Have you ever been in a bad situation? Yes? Well, it sure doesn't compare to the situation I'm in! Imagine, I wake up trapped in the body of an ork in the middle of an Ork WWWAAAGGGHHH! On an Eldar craftworld with a giant Ork Warboss staring me in the face, almost get trampled, burned and shot, only to crash land on a hostile planet, full of Orks, and Tyranids. As if that weren't enough, I have to take care of a baby Eldar, one of the few sources of comfort I have on this planet. Without a warband to be a part of, I need to survive in the galaxy while ensuring the baby's safety. Get ready galaxy, because the story of the ork sniper is about to become real and I will do it while getting filthy rich in the process.
Grogak's explanation was interesting, firstly, Grogak was born on this planet, so everything he knows was told to him by other orks, Green Morgue is mostly composed of jungles, but this planet has other biomes, such as deserts, snow-covered mountains, an ocean, although it wasn't big.
The planet was divided by Orks of different clans, Tyranids and Imperials, the Orks and Tyranids arrived first via a Space Hulk that the orks call Gork's Punch. Why the name? The Space Hulk came out of Warp and fell towards the planet like a meteor, as if Gork had punched the planet.
What did Orks and Tyranids do in the same Space Hulk? Well, the orks found the Space Hulk floating in space and wanted to turn it into something mobile, so it could reach other planets and fight their WWAAGGHH!, explaining the different clans. The Tyranids occupied this Space Hulk, which for the orks was not a problem; after all they would get a fight.
During the fight the Space Hulk returned to the Imaterium, the Orks killed enough synaptic creatures for the Tyranids to act like animals, but before they could finish the fight, the Space Hulk entered the material world and fell towards Green Morgue, killing the majority of the WWAAGGHH! And spreading the Tyranids out of control, which have become part of the planet's fauna.
With the WWAAGGHH! finished, the different clans were divided, each with its leader and began to "collaborate" as much as orks without a single Warboss could, fighting the Tyranids, it became a back and forth without a clear winner, the orks don't have technology to leave the planet or wipe out the Tyranids and the Tyranids didn't have a synaptic creature to organize themselves.
Then the Imperium arrived, they have a small presence on this planet, with a Hive City here and there, probably a governor somewhere, apparently they still don't consider the orks and Tyranids as a threat that needs to be destroyed, yet. As long as neither side gains the upper hand, the Imperium is happy to let the Xenos kill each other.
"Thanks for the info, Grogak! But answer me something else. How do I get money here? Without having to pull the teeth out of other orks, I mean." I asked as I drank my fungus beer.
"If ya're an oddboy, ya kould work as a mek or painboy, ya kould also bet on squig rac'n or box'n matches, ya kould also join fights if ya wanted ta, but if ya're jus a boy, ya kould become wun. Hunta." Grogak replied as he kicked a Grot into the kitchen to prepare orders for other orks.
"Hunter? Like the orks that were fighting at the entrance to the city?"
"No, dose are jus gits look'n for any reason ta fight. Huntaz are orks dat kome outta town ta kill nids, Iz not a hunta so i kan't say much but ya kan visit 'da guild at 'da end uv 'da street." Grogak said as he pointed to the right with his thumb.
Looking where he was pointing, I saw a building larger and better built than the others on the street.
"Thanks Grogak, I'll take a look at that place."
"Sure, sure, now finish yer food quickly, yer are tak'n da place uv otha kustomaz." Grogak said as he crossed his arms and then returned to the kitchen.
I finished my food and thanked Grogak once more.
"Okay, now get outta ere!" Grogak replied as he waved his hands, shooing me out of the canteen.
"Wwaahh!" A muffled cry came from inside the crib on my arm.
"Wot was dat?" Grogak asked, confused.
"Nothing! Tell me. Do you have milk or something around here?" I asked nervously.
Grogak reached under the counter and pulled out a metal basket with six bottles filled with white liquid.
"Squig milk! It will make yer bones strong! Ya betta have some, if ya become a hunter, da nids will try ta break yours!" Grogak said as he slammed the basket down on the counter.
"How much?" I asked.
"A teef." Grogak held out his hand.
I paid for the milk and held the basket in my other hand.
"One more thing, if it's not a nuisance. Why are you called Fingercutta?"
"HAHAHA! Dey kall me 'dat 'cos 'dat's wot i do wit' dose 'oo try ta leave without paying!" Grogak replied as he took a key ring out of his pocket and attached to that key ring were several green fingers of different sizes.
I sweat nervously at this "Better pay a visit to the guild! See you later!" He said as he walked quickly away from the canteen.
"Come back later! yer weird way uv talk'n iz fun ta listen ta!" Grogak yelled as I walked away.
"AAAHHH!" I heard a scream.
Looking back I saw an ork holding his right hand with one finger missing, on top of the counter was a green finger and Grogak held a butcher knife covered in blood, Grogak punched the ork in the face and screamed.
"I'll let yer go dis time, but leave without pay'n again an I'll kut yer hand off next time!" The fingerless ork took off running.
Where did Grogak say the guild was?!?
I passed through the dirt streets, with orks fighting, walking and arguing. In one of those moments I entered an alley, going deeper, making sure that the place was empty, I opened the crib and took a look at the baby, the child looked up with tears in her eyes.
"You are hungry?"
"Baby noises."
"I think that was a yes."
I sat down in the alley and opened one of the milk bottles, brought it closer to the baby's mouth, not the best way, but I don't have a baby bottle around here, I carefully fed the baby until she didn't want to eat anymore.
I capped the bottle and put it back in the basket, the baby stared at me uncomfortably. Is there a problem? Oh! I took the baby out of the crib and laid her on my shoulder, rocking her lightly and tapping my fingertip on her back.
"BBUURRP!" The baby burped.
"That was loud!" I said as I held the baby in front of my face, and the child giggled.
I put her back in the crib and closed the lid, poked my head out of the alley and looked around, no one seemed to notice us so I walked down the street as if nothing happened.
I stopped in front of the guild building, it was a three-story building, made of wood and metal, and opened the doors. The place was filled with silence, several orks much bigger than me stared as I walked towards the counter.
The interior of the guild was composed of wood and metal floors, walls and ceilings, tables were spread around the sides, where groups of orks ate, drank and talked, the orks wore pieces of armor made of leather, metal and parts of Tyranids, carapaces as shoulder pads, skulls as helmets, that sort of thing.
In addition to firearms, I saw that some of them carried knives and axes that looked like they were made from Tyranid teeth and claws.
There were Tyranids heads hanging like Trophies on the walls, Gaunts, Termagants, Spinegaunts, Hormagaunts, Gargoyles, there were also some medium Tyranids heads like Lictor, Pyrovore.
Hanging from the ceiling, illuminating the hall, were lanterns made from the skulls of Tyranids, with light pouring from within.
I stopped in front of the wooden counter, on the other side there was an ork wearing a formal outfit, the most formal that an ork could get, he wore a white shirt, a purple cloak of Tyranid skin, a monocle on his left eye, and a purple hat with a green feather, he was signing a paper on the counter.
"Excuse me." I said as I approached.
"What do yer want?" The ork asked.
"I would like to apply to the guild."
The ork let out a big sigh "Anotha wun 'oo will die soon. Hey, br'n da paperwork!" The ork screamed and several grots ran around the back of the counter, bringing the necessary papers.
The ork placed the papers in front of me and told me to fill in the necessary information. What was a problem, orks don't write with letters, but with glyphs, each one standing for an expression, letter, or syllable. How will I fill this?
"While yer fill out yer future deth certificate, I'll tell yer how fings work around ere. Do yer see 'da board ova 'der?" The ork said as he pointed to a wooden board with papers pinned to it.
"Yes."
"Those are 'da missions we have ere, dey're broken down by difficulty, from easiest ta hardest be'n snot, grot, boy, nob an warboss. Yer understood?"
I nodded.
"Well, since ya're new, betta start wit' snot, but if ya want ta go straight ta warboss, I won't stop ya, it's yer funeral, not mine. On each mission it iz written wot ya have ta do, 'oo sent 'da mission, an how much ya will receive for 'da kompleted mission."
"Sounds simple enough."
"Hump! Go dreaming, look around. Dese orks ere are professionals. How many missions do ya fink dey kompleted ta get dat big? Let me tell ya, newbiez don't last long around ere, but maybe, if ya're lucky, ya'll manage ta reach da level uv chief Rukzod Nidkilla."
"Who is this guy?"
All the orks let out a sigh as if I had insulted Gork or Mork.
"Did yer jus kome outta yer spore? Chief Rukzod Nidkilla, leada uv da Deathskulls clan 'oo rule da city dumb uv gork, da city yer are 'n right now! Rukzod Nidkilla 'oo kild da big nid hang'n right behind me!"
The ork pointed to a large Tyranid head hanging behind him, it was the head of a Carnifex, my eyes widened at that. An ork killed that thing? What's his size?
"I… I see… Could you tell me more about the clans and city?"
"You've got a little brain 'n 'dat head uv yours, most jus run into da wild an' end up gett'n devoured. I already told ya about da name an' head uv 'da city."
"We have Vargutz Bugcrusha, chief uv 'da Evil Sunz an 'da rula uv 'da Index uv Gork."
"Gigaka Skullbasha, chief uv 'da Goffs an 'da rula uv 'da Middle Finga uv Gork."
"Grugsnagga Neksnag, chief uv 'da Snakebites an rula uv 'da Ring Finga uv Gork."
"Finally Korrul Bludsplasha, chief uv da Bloodaxes, 'oo rules Littlefinga uv Gork."
The orks arrived at a Space Hulk called Gork's Punch and each city is named after a finger, I can't deny that it's funny.
"Thanks for the info, but tell me something else. Are Tyranid parts worth anything around here? I saw orks using them as pieces of equipment or decoration."
"That's Urgax's specialty, 'e's on da second floor, jus go up da stairs." The Ork replied as he pointed to a staircase to the left of the balcony.
"Thank you, by the way, I don't think we've introduced ourselves, I'm Gorlonik." I said as I handed over the completed papers, I used the human alphabet, I hope he accepts.
"Hump! I'm Nozbad Missongiva, now get outta ma way, ere's yer hunta plaque." Nozbag replied as he threw me a wooden plaque with a string, my name was written on it, I hung it around my neck.
As I climbed the stairs, I heard Nozbad mutter.
"The git doesn't even know how ta write properly."
I turned red with embarrassment. I thought about the name I'd given, to distract myself from Nozbad's comment. Gorlonik. Where the hell did I get that name? It felt so natural, like instinct, well orks do things by instinct. After all, how do orks choose their names?
I got to the second floor, found another ork behind a counter, this ork wore a tuxedo, a top hat and had a gold tooth.
"From da plaque around yer neck, ya must be a hunta."The ork said to see me.
"You're right, I was told if I wanted to know more about parts of Tyranid, I should talk to you."
The ork grinned, revealing several gold teeth in its mouth.
"You've kome ta 'da right ork, I'z Urgax Goldteef, an I'z 'n charge uv trad'n tyranid parts ere 'n 'da guild."
"Could you tell me more about them?"
"You see, tyranid parts only have value ere, due ta dere usefulness, ya kan make clothes, armor, weapons an' much more wit' im, but how much ya will receive for it iz up ta ya. Ya kan br'n tyranid parts ta me or trade wit' otha orks around town, depend'n on 'da tyranid, 'da part, an how damaged it iz, ya kan get a different amount uv teef. Did yer understand?"
"Yes!"
"Well, tyranid teef kan also be used as kurrency, 'der iz a konversion fee. Let's say a gaunt teef iz worth two ork teef, but 'der's a whole konversion nuance behind it dat i don't have 'da patience ta 'plain ta yer."
"I understand. Would you be able to tell me exactly how much each part is worth?"
"I kan do better, I have a katalog ere wit' 'da types uv nids on dis planet an how much each part iz worth. It's yours if ya kan afford it."
I let out a sigh, at this rate I'll have to shoot another ork in the middle of the street.
I handed Urgax a teef and picked up the catalog, flipped through the book, there were drawings of Tyranids that looked like they were done by a child and for each Tyranid there was a series of arrows indicating the piece and how much it was worth.
"Thanks Urgax, I'm Gorlonik by the way."
"Whatever, jus rememba ta br'n me some parts uv nids."
With that matter resolved, I left the guild, and explored the city a bit, I will pick up a quest later.
While walking an ork ran out of a building, the ork was missing its left arm, the right side of its head was open revealing the flesh and a series of parts and wires inside, the ork had a bionic right leg, but it was giving off sparks and smoke.
The leg failed and the ork fell to the ground.
"Come back ere! I'z not finished yet!" An ork screamed as he exited the building, he wore a bloodstained white lab coat and pants, black gloves, a surgical mask covering his face and he wore one of those headbands with a metallic disc attached. He must be a Painboy.
Painboy grabbed the ork that fell to the ground by the bionic leg and dragged him into the building. Meanwhile the ork screamed.
I poked my head into the building out of curiosity, and the view inside was something out of a horror movie, the ork was strapped to an operating table, grots helped Painboy work on the ork's head and leg, blood and flesh were blown away with the slash of a scalpel, meanwhile the ork screamed in pain."
Okay, yer bionic eye an' leg are ready, jus like yer asked!" Painboy yelled as he took the ork off the table.
"But i kame ere ta get a new arm!" The ork screamed.
"My mistake. Do ya have more teef for da arm?" Painboy asked as he wiped the blood off his gloves.
"No." The ork replied.
"Then wot are ya do'n 'n ma clinic?!? Get outta ere!" Painboy screamed as he threw the ork off the building, I got out of the way and the ork rolled down the street and into the wall of another building.
"Yer!" Painboy yelled as he pointed at me.
I jumped back with the cry "Me?"
"Is 'der anyone else ere by any chance? Are ya ere for ma services?" Painboy asked as he put a scalpel to my face, my hand was going towards my holster.
"No, I'm just getting to know the city."
Painboy lowered the scalpel and gave me a sad look.
"Too bad, I wish I had someone else ta practice ma skills wit'. So many new fings I would like ta try."
"I'm sure you'll find someone, now I have to go."
"Of kourse, I'z Skartok Bonecutta, if yer need a new arm or leg jus talk ta me, tell yer friends about ma clinic." Skartok said as I walked away.
"Count with me!" I said as I gave a thumb up and ran away.
I will have to avoid this place as much as possible.
I continued walking through the city, this time I saw a crowd of grots entering and leaving a large building, metal noises and explosions coming from inside the building.
Pushing through the crowd, I entered the building, the place was a large workshop, with strange machines and tools scattered all over the place.
"No, no, no! Yer see dis! Yer take dis piece uv metal, yer put da ends uv da wires togetha an' yer fit im into dis fing ta make da otha fing work!" An ork was yelling at a grot as they both looked at a blueprint that was on top of a table.
"Excuse me."
The ork turned to me, he had part of his head covered in metal, with one glowing yellow eye, his right hand was replaced with a bionic arm, he wore a metal vest with a series of wires coming out the back, he also wore a tool belt and carried a staff with a metallic pincer at the end, he must be a Mek.
As soon as the ork saw me, he quickly walked towards me.
"Listen…" I couldn't finish, as the ork grabbed my weapon, but due to the leather strap hanging from my body, I was pulled forward.
"Hm! Yellow paint for more dakka, 'tended magazine for more ammo, perforated barrul ta release gas an' prevent overheating, kustom-made grip ta keep da gun from slipp'n outta yer hands. A quality big shoota! It jus remains ta be seen if it works." The Mek said as he analyzed my weapon and pointed it up.
"Hang on!"
DAKKA!
DAKKA!
DAKKA!
The Mek pulled the trigger of my gun, and a hail of bullets pierced the roof of the workshop.
"High fir'n rate, perfect for shoot'n from afar an stomp'n' as many gits as possible. Yer must be an Bad Moon."
"How do you know that?"
"Only Bad Moons kan afford a shoota uv dis quality, an yer belly helped too." Mek said as he poked me in the stomach.
My belly? Bad Moons are the richest clan of orks, they can afford the best food, which ends up making them "fat", not fat in an unhealthy way, but more like a weightlifter. I squeezed my stomach with my hands. I think a little exercise would be good.
"Are you going to go around spreading the word that I'm an Bad Moon?"
"Only if yer owe me teef. Do yer want me ta modify yer weapon?" The Mek asked.
"No, I don't have many teef with me at the moment."
"HAHAHA! A teefless bad moon, 'der's someth'n funny. I'z Maground Meka, 'da Mek 'oo takes kare uv 'da city's weapons an' kars, kome back ere when ya have teef an' I'll make ya a gud shoota."
"Do you also make weapons from Tyranid parts?"
"Of kourse! Jus take a look at ma work!" Maground said as he pointed to a series of barrels and shelves in his workshop, on which were various weapons made from Tyranids, swords, axes, knives, spears, hammers.
"You kan buy a ready-made weapon, or br'n me 'da parts an' I'll make wun for ya." Maground continued.
"I'll come back later when I have the money."
"Clear! If yer want da best weapons, jus kome ere."
I left Maground's workshop and went back to walking around the city. I found other interesting points, the fight pits, it was literally a big hole dug in the ground, with walls made of stones and bones on the top, orks around were eating, drinking, they shouted and gambled.
The two orks in the pit fought furiously, punching each other, and staining the sand with blood.
I passed through the fungus fields, where the source of food and medicine was taken care of by the Snots.
Through the shooting gallery, where orks shot targets and tested their weapons.
By the racetrack, where orks raced their cars and motorbikes around a circular track of rough dirt.
I got to the drops where all the garbage, manure and dead bodies were dumped, I heard the baby snort in the crib and I turned right away as soon as I smelled it.
I passed by a bazaar where grots had small stalls and sold different products. If I want something cheap I already know where to buy it.
My walk ended up taking me to the top of the wall that surrounded the city, there I had a complete view of the Thumb of Gork, in the distance, in the city, built on top of a hill, I saw the chief's fortress, the place where the chief of that city lived, and on a pole at the top of the fortress, I saw the flag of the Dead Skulls clan.
The sun was setting, looking around, I saw that there was no one around, I opened the crib and looked at the baby.
"Well, looks like this is our life right now, I can't promise anything, but I'll try to keep you safe around here."
"Baby noises."
"Thanks, I'm glad you'll keep me safe too."
So the baby and I watched the sunset, I saw the baby's eyes light up in wonder at the sight.
If I want to survive here, I'll have to fight not like an ork but like a human, using my brain to deal with those stronger than me.
It was getting dark.
"Come on baby, we'll find a place to spend the night."
"Baby noises."
"I don't think they serve breakfast."
"Baby noises."
"It'll be fine as long as you don't open the fridge. You know, I don't know what your family called you, I better give you one, I can't call you baby forever."
"Baby noises."
"Let's see, let me think of an Eldar name. I already know! Laenae! I'll call you Laenae Warpfist! What do you think?"
"HAHA!" The baby giggled as she grinned.
END OF CHAPTER