Chapter Nine

TW: MENTIONS AND INVOLVES SLIGHT PANIC ATTACK, DRUG ABUSE, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, AND SELF HARM!!!!! PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK AND SKIP THE FLASHBACKS!!!!!!!!!

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When people look at Enji or Endeavor, most people would not in a million years see him as a person to be nervous. Most people will laugh in your face when you say the new #1 hero is nervous and some wouldn't believe you and say that you're crazy. Yet here Enji is sitting at the dining table waiting for his children to arrive and being nervous about what might happen. Now Enji is not a man that go against his word, so as soon Enji got home he texted Fuyumi asking if her and the boys wanted talk about what's going on with him from the past few weeks. If Enji is being honest he kinda regret his decision and wants to cancelled everything. But since there is no going back now all Enji can do is pray that every thing goes well.

'Maybe everything will go smoothly...right...??' Enji thought to himself doubting how today will go and how his children, mostly Natsuo, will respond with and ask.

While Enji was sitting there mentally battling with himself he heard the front door open. "Hey dad we are here!" Fuyumi said as she take off her shoes, while Shoto and Natsuo did the same as well.

"I'm in here Fuyumi." Enji called out as he let out a small sigh, well its now or never to do something about the situation.

Everytime Enji hears their footsteps the more nervous he gets but what is about to happen. He sees Fuyumi walk around the corner and have a small smile on her face once she saw Enji siting at the table waiting for them. Fuyumi was in shock when Enji texted her and asked if Shoto, Natsuo, and her can come over and talk about his strange behavior and why he have been avoiding them for the past few weeks. But over all Fuyumi was more than happy when she read the text, even though she still does not think it was okay for her to tell Toshinori about what have been going on. Well what's done is done and Fuyumi is just more than glad than that Enji is ready to talk to them about it. Shoto only decided to go was to get more information to find out about Enji so he can tell Katsuki and Izuku. Natsuo couldn't care less about talking to Enji about anything and was forced to go by Fuyumi. If anything seeing Enji was the last thing that Natsuo wanted to do. He still can't believe that Fuyumi is still keeping contact with Enji and to make it worst on his end even Shoto is starting to believe that Enji is 'changing' bullshit.

'I can't believe that Fuyumi and Shoto actually think that bastard changed, and want to hear his piss poor ass excuse...' Natsuo thought to himself as he felt anger began to bubble up.

He don't care what no one says or think, whatever the hell Enji went through then won't help his sorry ass for the hell he put Rei and everyone else in. Now Natsuo know that he's might be going over board but he could care less. Natsuo walk in the dining room right behind Shoto and hear Fuyumi and Enji having a small conversation amongst themselves. Shoto would say something to the two here and there, all three of them sitting there like everything that Enji did was nothing but a bad dream. This piss Natsuo off and then an idea struck his mind.

'Maybe I can call his ass out on everything he did to remind Yumi and Shoto...' He thought to himself as he pulled out the chair and sit down across from Enji and next to Shoto.

Fuyumi sat next to Enji glancing at Natsuo worriedly every now and then to make sure he don't say anything rude like he always do. The last thing she need is Natsuo being a stubborn asshole every time he comes over to see Enji or just taking one of Enji cards and not giving it back.

Of course none of them didn't want to ask the question, or even think of way to ask the question without sounding harsh. Fuyumi was kinda nervous in asking Enji and Natsuo didn't care all together. Finally, what felt like forever the silence was broken by Shoto.

"Thank you for inviting us over old man." He said mentally letting out a big sigh.

Well it's a start somewhere and that's the only thing Shoto could think of saying. Now all he can do is hope that Natsuo don't try and mess this up for him to find out what cause Enji to avoid them for the last few weeks.

"Its no problem Shoto, I owe you all an apology anyway.." Enji said truthfully he didn't see a point in trying to beat around the bush, but he can admit that he'll probably will not be able to answer all of the questions that they'll ask him.

"Tch.....Yeah right..." Natsuo mumbled under his breathe as he rolled his eyes and slouched down on the chair.

He felt Shoto lightly jabbed his shoulder at Natsuo side and he also felt Fuyumi gaze at him. But Natsuo could care any less what Shoto and Fuyumi think, he don't want to here for another second with Enji.

"Natsuo..." Fuyumi said in a warning tone while glaring at Natsuo.

Now this isn't one of the times Natsuo can be a dick to Enji, they all was invited over here to talk about something very important. Fuyumi do not have time for Natsuo bullshit today.

"Fuyumi it's okay...." Enji said not wanting Fuyumi and Natsuo start arguing because of him, and it is not helping Enji calm his nerves either.

Of course this didn't go unnoticed by Shoto, looking at Enji from the corner of his eye, Shoto can see Enji's body tense every now and then.

'Have he always did that...?' He thought to himself trying to recall any memory of Enji doing that in the past.

Sadly his thoughts were cut off by no other than Natsuo himself. "Oh so now you want to be calm and collective, what happen to raising your voice every five fucking seconds?!" Natsuo said as he raised his voice in anger and is completely done with whatever the hell Enji is planning on doing.

He was expecting for Enji to say something back so he can finally give him a piece of his mind, but instead Enji just sat there and didn't say anything at all and this pissed Natsuo off.

"Natsuo that's enough, dad invited us here to talk about something important!" Fuyumi scolds at Natsuo, she know that Natsuo still haven't forgive him yet but she still was hoping that he would at least act a little civilized.

"Fuyumi is right Natsuo, we should at least hear what he have to say." Shoto stated this could be the only time that Shoto could get any piece of information he could get out of Enji and he'll be damn if Natsuo ruin it by being an annoying spoil brat.

"What the hell why the fuck are you guys standing up for him?!?!" Natsuo shouted while slamming his hands on the table as he stand up out of his seat.

It took every muscle out of Enji's body to not flinch after hearing Natsuo raising his voice and slamming his hands on the table. He try to look away and not meet Natsuo gaze but Enji can feel Natsuo eyes glaring at him in rage just like him. He knows that he shouldn't compare his own son to his father but he can't help it.

'I shouldn't compare Natsuo to him... I shouldn't...' Enji thought to himself as he try to control his breathing but it was hard for him to do so with them yelling background.

"Natsuo now is not the time!!!!" Fuyumi yelled at Natsuo feeling irritated at him for being so childish and deciding to start an argument now of all days.

'Valk please calm down!!!' That voice reminds Enji so much of his mother, and it also remind him of that day.

Out of at this time why would that memory decide to crawl back into Enji's mind now.

"Oh it's never the fucking time Fuyumi! You are always standing up for him!!!" Natsuo yelled back at Fuyumi feeling fed up with all of this as he now began to get up out of his seat.

Doing this cause Enji breath to quicken and his whole body to tense up as he kept looking down at the table.

'No..no..no..no..not now please of all times not now....' Enji thought to himself as he began to have a panic attack.

Neither Fuyumi or Natsuo notice this except for Shoto as he look at Enji and realizes that he is beginning to have a panic attack. He doesn't know what trigger it but he do know that he need to get Natsuo and Fuyumi to calm down, mostly Natsuo.

"Natsuo that's enough, you two need to calm down!" Shoto yelled not loud enough to startle Enji but loud enough for Natsuo and Fuyumi to hear.

He managed to catch their attention, Fuyumi was in shocked and surprised that Shoto said anything. She also noticed that Enji didn't say anything at all. Natsuo on the other hand was to stubborn and angry to notice what was going on or he did and just don't care.

"CALM DOWN?! YOU WANT ME TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN, WHY SO THIS SORRY EXCUSE OF A FATHER CAN ACT LIKE NOTHING FUCKING HAPPEN?!" Natsuo shouted while pointing at Enji, not knowing that he's activating his quirk causing the floor to freeze around him.

Enji didn't say anything, he couldn't say anything. His body wouldn't move, it was hard for him to breathe, and everything felt like it was closing in on him. 'WHY ARE BABYING HIM?! HE'LL NEVER LEARN BE A FUCKING MAN IF YOU KEEP ON BABYING THAT BASTARD!!!' That voice from that memory made Enji body began to tremble, Enji vision began to go end and out.

Enji didn't know that Natsuo left out of anger and Fuyumi went after him or what was going on until he felt someone's hands touch his shoulders, this cause Enji's body to tremble more and made his breathing quicken. Not knowing that it was Shoto, Enji senses were on alert and he thought that he had touch his shoulders.

'No...no.....I'm in trouble again...I didn't mean too.....' Enji thought to himself as it felt like his throat is closing up, he just want this feeling to go away.

"Dad it's alright it's me, Shoto, everything is okay slowly take deep breaths..." Shoto said trying to get Enji to calm down, this is the first time in years he ever called him dad, but Shoto can think about that later right now he need to help Enji his panic attack.

"S-shoto....?" Enji managed to choke out as he looks at Shoto.

He don't remember Shoto being in front of him let alone trying to help him with his panic attack instead of him letting Enji doing it by himself.

"Yeah it's me don't worry everything is fine just breath dad..." Shoto said to Enji softly as he felt a wave of relief when he heard Enji speak.

Enji listen to Shoto and begans slowly taking deep breaths, once he kinda have his breathing under control he start to look at his surroundings and realize that Fuyumi and Natsuo are no where to be seen.

"Where did Fuyumi and Natsuo go?" Enji asked Shoto, he doesn't really remember all that happened besides hearing them argue.

It took Shoto a minute before he could answer Enji he's not surprised that Enji didn't know all that was going on but he don't want to trigger another one of Enji's panic attacks. 'Fuck it he needs to know and it's better if he did anyway.' Shoto thought to himself as he mentally sighed to himself.

"You...didn't go with Fuyumi to go after Natsuo...?" Enji asked in pure confusion he didn't expect Shoto to stay here and not go with Fuyumi or Natsuo.

'He only did it out of petty why else would he stay here with you?' Enji felt a wave of guilt after hearing the voice, he couldn't help but feel like it was his fault that all of this happen in the first place.

Besides he won't be surprise if Shoto did only stay was out of petty. "I didn't want to leave you alone by yourself and I'm pretty sure that Natsuo went back to his dorm so I'll be staying the night here." Shoto said leaving Enji no room for debate or complain.

Enji just nodded in agreement knowing there is nothing he can do to change Shoto mind. "....I'm sorry Shoto....." Enji mumble softly but not soft enough for Shoto to not hear him.

Enji felt like that apology was long overdue and doesn't change the fact that he had completely avoided his kids and everyone else. Shoto felt a pang of guilt hearing Enji apologize, sure Enji did avoid them but if Shoto is being honest he can remember all the times him and Natsuo always told him to just leave them alone.

Shoto look at Enji with a soft smile and said "Its fine really, you can tell me why you did it when your ready but for know let's get some rest." Enji didn't realize until now how drained he was from the panic attack and the roller coaster of emotions he is having right now.

And this cause Enji to feel even more guilty that he wasted his kids time and is probably stopping Shoto from hanging out with his friends. But none the least Enji got up from the table, he noticed that some part of the floor was covered in ice, remembering Natsuo outburst.

'Natsuo was right about me...' Enji thought to himself, and Shoto catches Enji looking at the floor, he pulled Enji out of his train of thoughts.

"Hey don't worry dad I'll take care all of the floor and table, you go to bed and rest." Shoto said walking over towards the part of the floor that is covered with ice and using his left hand to activate his quirk to melt the ice.

Enji sighed and turned to walk away wishing Shoto a goodnight. He began walking down the way to his room tears began to fall and thoughts filled his head.

'Your fucking stupid.... Your own kids hate you..... Your a little crybaby bitch..... Stop crying you little whore.' The voices becoming louder and louder. More and more aggressive.

"No stop please..." He mumbles to himself as he enters his room full on sobbing and rushed to his bathroom turning on the showers Shoto can think that Enji is taking a shower.

He open the medicine cabinet and grabbed a pill bottle full of antidepressants that used to be Rei's before she got pregnant and got two then three then went to four then five then six and then seven all down his throat. He laugh a quiet bitter laugh once his swallow all the pills.

'Your so fucking pathetic Enji....' The voice of his father ringing in his ears.

The pills making every thing look and feel fuzzy. He saw something that he thought he gotten rid of along time ago, bag of replaceable razors. Thoughts filled his head the same venomous thing from before got louder and louder. He grabbed one slowly and looked at it as images filled his mind.

'No one would miss me so why, why, why do they pretend to care.' He began thinking to himself as he rolled up his sleeve and one after another he slashed his forearm.

Thick red blood poured in a stream for the wounds and for that moment Enji feel nothing, all of the emotions he was feeling early was faded away into numbness. Enji stands there for a few seconds until he finally decides to clean up and bandage up his wounds. He pulled his sleeve back down and then put the bag of replaceable razors in the medicine cabinet making sure it was covered up and then put the antidepressants in there as well.

'I'm just dragging everybody down and wasting their time...' Enji thought to himself as he finally decides to go and turn off the shower. To mentally drain to take a shower, he turn off the bathroom lights and go went to bed. He laid there for a couple of minutes until he close his eyes and drifted to a dreamless sleep.

Once Shoto was down melting the ice, clean up the water off the floor, pushing the chairs back under table, and locking the door. He decided to tell Izuku and Katsuki what happened tomorrow and preparing himself to be scolded to death by Katsuki because of Natsuo outburst. Though it didn't help the fact the Shoto feel like that he doesn't know anything about Enji than he thought he did. Hell he can't remember anytime that Enji had panic attack or that he even have panic attacks until now. Not only that Shoto also can't help it but everytime he sees Enji walk pass him or stare off in space. He can't help but feel that there's something really bad is going on with him but he can't find out what just yet. Since Shoto is to tired think and sink in everything that happened today he headed off to bed.

'Maybe I can look through his office whenever he goes out on patrol.' Shoto thought to himself and he open his room and walk inside.

As he closes the door behind him, he plopped down on his bed. He can't help but feel a wave of concern and worry for Enji for some reason. Shoto just brush it off thinking he was just overreacting and lay down.

'There's nothing to worry about I'm sure his fine.....right...?' Shoto thought to himself as well as doubting himself. He shakes his head to stop himself from overthinking so much.

He looked up staring at the ceiling until hours go by. Shoto felt his eyes becoming heavy, finally slowly drifting off to sleep. Hoping that tomorrow going better than it did today and that he can at least get a little bit of information. He felled asleep snoring softly not knowing that Enji was crying on his way to his room, or that he swallow a lot of antidepressants and was cutting himself. Nor did he know how Enji was feeling or how he always thinks of himself as a burden to everyone around him. But what the biggest thing that Shoto didn't know at all will crush him more than what he think.

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The next morning Shoto woke up too tired to get up from bed, he turned to his side and that is when he felt something in his pocket. 'What the hell is that in my pocket??' He thought to himself as he sit up and check his pocket only for him to realize that it was his phone.

"Was I that tired that I completely forgot to charge up phone..?" Shoto asked himself out loud with a confused expression on his face.

Not believing that he actually forgot to charge up his phone before he went to bed. 'Shit I hope my phone isn't dead...' He thought to himself as he was mentally praying that his will turn out.

He turn on his phone and was surprise that it came on, when he look to see what percentage it was on. "It's only on 85% surprisingly..." Shoto said out loud to no one but himself.

Shoto look through all of his notifications seeing that he have a few missed call from his class group chat and text messages. Some was from Fuyumi telling him where Natsuo went and she went to her and Rumi apartment. And the rest was from a group chat that he made with Katsuki and Izuku for when they have any important information about Enji.

"Fuck Bakugou is going to kill me when he finds out that my dad still haven't told me why he was avoiding us." He said still kinda getting used to calling Enji dad but none the less it made Shoto feel a little happy not that he'll tell Enji or anyone that.

He looked at his phone for the time and realize that it's 10:22 in the morning so he decided to get out of bed and head to kitchen to get something to eat. As Shoto was mentally debating whether or not if Enji is still at home or if he went to his agency, he got his answer when he walk in the kitchen and see a bowl of cold soba with note next to it on the counter. He walk towards the counter and pick up the note to read it.

'Hey Shoto, I had to go run some errands so I'll probably be home late. I made you a bowl of cold soba and left one of my debt cards on table in the living room. You can invite your friends over if you want.' - Enji

Shoto hummed softly as he finish reading the note. He threw the note away and grab his bowl of cold soba and chopsticks. He walked to the living room, he sat down on the couch and set his cold soba and chopsticks down on the table next to Enji's debt card. Shoto grab his from out of his pocket and unlock it and text Katsuki and Izuku in their group chat to let them know that they can come over and help him investigate Enji's office since he is not at home. Shoto turned on the TV to a random channel and pick up the cold soba and chopsticks and began to eat. It didn't take long until Shoto someone banging on his front door.

'That's probably Bakugou...' Shoto thought to himself as he sat his cold soba down on the table and went go answer the door. He open the door to see Katsuki and Izuku standing there, they both was wearing a light jacket since it was a little chilly outside.

Shoto move out the way to let them in well Izuku because Katsuki walks past him like it was his house. "Thank you for inviting us over Todoroki!" Izuku said happy that Shoto invited him and Katsuki over to help him out with this while Enji situation.

Shoto smiled softly at Izuku and this caused Izuku to blush. "It's no problem Midoriya I'm glad that you and Bakugou agreed on helping me." Shoto said to Izuku as he close the door behind Izuku once he walked in and making sure to lock the door. The last thing he needs is some random report getting through the gates and walking in his house.

Katsuki eye twitch in annoyance hearing Shoto and Izuku conversation. "Tch...what the fuck ever Icy-Hot, so did you find out any information yesterday?" Katsuki asked Shoto as he turn to look at him as he rises a eyebrow at Shoto.

This caused Shoto to sweat dropped nervously knowing that he is fucked. 'Have I met my end already??' He thought to himself already accepting his faith.

"Well umm..about that, I didn't get to hear the reason why or anything close to that matter because of Natsuo.." Shoto explained to Katsuki as he already have a plan on how he'll haunt the living shit out of Natsuo.

Of course this pissed Katsuki off knowing that Shoto did not have any information to tell them when he was here with Enji that whole night. Of course this pissed Katsuki off to the core knowing that Shoto did not have any information to tell them when he was here with Enji that whole night.

"WHAT THE HELL HALF N' HALF YOU HAD ONE FUCKING JOB!!!" Katsuki yelled at Shoto as voice echo through the whole house.

Izuku jumped a little being caught off guard by sudden outburst. "W-wait a minute Kacchan! W-we all know how Natsuo can be at times so it's not totally all Todoroki fault." Izuku explained to Katsuki not knowing that Shoto felt daggers stabbing him once he heard Izuku say it wasn't totally his fault.

'The amount of betrayal I feel right now is unbelievable...' He thought to himself still can't believe that Izuku basically took Katsuki side.

Katsuki huffed as his crossed his arms, not wanting to admit that Izuku is right. "What the fuck you damn nerd.." He said to Izuku while rolling his eyes, feeling a little bit annoyed at Izuku and Shoto and probably Natsuo as well.

"Its not my fault! And besides the only thing that I know from yesterday is my dad surprisingly have panic attacks, which is weird because that was the first time I ever seen or knew he have them." Shoto told him completely forgetting that he called Enji dad instead of old man. Shoto didn't realize his mistake until he saw Izuku smiling at him and as well as Katsuki having a grin on his face.

'Wait....WAIT FUCK I CALLED HIM DAD IN FRONT OF THEM INSTEAD OF OLD MAN SHIT!!!!' Shoto thought to himself feeling embarrassed knowing that there is no way he can get himself out of this one.

"Sooo you finally started calling him dad icy-hot??" Katsuki asked Shoto teasingly while still having a shit eating grin on his face.

Shoto knew he'll never hear the end of this, so while Shoto and Katsuki was bickering back and forth Izuku was the only one that realize what Shoto said at first.

"Wait Todoroki you said that Endeavor had a panic attack??" Izuku asked as Shoto can hear how shock and surprise Izuku was.

"Yeah it happened I get when me, Fuyumi, and Natsuo was arguing but I was the only one that notice. He didn't even know that Natsuo stormed out of the house and that Fuyumi went after him..." Shoto said as his voice start to trail off when his face expression began to change to guilt thinking that it was kinda his fault that Enji had a panic attack.

Katsuki and Izuku both know were Shoto was going to go with this, and neither of them want Shoto to blame himself. "Oi half n' half don't beat yourself up dammit. That's why we're helping you, so we can get to the bottom of all of this." Katsuki said to Shoto as he put his hand on his shoulder as a sign of confront.

Izuku nodded his head agreeing with Katsuki. "Yeah Todoroki no matter what we'll be in this together!!" He said as his eyes was filled with determination as he look at Shoto. Shoto looked at the two and chuckled softly while having a smile on his face.

'They're both too good for my on good...' He thought to himself happily, feeling glad knowing that they have his back.

"Well alright then, we have enough time before my dad comes back home so let's go look in his office to see if we can find anything their." He said to them as he grabbed his bowl of cold soba and chopstick and walk to Enji's office.

Katsuki and Izuku both followed him there to the office, as all three of them made it up in their mind that they'll find out what's going on with Enji and find out the truth no matter the risk or what danger they will have to face in the long run.