desires ' Ashes chapter 4

Anita could still feel the smell of her husband's breath in her breath, Which seemed to him like a foul smell. Even today he felt it is difficult to breathe.

When she used to come home tired and worn out from work in school, she would finish the housework after that Anita with her tired body going to bed and having sexual relations seemed to him worse than death.

Then every day after that waking up his dead body in the morning It became his daily routine.

Because there was neither a heart relationship nor an emotional relationship between the two.

Anita remembered how it was difficult to fulfill the duties of a husband's desire after a tired and hungry body.

Anita could bear the fatigue and hunger but

But those who are wounded in the soul at night do not get rid of it in any way. A physical relationship to a woman is always a spiritual relationship. If this is against the will, this pain is unbearable. Like a fire inside her until life dies.

The sting of these wounds can be felt by Anita till today. Anita never got relief from these wounds but kept getting deeper with time.

Physical relations also seemed like a duty to her. .

Physical relations without desire seemed like rape .

Then she remembered that I used to have a pain under the hood all day which is still felt today.

A woman endures all the pains and endures the bad days. but when it comes to their physical relationship .This fire of pain burned inside the woman until she died.

Even today Anita feels that pain.

Then she suddenly heard Jessie's voice....

grandma.. grandma... are you ok?

every thing is alright?

oh yes my dear, every thing is ok.

don't worry about me.

Grandma, why did you suddenly become silent?

Anita felt as if even today the spark of sorrow is felt even .

Grandma then why are you saying slowly...

There is nothing today when the suppressed words came out, my voice was also buried under those words.

the riddles started again.... grandma..

Let me explain in simple words..

what did you do after death of grabdpa?

how did you passed your days?

A very bad time had come for me and my parents also had died. There was nobody who stand by me.

my in laws already was left me and I had two children of responsibility that time.

who were two children grandma?

your father and your aunt. ... understand my little friend.... oh yes grandma I understand...

then jassie smiled...

Anita speaks slowly...At one point it seemed as if everything was over. The flow of time has also made me stand there..

Why now, if the husband dies, the world does not allow that woman to live. by passing the time then I understood that the way my mother took care of me at birth alone, I had to do this like my mother.

I have to be brave for my children. They face the world bravely... they will get higher education.

I remembered my mother and promised myself.. that my children will never reach out to anyone in their future life. I am a parent to my children.

Just 800 rupees, grandmother said how did you handle all ...alone.... tension lines fell on Jessie's forehead...

Anita took a long sigh .. and think

her struggled in her youth And the patience has come out in this deep breath.

And then this pain have gone in her chest.

Anita kept one hand on her chest, And the other hand is in Jesse's hand. As soon as she put her hand on Jessie, the pain that arose inside Anita went away.

Where does time pass in 800 rupees?

I started working harder again.

Started stitching and furthered studies started.

My salary was increased in the school and Had a hard time sleeping even hungry. But did not take help from anyone.

My purpose was to teach children and I fulfilled that .

Today, by God's grace, both my children are doing well.

And now I have forgotten my old sorrows.

Grandma you have really forgotten your sorrow.

Anita does not respond to this and stands up from her bed.

where are you going grandma?

Maybe the window is opening with the wind.

Jessie was surprised because the wind had stopped, she also knows that her grandmother doesn't want to reply her question.

so, now she doesn't want to ask any question about grandma's life.

but, she is thinking that,..... all women suffer in their life ?....there is no one who live happily..

why God blessed this type of life which has no happiness..

especially, women are more suffer than man...

why.. my grandma is not blessed of prosperous life by God.....

then suddenly Anita says.. my dear.... you know that.. today is so special day for me.. because its happening first time... when I told to any one my life's story. .

I feel better than past.. because sharing my grief and hardship with you.