Regardless, There Are Better Things To Do. (18.3)

…

I want to say that I solved all my problems and that I was ready to move forward, but that wasn't the case. I doubted that was the case for anyone.

There were many things I could blame for my current situation

My situation wasn't what I was raised to expect or live within. I wasn't suited for the life I now had. I had my advantages and my disadvantages, but that didn't change the fact I was born in a world where I never expected to kill or be killed. Orario, no matter how I looked at it, wasn't a place that I could ever settle down in.

But, in the end, that was all a waste of time.

If something was wrong, then the obvious and logical answer would be to stop doing it. Therefore, if my problems were because of how I acted and treated others, then I should change so I would no longer have those problems. Simple, direct, and effective: everything I taught was centered around those words and I did my best to practice them myself. Since I wanted to change, I would go onto another path and that was that.

That was easier said than done.

If everything could be settled with just a single conversation and a few thoughts, then I doubted there would be any problems in either my world or Orario's. However, even the biggest idiot could tell you that was a pipe dream. Everyone is complicated. People hardly understand themselves, let alone other people, so misunderstandings occur and fracture even the closest of relationships. People live in fear of losing others and themselves so they assume, gossip, and become aggressive when they think it's necessary. Even if they're normal, people will hurt other people by complete accident. No one wanted to be wrong. No one ever wanted to believe they're not good, kind, and normal. Just admitting a mistake could be hard. Naturally, actually changing was incredibly difficult.

Despite everything I could do, everything I've ever done, and my ability to approach my problems from every possible direction, all I could do was take one step at a time and hope that I was different at the end of it all.

I was fairly sure that I was going to fuck up colossally.

…

Cranel burst through the doors of the kitchen.

"Everyone, Sensei is gone—"

I nailed him in the head with the pommel of a kitchen knife.

"Sit down and shut up, brat." I looked over the stove. When was the last time I had cooked? What was the last thing I cooked? I was pretty sure it was the last time I was training Loki's children at my fort. I had to admit that I was doing pretty well despite the fact I hadn't practiced cooking in a while. While my usual limits were curry and stews, breakfast was well within the scope of my abilities to make. Though cooking for almost ten people was a drag, I had the aid of the wonderful fanservice character known as Hestia. I'm sorry, Hestia. I'm really trying to stop thinking of everyone like Light Novel characters, but you'll probably be the last person I manage to stop doing it to. Also, Yamato was present. Whatever her reason for existing was, she was a decent cook. Wait. Damn. "Go eat. Today will be busy."

"Hah, Sensei!?" I could just see the over-comedic background and cartoonish jaw drop. Cranel, goddammit, I'm trying to stop doing this. Do me a favor and be less anime, dammit! I demand you be less cartoonish! I can't treat you like a regular person if you react in such a trashy, overblown manner! Unless you want me to treat you like a Chuuni! Trust me, I don't think you want me to treat you like that trash Zaimokuza! "You're cooking breakfast!?"

"Your observational prowess is shit, brat." Or did you mean that you though I couldn't cook breakfast!? I'll tell you right now Miso soup, rice, grilled fish, and rolled omelets are perfectly within my abilities of cooking! Especially when I've managed to get those markets up and running in this shitty city! I'm cooking better than the goddess of strings and hearths as well as your harem's Nadeshiko! Since I'm such a nice person, I'm just going to assume that you're blind, Cranel! Otherwise I'm going to demand some serious apologies by threatening to tell Wallenstein all your secrets! "If you're done being obvious, go eat like I told you to."

"Uhhh… okay." Cranel's mind turned and turned. I could hear and see the gears in the thought bubbles constructed by underpaid wage slaves dreaming to one day have others drawing out their manga's silly moment. Unfortunately for them, due to Japan's declining population, their customer base will die out within a few years. Go get a real job at the office or leave Japan! If you don't want to work hard, go somewhere where you're considered talented! Cranel finally took a seat and looked over his meal. After a few moments he looked up towards me, then Makoto, and then back to me. "Eh, Sensei, you're from the same place where Yama-san came from?"

"I am not. You're assuming things." I couldn't help it, I played along with the atmosphere. It was too difficult not to. Dammit, I'm living in an anime. You can't expect me to not play along! I've watched hundreds of hours of anime! I've watched Precure in theatres! Dammit, I can't do this! Ever since I've come into Orario, I've always known what to say and when to say it! I can't not do it, dammit! "You're an idiot. Pay more attention, idiot."

"You called me an idiot twice!" Cranel played the straight man without hesitation. Or was he just whining and playing up his effeminate side? I chose to not consider the latter option for the sake of my sanity. Anyway, "Yama" laughed. Hestia laughed. I huffed. String-chan strained at the burden that she carried. Everything was going as expected. It didn't feel as though I was acting and lying, but what was I supposed to do? Sure, I had to stop treating this world like it was all unreal, but how exactly did I do that without falling into my old routine? Sure, making breakfast was out of character for me, since I could pay someone else to do, but was I really making progress? My white-haired student levelled a finger at me imperiously. Oi, I said stop with the anime. "And, you didn't answer my question! You and Yama look alike when you're not wearing a mask!"

"My name is Hikigaya Hachiman, what did you expect, brat?" I huffed and shook my head. Was I being in-character as the Sensei type, or was I just expressing my disgust naturally? Where was the line between me and myself drawn? Could it be possible that I wouldn't have insulted Cranel if I wasn't his Sensei? I pondered the question over and over in my head. My Skill allowed me to turn it over my head while I plated the food I prepared and brought it to the favor. I considered my white-haired student carefully. Could I truly casually call this person in front of me an idiot? "Idiot. That's three times if you're still counting." He groaned as I pointed out the obvious. Did he do it due to his lack of critical thinking skills or my words? Believing the former sounded like optimism, so I chose to believe the latter. What an ungrateful brat! "Now eat up. Today's going to be busy."

"Huh, oh yeah, you have a big business to run now—"

"Nope. I gave it away." Nonchalance was a wonderful thing. Upon hearing the fact, everyone froze. I could hear the thought bubbles creeping up, see their crudely drawn figures, and the background turning white all around the table. Needless to say, since the main character was Cranel, everything has to be overblown and whimsical in order to be clearly understood. Wait, dammit, I was doing it again! You bastards are making this too easy! I can't stop my addiction if it's so readily available, dammit! "Too much of a hassle to manage."

There was guitar riff coming to signal the impending mood change after a strike of lighting with all present declaring "Nani?!." My little escapade for the last couple episodes was going to be turned into a punchline for the audience to savor. As expected, my screen time was just filler while the important VAs decided to take a break.

"…Oh, thank goodness that's the case." I blinked at the words that came from Cranel. I couldn't help but glance towards him as he gave a sigh of relief and started picking at his food. Other sighs of relief came forth from the table and suddenly smiles abounded. Huh? What? Did I miss something important or what? Was there some off-screen joke that I wasn't a part of? Huh? My white-haired student must have noticed my stupefied expression. He blushed and scratched at his cheek. At any other time, you'd distract me with your cuteness, but not today. Not now. "Err, ummm, I mean… you didn't seem as though you were happy there, so…" He fidgeted in his seat. "I-I just think it's good that you're not going to be doing that anymore! That's all!"

"I believe what Bell-kun wishes to say is that he and your other students did not wish for you to continue with your company since it took much of your time." Yamato Mikoto, speaking to me for the first time since… ever, was surprisingly concise and straight to the point. Taking a seat, she delivered her thoughts without any semblance of the demurity and meekness that I expected of her. The black-haired swordswoman began to eat her food while casting an eye towards Cranel's sudden embarrassment. I was just a vector for her to tease Cranel. Huh. "They planned to aid you in your organization after yesterday, but they prefer not having you work from the shadows even if you're with them."

"W-wait, you can't just say all of that right here and right now!" Cranel flushed the deepest red I'd ever seen him achieve. My white-haired student thrust out his hands as though trying to make the whole conversation stop completely. Naturally, his attempts failed. The conversation and the teasing continued without care for his attempts to retain his dignity. I know I remember saying that I wasn't paying attention to how feminine Cranel could look, but it was difficult to do so while he still had long hair. I amended my plans for the day. The first thing that's going to happen is I'm having him wear a ponytail— I mean, get a haircut. That's what I meant to say. Yep. He needs a haircut as soon as possible. He turned towards me while pressing his finger together. Yep. "It's not like that, Sensei. I mean, ummm, it's better for everyone if we do things together, right? We're stronger if we're together. If you want to keep your business going, it'd be better if everyone was involved and not just you…"

"…" Cranel trailed off and was the picture of abashed embarrassment. However, despite his attempts to question my sanity, the silence brought me back to reality. Slowly but surely, the thoughts I had settled down and I was able to think clearly. Cranel cared about how I did things. He didn't want to be excluded from what I did. My actions weren't what he didn't like. What he didn't like was the fact I'd pushed them all away. I couldn't deny that Cranel resolutely cared about me. "I see." I considered other words that I could say, but only a single phrase came to mind. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind from now on, Cranel. I promise."

I've broken promises to myself many times before, but I was sure that I'd never broken a promise to those who I'm willing to give them to.

A smile slowly but surely spread across Bell Cranel's face.

Cranel certainly qualified.

"You're welcome, Sensei."Cranel certainly qualified.

"Thanks you, Sensei."

...

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