The unforgiving reality

Chapter 2 - The unforgiving reality

I walk into my room, my hair still wet from the shower.

It was brightly lit.

I threw myself onto the bed.

I didn't want to think about it but my thoughts drifted to lunch.

At that my heart felt heavy, I didn't want to be away from here, from them.

There was always someone who took care of me.

I was scared of shouldering that responsibility all by myself.

I didn't want to be pushed back by them.

While I resent them.

While I will never accept them as my parents.

I don't want to be pushed away.

I don't want to be alone.

I wanted to stay with them.

My thoughts drifted to my new home.

I will be alone.

I don't want that.

Tears gathered at the side of my eyes.

I wiped away my tears.

I am confused, I didn't know much.

But I know that I don't want to go.

But I also know that it is the best for me and I hate that.

I am confused.

I don't know what to feel.

…

And just like that 3 years have passed.

I slowly opened my, a warm blue light greeted me.

I turned around to the side facing the wall and closed my eyes once again.

I wanted to stay in bed, but my alarm went off.

The alarm gave off the worst sound possible. It wasn't a song, just random noises that made my ears feel like they were bleeding.

While the clock-looking alarm maker was near me, the only way to stop the alarm was by using a remote. That remote was located in the other half of my house.

.

I did this to help me wake up as otherwise I would never leave my bed.

With my ears revolting I stood up and walked like a sloth around my house.

I walked up the stairs into the bathroom, being the farthest room from my bedroom it held the remote.

I instinctively took the remote and pressed a red button that read 'STOP'.

The quiet alarm that I still heard had now completely stopped.

I lightly exhaled at the returned peace and returned to my bedroom.

For a moment, I silently stared at the bed. I wanted to lay in it again. But I couldn't. I shook my head like a vibrator.

I dressed myself still reminiscing about the warmth of my bed that I abandoned.

I ate breakfast still reminiscing about the comfortable embrace of my blanket.

I finished my morning routine still with no motivation.

I sat on my couch still not knowing what to do.

'There are no interesting videos on Bluetube no fun games to play no things to do at home.'

'What am I supposed to do?'

I agonized at my boredom.

The only thing I could do was stare holes at my ceiling.

That was my daily routine since a day I had already forgotten.

Every day, every agonizing day boredom gnawed at my brain.

'This can't go on'

I have to do something.

'But what should I do?'

I didn't know. You can't know what you don't know.

But if there was one thing I knew, I had to entertain myself somehow.

My plant for that? Getting a hobby.

A hobby that will interact with me every day.

A hobby that I can feed an endless amount of time.

A hobby that will make me happy.

Something fun.

'I don't know any'

Once again my lack of knowledge was my biggest obstacle.

I didn't know of any hobby that is like this.

So I looked it up on the internet.

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{Time consuming hobbies}

╠ »  Gardening

╠ »  Writing

╠ »  Camping

╠ »  Cooking

╠ »  Learning another language

╠ »  D a n c e

╠ »  Photography

╠ »  Baking

╠ »  Drawing

╠ »  Breeding MU Plants

╠ » Cultivating

╠ » Alchemy

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From these results only Gardening, Drawing, breeding MU Plants and Alchemy interested me.

'Gardening requires a lot of planning and buying things, so I can't do that now.'

'Drawing I only need paper and pens, I have those so I can try that now.'

I gathered paper and a pen from my house and sat down on a table.

I looked at my hologram that displayed a drawing tutorial for total beginners.

It showed a small doodle of multiple slime-like creatures with different outfits and all kinds of expressions:

I drew all those that the video showed.

'They look great.'

After that I wanted something more complex so I decided to draw a face.

I looked at a tutorial for drawing faces and then followed the steps.

Draw a circle, and draw a triangle pointing downwards. Sounds simple, right?

Well it should be.

I silently looked at the circle thing on my paper.

I alternated my gaze between my circle and the circle in the video.

The quality difference was disgusting.

The more I looked the worse I felt, the mountain of training that I had to do to get to that level started to reveal itself to me.

We always see the end result but never the sweat and tears used to get to such a skill level or the amount of self-doubt or imposter syndrome that came in the making.

'Let's move on to another hobby', I thought with no hope and no motivation.

Breeding MU plants and Alchemy were the next two hobbies that interested me, but both required a lot of equipment and for alchemy, you even had to have a certificate.

To get such a certificate I had to study alchemy for about 4 years in a University that I could only attend when I was 18, in about 3 years.

Alchemy was off the table.

Only breeding MU plants was left, so I just watched some videos about it.

It was pretty interesting actually. Breeding MU plants was all about taking a single Mana-using plant, or called a MU plant, and then making one plant into many.

People did this boring-sounding task because of its difficulty, the interesting plants, and just all the benefits that these plants can give.

It interested me, so I decided to just buy some seeds of an easy MU plant and a starter kit.

With all that done, there were no more things to do as boredom returned.

I slothly returned to the couch and layed down.

I raised my right arm in a slow manner until I completely stretched it out.

My hand, which was wide open, contradicted in a moment as I clenched my hand.

I wanted to grab something but I didn't know what.

I might have wanted to cruch my boredom.

I might have wanted to give myself some sort of hope.

I might have wanted to achieve something.

But I didn't know.

I was lost.

I am lost.