Not part of the picture

"Don't talk back!"

"Who do you think you are showing up here, bitch!!!"

"Get out of my sight, you disgust me!"

"WOW, you must be the ugly duckling in the family!"

"Don't dress like that you look like a whore!"

"Why do I have to be related to someone like you!?"

I'm not even sad angrier about these comments anymore... They are part of me... part of my identity... I'm not sure when it all started but there was never a time where I wasn't insulted or disrespected... It's not only my family that is like this, it's the whole community...

The community is very small, rich and status is the utmost priority so everyone has become very arrogant, competitive, disrespectful, and entitled...

In my group of friends ( If you could call that) I'm always the one who gets made fun of the most because I'm quoted on quote "Too quiet and different" for them to treat me equally... The head of our clique is the epidemy of the stereotypically white racist girl who leaches of her parents and who is dating the star football player that every girl dreams of dating. Cleo has never really cared about anyone but herself until she needs something from you. After she got what she wanted you will immediately fall back into her shadow. The other 3 girls all act like her maids serving her every command. I would have left that clique a long time ago but I can't. 1st. All of us are from the wealthiest families in town so we have to stick together so that "No one beneath our level can taint us". 2nd I'm a very introverted and passive person, even though I have a strong mindset about sorting things, which my words and actions do not reflect. And the 3rd and worst reason as to why I don't leave her behind is because she knows my family secret. My parents used to own a very successful business targeted to young teen girls like me. The only problem was that a lot of those products were malfunctioning causing these girls burns, hair loss, raches, and bad scaring. Even though hundreds of people got hurt by these products their popularity just kept on rising even celebrities posted about how good our products were which is exactly why there were no cases ever filed. Until one day It all came crashing down... It was all over the news you couldn't miss it every headline read something like " A 15-year-old girl dies of mercury poisoning from her shampoo!" Or "High levels of mercury found in Cake Faces Makeup and shampoo !". It was like from one day to another we lost all of our money. A lot of victims came forward filling cases...At the end of the day my parents had to pay for what they had done but with the help of Cleo's mom, they avoided jail time by paying. All stores had to be closed and then they had to file for bankruptcy. Surprisingly, we still had some money left but not enough to continue living our lavish lifestyle as before. We had bought our house but we had to sell a lot of our things jewelry, furniture, cars, paintings, etc to pay our bills. My parents were very upset that they had to give away their precious things, not gonna lie I was upset too. I'm not as snobby and money addicted as the others in this town but I have my fair amount of attitude when it comes to cheap clothes, bad makeup, or filthy homes. I don't say it out loud but my emotions are very visible on my face. To some degree, I know that it's wrong but I just don't know any better and it doesn't seem to hurt anybody so...

It was all fine we were able to hide that we weren't as rich as before until I upset Cleo and she ended up telling the whole town ruining our lives:

It was time for the final exams while Cleo went out every day drinking with her friends, Rose to spend the weeks before the exam studying hard. Rose is considered the smart one out of her friend group so Cleo expected Rose to let her copy her test like usual but on the day before the exam Cleo called Rose to confirm where they were going to sit but Rose didn't answer her phone. Cleo was furious but she assured herself that they would sit together anyway.

On the day of the exam, she came in late so she didn't have time to talk to Rose. When she came in she expected an empty seat right next to Rose but to her surprise, she wasn't sitting with any of the other students she was sitting by the teacher's desk.

Teacher: "You're late, go sit down"

Cleo replies in a shaky voice: " But ... I can't".

Teacher: " Did I stutter? Sit down!".

Rose looked up from her exam and saw that Cleo gave her a death glare-she had a bad feeling.

Cleo sat down, she was so angry that she could have punched them both.

Her anger quickly turned into regret and fear. She knew that if she got lower than a D she would have to repeat the school year.

That fear and regret turned into a malicious plan to mess with Roses's life in the worst way possible.

After the exam Rose immediately went up to Cleo and apologized profusely for not being able to sit next to her, Cleo cut her off and told her, with a forced smile, that she isn't mad and that she shouldn't worry. Rose was surprised about how calm she was, she left it at that, she didn't want to disturb her anymore, deep down she knew something was off.

Cleo has a lot of reaches so it wouldn't be hard for her to spread rumors about Rose's Money loss.

The townspeople were very aware of the lawsuits but they thought that her family still had a lot Of money, until the rumors started. The town's people started to distance themselves, ignore and insult them.

Rose's parents didn't take it well but Rose had it the worst. She gets kicked out of her clique and she loses all her social status. All of a sudden all these slurs are thrown at her "Why don't you go back to your country?!" "Oh my fucking God stay away from ME! I don't want to catch Ebola!" "The Netherlands is going to be infested by all these immigrants, ugh!!"

Although Rose has had all types of insults thrown at her on the regular these feel different. Now it's not about money or status it's about her race...about her being different... about her never being able to become truly one of them...

Rose's grandparents immigrated from Nigeria to the Netherlands in 1967 when they were in their late 20s. It was hard for them to get accepted into the community, they worked very hard to be "part of them". They changed their names and adapted their lives to match theirs... but in the process of adapting they had to let their culture go. Rose's father has never been to Nigeria or tried their foods-his parents feared that he would become too black. He never learned about his heritage so Rose automatically didn't either because there was no one to learn from or to guide her. Rose's grandma became a nurse and her grandpa was a lawyer, they worked very hard to set a strong and stable foundation for their future children. When her father was a child he would get hard punishments from his parents if he didn't study, keep his room clean every day, or if he scored lower than a B. There wasn't time for love and affection, all you did was study so that you have a good-paying job in the future. Her Dad is an engineer and her mom a successful software developer.

Rose's parents have the same expectations as they did for her dad. Even though Rose's parents are fully black they have, very strong European features-light skin, tinny nose, small lips, etc. Rose on the African and was born with the " misfortune" of having very strong african features-very dark skin, very curvy,y, thick black kinky hair, big lips, a big nose, strong cheekbones, and a very tall stature.

She never felt part of anything because she is different. But when she met Cleo her life changed... she didn't feel lonely anymore... she felt empowered and strong... even though Cleo treated her like trash she always stuck by her side knowing full well that she didn't care about her a bit but "Hey, at least I'm not alone anymore." She thought to herself.

Cleo gave her the guidance she needed to feel partially comfortable in her own skin... but that all came crumbling down...

"nt, nt,nt, what was I thinking? How could I have been friends with negro like you? My standers must have been low-like really low-it's actually embarrassing thinking about how I let YOUR kind into my house."

Rose stands there embarrassed as her classmate's laugh in agreement. "Did you really think that we were friends? Pff, how pathetic of you to assume that. The only reason as to why we all tolerate you is because of your money, but at the end of the day you'll never be anything but my little negro slave." They laugh. Rose can't help but cry. She can't handle confrontations at all-so when she just starts crying she is unable to do anything. She is a very fragile person by nature, her voice is naturally very quiet except when she sings. When she sings she blossoms, she can sing all her problems away even if only a brief second.

She never thought that she would call her that. She is heartbroken and hurt.

The crowd that had formed around them slowly got smaller and smaller until Rose was standing there all alone. Right as the crowd dissolves she packs her things and leaves school without hesitation.

She is ready to process it all at home but as she enters her house there's more drama.

Right as she enters she can hear her parents argue very loudly in the kitchen, throwing slurs and insults around. It doesn't make her feel any better-she starts to tear up again. As she wipes her tears away she notices that most of their furniture was gone and all of their clothes, books dishes, etc. are packed away in inboxes. She doesn't know what she is supposed to think about this situation, she wants to ask her parents but she doesn't want to get dragged into their fight, so she quietly makes her way up to her room.

As she is trying to process what happened her mother marches through her door throws a few boxes into her room and says "Pack all of your belongings. Get a suitcase and pack ur most important stuff there."

"Wait what-did something happen?" Rose asks concerned.

"We can't stay here anymore-your dad and I will move to England."

"I'm not going with you? Why? Where will I go?"

(Her tone changes) "Your father and I have decided that we should spend some time away from you... we don't want to drag you into the mess we have created...you will be staying at a boarding school, it belongs to an acquaintance of mine."

"But...I-I don't want to leave you guys. No matter what I want to stay by your side. Please don't leave me all alone!" She begs with tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry I can't do that... your safety is our utmost priority"

"...when...when will we leave?"

"tonight"

"Tonight? Alright."

Her empty and misery filled eyes glare back at the concerned eyes of her mother. Her mom hugs her tightly knowing in how much pain she must be in.

On the way to the airport:

"All I ever wanted was a normal life without drama...with real friends...equality...respect...I created an illusion of the life I've always dreamed of...I swept the mistreatment under the rug knowing full well that it cut deep...deeper than anyone could imagine...The illusion of the perfect life gave me the security and guidance that I needed...I didn't feel lonely or sad...I felt like had finally found my place...like I had found the missing piece...But in the end, it was the wrong piece and the whole puzzle came crashing down...leaving me in pain and sadness...

11:45 pm At the airport:

As they arrive at the airport all of them feel blue. They wander around the airport trying to make the best of the little time they have together. They don't know how to act since there was never any family time, just trying to be the best... always competing.

Rose isn't in the mood for family time. She feels as if they are doing it to make themselves feel better, trying to make themselves look like the good guys even though they were the ones who forbade her from doing the one thing she loved to do. The one thing that motivated her in life. Music. For most of her life, she played the violin, flute, and piano until she one day said that she wanted to become a musician. "Why do want to become something like that, get a real job", "You will never make it, I bet on it!", "If you plan on becoming a musician don't even bother showing up here."

She has never forgiven them for what they have done and said to her.

1 hour later at the gate:

"I guess it's time to say goodbye" Rose says emotionlessly.

"I guess this is where we should say our goodbyes".

Her mom says in a concerned tone: Please know that we are doing this because we love you, we want the best for you".

Funny how she talks about love when that's the one thing that I haven't felt from them Rose thinks to herself. And since the argument that they had, her dad acts colder than usual and won't talk to her mom unless it's very important. Even at a time like this he still won't look at me without disgust she thinks.

Dad: " Will y'all hurry up for Christ's sake."-He rolls his eyes.

Mom: "..." she walked over to Rose and hugs her. Rose doesn't hug her mom back. Mom: "Goodbye Rose, take care"

Dad: "Bye"

"Bye,".

They say their goodbyes and then they leave.

As Rose boards she thinks:

I guess I was never truly part of the picture