Heartache and loneliness

Hong Kong

It's the last day here...

The last time I'll get mistreated, shouted at, made fun of, and the last time I'll feel ashamed to live in my own home...

I'm leaving, never looking back...

It's a weird feeling. I'm excited to go my own path but also scared to be alone... I haven't felt this empty before for a long time...

The day that she vanished was the last time I felt loved...

3 months ago

"Good morning mother, how do you feel?"

"Good morning Caihong, I'm feeling good, thank you"

"Has miss.Huā (the maid) prepaid breakfast jet?"

"Yes, hurry now your siblings and father are already at the dinner table. I'll come and join you in a minute"

"Ok mother "

Caihong closes the door of her mother's bedroom and makes her way down the large staircase to the dining room. At the entrance of the dining room stands miss Huā. Miss Huā smiles at Caihong, bows, and says " Good morning miss Fùyù". Caihong smiles back and wishes her a good morning as well.

Caihong enters the dining room, there they are sitting. At the front of the dining table sits her father, on the other end is the seat her mother sits on. To the left of her father are her two younger siblings and on the opposite side, she sits by herself. She bows and greets her father and siblings. No, respond. "Just like every other day," she thinks. She sits down at her seat and glares at the food. Congee and Crullers with a side of meat-filled dumplings, steamed buns, and a cup of green tea. She loves dumplings.

She is about to start eating when her sister Chen says in a bratty tone: " I hope you don't plan on eating all of that. Maybe have some more of the broccoli. I'm sure it will help with your weight, we don't want you to be fat and the darkest at the same time, now do we?" Her other sister continues: "If you were a little bit skinnier and lighter-skinned as we are, I'm sure you'd have a boyfriend by now". Caihong wanted to respond with something like:" I'm surprised that you even managed to get a boyfriend with that attitude" or " I love myself the way that I am, just because you feel insecure about yourself doesn't mean that you have to be mean to others". Those are just hollow thoughts trying to convince herself that she's strong. Caihong doesn't respond. She knows that if she were to talk back at Chen she would get in trouble with her father. Deep down she knows that they are right about one thing.

Her father just sits there ignoring the mean comments Chen made. Just like the 15 years before that.

At this point, she can't even cry she has gotten used to the daily name-calling and comments.

Misses Fùyù entered the dining room. She greets everyone, they greet her back, and then she takes a seat.

After breakfast Caihong goes into the study hall where her teacher is awaiting her. She doesn't go to school because of the bullying. Her siblings go to expensive private schools her father has never cared for what she did or what happened to her. Since she can remember her father never looked at her the same way as he did with her sisters. He was never an emotional person he was too busy with the business but he never really looked at her at all. She always felt like an outcast never loved, always looked down upon. Even other family members looked at her differently.

She used to be an outgoing extroverted kid but with time she became shy and introverted.

The person that she loves the most is her mother. She was the only one who protected and cared about her.

They painted and played together. That made her sisters jealous, that is when the at-home bullying started.

After 7 hours of studying, she goes into the garden where her mother is painting.

Caihong asks "May I join?", "Yes, of course," her mother answers. She sits down next to her on the picnic blanket.

"Here, take this" she hands Caihong a canvas, paintbrushes, and paint.

She thanks her and starts painting. She looks around the big garden and decided to paint the sky instead.

"Done! What do you think?" Caihong looks up at the painting from her mother. Her jaw hangs open. She is speechless. After a second of silence with a huge smile, she exclaims: " It's beautiful. The colors, the fine artwork, it's as if the painting is alive."

Just as the words of excitement and admiration left her lips she noticed that she spoke too loud and apologized profusely. Her mother laughed and assured her that it wasn't a big deal. She said, "Just because we have a lot of money and a high status it doesn't mean that we must be serious all the time, fun and happiness is something everyone should experience especially with family". She hands Caihong the painting and tells her that it's an early birthday gift. At first, she refuses but in the end, she excepts the present with gratitude.

That night was the last time Caihong saw her beloved mother. In the middle of the night, her mother vanished without a trace. Nothing unusual was recorded on the Security camera, the guards and maids didn't notice anything unusual either. Caihong was shocked and sadden. After that day she got more mistreated because no one was there to defend her and after a month her father's new girlfriend moved in (his former colleague). That made her more upset because when he delivered the news he didn't seem to be saddened at all.

Present time

"I'm 16 now I can take care of myself. That's what if been doing all along. All I need is my freedom" she mumbles to herself while furiously stuffing her bag with clothes.

While packing miss. Huā came into Caihongs room with an envelope in her hands.

"This is not what it looks like!"

"It's ok," she says in a soft tone "I know what you are doing. I'm not going to stop you. I'm here to deliver this letter to you"

She lets out a sigh of relief.

"Who is it from?". She hands it over to Caihong.

"Your mother".

"What do you mean? She has been gone for 3 months now!"

"She gave it to me in the afternoon before she vanished. She told me to give you the letter at a time like this".

"What does it say"

"I don't know, but she told me that you should only open it when you are very far from home"

"Okay"

...."Are you leaving tonight"

"Yes"

"Where are you going"

"I'm not sure but I have a feeling that my final destination will be a WHOLE lot better than this shit show"

..... Caihong bows and says with tears in her eyes "Miss Huā, thank you for caring about me"

"No worries" She starts to tear up as well.

"Thank you for respecting me", she bows as well. Miss Huā wipes her tears away and says "I have to go now, I'll tell the driver to drive you to the bus station".

"Goodbye"

"Goodbye, have a safe journey"

"Thank you"

Caihong puts the painting from her mother in a case and then places it in her suitcase.

After Miss Huā and Caihong said their goodbyes, Caihong went downstairs to the front door with her suitcase.

"Are you going" in shock she looks up at the top of the large staircase? It's her father.

"Yes, father"

"For how long?"

"I'm not sure"

"Okay, take care. Goodbye"

"Goodbye"

Caihong thinks to herself while driving under the moonlight: "I think that although he didn't look at me, that those words came out of a place of understanding and acceptance. He must know that I'm not coming back.

I'm now 100% sure that this is something that I have to do.

I guess my journey begins now.