Chapter 157
"Oh dear!" he muttered, sharing an uneasy look with Professor Sprout before looking at Harry with very sympathetic eyes, "You haven't gotten to Professor Lockhart yet have you?"
Their concern wasn't unwarranted.
As soon as Harry had knocked on the man's office door, he was immediately whisked into the office by an extremely overexcited Lockhart, who then proceeded to regale him with a blow by blow tale of how his entire first day of teaching had gone. Harry decided to be polite and give him five minutes before he blackmailed the signature out of him, and leaned back into his chair and tuned the man's voice out. The day had been very fast paced so far, and he needed the rest.
"…and then when I finished demonstrating how to take down a werewolf when you don't have your wand, I told them about the time I had to jump off a cliff in Nepal without a broom, and survived with only the help of levitation charms. Your friend, one Bean Thomas I think, dared me to perform it! And I agreed!"
"What!?" Harry blurted out, having caught the last part.
"Isn't that amazing? I'll be demonstrating by jumping off the Astronomy Tower without a broom. Haven't fixed a date yet, but I think it'll be great for the PR. Gotta give the papers something to write about eh? Can't have them forget me while I'm here at Hogwarts!"
"PR? You're jumping off a tower for PR? You'll die!" Harry exclaimed in disbelief.
"Nonsense Harry! I'll be fine. Why, I remember Flitwick telling me in my Hogwarts days about a guy that levitated himself and manage to fly! Simple stuff!"
"That guy died"
"…he did?"
"Yep."
"Oh…Well. I'll be sure to put safety nets or something below the tower in case I fail. But imagine if I succeed. And even if I don't, I'd still be front page material for days!"
"I…I don't understand. You're basically putting your entire life in danger just because of good PR" Harry said, feeling wondering genuinely whether the man was actually mad or not.
"Harry, Harry, Harry. Of course, you don't understand. You're new to this celebrity thing after all. For example, did you know that one of the best ways to show one's status or credibility really pretentiously is with a Latin motto?
"What are you even talking abou-"
Not even letting Harry finish his question, Lockhart steamrolled ahead. "In the old days, it conferred some level of prestige. These days, only smart people know Latin, so whoever still uses one is basically trying to show how much smarter, richer, and generally more awesome they are than usual people. It is a really great way to show your celebritiness to people."
Rubbing his head, Harry checked his wristwatch. Two more minutes. 'Just to be polite' he thought to himself and decided to humor the man. Sighing, he said, "Really? I didn't know that."
"But now you do!" Lockhart thundered jovially, "Its little things like this Harry. Little things that make a big celebrity. That's why I'm starting a new Wireless show about how to help up and coming celebrities like Quidditch stars or child prodigies. I've even had the introduction music made. Want to hear it?
Stifling another suffering sigh, Harry said, "You know what? Sure. Let's hear it."
"That's the spirit Harry," Lockhart merrily said as jogged over to a nearby Gramophone, robes flaring, and put on a new record. An oddly catchy jingle filled the air.
"Pam pam pa pa pa pam pam pa pam pam pam papapapapapa pa PA PA PA PA PA! Hello Wizarding World! Welcome to Fame Theory!"
It was Lockhart's voice that voiced the last two lines in the jingle. Lockhart put the record back into the drawer he had pulled it from, and
"You like it, Harry? Fame Theory. That's my new show that's going to be coming on the Wireless. I'll even be broadcasting some shows from Hogwarts! Isn't it amazing? I'll be giving advice to young newly famous people who don't know how to manage their extremely public lives. And you know what? Bet it'd be a hoot to have you on sometime!"
Harry's left eye developed a violent twitch.
Five seconds...Four seconds...Three...Two...One...Zero.
'I can't be arsed anymore about this' he thought, 'If he wants to die, he's welcome to die. I'm sure Dumbledore's reputation is more than enough to keep whatever plan Malfoy put into place at bay.'
"You know what Gilly?" Harry said out loud, "Enough of that. I don't want this to be very unpleasant, so let's make a fair deal. You sign this slip of mine. I appear on your show once. Fair enough?"
An eager glint appeared in Lockhart's eyes, which Harry immediately noticed, "And if you even think of trying to extort something more in exchange for signing, you'll be going off to Azkaban by tomorrow's breakfast"
Ping!
Skill leveled up!
Blackmailing Lv- 4 (20%)
This is your ability to make another person do something you want by expressly using some sort of leverage against them. The higher the level, the more chance of success!
(21 + Lv of Bullshitting)% chance of success, less based on how extreme the demand is.
The glint disappeared, and Lockhart slumped in his seat.
"Good man Gilly."
Professor Aurora Sinistra was very accommodating. She signed the slip as soon as he mentioned that he wished to make something that would compete with Quidditch. Apparently, she wasn't all that much a fan of the sport either.
Harry was heading out of the Astronomy tower when suddenly, he caught sight of a familiar blond haired girl skipping her way towards him along the corridor.
Luna Lovegood noticed him, and a bright smile lit up her face as she skipped over to him. Harry prepared to introduce himself since the girl had never seen him without the invisibility cloak.
Her first words threw the plan right out of the window.
"Oh Hi Mr. Toadinger," she merrily said.
"Um…"
"Or do you want me to call you by your alias Harry?"
"…Yeah. I'd…I'd really appreciate that actually." Harry stuttered out, thrown for a total loop.
"It's a very good alias. Very much like that famous boy Harry Potter that killed the dragons. Nobody would suspect a thing. Very smart of you Mr. Toadinger."
"Um…"
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