Chapter 14: Clarity and Unexpectation

It's strange, isn't it? How the smallest moments can echo the loudest in your mind.

The rain had started falling again that afternoon—soft, steady, a gentle reminder of the unpredictable weather I couldn't control. I'd been walking home alone, my head buried in my hoodie, trying to escape the weight of the thoughts crowding my mind. But there was no escape. They always found a way to creep in.

I had told myself, after the conversation with Kaito yesterday, that I would try. Try to let people in. Try to stop pretending like I had it all together when I was barely holding myself together. I had agreed to meet Haruka at the café after school, something that felt almost... normal. Something I hadn't done with anyone in a long time, at least not outside of the casual hangouts with the group.

But I hadn't been able to stop thinking about it all day.

What if she found out how messed up I really was? What if she saw through the mask I'd worked so hard to maintain? The Kai who was always smiling, always joking, always pretending to be okay despite sharing some of his issues with her.

I understood the actions I have done so far was so wish-washy, something you could say was frustrating trait of mine which I unknowingly developed still.

I reached the small cafe and pushed open the door, the warm air inside enveloping me. I saw Haruka almost immediately, sitting by the window, her head down, her phone in her hands. Her dark hair framed her face in soft waves, and for a moment, she looked almost like a stranger. But then she looked up and smiled at me, and it was like I could finally breathe again.

"You're here," she said, her voice light but with an undertone I couldn't quite

place. "I thought you were going to bail on me."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Nah. I wouldn't do that to you."

I sat down across from her, my hands resting on the table. I could feel the dampness of my hoodie against my skin, but it was more than just the rain that had made me uneasy. It was the unspoken tension between us, the thing neither of us had addressed yet. The fact that I had let her in just a little, but still felt like I was holding everything back.

"Are you alright?" she asked, her eyes searching mine, as if trying to read what was hidden behind my walls.

"Yeah," I said quickly, a little too quickly. "I'm fine."

She didn't seem convinced. Her gaze softened, and she leaned forward slightly, resting her arms on the table. "You know, you don't have to hide from me, Kai."

My heart skipped a beat. The words hit me harder than I expected.

I didn't know how to respond. The weight of my past—the things I hadn't told anyone, the things I hadn't even let myself think about—pressed on me like a boulder. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Instead, I stared at her, unable to escape the pull of her eyes.

"I don't want to keep pretending," I finally said, my voice low. "But I don't know how to stop."

She didn't speak at first. She just reached out, placing her hand over mine gently. The warmth of her touch felt like a lifeline, a reminder that there were people who cared enough to pull me back from the edge when I was about to fall.

"You don't have to do it all at once, you know?" she said softly. "You can take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

I nodded, but the guilt in my throat didn't go away. In fact, it felt like it was only getting bigger. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe that everything could be okay if I just took one step at a time, but the fear gnawed at me. The fear of falling apart. The fear that, in the end, it would be too much for anyone to handle.

—-~

We spent the next few hours at the café, talking about nothing and everything. Haruka was kind and patient, allowing me to steer the conversation, but I couldn't ignore the fact that we were dancing around the real issue. The words I hadn't said, the parts of me I hadn't let her see. I knew she was waiting for me to open up. But the more I thought about it, the harder it felt.

By the time we left, the rain had turned into a steady downpour. I didn't have an umbrella, and neither did Haruka. We stood by the door for a moment, unsure of what to do.

"You want to walk home with me?" she asked, her voice quiet but with a hint of something deeper. "It's not far. And... I could use the company."

I hesitated, the storm in my head almost louder than the one outside. But before I could come up with an excuse, Haruka was already walking toward the door, holding it open for me.

"Come on," she said. "You're not getting out of this one."

I sighed but followed her, and we stepped out into the rain together.

The walk was mostly silent, the sound of the rain pattering against the pavement a constant backdrop to our thoughts. I couldn't help but notice how close we were, our shoulders brushing every now and then as we walked side by side. For once, I didn't feel the need to fill the silence with words. It was just the two of us, walking through the storm.

Eventually, Haruka broke the silence.

"You know, I've been thinking a lot about you lately," she said, her voice barely above the sound of the rain.

"Thinking about me?" I asked, glancing at her, unsure if I had heard her right.

She nodded, her eyes focused on the road ahead of us. "Yeah. About how much you try to hide. About how much you carry on your own. I know you think you're alone in this, but you're not.

You've got people who care about you. You've got me."

Her words sank deep into my chest, settling into the space I had spent so long trying to keep locked away. The walls inside me trembled, like they were starting to crack.

But there was still so much I wasn't ready to share. The truth about my mom. The guilt I still carried, even though I hadn't seen her in years. The parts of myself that I didn't even know how to face.

"You don't have to say anything," she continued, sensing my hesitation. "I'm just saying that I see you, Kai. I see you trying, and I think that's enough."

I didn't know how to respond to that. How could I? The words felt too heavy for my tongue. Too complicated for me to say in that moment. But there was something in her voice—something in the way she looked at me—that made me believe her. That made me believe that I didn't have to hide forever.

——~

As we approached the end of my street, we were met with an unexpected sight. Kaito was leaning against the fence in front of my house, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, staring out into the rain.

"What's he doing here?" I muttered under my breath.

Haruka gave me a sideways glance, her lips curling into a small smile. "I don't know, but he looks like he's waiting for someone."

I wasn't sure if Kaito was waiting for me or just passing by, but it didn't matter. The moment I saw him, I felt a strange mix of relief and anxiety. I didn't want to face him—not yet, not when I was still so messed up. But somehow, I knew he wasn't going to let me avoid him forever.

When we reached him, he looked up and gave me one of those typical smirks of his. "Took you long enough. I was starting to think you two were having some kind of secret conversation."

Haruka laughed, shaking her head. "We were just walking, Kaito. Nothing secret."

I noticed that Kaito's gaze flickered between Haruka and me, as if trying to figure something out. He didn't say anything, but the look in his eyes told me that he wasn't as clueless as I liked to think he was.

"You know," he said after a pause, "you're both kind of terrible at hiding things."

I froze. "What do you mean?"

Kaito raised an eyebrow. "You think I don't know when something's up with my best friend? You're both acting weird lately. And I'm not buying this 'I'm fine' act."

I felt my stomach twist. But before I could say anything, Haruka interjected.

"Maybe you should leave him alone, Kaito," she said quietly, but there was a hint of a warning in her tone. "Kai's been trying, okay? But it's not going to happen all at once."

I looked at Haruka, surprised by her words, but she just gave me a small, reassuring smile. The tension between us had shifted, just enough to remind me that I wasn't alone. And, I was beginning to believe it.