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My Pick Up Artist System

"With this system, I'll become the world's greatest seducer! If it doesn't kill me first..." I was a nobody, a short fatty Otaku. Then, a girl's voice popped into my head: [Seduce a woman within a month or die.] "What the hell...how? I'm an 18-year-old virgin..." [7+ looks only. No slam donkeys.] "You’re forcing me to die!” Facing annihilation, I saw no choice but to join the international community of pick up artists, and from that day forward, my boring student life became filled with craziness and womanizing. I just had one problem: "Why are all these guys insane?!?" Pick Up Artist: One who uses specialized tactics to seduce women. Additional Tags: weak to strong, supernatural, action, fantasy, funny, dungeon, face smacking, bloodlines, modern, harem, r-18, litrpg,magic, cultivation, martial arts, shameless protagonist, parody, satire, succubus, netori, adult, ecchi, sex, hidden gem, drama, wuxia, adventure, mature, school life, seinen, princess, billionaire, werewolves, xuanhuan, erotic, erotica, romance, revenge, polygamy, psychological, r18, 18, 18+, smut, hentai, comedy, light novel, alchemy, system. *No Netorare or Yuri. *If you dislike harem, I guarantee this one will be different and become the best harem you've read on WN. There are colorful characters, no bad romance, and no annoying female conflicts driving the plot. *Every volume so far has been even better than the prior one. *If you're wary of reading originals, I assure you that I'm a native English speaker and you'll find the writing here to be at a print professional standard. If I said this story had the 2nd best grammar on Webnovel, no author or translator would dare say theirs had the 1st. *If you doubt any of the above, please read the hundreds of 5-star reviews. Some originals may have more reviews because they're older or get more marketing from Webnovel, but I doubt they have more glowing 5-star reviews. RELEASE SCHEDULE: 1 new chapter posted every day by 12 pm Est/12 am GMT+8. Bonus chapters don't have a set time, but if there are some pending, on per day is posted for 2 chaps/day total. Join the largest Webnovel Discord of 2500+ readers for character art and more: https://discord.gg/VSKzgzV8J9 (case-sensitive) If you'd like to make a Paypal donation to support the cultural cause of the novel and author: https://bit.ly/3lU4xD1

SamsaraWithWords · 都市
分數不夠
345 Chs

Milf Black Widow (R-18)

Batman was staring down a hotdog-shaped hallway. 'This must be what Ben Affleck felt like when he was dating Jennifer Lopez...'

Ben was considering whether to turn back or pass through this long, dark corridor. 'What should I do?'

Ahead: the unknown. Behind: cocks seeking knocks…

'Ahead!' When he considered it that way...

He crept along the wall at a slow pace. Besides for the two lit exits, it was difficult to see much…until it was too late.

"Ooooh, we've got a visitor," a voice in the darkness said.

*Click*

Someone pulled a metal cord hanging from the ceiling, activating a single bulb that brought down blessed light.

Yet, Ben reacted like a vampire. "NOOO!"

The dark frightened humans by nature, but other things frightened them far more. It wasn't the light that burned Ben's irises, but what it brought with it—a man fisting another man!

A darkness no light could erase!

Ben turned pale. 'These demons! This is the hallway from hell!' He staggered backward, attempting to retreat, but he bumped into something massive blocking his exit. He glanced over his shoulder.

There was a giant of a man, but that wasn't the problem.

He was shirtless, but that was only the smaller problem.

He was pantless. That was getting to the root of it.

He was naked except for a metal cage around his groin! Huge fucking problem!

'It looks like Bane's mask!' Ben stumbled back into the corridor. "Not good."

"What a lovely, lovely voice." The giant's words echoed through the corridor…

'Don't get into character! ...What should I do?' Ben's eyes turned bloodshot as he looked back at the alternative--the unholy puppet show...

There was no way out! He was between a cock and a harm place!

'No, there's some space to the side of the fistmas spectacular…If I creep along the walls, I can squeeze through.' He set the plan into motion.

As Ben escaped, the giant moved in his direction like an Indiana Jones boulder, threatening to flatten him or worse. Ben increased his pace.

Then, he reached the first obstacle--fistapalooza…

The space between Ben and them was so narrow that he needed to hug the wall to edge by. Otherwise, he could touch something and pollute the crime scene…

As he skulked, the Baned beast also reached them. The giant reached his hand into a bowl near the two demons.

Ben frowned. 'What is that? ...no lawd no…That's a bowl of loose M&Ms!'

The giant grunted. "Needed some chocolate fuel…"

Ben swore to never eat M&Ms again!

He inched towards the exit even faster. Right as he was almost through, a barrier went up. An arm extended from the demon on all fours getting the Alabama manicure...

He blocked Ben's path! With a high pitch, the demon said, "The toll…"

Beads of sweat ran down Ben's face. "What toll?"

Then the demon showed a friendly smile. He held his hand up and his voice became gentle. "High five!"

To Ben, it wasn't friendly! It wasn't friendly at all! He didn't want to touch anything here! He furiously shook his head!

The demon started nodding his head just as furiously! He wouldn't take no for an answer!

Then the puppetmaster yelled, "Hey! If he ain't your type, I'll be done soon and you can high five me!"

What ensued next was the fastest and most enthusiastic high five Ben ever gave!

The four-legged demon received his toll! He waved as Ben ran into the distance. "Bye, Batman!"

Ben didn't dare look back. "Some men just want to watch the world burn!"

***

Panting, Ben looked around. At last, he released a genuine sigh of relief. He escaped! He'd found his way back to the entrance bar. That meant the exit was within sight.

While walking to his old spot by the bar, he reflected on today's nightmare. He'd lost his innocence. They've broken this cutie... 'This is why young people shouldn't try new things. The elderly and conservative are right. Stick with what you know. If we still used the horse and buggy, we'd have no deaths from car accidents…'

Suddenly, a voice came from behind him. "Are you alone?"

On instinct, Ben almost replied, "I have an army! Thousand strong! We are legion!" He stopped himself when he realized it was a woman's voice and his head swiveled around.

'M-m-m-milf…' Ben's jaw almost dropped when he saw this voluptuous mature woman. He wasn't a particular fan of older women, but in this case, she won him over with her…"talent."

'Too damn sexy...' Ben thought. She looked like a mature Scarlett Johansson with short blonde hair. She even wore a dark leather outfit like Black Widow!

With a confident smirk, she took a few steps forward and cornered Ben against the bar, tracing her index finger down his jawline. "Well…what's it going to be?

Ben nodded with the fury of 1000 virgins!

Hell yes he was alone! He'd accept being forever alone if it meant her doing a three-point landing on his little Bane!

He didn't care about getting Deadpool's sloppy seconds.

He didn't care if she got Ruffalized offscreen!

He didn't even care if they canonized the Avengers: Endgame fan fiction where she got cream-teamed at the afterparty!

He was ready...

It was time to shoot the post-credits scene--shawarma 2: cockmeat sandwich.

------

*Author's note: Down the dark decades of your pain, this will seem like a memory of Heaven.

I bet you thought the first R-18 chapter would have Ben succeed at last. Well, I trolled you again. So just accept your grief, and find a way to move forward with your life…

Ok, the next chapter will have a proper R-18 scene. As for the woman introduced here, I added an artwork of her in the comments of the last chapter(was an accident). There's more on the discord of her including R-18 galleries and animated GIFs. https://discord.gg/VSKzgzV8J9 (case-sensitive) On a PC, you can copy the link from the novel's about/synopsis page. 

And no, there won't be things like the hallway from hell outside comedy in this story, so sorry if that disappoints some of you. It was only to parody a fetish club once.