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Godhood: My Planet System (Deleted)

作者: awada141
奇幻
連載 · 650.3K 流覽
  • 30 章
    內容
  • 4.3
    31 評分
  • NO.200+
    鼎力相助
摘要

<< Warning>> This is the previous edition of the novel, for more, check auxiliary chapter. --------- Having a had normal and simple life since his birth, Long He couldn't imagine that such a thing would happen to him. While he was drowning, a glowing bead merged with his body, raising him to Godhood. He opened his eyes to a foreign world; the planet’s flat land stretches for mile on end of miles. No trees, plants, or anything could be seen popping up on the ground. Where was he? What has happened to him? Is he alive? Is he dead? He didn't know a single answer to these questions. Yet, he didn't give up as he thought of a solution to his problem; this is his cunning nature, after all. Ding. [Planet System Activated.] That was the voice that introduced him to the Milky-way universe, where millions of gods and demigods resided. However, things aren't peaceful as he thought before. Blood will be spilled. Bodies will be pierced. Wars are to be fought... Will he survive in this universe? Will he and his allies emerge victorious in the wars? Come and read the story of the god of Aquahelios, Long He, the Waterflame! ------ Support me on Patreon: www.patreon.com/awada141 Join the Discord server: https://discord.gg/qJ8DDTa

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1 標籤
Chapter 1An unexpected accident

January 1, year 3181, planet Earth.

A gentle and soft wind blew up as the sun prepared to take its duty as the guardian of the day. There, at the foot of the Great Dragon and Phoenix Mountain, and within an ancient green forest, was Long Yu Feng city.

This city is a safe haven for people who seek protection from the mutated beasts. Over the years, the number of mutants has grown in an unimaginable rate. And as the mutants increased, the number of the cities decreased, with many cities crumbled to piles of dust and rocks.

When the first warm beams of light shone upon the city, all the citizens, even the 7 and 8 years old children, prepared to go to their works. However, they didn't know that a couple was running amidst the forest towards the city.

The woman was young, at least she was in her twenties, with a pretty face, deep brown eyes, cherry lips, and had dirty-blonde hair. Her stomach looked a bit big, where it hosted an unborn baby.

The man beside her had a muscular and strong posture. He had brown hair, as well as a brown beard, and green-emerald eyes.

When the two were about to reach the city gates, the young man lost his balance and stumbled on a tree root, his leg stuck in it. The girl knelt beside him and fiercely tried to break the leg free, but it was of no use, the foot was firmly stuck.

Behind them, a roar could be heard, and it was coming near. When the young man heard the roar, he looked at his partner and said, "Yi'er, you have to go! Just leave me here and save the life of our unborn child and yours. Go!"

"Don't be stupid, Shen Hu!" said Yi'er while desperately trying to cut the root. "I won't leave you here to your death. If you die, then I will also!"

The roars seemed like they were only a few meters behind them. Shen Hu clenched Yi'er hand and said, "Go! Please Yi'er, go! Take care of yourself and of my child! I love you!"

Yi'er's eyes were filled with tears as she got away from her husband and ran towards the city. Finally, the beast showed up. It was a 4 feet tall, black and blonde furred, pointed teeth, sabertooth tiger! One of the most powerful mutants in the world!

The doors of the city opened, and Yi'er stepped into safety. She took a last glance at the dead Shen Hu, where the beast was chewing on his flesh, before the doors closed.

However, Yi'er didn't have the time to mourn for her husband's death, since her child was moving inside her, struggling to get out. A few guards came and lifted her to a nearby hospital, where she gave birth to her male baby.

An old priest of the temple of the gods held him and walked out to the city square, where the citizens were all gathered. The priest placed the baby under two great statues of a dragon and of a phoenix.

He knelt, as did the people, and said, his voice resonating in the square, "I shall name you Long He, after the beast that killed your father, Sabertooth. May the gods bless you! I sense that you have a great future!"

When he said those words, the sun had finally ascended to the sky.

19 years later.

February 13, year 3200. Long Yu Feng city, planet Earth.

At noon, the university bell rang, and all the students got out running. However, some remained calm and slow, as if nothing awaits them.

One of the these calm students was a 19 years old young man, 6 feet tall, green-emerald eyes, brown hair, and a not-complete beard. This man reached his apartment in a corner district.

When he opened the door he shouted in the house, "Hey mom!"

"He'er!" answered Yi'er, "How was university today?"

"Just as usual," answered Long He, "Some bullies tried to show off on a poor guy, and...."

"And you hit them?"

"Yes!"

Yi'er sighed and said, "How many times did I tell you not to get in people's business?"

"I can do nothing about it. It is my nature."

She just shook her head and said, "Enough blabbering now. Eat something quickly and get to your job, unless you want to hear old Xia shouting?"

"Absolutely not."  He took a quick meal and hurried to his work. While he was running, he reached the bridge that hung above the great river, who people believe is the father of the creator of this city!

He just needed to cross the bridge in order to reach the store he was working in. However, he didn't know that the gods have chosen a different fate for him. A man on a motorcycle, that was driving like crazy, passed beside him and pushed Long He out of the bridge without any mercy.

Long He fell through the air and hit the surface of the water. Unfortunately, he didn't know how to swim. He screamed for help, but no one took any notice of him. He preserved for a minute, then sank into the water.

He knew that he was at his death step. Long He can even see fate's cruel smile, laughing and mocking him. He could almost hear it saying, "First your father, now you. Should we bring the mother to complete the family? It would be a great reunion!"

He couldn't believe that he was dying now, so he prayed in his heart that the gods would take pity and save his life. Fortunately, they did.

Inside the water, he could almost see a glowing point approaching him. When it was near enough, he could make the outline of the object. A glowing fist sized bead floated there inside the water.

It came near him and touched his chest, while he tried to move his hand to remove it, but soon, Long He found out that he was paralyzed. A hole in his skin appeared with the same size as the bead.

It entered his body, then the hole closed as if nothing had happened. Long He thought that he was in a trance, and everything he just saw was a dream. After a quick moment, he ran out of breath and passed out. He just closed his eyes and let the waves take him.

Long He didn't know that many days had passed while he was underneath the water. News of him disappearing flashed on Tvs. Posters were pasted on the wall, his picture on them, and a statement that said, "Have you seen this man? If yes, contact the police." under the picture.

Weeks passed, and yet he wasn't found. His rivals in the university spread rumors that he escaped to the outside world, foolishly thinking that he is a good wanderer and that he could survive against the mutants.

His mother was becoming more and more worried by each minute. She prayed to the gods and gave offerings for them in order to let her son come back safely.

On the fifth week of his disappearance, the ones that Long He knew had given up hope of him returning. But who could have thought that the police would call and announce that they have found him?

Yi'er hurried to the river shore where the police was gathered around a body, Long He's body. The policemen created a path to let the crying mother enter.

"He'er! My son! Is he alive?!!" she screamed, tears filling her eyes. She knelt beside Long He and cried on his chest. Surprised, she stopped crying. She could hear her son's heart beats!

She motioned for the doctors to carry him to the hospital, in order to save what had remained of life force in him.

But how could Long He know that his fate has changed when the bead entered his body? How could his rejoicing mother know? Or the police?

They just didn't realize that an important figure has been born.

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MochizukiTsukinoki
MochizukiTsukinokiLv3

This story was created with pretty interesting concept, yet few aspect could be seen immediately that they're lackluster. It wasn't about the system or something that has to do with the power and anything along those line, the problem here was the fact that the character wasn't really get the spotlight they deserves. It was already on chapter five, and yes, focusing on the plot and world building is important. Sometimes you need to sacrifice which one need to be become more mundane than the other aspect, that's what happen on this story. The world building was pretty solid, I could even give it full star for that. But the development was hath to be paced down a bit. It was too fast, even entering the conflict was could be seen as the author being excited and wanted to continue the story already, something I could sympathize too to be honest. Problem here is the character, they didn't feel so alive, because yes, they just don't. Problem wasn't on the writing or anything like that, it was more on how the atmosphere was created by the words that connected each other into one sentence, it was obviously not strong enough. Advice are given from this point. Try to paced your story, make it bit slower. If you could, focus on what is so important in the story for one chapter only, don't be afraid to do that, this is Webnovel, it's okay to slow down things by doing this. Also to improve more there are more reference could be included inside the story, by what I mean reference is the books that the writer reads that'll become something he study from and learning. The planet system could become a much more realistic with this in mind. It wasn't bad, but just with more tinkering, it would be more great.

Empressblue
EmpressblueLv5
EkOmkar
EkOmkarLv10

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