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Rambling and Random bullshittery

This be your most daring story; A rambling if you must, Of language most foul, of unexplored ways to curse. Of bullshit in every turn, in every twist, in every twists of tongues. As told by thine ol'hands and masterminded by the crude tongue, with all my tics and antics. Do-told tale of a vegetable who limbs and stumbled on a new realm of where creation was pierced in it's boundaries. Of a connoisseur who learns of ways of an unshackled breathing body, the occasional doggie styles and the utmost high of all forms of unequaled shag-getry, wooing tarts and thots and hoes, all manners of terms modern and old to name all wenches of all- the ripened titties; "Thine taste ranges from nymphs of florescent pure to flooded lips which hangs and are forgivably bonk-able with a passing thought riled up by the hard down under, Which in short means all!" Heinously wholesome in ways of the vile tongue which grew most crude, terribly heinous with every breaths more lived- after to after and then more, much much more. A rambling- to what he sees, to what he does. This is a story of a living, in a world of pixels; of new universe where a man could swim in lava, a world where such and such is deemed mundane. An epic where a naked fledgling dove in the heat of an avian war, baby-steps towards a destiny-, etched in the root webs of two worlds with only a goal; To be the Pirate Ki- nevermind! To live most free. Rejuvenation; maketh man a new being, now what would be his tale when all he knew of living was blinking a set of dead little eyes, what would such a virgin of a human ways do in a surreal world that explodes magics and bullshits. I'll tell ye all! Just listen to the ramble. (Stay with me, I won't ever drop this.) [Warning:] 1. Not for the faint of heart. 1½. Smut will be there but it will be extremely rare. 2. The english dictionary would require a thorough update after I'm done with this epic. 3. Fuckery most heinous most foul. (By decree of a certain fool) 4. Don't tell your mums you learnt (curses) from me. 5. No other warning just enjoy, If ye dares. Cover art not mine, thank you for letting me use it and sorry but pray tell if you ordered it removed. Will use it until I could afford a more authentic cover art or until boss wants it removed.

JF_Fanai · Fantasy
Not enough ratings
32 Chs

Hermes Rest

Near was the town on top the hill- I could hear their noises from way back down the road.

I was in observer mode, the yonder far peaks of the snow riddled Whiskey-Steepes calls to me, "I want to touch snow too."

"You will but without an ID you'll never get there comfortably and dressed like that you'll freeze your balls off."

"Yeah ID and bitches first eh?"

"I don't know bout bitches no more.. That chick was so damn fucking fine bro!"

"She likes ya! I could definitely tell."

"Yea-Yea you've been saying that for the rest of the trip and I mean ofcourse she would I'm Mister Smooth."

"You are you are.." said I.

"Talking bout smooth, we're here!"

The barren road lead to this gate on top the hill, where a stable and a handful of guards with littlle metals for armour and all- you know the likes, waited for our arrival.

"Woah!" my eyes widened.

To this gate of stone made boasting a name in gold, 'Hermes Rest' on top.

Thine blues lived a fantasy, they would gasp if they could;

Showered by the strick precise designs of the place of the vast plain of the hill, houses of thick woods and cobblestones like grids, lined and arranged they were- all through the plain.

A straight pathway, carpeted with circular rocks flattened on the ground, they started decorating the plain as roads from the entry gate of where we stood, a bazaar of people, of ears of furries and humans and many, all known dresses and kink-wear of us- The Descents walked the road, pointing and smiling almost at every directions.

Where in the middle of this road as the eye did not miss was a huge fountain, shooting water and sprinkling a magical shower down.

"Welcome to Hermes Rest, the number one trade hub in this world." Rip came- from putting our rented steed at the stable.

"First stop the Mayor's office!" he clapped and on my little feet walked along his.

Along the stone paved road we walked, every houses stood with sign-boards and glasses highlighting their crafts, "Is every house a shop?"

"It is!"

Only straight were roads even as they branched out to streets and corners they were all straight, houses of woods sat on top some cobblestones as foundations which stood waist high, "Come here!" Rip called thine, he was next to a stone foundation of a house, on the tip of it's corner.

I went over, walked over the little culvert of stones which ended the width of the road, his hands were calling me to hurry and I did, "Take a peak from the corner of this thing here." he told I.

I did as told, knees bent slightly and always the curious one, "What am I searching for?"

"This!" said Rip, he placed both hands on thine afro and adjusted my sight and I saw.

The houses next to this, and the houses after and after, I could not see any single wall protruding out of place, they were all aligned in perfect fucking tandem, strictly designed they all were.

"Woah! They must've like one heck of an architect!"

"They did or so I was told, the Mayor here likes talking about this, he'll say something like how a trading town functions in discipline and management, the houses built here are done in such a way that nothing is out of place and no space is wasted."

He sounded to me like an uptight hard to deal with kinda guy but it mattered not, not my place to dictate as I claimed, let the game be as is as I fuck around as I.

"Why won't Muller put an adventure guild?" I asked, little legs walked now to the office.

"I don't know, sometimes I feel like the game is just another world and guess what sometimes it feels as if these folks are real.. as in really real and maybe they are, maybe they are our copies as he said you know," he paused, "But I don't think this is Ellis Idyll."

"Maybe it's one of those complex algorithm Muller said."

Having said that the mind flashes back to that wisp wisping. The little shit said tons more to me than other players, Rip's introduction with the wisp as he said was only four minutes at his longest guess.

"What you think about Ellis Idyll?" Rip then asked.

"Honestly? I like it, the only problem I have with the afterlife we believed in is that it is so damned a one way sorta thing you know? I don't have a problem with it but when you're always knocking on death's fucking door you kinda want to have an afterlife where you can meet with the living anytime you want to. So I like it but he was very vague with it, I don't think no one would know where it is."

"Bro!" Rip was with tears, mucus and tears, "It's like we shared the same brain cell."

"No homo but I feel the same."

"It's a given now bud! We're definitely talking origin story later."

"Why later?"

"Cause we're here!"

It was a tall wooden building, a single cock like tower shooting a boner up from the rest of the roof, a huge clock in the middle of the protruding thing, looking at it hard enough twas like the shaft of a pointed cock.

The golden symbol of a Gold chalice with olives on each sides looked like a décor for the shaft.

"Alright go in!" Rip grabbed me by the shoulder.

"Aren't you coming in?"

"Do you want to stay in the boring place getting screamed at or do you want to fucking taste beer and party?"

"Say no more!" said I, brave the shoulders were broadened, 'I will live not with any fear of any… If I could Hee-hee!'

"I'll just head over the store we passed, need to buy some stuff."

Nodded I to Rip, there always was a need to nod.

He slipped back to the road and in a spit he was gone, the design of perfect cut corners really made thine blind by these angles.

"Whew!" did I–

And face to the door- I was shy, the ballsack nearly shriveled, talking to some I now got the hang of but talking to who seemed as if the head of a big place such as this, my golden pecker shrunk down the cozy embrace of thine shriveled up ballsacks.

However tis need be done, for an ID to really live a Fuckening life.

'Alright! In you go Locket!' pep talked I to I and I pushed opened this wooden door.

Just as I did, this huge fucking mountain of a man came forth.

Muscles like cushioned valleys, curving and bulging. His skins as I saw felt like they were barely holding back his muscle's wish to flood the entire place, 'Holy Moly!' I exclaimed in the mind.

"Are you possible?" asked the quick tongue, it was a thought I had and it slipped without even realizing that I've spat it.

"With hard work I am!" answered the man.

From whence I stood, I could not saw his muscly face, I was not even tempted to be offended of his tall fucking tallness.

This doesn't fucking mean I'm short.

"You're like the progenitor of muscles, a plural of muscles, muscleses!" I further commented, the tongue's work was not stopping.

"Thanks!" he sounded tamed and mellow yet deep and hard boiled.

"You're like two no three buckets of muscles mix with an universe of muscles.." the tongue went on, "Like mixing the two and making a multiverse of muscles.."

"That's something I've never heard of." He seemed as if he smiled, "Say is your name Lock by any chance?"

"Yea but I don't recall being famous."

"It's definitely you then."

"You know you might know me, I mean that's fine and all but It's good manners to show a face when you're talking to someone you know especially when that someone don't know your name Mister….?"

"Mwa-Hahaha!" He thundered a laugh, even his laughter starts and sounds with a M.

"You're definitely him and sorry let me just.." he took giant long and quaking steps back and then finally I could see him, "I'm Miyamoto nice to finally meet you!"

"You're like the deity of muscles shagging the older deity of muscles."

It was as so, when his muscly jaws talked, it were like them two deities doing the deed.

"How'd you know me?" I asked the muscle.

"Let's just say these muscles simply knew all sorts of stuff."

"That's totally muscly possible!" I exclaimed, with not a ponder, I wholeheartedly and muscly believed him.

"Came to get your ID?" his giant muscly finger- muscly pointed at the back, likely to the door of where the Mayor sat.

"Yeah!..."

"I just came from Mister Paymen, his in a good mood."

"His name's Paymen?"

He nodded a muscly neck and chin, somewhere right then I bet a muscly tornado swept through a forest completely, "Wanna try and guess his first name?"

He sounded as if he was talking to a toddler yet it mattered not, offended me not, he was the muscle sage and I respect them lot.

"Uhh! Gobbo? Short for goblin?"

"Mwa-Haha! Yup!"

"No way!"

Twas flabbergasted.

"Mwa-Hahahaha! You better get going before he name a price." He quaking-ly told me.

"But you're muscling the way." A cheeky smile for the joke.

"Oh would you muscly mind me then!"

I could feel little quakes on the floor as he paved me a way.

"It's a muscly pleasure to talk to you Miyamoto Sir!" I bowed.

"Same goes for me too!" he bowed, somewhere right then as he did, I could swore a fucking Island was blown to the moon.

Inside, there was this steps, that went from wall to wall and leading up to the door of the mayor.

Making my wee steps and I stood right before the door reading and holding a laugh but not the smile, "Gobbo Paymen!" I tittered reading the name, the door holds the same symbol seen in the front of the house.

"One last thing Lock.." the muscle called and I shoved him a chin asking- What?

"Did you come from the road?"

"Yeah! We took the scenic route."

"Hmm!" he mumbled, I could only read his muscly lips- he was saying something like Reihardt or something, "How's the road?" he then asked.

"We beat up some extras on our way here so little bumps half way down." Said I with a smile.

"Noted! They banned me from riding the elevator thing so,, Mwa-hahah!" with a thundering laugh and he shouted right after, "Mister Paymen! The one on your door is my dear friend take good care of him!" he muscly shouted and I bid him thanks with a light nod and then he was off, taking thundering steps and squeezing through the door as it creaked.

"YEAH YEAH! DON'T BREAK THE DOOR AGAIN YOU GREAT OAF!"

Do ya muscle?

Are you muscly enjoying this?

Give a muscly thing because shit's bound to be muscly epic more and more.

I muscly thanked you for reading it again, hope I bring some more muscles in your smile.

JF_Fanaicreators' thoughts