

"Du-"

"I apologize" she was simply curious but I let my thoughts get the better of me and now I'm not sure what's going on. "My thoughts aren't very pleasant at night"

There's quiet for a long moment, my eyes hurting even when the threat of tears has faded. The silence is near deafening, and I cling to the constant tick-tock of the clock, counting the seconds as my thoughts threaten to ruin me again. I never understand why they attack me at night, telling all these terrible things and convincing me that I must be the lowest of scum. For what reason do I feel this way? For what reason do I torment myself with such thoughts? Why must I berate myself, degrade as if I'm nothing more than the dirt I walk on each day? Why must the human mind seek to destroy itself? I'll never understand and my thoughts attack me for that. Perhaps I refuse to understand and accept the fact that I may not like the person I am. Then again, what is there not to like about myself? Many things, though I'm not sure what they are. How does one go about reminding themselves that they are - in fact - not trash?

"You're not okay" the bluntness of the words almost makes me laugh, I smile even, wanting to grin at the statement.

"No I'm not" I should fix that, fix whatever is broken, but I'm not sure what it is I should fix. I shouldn't be feeling this way, there's no reason behind it, not anymore.

"Talk about it some more?" There's a gentleness to her voice that has me relaxing as I contemplate her offer.

"You should sleep" she was tired wasn't she? "I'm not going to keep you up just because I can't reign my thoughts and emotions"

She sighs, something of frustration as she continues to stare at me, glaring even.

"I'll be fine, I can stay up for hours and you know it"

Her words are true, but it's not something she should be doing very often, she'll exhaust herself. Though should I tell her that; I believe she will be a bit more frustrated with me.

"If you don't want to talk, then that's fine" as if realizing that she may have been pushing it she tries to reassure, though not needing to.

"Some other time"

~~~~~~~

The next day, Durian has made herself scarce, whether it be deliberately or not, Bulma could not find her no matter where she looked. She had woken early again, this time of her own will, wanting to keep Durian company during her morning routine, but Durian wasn't there. She was not out in the backyard, not in the kitchen, not in the lab, and definitely not in her room since Bulma spent the night there. When she asked her father about her whereabouts, he knew nothing, saying that he thought the two were together. Bulma wondered if her disappearance had to do with Durian's sudden thoughts or if the girl simply left to go do something. There was no way of contacting her because Durian doesn't have any sort of communication device on her. So Bulma was left to simply await her return and question her then.

"Looking for Durian?" Panchy asks knowingly when her daughter enters the kitchen, earning a look from Bulma as the woman giggles.

"You know where she is?" Bulma had been searching for her nearly the entire morning and here her mother is, smiling like she knew the greatest secret.

"Yes" is the simple reply as Panchy does not elaborate further, only checking on whatever she has in the oven before gathering some ice cream.

"Mom"

"Yes, dear?"

"Where is Durian?"

"Are you worried Bulma?" The woman is teasing her and Bulma has to stifle a groan, because of course her mother would tease her. This woman is convinced the two will be together when Bulma has made it obvious that she is very much attracted to men.

Doesn't help much when Durian is a walking illusion.

"Dammit mom, just tell me where she is" she was worried, yes, because Durian had a moment last night and it made it clear that Durian isn't as carefree as she let on.

Panchy giggles once more.

"She went out to get ingredients" Panchy finally reveals. "She said something about wanting brownies, so I'm curious. Is she upset about something?"

Bulma looked at her mother in confusion, because how do brownies equal an upset Durian? Her mother may be right about her being upset, but that she realizes this because Durian wanted brownies is odd.

Apparently, Panchy could see the question on her face.

"She talks to me, you know," Panchy says as if it should be obvious. "She tells me a great deal when she's in the kitchen and she has stated that she likes to eat brownies whenever something is on her mind or when she's upset, so it is only natural I assume something's bothering her today"

Oh well, Bulma had known that her mother and Durian got along quite well, but she hadn't understood exactly how much Durian actually seems to like her mother.

"Oh"

"Surprised you didn't know with all the late nights you two spend together," Panchy says casually.

"I'm usually the one talking and Durian just eats and listens" every night Durian would have another snack on hand or even go as far as to cook something when she's struck with a pang of sudden hunger.

"Oh yes, she's a great listener," says Panchy with a nod, eating ice cream straight out of the tub. "And a really good cook, have you had some of her food? She could open a restaurant"

Truly something if Panchy's amazed by her cooking.

"You flatter me, Panchy"

Durian's sudden appearance startles Bulma, who had her back turned to the younger girl. Durian entered the kitchen, hands full of paper bags and smelling very much of cinnamon for some reason. She offers both Bulma and Panchy a smile and good morning as she moves to the counter, immediately preparing her ingredients for her brownies.

"It's only the truth darling" a quick peck on the cheek from Panchy and the woman moves out of the kitchen to allow Durian more freedom. Durian on her part smiles at the words and gesture, promising to make Panchy some extra brownies for being so sweet towards her.

Bulma almost scolded her for disappearing in the morning and causing her to worry, but she withheld the words, biting her tongue and simply watching Durian go about the kitchen. There's no reason to be upset about it, her mother informed her of where she went and Durian doesn't have to tell her where she goes. On top of that is the fact that she left so early and likely didn't want to wake Bulma just to let her know she was buying ingredients for brownies. She watches as Durian ties the familiar cloth around her forehead, never once having seen her cook without it. A force of habit, Durian would say, not even noticing when she does this.

As always, her hair is an unusual mess of spikes that Bulma cannot and doesn't try to understand. Curiously, Durian doesn't style it any other way, curious still how she gets those spikes. Durian doesn't care much for her appearance, Bulma has learned, the girl wearing the same type of clothing all the time. Casual clothes that she chooses for comfort above everything else. Short pants and either sleeveless or short-sleeved shirts. Most of her clothes are colored white or blue, just like her gi. She doesn't have a lot of clothes either, a small amount that's just more than enough for her. Maybe Bulma should take her shopping for some more. She wonders what she would look like in a dress, as Bulma has only ever seen her in pants. Has she gotten taller? She isn't sure, but it seems that way, maybe an inch or two. Maybe she hasn't grown at all and her clothes just make it seem that way.

Even without knowing her, one could tell that she spends a good amount of time outdoors for her skin is the lightest brown; tan. It's easy enough to tell that she partakes in one physical activity or another by her athletic build. Bulma would be lying if she said she doesn't have a good body, obviously strong with muscles that aren't bulky yet muscles that you would notice. Hell, once she caught a single glimpse of what she hides under her shirt.

It's a chore to have to constantly remind herself that Durian is a girl and she has never felt attracted to a girl. It's just the strength she admires, because who wouldn't?

"You've been staring rather intensely Bulma, something you wanna say?"

She blinks, her mother isn't present in the kitchen anymore, Durian's snacking on one of the many chocolate bars she has spread out on the counter.

"Frustrated," she says quietly, but Durian - ever the listener - hears her and quirks a brow.

"Ah yes, I have that effect," she says jokingly.

"Yes you do"

"So, what is frustrating this time?" she wonders. "Is it me leaving without telling you? Sorry for that, I didn't want to wake you"

"That's not it" Bulma huffs, feeling a bit annoyed with Durian's thoughtfulness.

"Then what, pray tell, is so frustrating this morning?"

Well, what's frustrating is how easily Bulma's attracted to certain qualities - physically - and Durian has those qualities. Hell, Yamcha had those qualities and she would not lie and say he wasn't nice to look at. Perhaps it's the fact that she's a teenager going through puberty and all, but even still, it's frustrating.

"It's just frustrating"

She doesn't elaborate, Durian doesn't question it, breaking chocolate into a bowl and picking at them every so often.

"You're attracted to me, aren't you?"

Bulma chokes on air and Durian wonders if she should have kept her mouth shut. Perhaps she shouldn't have just straight up said that.

"You okay?"

"Why would you say that!" There's an obvious blush on Bulma's face that Durian pointedly ignores, despite the sudden urge to poke fun at her about it.

"I don't know" Durian shrugs. "I just figured that's what's frustrating to you"

"I don't like you like that"

"I never said you did, I said you're attracted to me, there's a difference" she elucidates. "I think"

Bulma grumbles, silently cursing Durian for being so aware.

"I'm flattered if that's worth anything," says Durian with a grin. "I mean, you said I was handsome and all, so it's only natural"

"Don't get cocky" Bulma rolled her eyes almost throwing an apple at the other.

"Yeah yeah," Durian waves her off. "I've gotta say, it's interesting to me"

"Huh?"

"Physical attraction. Maybe I'm too young to comprehend it or maybe I'm just not a physical person, but I have not felt a physical attraction to anyone"

It's not something that surprises Bulma. She doesn't know why it doesn't bring much of a reaction and simply makes sense. All she can say is that it's Durian. There are no other words for it

"Don't ask me about it" Bulma says quickly, not wanting to have such a conversation.

"I wasn't going to" Durian laughs. "But I did want to know what you like about my body, in peculiar"

"No"

"But I'm curious"

"Curiosity killed the cat"

"Yet that black cat of your father is alive and well"

Bulma groaned at the words, hating the fact that she found it amusing because of course, she did.

"Shut up"

"Is it because I'm strong?" Durian wonders. "Is that the fascination? Should I show off my strength? I hear girls like that, is it true?"

"Kill me now"