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Rambling and Random bullshittery

This be your most daring story; A rambling if you must, Of language most foul, of unexplored ways to curse. Of bullshit in every turn, in every twist, in every twists of tongues. As told by thine ol'hands and masterminded by the crude tongue, with all my tics and antics. Do-told tale of a vegetable who limbs and stumbled on a new realm of where creation was pierced in it's boundaries. Of a connoisseur who learns of ways of an unshackled breathing body, the occasional doggie styles and the utmost high of all forms of unequaled shag-getry, wooing tarts and thots and hoes, all manners of terms modern and old to name all wenches of all- the ripened titties; "Thine taste ranges from nymphs of florescent pure to flooded lips which hangs and are forgivably bonk-able with a passing thought riled up by the hard down under, Which in short means all!" Heinously wholesome in ways of the vile tongue which grew most crude, terribly heinous with every breaths more lived- after to after and then more, much much more. A rambling- to what he sees, to what he does. This is a story of a living, in a world of pixels; of new universe where a man could swim in lava, a world where such and such is deemed mundane. An epic where a naked fledgling dove in the heat of an avian war, baby-steps towards a destiny-, etched in the root webs of two worlds with only a goal; To be the Pirate Ki- nevermind! To live most free. Rejuvenation; maketh man a new being, now what would be his tale when all he knew of living was blinking a set of dead little eyes, what would such a virgin of a human ways do in a surreal world that explodes magics and bullshits. I'll tell ye all! Just listen to the ramble. (Stay with me, I won't ever drop this.) [Warning:] 1. Not for the faint of heart. 1½. Smut will be there but it will be extremely rare. 2. The english dictionary would require a thorough update after I'm done with this epic. 3. Fuckery most heinous most foul. (By decree of a certain fool) 4. Don't tell your mums you learnt (curses) from me. 5. No other warning just enjoy, If ye dares. Cover art not mine, thank you for letting me use it and sorry but pray tell if you ordered it removed. Will use it until I could afford a more authentic cover art or until boss wants it removed.

JF_Fanai · 奇幻
分數不夠
32 Chs

Reichert the Staggataur

The amounts of not giving a shit or an ounce of attention to the silver prick added with the lady chuckling at our witty bicker stead of his shitty comebacks had met it's catharsis.

Who wouldn't erupt in anger when the ones you had a back to back with simply drift their attention away- and pouring fuel into his eruption, we were making the lady he was trying to woo giggle a song-full, close to an album she did.

That sad shitty silver prick.

"Enough with this foolishness!" he fumed, albeit keeping still that high pompous poise.

However, we were still hell bent in not giving him any mind, his words fell to deaf ears and in a moment he set off the saddle of his stallion.

We had not seen him getting off of his high horse- the horse was literally high and him too- and that my friends is called a double entendre.

The goons he had with him, pulled a classic goon maneuver- they followed the lead of the silver prick, he was the arse head of the horse and they the arse rear butt-end of the horse.

"Get off the cart kids!" he now resorted to threatening our tall stature.

I pried him an eye but not too telling so that he would earned my mighty attention, Rip was however enchanted to his core, his eyes couldn't care less if there were to be an apocalypse happening.

Only the lady he beheld.

A bunch of his goons came before him, "We'll handle it Frost!" said they, all smirking their fuck faces I bet.

'Frost? He can't get anymore cringe!' I was listening and twas hard, impossible nearly to keep a straight face, 'The predictable cringe in the silver prick, what's next your power's ice? '

"These shorties don't deserve to be frozen to death!" said goons.

'I was right!!!' couldn't held all in- the many hearty laughs I would have done, the laughs incubated in my belly, the lips tried and sealed it yet a single giggle crept and escaped from the corner of my lips.

"The fuck was that?" the goons came, shaking the cart once.

We stood our balance, Rip still was enchanted and I played the game of not batting them an eye.

"Oi! Look over HERE! Too scared now?" they now yelled.

Many pairs of hands rocking the cart once more but the afro has had enough of it and as they did rocked the cart left to right- purposefully I fell head first with the rhythm of the rocking cart on one of them three goons who dared put their hands on my first ride in this game.

Surely falling like so won't count as landing the first blow right?

So-,

Head first I fell, the afro of the utmost meaning of invulnerable, I used it to bludgeon one of them in the chests, while the other two stood clueless to what happened.

I didn't knew it till now, this charred burnt broccoli was a great mace of sorts, like mjolnir it weigh- for I twas not heavy, lighter than three feathers but for the poor sob he might've felt his bones caving in and suffocating his lungs.

Foaming from his mouth he laid likely dead and out on the ground, I was standing afro first with the feet in the air, twas weirdly balanced, I felt not a call to fall over.

Upside down, I could see the silver Prick retreating amongst his other goons, 'Where you going?' I followed him to where he stopped and stood, he peaked not at us but down the road where the stag-dryad looking motherfucker was trotting his way here slow and majestically serene.

'A cheeky motherfucker huh?' twas clear his motives.

The other two goons, pulled another goonly maneuver, while I was planted in the chest of one of their own they took that time to load a strike at yours truly, without an aura popping out by all present, a power-less fight.

A simple kick they tried to throw at me, simple but painful if felt nonetheless, we Stars-Descent were from the get-go superhuman, although thinking and thunking and thunked, two superhumans dealing blows would just amount to the same pain as regular humans dealing blows- So why in hell would I wrote about this? That I would never know.

However before I could feel that kick; Rip came to my defense, jumping off the cart and feet first he stomped the two goons at the back of their heads, "Double Kill!" he announced.

Sad goons, one was so close in kicking me at the belly, Rip then pulled me in the leg to stand me on my feet.

"I was enjoying the view." I joked as he did so.

"Yeah well! The view won't help us now!" he warned.

And as I scanned around, near to ten goons hath circled us, however they could not dwindle this Young Master's smirk, "It might!" I told Rip.

And before the Stag-Centaur looking man thing arrived to the commotion, Frost the silver prick played a dirty move on us, that cheeky schmuck played a ploy, calming his goons who were looking grimace at us.

"Boys boys easy!" he comforted his other goons, he managed to pull of a poise that spoke peaceful tendencies.

"Frost? What's happening here?" then asks the Stag-Centaur looking thing, a soothing voice, too calm they irked me.

Up close he now was and I'd admit he was rather tall and lean.

He had that slick shimmering fur of a forest stag where there grows some plants, vines like worn torn rags and budding flowers in them- all around his large body, tall yet slender legs and a death sentence for hooves they trotted here then they stopped.

I don't cater to being stomped by them.

His stature, his tall- stood before I and Rip and the fallen goons who were with vengeance on their eyes.

His antlers cast a shadow over us, they spanned near to six feet as I guessed, where there I saw a family of birds nesting and flowers and plants flowering and planting.

"It's just some minor tussle Sir Reichert! You know boys being boys." A snobby smile Frost shredded- an astounding act of a peacemaker.

Reichert the staggataur or as I will call him from then on, his green busy curls waved as he leaned down on us for better a view, "Who are you? If I may ask."

"Ain't it proper manner to say your name first?" I riposte, my little chest stood an ant in face with the staggataur.

"Oh! Do mind me, the day have not been so kind to me. Apologies for my manner." He bowed, that irked me too, even as he did bent a knee he was damned taller fucking still, "The name is Reichert."

"Mine's Lock and he's Rip!"

"I'm sorry for whatever we might have caused here but seeing it one might say that you handled it mighty well."

"They started it, my friend here was just head over heel for th—," the tongue then went on however, "blah blah blah!" muffled was my trap, Rip hurriedly covered thine mouth, chuckling overtly loud he said, "It's nothing really Ha-Ha-Ha! Just boys being boys right Dick?" he turned to Frost.

It was clear in those eyes, which he closed and gave stead a smile, a facade for the anger he hides, "Name's not Dick it's Frost and yes.. just boys being boys."

"Could've sworn he said Dick earlier." I was quick to jab a leering insult, as I yanked Rip's palm off.

"Nah we were wrong there bud. He said his name's Gross."

"Oh yeah! That makes sense, very fitting." Nodded I.

Reichert had those eyes, wise in whites- he blinked as if he knows it all, yet witty enough to play along.

Maybe all that nature on him made him a sage.

"Guildmaster we must move!" from behind then came a voice, from stoic lips and calculating glasses.

All I could see was glasses, a talking glasses with limbs and all.

He might've had a face but my eyes of blue could only fathom his glasses.

"Oh? Remurus! Come! I've found us two exciting prospects." Said Reichert.

Words which made that silver prick bit his lower lip.

The glasses then came closer from behind the big furry butt of the staggataur.

Black mop for hair, his face was simply glasses.

That's all and all I could make him of, glasses.

He leaned his waist a tad closer, "Heralds, late starters. They are bright, exciting indeed." He examined us.

"What a creep!" I joked about, 'Did'nt we hide our stats?'

Invoking some laughs from the guild members safe for that silver prick and his goons.

"You three get up and to line!" commanded glasses to the goons we felled- the brand name of said glasses was Remurus, "That one needs healing.." taking a closer look at me and Rip, "Very bright indeed!"

"Recruit them!" he then told Reichert, to which the latter seemed to already planned.

"Recruit? I thought you've just started and one more a question would be what you planning on doing anyways?" the tongue- ever so quick to jab.

Reichert took time to answer my tongue, "Right now? Well! We're heading down to the forest. Rome was not build in a day and this is our first day, eventually we'll reach Rome along the way, it'll be fun!"

"You would've need to have an awful lot of charisma pulling this many heads in a single day." I leaned closer, then sideways checking his serene body, "What's a man's to do to for that!?--- Nevermind! Answer the first one."

"I've known some of these guys already and with the news and all, supposed a guild would make sense, there's not any guild for Descents so this was a coming with or without the race to the Grail but most of all we're looking for bright prospects" He calmly answered.

My constant questions might've irked some of his men- bringing frowns to their lips I might've, especially that silver prick.

"Right?! But we were on our way up the town." Said I.

"Any chance you could come down with us?"

"Man.." I slurred, "I don't know, we paid gold and all so… Yeah!? Nah!"

"Oh I see!" Reichert looked straight into my eyes, "If you want to come down or walk along with us. Just reach out, take it as payment for interrupting your tour."

"Will do!" I smiled a nod, 'Dude's chill!'

"…and this body is like that weapon of yours." Said he hinting his sight at my afro, his eyes of green turned to the bird which as I did not knew was a top my afro, calling it back to the neat on his antlers.

He then smiled at me and Rip then with not more a word, he nod for farewell and turned and trotted back down slow.

The glasses followed suit, fore he did, "Frost?" he called, which the prick answered quick.

"You and them ride down now to the front, we'll have a discussion about rules later."

The prick nodded, he must've been seething inside yet he was rather good at keeping it in with a smile, head down and all he was such a good boy.

A single palm he held out commanded his goons to get on their fuck mounts, they kept their eyes reeking of the eagerness to slaughter me and Rip, slightly unprofessional unlike the prick, which goes to show he had a little leadership quality.

As an unmoving observer since birth, I was rather magnificent in insights.

The commotion then had simmered down to them retreating and us having little smiles in our petty victory, Rip would go on to shred a heart throbbing smile as the lady he so fell heads over heels for came and bowed-

She was rather fit in the build and tall, really tall.

"Sorry for all of that!" she apologized, good manners and keen as I was sure, she knew she was the cog which started this wheel.

"It's actually our fault but they were being flies rioting over a sweet fruit and as it seemed you're the sweetest fruit there is." flirted Rip.

'Dude's being smooth with it.' I stood by their side, with a thumb up at Rip and a dumb smile wishing him luck.

As they turned and saw thine, "Don't mind that idiot!" Rip apologized.

The lady was giggling, it was a tell she fancies Rip too or at least more than the prick as it seemed like.

"I'm Yuri and you're Rip right?"

"Yea- and mom always said I'd fall for someone named Yuri." Said the smooth criminal.

Yuri blushed, red cheeks and a mum rosy lips as she quickly turned, inciting a line in my eyes- they claimed her a virgin with not even a first love.

"I- I hope we meet again! Bye!" she abruptly tittered with nearly a scream or two as she spoke.

"Sure anytime you feel like bringing heaven, I'll wait a good Samaritan!" Rip gave a little line, which I would not be wrong to guess that Yuri's bellies were fluttering with butterflies, as she went off in a quick spit, covering her face with slender fingers, only a while then she turned for a quick look and then away.

It was Rip's victory and we went on about our little trip to the town as the little scuffle dwindled down.

And far yonder down Frost shred us a nasty look but he made not a sense now, we had already won.

"Toodles!" bid thee, showing him clasping palm goodbye with an innocent- not at all innocent smile.

Here I am again with another one.

I wrote this one on the bin, it might stink so don't give it a whiff.

Nah but really, Thank you for your time, may I entertain your eyes more.

Tune in for more.

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