My Miserable Life (2)

The World, It is often seen as something only the strong can survive in, which...is a lie, In The Real World, you need to be popular, loved, and you should be what they want, you have to change your wants,needs to be perfect for other people, even to strangers, you have to show respect and manners, otherwise you're a bad person, if you mind only your business, you are a evil person, that is how the world is, you have to chip away your life for other greedy selfish pigs, and you should not be selfish, that is one way of becoming, a good person..

No matter the truth or who you are, The Majority are the rulers, What can penetrate The Majority...What happens when two majorities meet? What would happen? whose side should you pick? can you stay away? can you disappear? 

he sighs in his thoughts, sitting up his bed with his phone in his hands

"How much more of my life am i going to burn away..."

As he scrolls through his phone 

"Why...why are they popular? I'm just as handsome.....with a bit of make up i can be too.."

he sighs, realising how bad of thoughts he is having, as he is becoming more narcissist

"...People are gonna find new way to make rumours if i become even more narcissist, i should really...just stop" 

'should i just die then...? Will everything come to a end.. Would i be happy...I want to be happy too...'

he thinks to himself as he slap himself out of these thoughts 

"I shouldn't just die, I Should...Become their god...they should worship me... I am god" 

his smile widens as he put his phone down

"that's right, I am god...I shouldn't concern myself with these peasants..."

he says while he tears up as usual, and sliding into his bed while holding his pillow close tightly and imagining  it as a person to cure his loneliness

"I will be happy...i am happy"

 4 Am : he smiles and wipes his tears off while putting his blankets over him and the pillow and holding it close into his dream world

he sleeps through the night and wakes up by the continuous sets alarm at half six, 

6 30 Am : he lays limp on the bed as his body is covered in pain as usual, he suffers from body pain since he was a child but never care much about it, he lays limp till he can move

7 Am : he got up after a bit of struggling, still feeling his spine and thighs very well as well as his shoulders to elbows and shoulder blades, his obliques, abdomen, inner thighs, calfs, joints...

7 15 Am : After a while of sitting, he brushed his teeth, taking a shower, and having the uniform on and didn't mind eating breakfast and left for school, as he is a second year..

many people think he's just in his teenager phase when he tries to vent or if anyone see him in sadness or if he act up, as that happens and he didn't want others to talk about him like that, he want to be different, he tries to act normal but often fails...

7 30 Am : He rushed to class, got to his locker and took the necessary and went to his desk, where he doesn't even have a benchmate, as his last benchmate hated him and changed seats because he liked to talk about theories, to the point he is boring and irritating, people avoid him 

 to talk to anyone but they turned him down

he tries to talk as well, he went to a random person and tried to say goodmorning, but they ignored him as if he never existed

he tried to talk to anyone but they turned him down

he sees other students saying good mornings to each other and talking to each other and doing activities 

he grits his teeth and watches from the back seat calmly, reading his books

8 Am : The Class Began, He stays with a neutral face while seeing others being happy, having benchmates, getting along, enjoying lectures

He's jealous, he's jealous, very jealous...

'...why'

he tries to stay calm and listen to the lecture, his grades on hangul are a so-so, He doesn't even speak  Gyeongsan Dialect even if he's from Busan,  so whenever someone speaks to him, he stands a bit out and people often assume he's a transfer student from Seoul.

The Class Goes As Usual, Through Lunch, Evening Classes and through even more evening classes

9 Pm : He Reached home, entering the lonely house, Going to the kitchen and preparing ramen and notice he has to buy groceries..

he took out the ramen from the cover and took out a utensil to cook it in as usual, boiling the ramen, putting a slice of cheese and closing its lid, waiting, and taking out his chopsticks, and consuming the ramen while scrolling through his phone, watching others... listening to songs...

"How...do they smile? i want to, smile too...."

He eats the ramen while scrolling and seeing people happy at their own activities

"i...want to get a hobby too...but what can i do...i'm not that good at everything..."

he keep scrolling before getting off the app, and opening discord

he chats with random people, acting as if he's a tough and happy person, smiling people believe him and happy he's not seen as a loser till a person usually comes to argue with him, he put the phone down and finished his bowl and dunked it in water on the sink and went to bed

taking his phone on 

"i should really study..i have to prepare for suneung..." 

he sighs, and puts his phone away and blasting through his books for a few seconds before putting the book down, as he's tired, he fell on bed, cuddling with his pillow

"...I'm happy...I'm not sad..."

he says while crying as usual

"I'm a god, i shouldn't...cry...I'm God!"

He says While cuddling with his pillow, 

"what more can i do, what more should i be"

should he try to be even better, he asks for advice online, everyone tells him to try talk to others, he tries to follow the advices but fails, he's just treated like a ghost in a room.. 

he took his phone and just scrolled through videos

"....i..."

he puts the phone down, as what he saw his favourite fictional characters are being disrespected, he wants to defend them but finds himself to be even more pathetic if he does, he feels even more pathetic to like fictional characters ...

"I'm so pathetic..."

he says, while trying to sleep, but remembers a few of his early childhood memories, which he still can't put his memories together as the images were a bit blurry, he remembers a middle aged or a elder man pinning him down when he was a child but it's still a bit too blurry for him to remember, he try to shake his head, feeling weak and sleeping with pillow

6 30 Am : He wakes up as usual, preparing his items and getting all prepared by 7 15 am and getting to school at 7 30 Am

As he sit on his usual desk where he doesn't have a benchmate, trying to listen what others are saying and smiling to himself if he hears

something funny, alone

As A few minutes passed, The Homeroom Teacher arrived to notice a transfer student from Seoul Is Coming to this Class.