19. Fear

CAMERON'S POV

It was eight in the evening when we left the circuit. Apparently, Lara's knee was better than this morning, but I suppose it was because she had spent a long time sitting down and not doing the exercises, she did in the morning so that her quadriceps wouldn't get too tight. 

"So, where will our date be?" Lara asked "I'll take you to a restaurant I'm sure you'll love and then we'll go for a walk around the city. Clearly, we'll go to the hotel the moment your knee starts to hurt, and I won't let you walk to it, but that will only be in case it hurts or bothers you." 

"Sounds like a great plan to me. Will I have to dress up too much?" She asked, "How about we go undercover? Without dressing up too much and changing our appearances a bit." I said and a big smile appeared on Lara's face "That sounds like fun." 

"And it will be, I assure you." I replied, "Then let's do it." She said "Perfect, but before we go to do it, what do you think if we try to get into a normal car." I asked and I could see how she froze and turned a little paler "What?" Lara whispers 

"We'll do it only if you want." I assured her "Let's do it." she replied after a few minutes looking at nothing "Are you sure?" I asked. "Don't give me any more time to think Cam, seriously, because then I won't do it." 

"Okay, let's go." I took her hand, and we started walking towards the parking lot of the circuit. Luckily, one of my mechanics lent me his car that's going slower than any we both had. Clearly, I had left him mine and he had apparently loved the idea of it. 

Once we get to the car, Lara stops dead in her tracks, looking in the direction of the car. I wait a couple of minutes for her to nod, so I open the door for her and before she can get in, I go to the other side and sit in the driver's seat. 

"Come in whenever you want, honey. I just want you to know I'm here and anytime you want to get out of the car you can." Lara nodded and I didn't take my eyes off her for a single second. After about ten minutes, Lara began to approach the car slowly until she got into it. I could see her leg go up and down quickly, so I put my hand on it and started making little circles with my thumb to try to calm her down a bit. 

"That's it honey, you're doing great." A few minutes later, she ran out of the car, and it didn't take long for me to follow behind, closing the car doors. Once I reached her, I hugged her and she began to cry, making me run my hand over her back to calm her down. 

"You did great honey." I said, running my hand over her back "No… I didn't last… not… not even five… minutes…" Lara began "But it was five minutes in a long time. You can't push yourself too hard with it." 

"But..." I denied, because I know she was going to say it wasn't time at all "I know you don't think it's too much, but how long has it been since you've been in a car like that?" I asked so she would realize the time she had spent in the car was valuable. "Almost twenty years..." Lara whispers. 

"Well, those two minutes are a long time compared to these twenty years." I assured my girlfriend, "It's still a short time." she answered a little calmer "But with time and practice you will see how that time will increase." 

"Time." she said to himself I think more to herself than to me "We will, don't worry about it. Now, what do you think if we go to the hotel to rest for a while and then we get ready for our date?" 

"Please." she said pulling away from me. I kissed her on the temple, and we began to walk towards our hotel with her attached to me so she would calm down from everything, and once we got to the hotel, we went to the room where we spent the rest of the afternoon watching television or talking. 

An hour before our date, we began to prepare. While I was taking a shower, Lara was looking for her clothes and as soon as I got out, she got into the shower while I was looking for what to wear. 

When I finished, Lara was in front of the mirror combing her hair, but as soon as she sees me, she stretches out her arm in my direction with the comb in hand and I approach to continue combing her hair. It had become our habit. 

After about five minutes, I set the comb down on the bathroom counter and kiss her temple, wrapping my arms around her hips pulling her closer to me and she ends up intertwining our fingers. 

"You look beautiful, honey." I whispered in her ear, " You look great too, honey." She assured passing her gaze all over my body "You know I love you, right?" I asked and Lara nodded "I know, and I love you too." 

"Does your knee hurt or something?" I asked, "It doesn't hurt, so you can stop worrying about it." she assured "I won't stop worrying, you're my girlfriend." I countered, "I know, but I can assure you that you shouldn't always worry about me." 

"I can always do it." I said, "Except when you are riding in the car." She said, going to focus her gaze on mine "I won't do it there because you're the best, and I don't have to worry about that." 

"Anyone can always have an accident." she replied, and I knew she's right "But not at the level you had now or worse than that." I assured "It can always happen, but I will do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen." 

"I know, and so in that sense I'm not." I answered sincerely "When we can go?" Lara asks "Anytime." I assured "I feel like walking." My girlfriend announced, "How about we go for a walk later?" 

"I think it's great. Now let's go, I'm getting hungry." she said, and I laughed "Then let's go. I don't want to make you wait." We separated, I stretched out my hand in her direction, which she ends up taking and intertwining our fingers. The way to the restaurant was amidst laughter, which also happened during dinner. When we finished, I paid the bill, and we went for a walk. 

Honestly, Holland is a beautiful city, but I think after having spent some time Lara's village, I think there would be no other place I liked more than her. The people were great, and they helped each other, they also cared for each other, which I think is the best for my mother, and it was very calm without too much pollution. 

It's more than clear to me at some point I wanted to marry Lara, and above all start a family with her, but I have no idea what she was thinking about in that regard, so at some point I would ask her, because right now I'm the happiest man in the whole world to be with the most beautiful woman and great person you can meet. 

"You're very quiet." Lara said after I don't know how long "Huh?" I asked looking at her "What I said, also too deep in your thoughts. What's on your mind, Cam?" 

"Well, nothing. There's nothing that worries me or anything." I assured her "But something keeps you inside your mind." She replied, "No, I'm just enjoying my time with you." I said sincerely "You don't convince me, so you have it clear." 

"It's hard to convince you of something, isn't it?" I asked and she nodded "Normally, yes, but it wasn't too hard for you to convince me to go on a date with you, and it wasn't too hard for me to fall in love with you, Edwards." 

"I don't know." I replied, even though I liked hearing it, "You know, but you don't want to admit it, that's for sure." Lara clarifies "It could be." 

Lara gave me a little push and we laughed, but it didn't take long for us to go to each other arms again. After an hour or so, we decided it was better to go to the hotel and rest since the next day we would have classification, and she was determined I had to rest, so I decided to listen to her and go to rest, because in the end, she would also have to get up early. 

When we got to the hotel, we went directly to her room and changed to get into bed, making Lara soon fall asleep. 

I don't really know how long it was since we fell asleep, I just know Lara started moving around the bed a lot and woke me up, but it's at that moment I realize she's having a nightmare, I start to wake her up, which I manage a few minutes later and it doesn't take long for me to hug her to calm her down. 

An hour later, I had managed to calm her down and we were back in bed, she with her head on my chest, hugging me and I'm running my hand over her back. 

"You're better?" Lara just nodded, and I guess right now the last thing she wanted to do is talk, so I kept running my hand over her back to keep her calming down, but it didn't take long for me to fall asleep. 

LARA'S POV

Cameron stayed a couple of minutes ago, but I decided to wait a little longer so as not to wake him up, because it was something I didn't want to do, I'm more than clear I wouldn't fall asleep. 

About half an hour later, I heard Cam's breathing deepen, so I carefully got out of bed and as soon as I did, I slipped out of the room without making too much noise. 

I decided better to go downstairs and get some fresh air to clear my head, but I don't know how long I had been outside, because for me, what was a while, it was dawn, so I decided to go directly to the circuit, which, lucky me, I had the pass to get in. 

When I got to the circuit, some of the mechanics were arriving to finish assembling the car, so I joined them as it would be a way to clear my mind. 

I was tucked under the car when one of the mechanics asked me if I would go have breakfast with them, which I refused, because it would only give my mind time to think thousands of times, and honestly, it's not something I wanted right now. 

I'm finishing assembling the car when I feel how someone touches my leg, which causes me to end up dropping the key on top of me and after a few more seconds, I'm taken from under the car, by the same leg, leaving me in sight of a rather angry Bianca, who ends up letting go of my leg suddenly, before Eli has time to tell her not to. 

"Bianca, dammit." I got up and put my hands on my knee, because at this moment it hurt enough not to put it on the ground for a long time. "Bianca merda, Lara. Por qué coño non lle dixeches a nadie que ibas a vir para aquí? (Bianca shit, Lara. Why the hell didn't you tell anyone that you were coming here?)" she asked furiously. 

Eli walked over to me, bent down to look at my knee. It doesn't take long for Cameron to come to my side, kiss me on the temple, and put his arm around my shoulders. "Foiseme o tempo, joder. (Time ran out, damn it) I said taking a breath the moment Eli touched my knee. 

"Love, calm down for a second." She said, looking in my sister's direction, "Como pretendes que me calme cando non di a donde vai a tola de miña irmán. (How do you expect me to calm down, when my crazy sister doesn't say where the hell she's going)" she practically yelled. 

"I don't know what you said, but I'm just telling you to calm down before you do more harm to your sister." she replied calmly trying to calm my sister down "I wouldn't hurt her..." she started and Eli nodded "I know you didn't mean to, but you grabbed her leg the wrong way." 

It's at that moment Bianca looks down at my leg and pales a little more than usual. I know she didn't do it on purpose, and maybe I should have warned someone, but it really slipped my mind. 

"Lara, I'm sorry…" she started, but I denied "Don't apologize, I'm fine. It won't take long to pass." I assured even though I knew it wasn't going to be like that "Are you sure it doesn't hurt too much?" Eli asked turning to focus her gaze on me "Eli, I swear I'm fine, it will go away in a couple of minutes." 

"Okay, if you need me, let me know." I nodded and she got up, starting to walk in the direction my sister is "Love, let's go out and get some fresh air." Bianca nodded and Eli got up to leave with my sister, who I'm pretty sure is still a bit upset, but I'll explain it later. 

"Help me get up." I asked Cam, which doesn't take long to help me, "Are you sure you're okay, honey?" he asked, concern evident in his voice. "I am, I just need to take a pill." 

"Then it hurts a lot." I nodded, because I won't lie to him when he already knows. "Do you want me to call Eli?" he asked, and I denied "No need, I prefer she's with my sister right now." 

"As you wish, but if you need her, I'll call her and distract Bianca." he assured and I nodded "If it still hurts later, I'll do it, I promise." I said "Perfect, did you have breakfast?" he asked, and I denied "Then let's go." 

"Cam, I don't have…" I started, but he shook his head. "But you have to eat, so we'll go." With that, Cameron helped me up off the ground and I went to where I had left my backpack to get a pill and a bottle of water to drink. A few minutes later, it started to kick in and we went to have breakfast at the restaurant on the circuit, because Cameron would have to get back in the car in an hour or so, and at the moment I'm not feeling well enough to walk. 

Once we were seated, we ordered our coffees and something to eat. While we waited, we were silent and I looked out the window, because I know Cameron will ask me the reason why I left at some point. 

"Honey, are you sure you're, okay?" he asked, and I nodded "Yes, why do you ask?" I questioned "Because you didn't hear what I just said." He replied "Sorry, what were you saying?" I asked, "Why didn't you tell me when you left?" 

"I wanted you to sleep, you had to be one hundred percent for qualifying." I said. Besides, I also knew I wouldn't fall asleep again and I didn't want to disturb him. "And I would be, but you could have woken me up." 

"But I didn't want to do it." I replied "Honey... you don't bother me. Was it because of the nightmare? he asked, and I nodded "Partly, but I couldn't fall asleep again either." I replied, "Well, you could have woken me up." 

"I wasn't going to do it. I have no idea what time it was, but it was early." I replied, "You didn't fall asleep again, did you?" he asked, and I denied "No, so I preferred to go for a walk and then come here for a while. I hope I didn't worry you." 

"You did, but I understand your point of view. I only ask for the next time if you can leave me something telling me you left or call me." he asked and I nodded "I'll try, but I can't guarantee it. I usually go out without my phone." 

"I'll settle for one note." he assured, and I nodded. "Do you think I could do something to help you fall asleep?" he asked, and I denied "I doubt it." I replied "Then I guess we need to find something to help you sleep. Clearly running your hand around your back doesn't work like Eli." 

"Eli?" I asked, confused for a moment. "Eli also has insomnia, and it usually does help her fall asleep." He replied "Well, I suppose we have to find something, I can't assure you we'll find something." 

"We have nothing to lose by trying." he said with a small smile on his face "How about if after qualifying I prepare a bath for you to relax?" my boyfriend asks and nodded, because it would probably help me relax "Later perfect, before I have to talk to Bianca and probably talk to mom and grandma." 

"Is everything okay at home?" Cam asks, a note of concern evident in his voice. "It is, but I'm pretty sure Bianca called them in case they heard from me, they're probably worried, so I'd rather call them." 

"Then later. That way I could spend time with Eli." he said, and I nodded, because since we were together, it was rare for them to spend as much time as they did together "It seems perfect to me." 

The rest of breakfast we didn't talk too much, because I really didn't really want to talk. When we finished, we went back to the circuit, to which everyone was arriving. Cameron and I said goodbye and went into our respective boxes. 

An hour later, the cars were pulling out of the pits and probably luckily for everyone, I'm in a better mood. As Cameron's car pulls out of the garage, I turn my chair and blow him a kiss, to which he gestures in my direction. 

"Okay, Garcia. In practice you did well. Show me what you can do with that little one." I said over the radio, "Understood." He responded "If you notice anything, let us know. Do you still want the same strategy we had planned?" 

"I would like to test the soft ones a little first. Do you see it well?" he asked, and a smile appeared on my face "It doesn't have to look good to me, Garcia. You must be comfortable with them. Do you think you're going to be comfortable with those tires?" I asked " I want to try them." 

"Perfect. Get a good lap and then we'll trade them for you." I assured. I'm looking at the micro sectors Garcia is doing, when Bianca appears next to me, leaning nearby and looking out into the pit lane. 

"Do you need anything, Bianca?" I asked "I want to say…" she started, but I raised my hand for her to stop "You don't have to say it again. I'm the one who should say sorry." I said "Lara, you don't have to. I know how you do when you can't fall asleep." 

"But I should still tell someone. I just walked out without further ado." I assured denying "It would be nice if you at least let Cameron know. The man was scared not knowing where you were." My sister replied, "I guess he was. I'll try to tell whoever it is before." 

"At least tell him the possible places where he could find you." She answered, "You know I don't have a fixed place." I protested and she nodded "I know, but it's better we tell him some places where he can find you than he has to kick the whole city to find where you might be." 

"I don't realize where I spend time when I don't sleep." I declared "Okay, don't worry, I'll tell him. I only ask you to try to take your phone with you." he asked, and I nodded "I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything." 

"If necessary, I'll stick it to your hand, Lara, and I'm not kidding." She assured and I laughed "Okay, I'll do it." a small smile appeared on her face, and she nodded "I like that better." my sister said, "Did you call mom or grandma?" I asked and she shook her head, which made me let out a small sigh. "I was about to, but Eli told me we better go somewhere you used to hang out when you didn't sleep." 

"I swear I'll end up putting that girl in my car if that's what she wants." I assured "What she wants the most." Bianca replied, "Do you think we can go out this afternoon?" I asked after looking at Garcia's micro sectors. 

"I would be delighted." She replied, "Well, let's go for a walk." I said and she nodded "Perfect. I don't bother you anymore now." She announced and I rolled my eyes, "You don't bother me, Bianca." I assured "But I don't want to be around in case you get angry." 

"Why am I supposed to get angry?" I asked, crossing my arms. "Because you're not in the car." She simply replied, "That doesn't mean I'm angry." I countered "But you express yourself too much." 

"I always did." I replied, rolling my eyes. "But now you only do it when you get frustrated." She stated, "You should get in the car and then I'll tell you if you like it or not." I said, knowing she wouldn't "I didn't get into mechanics for nothing, Lara." 

"When you ride with me in the car you don't complain as much." I answered laughing "Because it's either that or have an accident because of an anxiety attack, and I tell you I prefer you go fast." 

"It may be, but the anxiety attack can hit me at any time, even going fast and you know it." I stated, "I know, but it's not normal, at least not like going slow." she countered, and I nodded "You may be right, but still, you know it hits me at any moment." 

"Did you have the nightmare again?" My sister asks "As if it was a nightmare..." I said, turning my focus back to the screens in front of me "You understand what I mean." I heard my sister say, "I know, and yeah, I have it again." 

"Is that why you left?" she asked and I denied "No, I left because I didn't want to wake up Cameron. I wasn't going to fall asleep again, that's more than clear to me." I assured "We love to see you this happy. Since you've been with him, you don't get so many anxiety attacks." 

"His presence usually calms me down." I said nodding "I realized, and I understand you." She replied, "How about Eli?" I asked and I could see how her smile widened due to the reflection of the screens "Great. Does it seem normal to you she thought I had drunkenly asked her to be my girlfriend?" 

"I'd believe it about someone else, but not when we're talking about her." I responded with a shrug. "I thought so myself." My sister replied "But if I were in her position, I can assure you I wouldn't believe it. I'm completely sure when she woke up, saw your pensive face." 

"That's what she said to me." She said, nodding. "Well, it's normal for me to think so, don't you think?" I asked raising an eyebrow and turning slightly in her direction "But I was more than clear about it." she assured, and I nodded, because I knew that "I know, and I would know it too, but not everyone has to know." 

"Could be. I don't know what I would do without you, mom and grandma in my life, really." she said and now I turned around completely with a small smile on my face "Well you would probably be in the same place you're now. In the end, we would end up getting to know each other and having the relationship we have. You would end up being part of the family as you are now." 

"It's something I don't want to lose. But seriously, I'll leave you. Let's talk later." she said turning to go to the box "Okay, I love you, Bi." I said, "I love you, Lara." 

She gave me a hug and left, giving me time to see García's data and give the details to him, who, to the surprise of a large part of the team, finished third, but I'm more than clear he could improve more than that, which I hope he does tomorrow.