Becoming a Woman

ELIA

By the time they reached the great room in the cave Elia was swallowing back tears. Candace sat on the bench in front of the fireplace immediately, but Elia stayed on her feet, pacing in front of her.

"I can't help it! I didn't learn these things, I don't… smell things like you people do. I'm not strong the way you are—but it's not my fault! None of those things were needed to be successful in my world. So why is everyone judging me for something I have no control over?"

"Because you were a sacrifice. You were supposed to die," Candace said quietly, her green eyes following Elia's movement. "You have been made a leader among people who see no reason to follow you."

"What was Reth thinking?"

Candace made a little chirping, coughing noise. "I suspect he wasn't thinking as much as… feeling."

Elia gave her a flat look. "I'm hardly a beauty," she snapped. "If he was feeling anything it wasn't about me."

Candace's eyebrows popped up again and she ruffled her cloak the way she had in the clearing the night before. "You truly believe that?" she said carefully.

Elia stopped pacing. "He'd never seen me before. I was a wreck—and terrified. Among people who are brutal and strong. It was hardly the best first impression."

Candace's face went very still at Elia's words. "You truly have no history with Reth?" she asked quietly.

"No. How would I? I've never been to Anima."

"But our King has been to your world. More than once."

"Yes, he told me." Then she remembered her question this morning, and that strange feeling she'd had when she looked at him on profile. Elia frowned. "I did ask him if we'd met before. He… didn't get a chance to answer."

Candace just stared at her for a moment. "Perhaps that's a line of questioning it would be worth pursuing with him?"

"Can I even do that? He's the King. Isn't there some weird tradition about bowing, or not talking, or something? Aren't I just going to end up offending him—or everyone else—"

"Self pity isn't admired in a woman among the Anima," Candace said softly.

Elia folded her arms. "Oh really?" she asked sarcastically.

"Really. You asked what it means to be a woman here. An adult. Well, that is part of it. A woman of the Anima knows her strengths and plays to them—she chooses to pursue the things she is good at, and is humble about her weaknesses. She does not deny them. She finds ways to overcome them. She accepts the things she cannot change, and she does not give up on working to change the things she believes she can."

"Well, wonderful—how do you learn to do all this, because I was never taught!"

Candace grimaced. "The Anima learn by observation and imitation. We train, of course, but the greatest lessons in life are learned by watching others you admire. Mimicking them. Strengthen your body—learn to believe in yourself by trying things you think you cannot do. Don't cower before challenge, but don't seek a fight where none is necessary." She paused and her lips thinned. "And trust your husband."

Elia frowned. " What makes you think I don't?"

"It's obvious to everyone that you didn't mate last night. There is no greater show of trust than to give your body to a male."

Elia's mouth dropped open. "How did you—how do any of you know that?"

"When Anima mate for life, their scents entwine. Everyone knows they belong to each other. When Reth appeared this morning it was obvious… he didn't smell of you."

"He didn't… you all… Is nothing private in this world?" Elia's voice was too high, but Candace didn't seem to care.

"Very little, honestly. But that means it's difficult for people to lie or deceive us, also. So, it has its good sides."

Elia shuddered. "You people are… I'm not used to that kind of—"

"Get used to it. That's what Anima do. You want to be a woman here, you'll learn to accept—"

"What I cannot change, yes, I heard you—and Reth—the first time."

Candace folded her arms. "You heard. Yet, it's easier—and more childish—to hold a grudge, or self-protect. The Anima thrive because we have learned the value of living together, living for each other. Rather than for ourselves. And…"

Elia waited, but Candace trailed off.

"And what?" Elia asked impatiently.

Candace gave her a flat look. "And we live for good of our mates. An Anima woman owns her mate's heart—and he hers. They are united, and generally joyful in it. They are… paired. Everyone knows that to cross one, is to fight both."

"Reth spoke about that last night," Elia said faintly. "I thought we… I thought that's what we were."

"And yet, you denied him." Candace said.

"No, I didn't!" Elia protested, though she blushed hard. "He… he didn't seem to want…"

"He turned you down?" Candace gasped. It was the most expression Elia had ever seen on her face, and her stomach sank. This must be even worse than she'd thought.

She nodded sadly. "He was kind and gentle, but… he didn't want me."

Candace was on her feet and pacing, her brow lined with confusion. Her steps were quick and she seemed to flutter as she walked. "Couldn't be… why would he? He knew how it would impact the people… it must have—" She broke off and turned to face Elia. "Were you overcome by the smoke last night? He carried you away from the fires. Did you struggle to think?"

"At first, but it passed. I was just exhausted. But not so tired that I couldn't… I mean… I would have… I gave him all the signals…"

Candace nodded, but her face remained worried. "He is likely just being a stupid man, and decided he needed to protect you, or something. He has always been overly cautious with females. I admire his intent, but frankly, he underestimates us at times. Tonight… tonight you must make the proposition again. You are clear headed and obviously healthy. He will not turn you down again."

"But… what if he does. I'm afraid he sees me as a child. The way he was last night…"

Candace pushed her shoulders back and shook her head. "You must not accept it. A woman would not. A woman would force him to explain himself."

"I can't do that!" Elia gasped. "He's already turned me down. I'm not going to force him to tell me why he doesn't find me attractive."

"Doesn't—" Candace spluttered. "There might be true problems here, Elia, but attraction is not one of them. We were all there last night. We could smell him across the flames, for the Creator's sake. I promise you, whatever happened last night, lack of attraction was not the issue. There must have been a reason he thought you—"

A knock came at the door then and Candace broke off. "Tell no one of this!" she whispered as she walked towards the door while Elia stayed in front of the fire. "It will only create more rumors."

Then she went to the door. To answer it. In Elia's house.