The Half-naked Knight

The path was narrow and bumpy. These roads were not designed for a modern vehicle, and our progress was slow and shaky. I was still struggling to accept the fact that my truck seems to be driving itself.

And if that wasn't enough, the truck insisted on speaking to me. It had the voice of a teenage girl who works at a maid café. Yes, I've been to a maid café, but only once. The fake kindness and the whole kawaii act made me cringe. If I hear anyone call me goshujinsama again I think I might puke.

"What are you thinking about, goshujinsama?!"

I cringed so hard that my entire anus shivered. "For the love of God, just call me Birito."

"Oh, okay Birito-kun!"

"The sun is beginning to set," I said. We were surrounded by lush rolling hills, and off in the distance there was an array of snow-peaked mountaintops. As I looked out the window, I could see yet more fantastical creatures going about their business, including a human-sized frog that looked like it was wearing a blue shirt, snails with butterfly wings, and rainbow-colored rabbits. At one point we drove past a field of purple flowers that seemed to smell like chocolate, and there was also a sentient tree that shouted sexual jokes at travelers.

"It's almost bedtime, Birito-kun. Will you keep me warm tonight? Can we cuddle?"

"Didn't I promise to jump out of the truck if you said stuff like that again?"

"Gosh you're such a joker, Birito! Uwu."

"Did… did you just say 'uwu'?"

I grabbed the door handle and prepared to jump. If I hurry, maybe I'll be eaten by the giant frog and all my troubles will be over.

"Hey, Birito-kun, what's that? Look, up ahead!"

I squinted. The sun was in my eyes, but I could tell that something was going on up ahead.

"People," I said, stunned. "It looks like people!"

Up until that point we hadn't come across any other humans, only magical animals with minimal intelligence. But this was different. Up ahead I could see a group of people standing and talking. No, on second thought, they weren't talking. They looked like they were fighting.

"Don't get too close," I said to the truck.

"Okay," she responded. Good God, I just called her she.

The truck came to a slow stop. A group of 6 men had surrounded a tall and muscular man who was wearing golden armor. Could he be a knight, or some sort of hero in this isekai world?

The other men were dressed in shoddy clothes and their faces were covered with rags. They appeared to be shouting, so I lowered the truck's window in order to hear what they were saying.

"This is the last time I'm going to say this, knight! Hand over your armor and all your valuables and we will let you live. If you don't, we'll kill you and take it all anyway."

"Oh no!" the truck shouted. "They're going to kill that man."

"Shh! Keep your voice down. We don't know anything about this world, and if those bandits notice us then we'll both be next."

"Aww… okay, Birito-kun. I knew you cared about me!"

I was about to deny this baseless accusation, but the shouting of the men up ahead captured my attention. I couldn't believe my ears… they were all speaking in perfect Japanese!

"I don't have time for this nonsense," the knight in golden armor exclaimed. "The enemy is gathering a massive force on the northern border. I have to warn my former comrades before it's too late."

"That's enough!" one of the bandits screamed. "Kill him now." Each bandit pulled out a weapon and pointed it at the knight. One had a sword, a few had daggers, one had an axe, and the final bandit was holding a strange crystal orb that was glowing blue.

"Oh no…," the truck cried.

The knight merely sighed and nodded. "Very well. I warned you, didn't I?" He began to take off his golden armor bit by bit, throwing each separate part on the ground as he pulled it off.

"I guess he's surrendering," the truck said. "I hope they don't kill him."

But the knight wasn't behaving like someone who was surrendering: he wasn't apologetic, he wasn't trembling, and he showed no signs of fear whatsoever. And yet he was indeed taking off his armor, just as the bandits had ordered.

As he shed the golden armor, the knight revealed a massive frame with bulging muscles and dozens of battle scars covering his body. A long thick sword was strapped to the man's back, and he removed it from his body along with the armor. He didn't stop undressing until he had nothing on but a white tank-top and tight golden boxer shorts (the color of the shorts matched the gold of his armor). He then grabbed the sword and gripped it firmly in his giant hands.

The bandits rushed at the knight, swinging their blades and daggers. The knight dodged them masterfully, showcasing impressive speed despite his massive size. Three of the bandits attacked at the same time – the knight blocked the sword of one of the bandits with his own, then he kicked that bandit square in the chest. The bandit flew backwards and dropped to the ground, where he remained, completely motionless. This was my first clue that I was not in some phony Anime world. In those worlds, each villain attacks one by one, allowing the hero to take them out individually in a dramatic fashion. But these bandits weren't taking turns attacking – they attacked together, and their intention was to kill the hero, not to give him their villain philosophy or reveal their complex master plan.

Another bandit ─ the one with the axe ─ took several swings at the knight. As this happened, the third bandit tried to pierce the knight's back with his dagger. The knight slashed the bandit who held the dagger across the chest, and as that bandit fell in a puddle of his own blood, the knight grabbed the axe-wielding bandit's neck. The axe-wielding bandit dropped his weapon, choking and struggling to break free. The knight smashed his face with the hilt of his sword and the bandit just crumpled to the ground like a ragdoll.

Yet another bandit ─ the one who held the strange blue orb ─ began to chant in some unknown language. The knight turned just in time to notice a burst of blue magical energy flying straight for him. The knight quickly repositioned his sword, and as the magical energy flew at him the knight smashed it with his sword like a baseball player smashes a curveball. The collision of the sword and the magical energy created a sudden whirlwind, and within seconds dust and dirt rose from the ground and flew all around them. We lost sight of the battle as dust swirled around the immediate area, covering everything in sight.

I pulled up the window as the truck complained about the dust and dirt.

"You're a delivery truck," I said calmly. "You don't need to breathe, so calm down."

We waited for several minutes for the dust to settle. When it was gone we saw all 6 bandits sprawled across the ground, motionless.

Suddenly we heard something.

Knock knock knock.

"What… what's that?!" I shouted, looking left then right.

"AH! He's touching me!" the truck shrieked. "Help me Birito-kun. Help me!"

"Heyellow," someone said. I jumped in my seat. I turned and saw that it was the knight. He was standing right there, next to the driver's side window, and he was knocking gently on the glass.

"I saw you ride up earlier, before I took down those bandits," the knight said, smiling. "What a marvelous horseless carriage you've got there. I've never seen anything like it here in the Lawless Lands."

I shuffled in my seat as my eyes locked on the half-naked knight. "My… my name is Birito, and I don't want any trouble. I was just passing by, that's all."

"Me neither! I don't want any trouble, Mr. Knight-in-Underwear, Sir."

"Hold on a minute," the knight said. "Did your carriage just speak?"

This damned moe truck! Can't she just keep her mouth shut for two seconds?!

"Uhm, yes, the truck speaks… for some reason," I said and smiled apologetically. "You probably won't believe this, Sir, but I was just transported into this world with my truck. We are not from here."

The knight thought about it, rubbing his chiselled chin. "Ah of course, you've just been isekai'd, haven't you?"

"Wait, you know about isekai?"

The knight smiled. "Well of course I do. I too was isekai'd here a long time ago."

"Really?!" the truck screeched.

"Why yes, I was reincarnated into this world as a baby. Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Lor D. Briggo, and I am the captain of the Chad Lad Pirates, the strongest pirate crew in the Lawless Lands."

"Excuse me," I said, "but what are the Lawless Lands?"

"The Lawless Lands make up a large swath of the territory that lies on the periphery of two warring kingdoms. It's a no man's land of sorts, full of criminals, smugglers, mercenaries, and of course pirates. But my apologies, I didn't catch your names."

I nodded. "My name is Birito Hondakawasuzuyota and this is my truck. She doesn't have a name."

"Did she only gain sentience after you were isekai'd?"

"Yes, exactly," I said. "But wait, did you say that you're a pirate?"

"Yes, technically, but don't worry. I'm the good kind of pirate."

"A what?"

"Oh!" the man who introduced himself as Lor D. Briggo exclaimed. He sighed and placed his hand over his face. "I am so sorry. You must think that I am some sort of ruffian after disposing of those 6 bandits so harshly. My apologies, Birito and Truck-chan. You deserve an explanation."

"Truck-chan?" she said. "I like that─tee-hee!"

"To make a long story short, a powerful enemy nation to the north has assembled a large army and they are heading straight for us. I ordered my pirate crew to defend the northern border for as long as they can while I visit the kings of the two warring nations and beg them to put their differences aside in order to defeat the common threat. Have you heard of Animakistan?"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, but we just arrived today. We don't know anything about this world."

"Right," Briggo said. "Well, Birito, I would like to propose a mutually beneficial arrangement."

I said nothing for the moment. The man was still holding his giant sword and I was too busy fearing for my life to think of a proper response.

"Just hear me out. I need to get to the Capital City of Animakistan as soon as possible, and I am sure that your horseless carriage…"

"Truck-chan!" she interrupted.

"Yes, Truck-chan," Briggo agreed, then continued: "I am sure that I can get there much faster with the help of Truck-chan than I could on my own. In return, I'll teach you everything you need to know about this world, and I'll show you how to unlock your Kink."

"My what?"

"Your Kink! This world has many different forms of magic, but the single most powerful type of magic is the Kink. But there's a catch. Only those who have been isekai'd here from another world have the ability to manifest the immensely powerful Kinks. Thankfully, you are one of the chosen ones!"

"I don't know what that means."

Briggo smiled. "Don't worry. I will explain everything along the way. So, what do you say? I need a ride and you need information about this world. Sounds like a good deal for both parties."

I had to think it over. This muscular giant seemed friendly enough, but he was also dangerous. He defeated a group of bandits on his own, and he willingly admitted to being a pirate. At the same time, if I'm going to survive in this world I desperately need more information. One wrong move and I could be killed by bandits or savaged by rampaging monsters.

"All right," I said and nodded. "We'll give you a ride in exchange for your guidance and protection." What else could I have said? If I refused, this man could easily overpower me and take the truck anyway.

"Excellent!" Briggo exclaimed. "You have my word that from this day forward I will protect you as if you were a member of my own crew. Now allow me to fetch my armor and we'll be on our way."

Briggo returned to the place where he had defeated the bandits, picked up the various components of his armor, and began to attach them to his body, piece by piece. It took some time for this process to run its course, and that was my second clue that this wasn't some fictional fantasy world. If this had been an Anime, it would have included cut scenes. When he finally finished dressing himself, Briggo walked back to the truck – the armor clinking and clacking with each one of his massive steps.

"Excuse me, Sir. Briggo," I asked as soon as he was close enough to hear me. "If I may ask, why did you take your armor off during the battle? I thought you were going to give it to the bandits, but then you just killed them all anyway."

Briggo laughed. "Well that's a silly question. I couldn't possibly bring out the full potential of my power without stripping down into a tank-top. I know that you're from another world Birito, but surely the incredible advantage that tank-tops provide in battle is a universally recognized fact."

"Uhm, yes… yes, of course." I said, but I had no idea what he was talking about. "So why wear the armor at all? Doesn't it just get in the way?"

"Now that question makes more sense," Briggo responded. "I wear the armor merely to make myself stronger. The armor is heavy and it forces me to train my muscles at all times."

"Oh, I see."

"Indeed. Well then, shall we begin our journey to Animakistan?"

"Yes," I said and opened the door to let Briggo in, but the door slammed back on its own.

"No! Absolutely not!" the Truck cried out. Her voice was loud and high-pitched.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I will not allow another man to come inside me, Birito! That privilege belongs to you alone. I mean… what kind of girl do you think I am?!"

I sighed. "Don't be ridiculous. You're a delivery truck and there is an extra seat beside me that Sir Briggo can use." I tried to open the door again but it wouldn't budge.

"No! I refuse!!"

"Oh that's no problem at all," Briggo said with a smile. "I can just climb on top of the carriage and sit on the roof. That way I'll have a better view of the roads and I'll be able to navigate."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry that the Truck is being so rude."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," the Truck muttered under her breath. "But yes, Sir Briggo, your offer sounds fair to me!"

"Great," the large man said and proceeded to climb up to the roof of the cabin in a single stride. I heard the roof shift and bend as he sat on top of it. His legs dropped down from the roof and hung over the windshield; they were so thick that they blocked half of the windshield's surface area, but I could still see straight ahead if I looked at the space between his legs.

"Let's go everyone!" the Truck shouted in the voice of an excitable schoolgirl, and then we were off, bouncing down the gravel road like a bunch of wide-eyed protagonists beginning their first adventure together.

I hate my life.