31. Chapter 31

Hi all! Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter :) I had the best time writing this one, so I hope you like it just as much!

Chapter 31,

Erin reached into her pocket and fished out a ten dollar bill and handed it over the seat to the driver. "Do you mind if we sit here for a couple minutes?"

The driver accepted the bill and nodded his head, "Sure thing," he said into the rear view mirror. "However long you need."

Erin closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the headrest. The heat was blaring from the vents, but it did nothing to stop the shivering.

Calm down, Erin. Just think.

She spent the next five minutes quietly thinking, remembering and reliving the events of the night. When she finally calmed down a little, she opened her eyes.

She had decided where she wanted to go.

She opened the Uber application and typed in the destination. Then she closed her eyes again, and prayed Olivia wasn't home.

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Jay sat in the car long after he pulled into the parking lot in front of his apartment building. He wasn't ready to go inside and face his apartment alone.

And he certainly wasn't ready to wake the girls, who were sleeping soundly and blissfully in the back seat.

He couldn't transfer the girls from the car to the apartment by himself without waking them.

It was times like this that he hated living in an apartment, and wished he had a house. One with a long driveway and a two-car garage, so he could transfer the girls into the house one at a time. One with a big backyard where he could have a swing set and jungle gym for the girls, and maybe he could set a basketball hoop, too. Because his girls were going to be multi-talented, of course.

And maybe one day, he and Erin would have a son that would play with it, too.

God, he wished he and Erin had a house together. More than anything.

Actually, on second though, he just wished he and Erin had a life together. If Erin lived with him, he wouldn't care if he had a house, or an apartment, or if he lived on the street.

And if she was here, he didn't need a garage. Because if she was here, they could carry the girls together.

He pushed those thoughts deep to the back of his mind as he finally turned off the engine. He quietly stepped out of the drivers seat and opened up the back door.

"Mads," he whispered, gently shaking her leg. Her party dress was completely stained, a mix of ketchup and barbecue sauce and ice cream cake, but her white leggings had actually faired better. "Wake up, pretty girl," he whispered again.

Her eyes fluttered open slowly as she took in her surroundings. She had fallen asleep in the chair at Voight's dinner table, and it took her several moments to realize that she was now right outside her home.

He leaned across Maddie and gently rubbed Grace's knee. "Grace, wake up, princess. We're home."

Grace took longer to wake up, the excitement from the day having drained so much energy out of her. She didn't fully open her eyes until Jay had unbuckled Maddie, closed her door, and walked around the Grace's side.

Maddie was in his arms with her head resting on his shoulder, and her breathing began to even out as he bent down to unbuckle Grace's car seat. He bobbed his hip up and down slowly, "Mads, wake up, baby, I need you to walk." He had the ice cream cake in his car, and he would consider leaving it in lieu of making the girls walk, but he didn't want it to melt all over the seats.

Maddie barely even opened her eyes, before she said, "Can mommy carry me?"

He wasn't sure it was possible for his heart to break more. "No, baby. You have to walk."

He unbuckled Grace from her car seat and began to lift her out. When he placed them both on the ground and went around to the drivers seat to pick up the cake, Grace finally seemed to wake up enough to realize that Erin wasn't there.

"Daddy?" Grace said, rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah, bug." He prayed the question wasn't coming, but he knew it was.

"Where's mommy?" She asked, her voice filled with sleep and confusion.

See, this was the problem with the rule he'd created. The never-lie-to-your-kid rule that made perfect sense back when it had been just him and Maddie, and his life had been a hell of a lot simpler.

God, he was such an idiot back then.

He took a moment to think of the best way to answer as they began to walk towards the front door of the large apartment complex. "Remember how mommy has her own home?" She hadn't slept there in over a week, but Maddie and Grace both knew she had one. Even if she'd slept over his apartment more nights than not in the past six weeks, at least his statement was true. "She went to sleep there tonight."

Grace used Jay a look to tell him that that answer was not an acceptable one, and Maddie used her words. "But daddy," she said, as they stepped onto the elevator. Grace pushed the button for the 5th floor, because it was her turn to press the button. "That was before."

"Before what, baby?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"Before she became mommy." She raised her eyebrows when she said this, as if to say Duh and let him know that he had just asked the stupidest question in the world. Grace just continued to look at him expectantly, her expression showing that she was clearly just as bewildered by his question as Maddie was.

When he didn't answer right away, Grace filled the silence. "Mommy's are supposed to live with their babies," she whispered. "Even I know that."

And in that moment, he wished he hadn't woken the girls. He wanted the ground to swallow him whole so he didn't have to have this conversation.

Even I know that.

Sometimes he forgot about Grace's past. He forgot that she had a life before she became his daughter, and that it wasn't a very good one. That she had parents who abandoned her. That she had a mother who let men hit her. He simply forgot about all of it.

Sometimes he forgot he had a life before Grace and Erin walked into it. Because he loved them as strongly as he loved anyone, even people he had known his entire life.

Maddie, Grace, Erin. They were his whole world.

He had to respond. He had to say something that wouldn't fuel Grace's feelings of abandonment. Something that would reassure her that Erin wasn't going anywhere. No one was abandoning her. Not today. Not ever.

"I know, bug." He said, keeping his voice light, like this was the most normal thing in the world. Even though it so wasn't. "But did you know that her home is with Grandpa Hank?" They had been calling him Grandpa Hank all night, and it was finally becoming a little less weird. Kind of.

They both nodded their heads.

Erin had showed them her room when they first got to the house, she had been excited to show them where she had grown up. And all of her stuff was everywhere, so even if they hadn't known before, they had likely figured it out tonight.

"Well, mommy decided to stay and help Grandpa Hank clean up from the barbecue." He almost choked over the lie, it felt slippery and slimy on his tongue, but he got it out. And he was pretty sure they hadn't noticed.

"She didn't want to say goodbye?" At the this point, Maddie and Grace were in their room and getting dressed and ready for bed. He was hoping this meant the conversation was almost over.

"She didn't want to wake you." He said, ruffling their hair. "You were sleeping so peacefully."

When that didn't seem to ease their concerns, he added "But she kissed you both goodbye before we left. You just slept right through it."

That lie felt worse than before, and a cold sweat came over his body when he saw how much his words seemed to calm down both girls.

He needed to change the subject. He couldn't talk about this anymore.

But first, he needed to tell them something that was true. He couldn't finish the night on a lie.

"Mommy loves you," he said. Because she did. "And daddy loves you too." He kissed them both twice gently on the forehead. One kiss for him, one for Erin.

"Now pick out your books girls." He shifted topics, signaling that was going to be the end of this conversation. "It's time for bed."

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Erin allowed the soft music emanating from the radio to calm her down as she sat in the back seat of the Uber. She peered out at the night sky, at the heavy fog that had descended on the city, obscuring the moon and stars. When the Uber driver finally pulled up to her building, she collected the few items she had taken when she made her abrupt exit, and stepped out of the black Honda and into the freezing cold.

She looked around for Olivia's car, and was relieved when she didn't see it in her usual parking spot. She must be at Ben's, she thought, and she realized she had never in her life been more grateful for Ben's existence than she was in that moment.

Her shivers had finally stopped, and once she scanned the parking lot a second time and confirmed that Olivia's car was, indeed, absent, she rushed inside, hoping to prevent the shivers from starting up again.

When she walked into the lobby, she walked right over to the front desk. In her haste to leave Hank's house, she had left her keys in the pocket of her coat, which was still hanging in the closet by his front door. "I'm Erin Lindsay," she said to the night manager, a middle aged man with a friendly smile. Thank God they had chosen an apartment building with a 24-hour desk person and door man. "I locked myself of my apartment, it's apartment 302."

As the night manager disappeared into the back to retrieve her keys, she took another calming breath.

You're doing the right thing.

She repeated the words over and over until he returned. "Have a good night, Ms. Lindsay," he said, as he passed the spare set of keys over the counter and dropped them into her open palm.

"Thanks, you too," she replied, and then she was already walking towards the elevator, in a rush to get upstairs.

To finally move on with this night.

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Jay had been ready to read four books, an extra one for each of his daughters. Actually, he would've read ten books if it meant keeping the conversation away from Erin Lindsay, and on safer topics like Thomas the Tank Engine or Dora the Explorer. But five pages into Purple, Green, and Yellow and they were both out cold.

He knew he should move them. He should lay Maddie down and tuck her under the covers, and he should carry Grace over to her own bed.

But right now, he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

Grace was on his left side, her body tucked under his left arm. Her brown curls were matted against her face on one side and cascading down his t-shirt on the other. Her body was warm against his, and she had left two large drool marks on his blue shirt.

Maddie was on the other side, and instead of being seated up and leaning against him like Grace, she was laying down, her head resting in his lap. Her blond hair remained in the pig-tail braids Erin had crafted earlier that day, but there were pieces of whispy hair coming out of the braids. Her pale skin was so translucent he could see the blue veins in her eyelids.

He took a deep breath, listening to his daughters breath and basking in the love of these two girls. All the while, hoping he still had the love of another.

After several minutes, he finally relented and put the girls to sleep. He lifted Grace first, bringing her over to the other bed and getting her settled. She seemed to stir a little, but when he bent down to kiss her forehead and whisper I love you, like he did every night, he didn't get a response.

By the time he got back to Maddie's side of the room, she had already moved herself and was asleep under the covers, her head now resting neatly on her own pillow. He pressed his lips against her forehead and inhaled her scent. She still smelled faintly of strawberry, but she also smelled like a mix of barbecue and frosting. It was quite the combination, but he loved it just the same. "I love you, Mads," he whispered quietly.

"I love you, too, daddy," she whispered back, not even opening her eyes as she spoke.

He kissed her again and then tiptoed quietly out of the room.

It wasn't actually late, but he was drained. Completely and utterly, emotionally and physically, drained.

He fished his iPhone out of his pocket and, to his dismay, saw that he had no new messages. He decided to call Erin, but wasn't actually surprised when she didn't pick up. He decided against leaving a voicemail, not trusting his voice to remain steady and not crack with emotion.

Instead, he typed out a quick message, hoping she would at least read it.

Jay: I'm so sorry. Please give me a chance to explain.

Before he thought too much about it, he typed out a second message and sent it immediately after the first.

Jay: I love you. Please come home.

He stared at his phone for what felt like an hour, but the screen remained blank. He got no reply.

He walked towards his bedroom, wanting to just lay down and succumb to the exhaustion. To block out the day, and hope to God tomorrow would be better.

But when he got to the room, all he saw was evidence of Erin. Her clothes, her shoes, her makeup, her jewelry. Her favorite boots. Even his own t-shirts reminded him of Erin, because she loved to sleep in them night after night.

He usually teased her about it, reminding her that she did actually pack her own pajamas that she could wear. But he secretly loved it. He loved seeing her all rumpled and wearing his t-shirt.

Actually, he was pretty sure there was nothing sexier than seeing Erin in his own clothes. Nothing more beautiful.

He felt tears slowing forming behind his eyes. This wasn't supposed to be happening. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

He couldn't help but think that if Erin lived here, if she moved in and lived here permanently, that she would be back by now. She would have to be back by now. This would be her home.

And when she did come back, he would explain everything. And when he did, she would understand.

Because he loved her and she loved him, and this was their family.

You just didn't run out on family.

He pushed back the tears and turned away, not able to look at the room any longer. At all the happy memories that were still inside.

Instead, he grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and sat on the brown leather couch. He flipped on the TV, but he couldn't even bring himself to pay attention.

He checked his phone again. Nothing.

Damn it, Erin. At least let me know that you're alright.

He turned on the home screen of his phone and was about to text her as much, when he heard a knock at the door.

His heart leapt in his chest, but it fell just as quickly when he realized it couldn't be Erin. She wouldn't knock. She had a key.

He walked slowly to the door, wondering who the hell would be bothering him this late on a Sunday night.

He had just about convinced himself it was Antonio checking up on him, when he opened the door to reveal Erin standing on the other side of it.

And she wasn't just standing there alone.

She was standing there surrounded by three massive suitcases.

"Hi," she said, shifting uncomfortably. He could hear the unsteadiness in her voice, the anxiety present right beneath the surface. "Can I come in?"

Can I come in?

Was she serious?

He was so shocked to see her that he still couldn't put two words together.

So instead of responding, he reached for her.

His fingers found her face, and then they were in her hair, and then his lips were hovering over hers, and then he felt the warmth of her chest as he pulled her against him.

He wrapped her up in his arms and carried her into the apartment without another word.

And then he kicked the door closed behind them.

Because now that he had her back in his arms, he wasn't planning on ever letting her go.

Xoxo

Please drop me a review and let me know if you like the direction this story is going. I've never written a story that's been this long, but I love the characters so much I don't want to end it yet! :)