If Only I Knew Then What I Know Now
Sean
.
.
.
It was fun. And it felt good. That for a small moment in my life, I could finally breathe the thing they called air.
In.
Out.
Only air.
The shakiness of my breath had disappeared, and my mind cleared from it's everyday, brewing storms. Because she saw the good behind my mistakes, I forgave myself. And up until then, I never realized what a burden it was.
How quickly that was all ripped away.
I thought she took my inner battles seriously. But she was too good to be true.
All this time, I thought I scared her off. She made me believe that with trust, came relief.
For four years, I gave myself a hard time. I brought myself down with all these negative emotions. Little by little, the guilt consumed me and I allowed it to take over, thinking maybe, this way, I was avenging mom's death.
Then Destiny came along.
It was hard, but because of how many times she said so, I started to believe her when she said it wasn't my fault.