Understanding your heart. Part one.

After a few weeks of training and running Longwei's body had already got used to such physical activities. Feeling less pain in muscles, feeling more energy, he easily could endure three hours running and an endless sword fights on the field. Now, when he had his own sword which he found himself, he became even stronger. But as he said before, the sword did not decide his abilities. Opposite, it was more like a disturbing things which was too heavy and too uncomfortable. But anyway, following the rule of the First clan he used his sword on the field, and his abilities left everyone in awe again even though he, himself did not like fighting with sword. He preferred using his fists and legs more. Which he did, and surprisingly enough Lei did not say anything to him. Speaking of Lei, these days, after that night in the forest, he was acting very weird. He did not say anything. He was silent. He did not even look at everyone. His head was bent down and his eyes were directed towards the ground.

Longwei, observing him from side, thought that he might be anxious about something or maybe he must go to the battlefield again. But thinking that it is not his business he just left him in his solitude. But in his heart, he wanted to talk to him and also it was already a time to go to his library and give back the books he took and take a new ones if Lei did not finish his book.

Not knowing how to go to his house, Longwei, after a five hours run was walking towards his house. It was already late and the darkness filled the field around. After five hours running his legs were a bit tensed but he did not feel tired at all. After a few weeks, his appearance even change a little bit. He became colder and more serious than he was, his hair length became a little longer, but his delicate features were still showing his poetic nature and gentle soul.

Looking down at his feet on which were leather black shoes, he unbuttoned his shirt and the cold wind tingled his delicate skin around his collarbones. The snow underneath his feet was pleasantly crunching and a large snowflakes fully covered his head making him look like a snowman.

Hearing the quick steps behind of him he knew that it was Baofeng-Xue.

When they were children, they were a very good friend. As a child Longwei liked to play with him, to chase the birds, to run and fight. The sweetness and peacefulness of such childhood made him smile but his heart was aching a bit because these days of pure and true happiness were left far behind.

From the very beginning of his life he was next to Baofeng-Xue. Their fathers were too, a very good friends. And they even promised to each other that they would remain a good friends for the rest of their lives. As the time passed, their friendship became even stronger and when both of them turned 10, they understood that they are no longer friends to each other. They understood that they are brothers. That between them is a strong brotherly bond which will never be broken. But when Longwei turned 13, his father had died on the battlefield. And the brotherly bond was broken because Longwei left his house. Leaving his brother, his life, everything far behind.

Thinking about this over and over again, he dreamed about another life. An alternative life of theirs where his father is alive and where they are happy, calm and the Sun is always shining. Dreaming about this kind of life, he promised to himself that no matter what, he will make wish come true. He will find the Sun, he will find the long forgotten and lost happiness. Because only then he will be able to fulfill his father's wish too.

But being among the soldiers, being the part of the army, wasn't the part of his clan. Because all he wanted was to run away and make his wish come true. All he wanted was to run away from these frosty mountain peaks and leave the coldness behind.

"Brother Longwei! Wait! Why are you so in a hurry?!" Approaching him, Baofeng-Xue smiled at him but noticing Longwei's sad, gloomy expression he changed his mood too and seriously said, "Brother, what happened? Did you hear something? Did Xing-Fu and Lei say something about war or future?"

"You're always so pessimistic brother Xue."

"Well of course I am. In this mountain, you can't be optimistic about anything. So what happened? What is it with your face? You look like you ate something very sour. But not only you. These days out teacher too, looks gloomy just like you. Did you two had a fight?"

"No."

"What happened then?"

"Nothing happened. I just feel tired."

Baofeng-Xue took his hand as he used to take it when he was a child. Squeezing it tightly he said, "You know after you have left, there wasn't a day when I wasn't worried about you. I was angry, so angry that I hated you. I was looking for you everywhere. I climbed to the mountain top, I went to the forests, I looked everywhere but it was like you have completely disappeared. Then I thought that maybe you found a better place, outside of this cold mountains. But still I was very anxious about you. And I have decided that when I'll find you I won't leave your side no matter what. Right now, your expression is the same when you were thirteen. I know this expression of yours. You look like this when you are planning something. You want to run away again don't you?"

Without looking at him Longwei coldly replied, "No. I don't want to run away. I just feel lost. I don't know why, but I feel very sad and it is like nothing can make me happy."

Laughing out loud, Baofeng-Xue stopped and said, "It is the second time I hear such words today."

"What do you mean?"

"Today, in the morning, I accidentally heard Lei and Xing-Fu's conversation. They were walking in the forest and I heard Lei saying that he feels so lost and sad and nothing can make him happy. And now I am hearing this the second time. What a funny coincidence. Teacher and you, are so alike."

Longwei blushed but immediately turned away, feeling something strange inside of his heart, he trembled but tried not to show this to Baofeng-Xue. "I wonder why is he sad and lost? I thought that he does not have any emotions. That his blood is cold like an ice, and his soul is frostier than anything else in this world."

Pretending cold and indifferent to what Baofeng-Xue just said, he walked ahead.

"I don't know why he is sad and lost. I wonder too. Because as long as I remember myself he is not that kind of man who can be sad or anything else. Maybe it is because of you?"

"What? Because of me?"

"I am not sure, but all these days when we were training, he was looking at you very strangely. Especially when you were sword fighting."

"It is getting colder, let's go home." Saying this Longwei left Baofeng-Xue behind and with a quick pace went towards the row of houses.

That night he couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts were swirling in his head like a strong hurricane. And also the pain in muscles after running became so strong that he couldn't find a proper position for sleeping.

The spacious room wasn't so cold, the fire was gently burning in the corner. Throwing away his blanket, he sat up and leaned back to the wall. Making sure that everyone's asleep he took out one of the books and placed a candle onto his pillow.

"The wisdom of Nature" Author: Unknown.

Opening the last pages, he read the first sentence. "When mind keeps looking for answers, soul knows no rest. When heart keeps loving, soul is at rest."

"What is this? Love?!" Frowning, Longwei lifted up the book and a small letter fell down to the pillow.

Putting the book aside, he took the letter. This was a simple papyrus which was made not by a plant but by the thin tree which can be found in the forests. The texture of papyrus was rough and hard but still it could perfectly serve as a simple paper. Looking at both sides, he opened it. There were beautifully written words which made the following sentence: "Brother Lei if you're reading this then it means that you forgave me." Quickly closing the letter, he throw it aside. Because since he was a child his father kept telling him that reading someone's private letters or books is a bad thing, that he must stay away from others' personal life and business. And even now, when he was an adult, he felt himself guilty by opening this letter. His heart was beating so fast that he was hardly breathing now. Maybe these kinds of emotions were because this letter was for Lei and seeing his name on paper made him feel strange.

"This is just a name." he thought and said to himself, "I must give back his books."

Noiselessly putting on his coat and fur hat he went out of the house.

It was already a deep night. The wind was loudly whistling and its sound reminded him of wolves. Many wolves. Feeling a bit scared he looked around in case if there are a real wolves but there was no one. Only the blizzard. Going along the rows of houses, his hands were holding a few thick volumes of books. Without knowing what time it was, he just closed his eyes to manners because all these days, he wanted to see Lei in private.

Reaching his house he looked up. The light on the second floor was the sign that Lei is awake. He was about to knock the door but it slowly opened and a little wolf pup welcomed here with his warm eyes.

Stroking his fur, Longwei's face brightened for the first time in these days. "You're already a grown big wolf, aren't you?!" The wolf with his front paws wanted to climb to his lap but Longwei stopped him. "I'll play with you later, I should go to see your master."

Saying this he pointed towards the fireplace and the wolf hurriedly ran towards it.

"This place is not that scary as I thought." Said Longwei. First time when he was here, it was dark and cold. So dark that nothing could be seen. But now with a light from the fireplace and a few candles the hall looked even cozy.

He carefully went upstairs, trying not to make any noise he held his breathe, only his heartbeat was disturbing the silence around.

Remembering where the library was he went straight towards the room from which was coming the gentle light. The long corridor with three other rooms had a lot of paintings on the walls. But being too nervous he couldn't see what was on these paintings.

Slowly approaching the room, he swallowed saliva and a drops of sweat appeared on his forehead.

"Come in. Don't stand there, you're making me nervous." Lei's voice was heard.

Stepping in, Longwei's eyes fell on Lei. He was sitting on the round carpet, on his lap was a big book and many papyruses were scattered throughout the floor. Seeing him in his nightwear, Longwei hesitated by the door for some moments and then slowly approached the first table.

"I brought back your books."

Lei without saying anything was just looking at him, at his movements.

"I have already read all of them. Thank you."

Putting the books to the table, he clutched his hand with the letter and then said, "I found a letter among the pages, here it is."

Lei quickly stood up and harshly took the letter from his hand. "Where did you find it?"

"In this book. I didn't read it. I swear."

Lei cast a strange glance at him and went back to his place.

Longwei unable to move felt that all his back was sweaty, his palms too were so burning hot that he could heat up the kettle. Observing Lei who was opening the letter, he said, "I'll go now."

When he was about to go out Lei said, "Stay for a while."

"I am sorry if I came this late. I just couldn't fall asleep because these books were so heavy in my soul."

"I am not sleeping that it is why it is not late." Replied Lei looking at his book. His long black hair was down which attracted Longwei's attention. Seeing him like this for the first time, seeing him so relaxed, made him shiver again.

In a white nightwear, without the sword or any heavy coats, barefoot, he looked more like a poet but not like a warrior. And it was like the warrior in him had completely disappeared.

"Why don't you sit? Or are you in a hurry?" asked Lei without even looking at him.

Longwei took off his coat, taking a deep breath he tried to calm himself. "Why am I so nervous?"

"So did you read all these books?" Lei asked looking towards the books.

"Yes."

"Did you like them?"

"Very much."

"What book did you like the most?"

"The wisdom of nature."

"I thought so."

Longwei stood up and went towards the rows of books. Feeling Lei's glance on himself he said, "I guess The wisdom of nature is your favorite book?!"

Hearing Lei's quite laugh, he turned around to see his happy face but his face became emotionless again.

"What is your favorite quote in this book?"

Longwei took out one small book with blank cover, opening it slowly he took some time to answer. "When mind keeps looking for answers, soul knows no rest. When heart keeps loving, soul is at rest."

Smiling with a corner of his mouth Lei said, "I knew you would say so."

Feeling upcoming strange anger in his heart Longwei forgot about being shy so he sat right to the floor, in front of Lei, closing his big book, he said, "Am I that obvious? Or is it you who is making fun of me?"

Lei lifted his eyes, the candlelight was dancing in his black eyes making them look very beautiful. Looking at him for some seconds, he finally said, "Not obvious. But just like me."

"What do you mean like you?"

"Strangely enough but we are the same."

Longwei blushed and looked away. "Teacher, why are you joking like this?!"

"I am not joking."

Quickly standing up, he rudely replied, "We are not the same. And never will be."

Taking his coat from the floor, he turned around and for the second time was about to go out, but Lei took his hand and with all his powers pressed him to the shelve with books. Unable to move, Longwei's eyes widened and he was ready to go mad at any minute.