Sometimes, I Relax. (23.1)

…

"So, what you're telling me is that I no longer have any control over my life."

"Yes."

"Yep!"

There were no signs of duplicity or regret in either Hiryute's or Lyon's faces. The Elf and Amazon's gazes just begged me to say a word against their plan. It was a trap. I knew that I couldn't reverse the decision. However, I couldn't call myself I man if I didn't ask at least one question regarding the piece of paper that would now dominate my life for the foreseeable future.

"Uh, why?"

'Why' is one of the greatest words available in any language. It asks for meaning and explanation within a single breath. Also, perhaps most importantly, not being able to answer the question makes a person feel bad and consider their life choices. Yes, indeed, it is the ultimate armor-piercing question! The simple phrase can destroy the hearts and have individuals question their very existence when used correctly!

"Because, if we left everything up to you then we'd get nowhere and be forced to take drastic measures once more." Alas, like all other powerful attacks, there existed those capable of blocking it or turning it aside. Lyon utilized my own attack as ammunition for her rebuttal, turning her defense into offense, and increasing the damage she could deal against me. Please, Lyon, have mercy. "In short, this schedule is born from your ineptitude, Hachiman-kun. Make sure to adhere to it; otherwise, many complications will arise."

I looked for allies, but Hiryute's sudden grip on my hand and beaming smile told me that I had no aid at all. I was alone, unsupported, and at their mercy.

"Hikigaya-kun, you said that you'd meet us halfway, right?" My own words were twisted and defiled by Hiryute! Oi, you know that's not what I meant! This whole plan is crazy! Meeting you all halfway meant showing up and not lying to you all about my entire life. I mean, most people do that already, but that's a big step for me, y'know!? Cut me some slack, I'm doing my best here! You're asking me to give you a mile when I can barely give an inch! "This is exactly what you said you'd do! We're going to be spending more time together, keeping each other company, and we'll be able to make sure you're happy!"

My mouth opened to contest those disputable facts, but Grande suddenly appeared across the bar and placed a bowl before me. By her stern gaze, I knew that a new enemy had arrived to further seal my fate. She was the coup de grace to my unfolding demise. Her arrival meant that my future was sealed.

"Don't be an idiot, Hikigaya." The simple statement was the final nail in the coffin. The half-dwarf's words reverberated through my brain as I peered upon the piece of paper that declared my life null and void. "When a group of women willingly draft up times and dates for you to spend time with all of them, you'd be the biggest idiot in the world to refuse to take it."

Yes, indeed, in my hands was a schedule of days which I would spend with Hiryute, Lyon, Alf, and Viridis. Much like some sort of doctor or technician, I now had appointments and days where I was set to spend time with certain individuals to do what they willed me to do. While there were still plenty of days to spend in the Dungeon, and perhaps with other people, there was no denying that my time spent idling and lazing about was effectively over.

Because of the item in my hand, I could feel the accumulating hatred of all the NEETs and Otakus gathering just looking at the piece of paper in my hand. All their hatred and vehemence were surely going to form into some sort of super demon god that was going to kill me one day. In the back of my mind, I could already hear the "you can go explode" being chanted by my former brothers. Wait, no, some people in the bar were actually saying that.

I always knew that schedules and quotas would the be the end of me, but this was just damned ridiculous.

…

"Bwahahaha! You're an idiot!" Crozzo laughed and pointed. How original. Do you seriously think your reaction is at all entertaining? I'll tell you right now that isn't the case. No matter how hard you try to look dignified while laughing, you look like a freak to anyone who doesn't know what you're laughing about! Know the pain of every Otaku who reads comedic LNs in public, you bastard! All your customers looking through the storefront will think you're insane! "Hikigaya Hachiman: Silent Death? More like the Silent Whimper! They're walking all over you, Hikigaya! Gahahaha!"

"If I wanted to be mocked by someone, I'd have laid in bed and done some thinking, Crozzo." There were two ways to approach this issue. Unfortunately, the easier way was to ignore it and convince myself that I didn't care about what was happening at all. That method led to insanity. As appealing as that sounded, I had to do otherwise and take the situation seriously and as it was. I was sure that I was going crazy still, but this time it was because of not knowing what to do instead of knowing what needed to be done. "I'm here for advice. For help. Give me everything you can, because I have no clue how any of this is supposed to go."

"Have you tried not being a doormat?"

"Dammit, Crozzo, this is serious!"

"Have you tried to be literally anyone besides yourself?"

"Crozzo!"

"You know you're going to get into a lot of trouble if you keep saying my name so passionately, Hikigaya."

"…Okay, that was a good one." Yeah, that was a good one. It seems that my constant ribbing of Crozzo has had him learn a few tricks from me. Still, only an idiot would be proud about having their target turn the tables on them. I will remember this Crozzo. My vengeance will be the stuff of legends. However, for now, I needed help more than satisfaction. "But, back on topic, I need your help. You've got half of my problem so please provide half of the solution."

"Do you still seriously think I'm dating Hephaestus-sama and Tsubaki!? Look, I'm going to tell you right now, Hikigaya, I would know if my Kami-sama was interested in me!" Oh jeez, Welf are you really that oblivious!? I've met Hephaestus a grand total of three times, man. The first time was when you'd introduced me to her, the second was spent just talking about and praising you, and the third was when she nearly cast me into the depths of hell for endangering you. I was being delusional and half-crazed while I ignored all the little details, but you don't an excuse. "Don't give me that look, Hikigaya!" The red-haired blacksmith pointed at me as though I was an affront to his vision. Oi, that's not nice, man. "If I'm blind then you're blind, too—"

"I wasn't blind, Crozzo. I was doing my best to ignore all the signs." There was no point in treading the old, worn path. While I would be happy just walking in circles and doing something familiar, I couldn't afford to do so. I've gone from having no relationships to four bent towards romance, four students, one old friend, and a goddess I needed to apologize to. Also, Crozzo was involved in some way since I was now right in front of him. C'mon man, give me the next Social Link Bonus! We both have issues with women, so that has to mean I'm getting some Points towards the next Bonus even if I'm shit at dialogue! "I was monofocused and insane, not blind. I have an actual excuse."

"You know that insulting me isn't going to make me want to help you out, right!?" Ah, Crozzo, if you think that was an insult, you've got another thing coming. I may be terrible at making bridges, but I'm very good at testing them and burning them down. While I promised myself that I'd use my powers for good (lol), I'm willing to make an exception in this case. The moment you share your secret knowledge of managing relationships with two women, you're free game. Don't underestimate the son of two corporate slaves. I was born out of passive aggressiveness. Molded by pettiness. I never said a compliment to anyone till I was in middle school and I failed miserably in doing so. I will teach you the true ways of insults, Crozzo, and you shall regret every moment of it. Wait. Dammit. Focus. "Hikigaya—"

I took a breath and raised a hand to stop Crozzo from speaking.

I was panicking again. Losing myself to my thoughts was too damned easy. What did I come to Crozzo for? Why was I Here? What did trading insults and enjoying myself do for my plan? I was stalling because I didn't know what to do with myself. Again. Dammit. I looked past what I wanted to say and do. What was I avoiding? What didn't I want to do? Soon enough, I found the words that I didn't want to say.

"Crozzo, I don't deserve any of this. They're just wasting their time with me." As always, being honest never felt good. Saying what I needed to say, instead of what I wanted to say, was a challenge that barely gave any rewards. What the hell. I didn't get people who can do this all the time. I'd almost rather be insane and delusional than keep this up forever. I'd almost say it's crazy to even try to always tell the truth. Still, I had to. "It'll only be a matter of time before they realize that I'm now worth whatever all this is." The schedule was a solid reminder of just how much time they'd be wasting with me. They were trying to succeed, but their chances of success were slim. Look at me, I could barely meet them halfway. "They're putting all this time and effort towards me, but they're going to get nothing in the end."

"…Is that because you've decided that they're going to get nothing, Hikigaya? Have you really already made up your mind?" Crozzo spoke after a moment. I couldn't meet his gaze. "You told them that you'd give them a chance. That schedule there is them making the most of that chance." The red-haired blacksmith stood from his chair and bared his hands. "Look, I get it. You don't like people wasting your time, so you don't want to waste their time… but are you giving up on them or are you giving up on yourself?"

I didn't have an answer for that question.

No.

I didn't want to have an answer for that question.

"Yeah, see? You're just being a coward right now, Hikigaya." I've always been fine with being a coward. In battle, pride meant nothing. The one who ran away first or fought with the least honor survived. However, here and now, well… it was obvious that I was just doing what I'd normally do when confronted with a strange situation. Crozzo gave a sigh and scratched his cheek. A hand settled on my shoulder. "Look, just take it one step at a time, alright? You've got more issues than entire Familias put together, Hikigaya." Oi, what are you doing smirking like that? You're supposed to be helping me, Crozzo. "You're not going to miraculously change overnight. You might not even realize you're changing... but I know for a fact that the Hikigaya Hachiman I first met would never have asked me for help.".

In the end, I could accept Crozzo's answer.

At the very least, I wouldn't let myself give up.