Internal Thoughts

Everyone is afraid of losing.

Elaia stared at the retreating figure of the man that she was so intrigued with. She wants to talk to him a bit longer but she felt like it won't be the last time he'll be seeing this man.

She stood up and also left the chapel.

She decided to eat lunch at Rusto's. It was a restaurant owned by her friend Freddie that was known for their fresh seafood cuisine and scrumptious pasta. Thinking about the lasagna she ate last week in that restaurant makes her crave for more.

It was only a fifteen-minute drive from the hospital and she already reached Rusto's.

As she entered the restaurant, she saw Jane, one of the waitresses in the restaurant. Jane smiled at her and said, "Hello Elaia, welcome back. There's a special menu added by Fred today."

She nodded and returned a smile towards Jane, "Fred really tests the patience of my so called diet." Jane and I both laughed.

Jane rolled her eyes but still were laughing.

"Oh please, you have the best body I've ever seen Elaia. One can mistook you for an actress or a model." she said.

I blushed slightly because of the compliment, and because I can't think of anything to rebut with what Jane said, I just shrugged and sat on my usual spot, and that is located in the corner of the restaurant near a floor to ceiling window glass.

I like this spot because of the spectacular view it offers. Through the window you can see the ocean and it is also best if you want to look for the sunset.

Sunset. I love the sunset better than the sunrise. Because they say that every ending is always sad and ugly, but not the sunset. It gives you the feeling that life is supposed to end beautifully, and that it is only just the beginning of something more wonderful.

As I was busy appreciating the view of the ocean, someone pats my shoulder. As I turned to see who it is, I gave him a smile and greeted "Well hello there, Fred."

He chuckled and said "Elaia dear, what brings you here? I know that today is the time of the month for you to visit Arion."

"Doctor Arion had a tough day yesterday so I rescheduled my consultation and moved it this afternoon" I replied.

Freddie is one of the people who knew that I was battling an incurable illness.

"Oh, I do hope that he already figured it out what's really happening to that body of yours. Are you still feeling nauseous? Or is your body still have unexplainable scars and bruises?" he asked.

I nodded and answered, "The dizziness were still there especially during night time. The scars and bruises were decreasing, but this time I started feeling really hot as if I'm being burned in hell."

The weather here in America at the moment were really cold, and it is because it's now snowing here.

Freddie looked at me as if he was the one experiencing my pain. And I hated that kind of look. The look of other people feeling sorry for you. But I know that Fred was just really concerned with me.

"I'm not a doctor but your symptoms doesn't really make sense, how I wish I can help you battle it out, dear." he said. The sadness in his tone were obvious.

I released a laugh and said "Hey! I'm here so that you can turn me into a fatty. So hurry up and serve me that special menu that Jane said you've added today!"

"Elaia dear, how I wish I can also have a body like yours. You can be a model just because of the perfect figure!" he said. Wait. Did I tell you guys that Freddie is gay? No? Then I'll tell you now, he's gay.

Freddie has an ash brown hair, he's eyes were green like a forest, he has two dimples, one for each cheek and those were the reason of my envy towards this guy. Those. Freaking. Dimples.

We met a year ago when my parents decided to let me stay here in order to find a cure. At first, I had a huge crush on him just because of his killer dimples but then he told me that he doesn't swing that way. Why do hot guys nowadays also like hot guys? Damn.

Then she thought of D. Is he also gay?

She shivered at that thought and said to herself "if he's gay, I won't let him meet Freddie. I don't want to create a heartbreak for myself by seeing the person I've had a crush on in the past and my current crush making out"

I giggled lightly. That was a very dirty thought. But so what? That's the point of having internal thoughts, no one could possibly hear it. If nobody knows it then no harm done right?

Because of those thoughts I forgot that Freddie was still there, and he was now looking at me suspiciously. Maybe because I giggled without him knowing the reason.

"Elaia, I'm now thinking that you're hiding something from me." he said.

I just shrugged and pushed him away lightly, "Go now! The special menu won't be cooked by itself!"

"Oh ho! This isn't over dear. You'll tell me later why you're giggling like a high school cheerleader when she sees the hot quarterback." he said then left.

Hot quarterback. That made me think of what would D looked like if he's wearing a jersey as the captain of the football team. How hot would that be?

Once again my friend, internal thoughts.