Planet Fall

"SSSHHH!" I put my finger in front of my lips, trying to soothe the baby.

"WWAAHH!" But the child cried.

Think! How do I calm a baby? I hope it works. I approached the floating crib and made faces in front of the baby. I don't know if the child thought it was funny or just weird, but it worked.

"HAHA!" The baby laughed.

"Look at you, how cute." I tickled the baby's belly with my finger.

"HAHA!" The baby laughed while holding my finger.

Moving away from the baby, I looked around, trying to understand where I was. I was in a white room with two chairs in front of me. In front of the chairs there was a control panel, full of buttons and symbols that I did not understand.

Even further, through a glass, I saw space, planets and stars glittered in the middle of the great dark void. Damn, I really am in the warhammer galaxy, I sat down in one of the chairs, it creaked with my weight.

What should I do now? I'm an ork, I'm in an Eldar escape pod with a baby by my side. Speaking of which, what is this baby doing here? Farseer protected this capsule with everything they had. Is this baby his daughter? If so, then I caused the death of this child's mother. I think the Farseer was dying the last time I saw her, maybe she survived.

Which is another problem, because she saw my face and now she must think I kidnapped her daughter.

"What do you think of the situation we are in?" I asked the child.

"Baby noises."

"I imagined."

Heaving a huge sigh I turned towards the capsule's controls, most if not all Eldar technology works through their psychic powers, but luckily this capsule was left active. Now how do you pilot this thing?

Before he could do anything, a red light flashed in the capsule and an alarm went off, making the child cry.

"WWAAHH!"

"I didn't touch anything!"

What is happening? I had my answer when an automatic voice spoke.

"Alert! This capsule was caught by the gravitational pull of the nearby planet! Evacuate immediately!"

Looking through the glass of the capsule, I saw that we were close to a green planet with yellow spots, and this planet was getting bigger and bigger. What the hell! I pressed every button I could find, but nothing seemed to work.

"Alert!"

"WWAAHH!" The baby cried.

"I am really sorry about that." I said as I closed the baby's crib and protected it with my body, this will be a long fall.

The capsule shook.

"Alert!" The alarm screamed.

"WWAAHH!" The baby cried.

The tremor got bigger, taking a quick look to the window, I saw fire forming, we are in re-entry. Then I felt an impact and everything went dark.

TIMESKIP

"WWAAHH!" I heard the baby crying.

I got up quickly, this was a bad idea as I was hit with the worst headache of my life. Taking a step forward, I felt a pain in my side, I had a shard of glass piercing me, I clenched my teeth and pulled that shard out. You're an ork now, it won't kill you and the wound will heal in time.

Looking around, the capsule was shattered, wires were coming out of the ceiling, the control panel was smashed, shards of glass were strewn across the floor, the crib was in front of me, blissfully intact, I opened the crib and was graced with the sight of the baby Eldar, her eyes filled with tears, but unharmed.

"WWAAHH!" The baby cried as she reached her small hands out to me, I let her hold my finger, to soothe herself.

"Don't worry, the danger has passed." I comforted the child.

Now how do I get out of here? Hm! I held the floating cradle in one of my arms and walked towards the back door of the capsule. There was a panel on the side of the door, probably to open and close, but it was smashed. I tried to push the door but it wouldn't move, out of options I lunged with my shoulder, the door creaked and moved a little, I did this repeatedly, eventually the door gave way and fell outside the pod.

I poked my head out of the capsule and looked around, we were in a jungle, that was obvious, but our fall left a trail of destruction, the capsule left a crack in the earth and a trail of burned vegetation, scorched grass covered the ground, trees were knocked over and set on fire, I could hear the noise of frightened animals echoing through the jungle.

A jungle, one of the most dangerous places to be. Who knows what kind of alien animal that could kill me in the worst possible way lives here? Where are my weapons? Looking into the pod, I saw my Big Shoota and my Slugga was holstered.

It would be difficult to fire a machine gun with one arm, luckily Shoota had a leather strap to sling the gun over my shoulder, so I jumped out of the pod, carrying the cradle with the baby in my right arm and the gun slung across my chest, within reach of my left arm.

"Well, baby, let's try to find out where we are." That with a smile.

"Baby noises."

"I agree."

Now where should I go? I have no idea how to navigate in a jungle. Don't eat colorful fruits, don't touch colorful animals, boil water before drinking and don't hide under a tree during a storm, that's all I know about surviving in a jungle.

Lucky for me, I had a clue where to go, I saw smoke on the horizon to my right, it's a start. I just hope the source of that smoke doesn't shoot at me, if it's some Imperium force… Well, I think I can manage as long as I don't run into a Space Marine.

I took a few steps towards the smoke, but stopped immediately when I heard something moving through the foliage, I slowly moved my hand towards my gun. The noises continued, I saw a figure moving to my left, then to my right, then above me, I felt something approaching from behind, I turned quickly.

"SSSCCCRRREEE!"

Dakka!

Dakka!

Dakka!

"Did ya like 'dat ya git?!?"I screamed as I gunned the thing in front of me.

When my euphoria passed, I took a good look at the thing in front of me, it was a creature with an elongated head, with blades for arms, a tail and a carapace that served as armor, it was a tyranid, a hormagaunt.

"WWAAHH!" The baby cried.

The shots must have scared her.

"SSSHHH. Don't worry, the ugly monster is already gone." I said as I rocked the crib lightly to soothe the baby.

But I had to change the focus of my attention when I heard more noises coming from the jungle, sharpening my vision, I saw several contours moving among the foliage, one of them took a step forward, it was a hormagaunt, and then another appeared.

And then another...

And another…

And another…

I felt conflicted, I couldn't run, the ork side was saying to stay and have a good fight, but the human side was telling me to run away as there was no way to win.

So I decided to do both.

"WWWAAAGGGHHH!" I screamed as I shot in an arc, I shot from left to right and right to left, hitting some hormagaunt, that gave me enough time to run towards the smoke.

I ran through the jungle with the hormagaunt at my heels, I swung my weapon to tear the vines and vines that were in my way, I saw the hormagaunt coming from my sides, the hormagaunt to my right made a turn and jumped towards me, I stopped for a moment. Second, letting him pass me, then I ran back, another hormagaunt came from the left, I pointed my gun at him and fired.

The tyranid was pierced by a hail of bullets and disappeared among the foliage, looking ahead, the smoke was getting closer, I could see a light ahead, the end of the tree line, I kept running, the hormagaunt almost catching up with me, I jumped over a seized log and through the light.

"WWWAAAGGGHHH!"

Only to see an ork screaming in my face.

"Get outta 'da way!" The ork screamed as he grabbed me by the shoulder and pushed me aside.

"SSSCCCRRREEE!" The hormagaunt screamed as it leapt towards the ork.

Only for the ork to bash its head in with a mace made from a metal pipe with a can full of metallic spikes.

Looking forward I saw the source of the smoke, a large circle-shaped wall made of pieces of metal and scrap metal welded together was in front of me, I could see some buildings higher than the wall, an ork settlement, I immediately closed the cradle, hiding the baby and ran towards the big gate.

As I ran, the gate opened and a crowd of orks came running.

"WWWAAAGGGHHH!" The crowd screamed as they charged all manner of melee weapons, pipes, metal bars, axes, combat knives. I ducked my head and hugged the crib as I ran towards the crowd.

When I heard the crowd leaving I took a quick look back, the orks were fighting with the hormagaunt, a mixture of roars and laughter filled the forest, when I reached the gate, I looked up, the wall must have been about fifty feet high, I spotted orks on top of the walls, shooting at the tyranids below.

Adorning the gate were the skulls of several types of tyranids and hanging in the center of the gate was the symbol of the ork faction.

I don't like this place, but I prefer the ork settlement to a forest full of tyranids.

I went through the gate and entered the settlement. I was surprised by what I saw. The vegetation was removed from the ground, leaving only dirt roads, large and small buildings made of metal, wood, stone and whatever material the orks found covered the settlement, making a disorganized mass of constructions.

Tents and stalls were built in the streets, where ork traded and traded, weapon shops, workshops, medical tents and much more. I was taken out of my surprise by my belly rumbling with hunger, looking around I found a canteen.

It was a tent with a counter and a series of benches in front. Behind the counter I could see orks and gretchins working in a kitchen, I sat down on a bench, and an ork approached me.

He was bigger than me, he wore an apron and a chef's hat, he also wore a belt with several kitchen knives hanging from it, I don't doubt that he can cut someone to pieces with that.

"Are ya gunna stand 'der all day or are ya gunna orda something?" The chef asked.

"What is the cheapest thing you own?"

"Squig pie an' fungus beer, jus a teef."The chef crossed his arms.

"A teef, of course." My eyes widened. A teef? Where the hell am I going to find a teef? Well, I have several in my mouth and I'm a Bad Moon, the merchant and wealthy faction of orks, my teeth grow faster than a normal ork, but I don't feel like pulling one of my teeth out.

Bad Moons suffer some persecution from other orks, because they are seen as walking banks. Orks think that they can punch a Bad Moon in the mouth and take all its teeth without anything happening, well until now nobody knows that I am a Bad Moon and I want to keep it up.

"Forget it, sorry for wasting your time." I said as I picked me up.

The chef gave an irritated grunt and returned to the kitchen.

As I got up I ended up bumping into an ork and spilling his beer.

"Sorry." I said as I walked away, but I felt a hand grabbing my shoulder.

"No apologies, ya spilled ma bea an' now ya're gunna teef for it." The ork said as I turned towards him, he was a little bigger than me.

"Sorry, but I'm broke, I don't have any teeth with me."

"Hump! 'da teef 'n yer mouth will do." 

I noticed that a circle of orks formed around us, orks holding their food and drinks, hoping for a good show.

I took a few steps back, moving away from the ork.

"And how do you plan on getting my teeth?" I said as I took my hand towards the holster.

"Like dis!" The ork screamed as he raised both fists, and in his fists was a weapon, a Knife & Knuckle, it was a metal glove that covered the upper part of the fist and attached to the glove was a series of large metal spikes.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" The crowd around us screamed.

"See dis! furst i'll break yer legs so yer kan't run, den i'll break yer arms so yer kan't shoot, an' den i'll break yer mouth an' knock out all yer teef!" The ork screamed as he punched the air.

"And then…"

BANG!

TUMP!

The ork fell dead on the ground, while he boasted I drew my Slugga and shot him in the chest. I approached the ork.

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

And I took three more shots to his head, just in case. I felt a certain attraction for the Knife & Knuckles that the dead ork was holding.

"I hope you do not mind." I said as I took the Knife & Knuckles and put each one in my fists, looking at the dead ork, I punched his mouth, pulled out all his teeth, I kept them in my pants pocket.

Looking out over the crowd, I saw that the orks were disappointed with the outcome of the fight. Which blame do I have if the orks brought a knife into a gunfight?

I returned to the canteen and sat on the bench, and the chef returned.

"Hump! I 'pected yer ta fight like a true ork." The chef said.

"I had a gun and he didn't, I just did what was logical."

"You talk strangely, but at least ya have a piece uv a brain, which iz more dan most uv da othaz around ere."

"What can I say? I survived long enough to learn from my mistakes. A squig pie and a fungus beer, please!" I said as I picked up a teef and placed it on the counter.

The chef held the tooth against the light and took a bite, seeing that the tooth was real the chef put the tooth away.

"A squig pie an a fungus bea kom'n out!" The chef yelled.

A few minutes later the chef returned.

"Tell me, I don't rememba see'n yer around ere. Ya're new?" The chef asked as he leaned against the counter.

"You could say that, my Warboss died and his WAAAGH ran out during a fight against Eldars, but I survived and landed on this planet."

"Damn pointy ears, may yer boss be wit' Gork, or Mork."

"Amen." I said as I took a bite of my squig pie, it was good.

"I am a newcomer to this planet. Could you give me a little information?" I asked.

"Well, ma memory iz kind uv poor, maybe ya kould refresh it." The chef said as he opened and closed his hand in front of me.

I let out a grunt, but I put a teef in the chef's hand.

"Good, ma friend! Ma name iz Grogak Fingercutta, an' welcome ta 'da Green Morgue!"

Green Morgue? Lovely name for a planet, doesn't sound threatening at all, I bet I can walk around in the jungle without worrying about tyranids.

"Nice to meet you Grogak, my name is Gorlonik Teef Rippa. Tell me more about this planet."

END OF CHAPTER