32. Chapter 32

Okay, seriously, y'all are the BEST! I am just blown away by the feedback I've received on the last chapter and this story in general. I had no idea I had so many readers as invested in this story as I am. Thank you so so much, sending love to you all :)

I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the last!

And PS. It's rated M at the end, so please be mindful :)

Happy reading!

Chapter 32,

Jay almost made it past the kitchen, his arms still tight around Erin's body, his lips still locked against hers, his tongue still sweeping the insides of her mouth, before Erin pulled away. "Jay, wait," she breathed, "Wait a second."

His breathing was labored and heavy, his pulse beating double time, and he was still struggling to find words. He really didn't want to wait.

"Why?" He tried to make the word come out light and joking, but it came out like a sigh.

"My suitcases," she replied, still breathless, still in his arms. The three suitcases she had brought were outside, behind the door Jay had kicked close.

She hadn't smiled as she said the words, the way he would have expected her to if she planned to stay, to just take a momentary break and continue this in a few minutes.

All of a sudden a horrible thought descended on him. He finally found his words, and they rushed out of him. "Please tell me those suitcases aren't empty." She couldn't be here to collect her clothes, she just couldn't. "Please tell me they're full of clothes. Please tell me you're moving in with me." He tightened his hold on her as he asked the question. If she answered no, if she told him she wasn't here to stay, he wasn't going to put her down until he had her convinced to change her answer.

But there was no need. Erin turned her lips up into a slow smile, "They're full, Halstead." She leaned in and kissed him slowly, a kiss that was more intimate and less rushed. "I was actually planning to ask if I could move in."

He wanted to laugh, as he found himself thinking the same thing he had thought less than two minutes ago when she had been standing outside his door. Was she serious?

"Yes," he whispered against her lips. Yes, yes. A million times yes.

They still had to talk, he still had so much explaining and apologizing to do, and so when he released her and her feet touched the ground, he said, "I'll get your suitcases. Get us a couple of beers and meet me in the living room." It pained him to say living room and not bedroom. Because Jesus Christ he wanted to rip her clothes off. But that could wait.

This conversation couldn't.

Erin walked into the kitchen and retrieved two beers from the refrigerator, appreciating Jay's suggestion. She opened hers right away, taking a long sip. Her heart was racing again, and she needed to alcohol to take effect and calm her body.

She hadn't expected Jay to sweep her up into his arms when he saw her in the doorway. Although, she probably should have, she thought, smiling against her drink. That man never did anything half way.

She opened Jay's beer and walked gingerly to the living room. She had changed since the barbecue, and was now dressed more comfortably in leggings and an oversized dark red sweater. She tucked her legs under her body as she sat and waited for Jay to return.

They had a lot to talk about.

When Jay finally returned to the living room, he looked as nervous as she felt. He seemed to want to say something, but when he sat down, he just took a long sip of beer, mimicking her recent actions. Then he pressed his hand against her knee and gave it a gentle squeeze, all the while holding her gaze.

His soft eyes told her more than any words could. They were so similar in that way. The way that they both appreciated that sometimes words weren't enough.

"Jay," she said, finally. "I'm sorry."

His expression shifted, as one of surprise took over his face. "You're sorry?" He asked, incredulous. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

She did though. She was sorry she hadn't told him about her father being in prison. She was sorry she had run out on him, on the girls. But it was more than that. "I'm sorry my family is such a mess," she explained.

That was her biggest fear. That her history, that her awful family would affect her relationship with Jay and his wonderful one. What if he didn't want Bunny near Maddie and Grace? She had been wracking her brain, but there was no real way to stop her. The only way she could be sure to keep them safe was if Erin removed herself from their lives.

"Er," he said her nickname softly, full of love and compassion. "I don't care that you're family is a mess. It makes no difference to me."

Really? Promise?

That's what she wanted to say. She wanted to bask in the blanket acceptance he so easily offered her.

But she couldn't. Not yet. Because he still didn't understand the full picture. He couldn't possibly understand. "My mom..." she began, "She won't stop coming around. When she finds out I live here, she'll show up." The thought made her sick to her stomach. "What if Maddie or Grace answers the door?" That one thought scared her so much it almost kept her from coming back here tonight. From coming back here ever. Because as much as it would devastate her, she knew it was the best way to keep them safe.

"And I haven't seen my dad since I was a kid. I can't even imagine what he'll do next week when he gets out." God, she would give anything if he would just stay away. Bunny was enough trouble without adding another 'parent' to the mix.

"Erin, baby, listen." His voice was so kind it made her want to weep. She shifted her body slightly, and hugged her knees as he spoke. "We will figure this out. We'll sit down and talk to the girls, we'll make sure Annie knows that no one can pick the girls up from except for us, Sam, and Voight. We will figure this out. I promise you." He squeezed her knee again gently, and added, "We can do anything as long as we do it together."

A lone tear slowly slid down her cheek at his words, and he reached over, wiping it away with the pad of his thumb. Then he let his hand rest softly, intimately on her cheek.

"I love you," she whispered, as she leaned her face into his hand.

"I love you, too." He said, caressing her face gently. "And I am the one who needs to be apologizing. I'm so sorry for everything, Erin." He needed her to forgive him, to understand why he did what he did. "I should never have kept everything from you, and I should never have brought up the pills like that in front of everyone, I was just trying to-"

"Hey," she replied. "It's okay."

Because it was. When she had run out of Hank's house, she had been fuming. She had been angry and sad and confused and humiliated. She was still a little, actually, a lot, humiliated, but that was on her mother, not Jay.

When she finally calmed herself in the warm backseat of the Uber, she realized that Jay and Hank were both just trying to do what was best for her. Even if they had collaborated and schemed behind her back, they had the best of intentions. She was lucky to have two people worry over her like that, to love her like that.

"I love you," she said. Because it was the only explanation that was really need.

And because loving Jay felt better than anything had ever hurt.

"It's not okay," Jay replied, shocked at how Erin seemed to be taking all the blame for herself. "I lied to you." He lied by omission, and that was still a lie.

That was true. "Okay," she said. "Just promise you will never lie to me again. Tell me, even if you think I can't handle it."

"I just can't bear to see you in pain," he said, leaning his forehead against hers.

"Jay, you don't see it do you?" He lifted his head from hers, looking into her eyes, waiting for her to finish her thought. "Being with you..." she searched for the words that she knew where in her heart. "You take my pain away."

He kissed her slowly, and then finally gave her his promise. "I promise I will never to lie to you if you promise me one thing," he paused, making sure he still had her attention. "Promise me you'll never run out again." He let out a deep breath. "You really scared me."

She leaned in and touched her lips to his ever so softly, "I promise."

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Jay and Erin had each finished their beers and they sat snuggled together on the couch, enjoying each other's company. Jay's arm was around Erin's shoulder, and her body was wrapped in his. "The girls are going to be so happy to see you when they wake up," Jay said, his fingers lightly trailing up and down her arm.

She sat up suddenly, her heart breaking. She ran out on them, too. "Were they upset?" She asked, not sure which answer she preferred.

"A little." Well, that was an understatement, but he didn't want to make her feel bad. He tried to lighten the mood, by adding, "When I reminded them that you have your own place and told them you were sleeping there, Grace scrunched her nose up like this," he scrunched his face in to mimic Grace's expression, "and explained that 'Mommy's have to live with their babies'!" It was adorable to think about, now that he wasn't so damn sad. "God, she's so cute."

She smiled a sad smile, "I'm sorry I missed it," she said. Then she paused, thinking over Grace's words. "Is that the reason you want me to move in?" She loved the girls, she loved them like they were her own, but she wanted to move in with Jay because she was in love with him. And she wanted him to feel the same.

He seemed to understand where she was going with this, and he immediately sought to assuage her fears. "Nope," he said, matter-of-factly. Then he kissed her lightly on the lips, "I've wanted to ask you for days." Weeks. "I want to fall asleep with you in my arms every night and I want to wake up next to you every morning." For the rest of my life. "I almost asked you a hundred times."

"Why didn't you?" she whispered, her heart overflowing and bursting at his words. The way he looked at her when he said them, it damn near killed her.

"I don't know," he said. "I guess I was worried you would think it was too soon." They'd barely been together six weeks, after all. "I didn't want to scare you off." His children asking her to be their mommy may seem like a bigger step, but it was different. Because that had come from them. This, well this was coming from him. It was asking for a permanence that he couldn't be completely sure she was ready for.

She thought about that, and she reasoned that he may have been right. "When I saw my mother tonight," she whispered, her voice raw and husky. "I remembered all the times she left me." She shook her head, as if recalling each one individually. "And all the times she chose Hank's money over me." That specific thought still broke her every time she thought about it. "And I realized that I'm never going to be like her."

It was all she thought about during the drive home. It was the reason she had pushed every other negative thought away. It was the reason she chose not to stay away, and instead had decided to come home. "I never want to leave you, and I never want to leave our girls."

Jay was drawing figure eights on her back as she leaned against him and she closed her eyes as she continued to speak. "That's when I decided I wanted this to be home." You are my home. "With you and the girls." Forever.

Jay bent down to kiss her then. And what started of as a gentle, loving kiss quickly spiraled into something more greedy, as he breathed in her lavender scent. He loved her so deeply, needed her so completely, wanted her so badly.

God, he would never tire of this feeling.

He slowly kissed down her neck and, shoving the red fabric aside, began to nibble on the crevice above her collarbone. She moaned against him, and the sound sent shivers down his body, straight to his groin.

He grasped her shoulders and shifted her position, pinning her down against the couch and pressing his body against hers. When he knew she could feel his erection through his clothes, he began grinding against her center, still kissing her feverishly.

She rested her fingers on the buckle of his belt, trying to focus on the task of undoing it as he assaulted her tongue. She unclasped the buckle and began pulling at the belt, eager to shove it aside.

She needed to feel his skin on hers like she had never needed anything in her life.

He was mid-kiss when he suddenly pulled away, his eyes were dark with passion but he seems to be trying to shake it away. "Did you hear that?" He asked.

She tried to focus on something other than his penis, hard and pressed against her, on the feeling it was eliciting inside her. She tried to focus on something other than his fingers still on her hips, scorching her skin. She really, really tried.

But it wasn't until Maddie was standing in front of her that she was able to regain some semblance of awareness.

Jay pushed himself off of her and she immediately shoved her shirt down. "Baby, what are you doing up?" Jay asked, his voice still thick.

She didn't even bother answering him. "Mommy!" She yelled, running towards the couch and jumping on top of her. "You're home!" She thankfully seemed to be completely obvious to the scene she had just walked in on.

She was just happy her mommy was home.

"I am, baby." She said, pressing her lips against Maddie's forehead, hoping she didn't notice how red they be.

Grace seemed to hear the commotion, because after a moment she was walking into the living room. She was still rubbing her eyes, half asleep, when she noticed Erin on the couch. She dropped her hands and ran for her, joining Maddie on her lap. "Mommy!" She said, excitedly.

"Girls, what are you both doing up?" Jay asked. He was trying, but failing, to seem exasperated. Truth was, he was thrilled the girls woke up and saw that their mommy had come home.

Of course, he would've appreciated if they'd waited another 15 minutes, so he can finished ravishing their mommy on the couch, but still, his heart was melting at the sight of them.

Maddie and Grace just ignored him, once again. "Mommy," Grace said. "Don't sleep at Grandpa Hank's anymore. Okay?"

"Yeah," Maddie chimed in. "We missed you!"

"I missed you, too." She replied, "And I was just at Grandpa Hank's tonight packing up my stuff."

"To bring here?" Grace asked, her voice full of excitement and hope.

"To bring here!" Erin confirmed. "I was thinking I would move in," She said. "Well, that is, if it's okay with you two!"

Maddie and Grace jumped up and down with delight, hugging both Erin and Jay tight.

"Can we sleep with you tonight, daddy?" Grace asked, her voice still full of the same excitement and hope.

Ugh.

If it had been Maddie who'd asked, he may have said no. Actually, he probably wouldn't have, but still. He definitely couldn't say no to Grace. Not after all the worry he and Erin had caused her.

Damn. He definitely wasn't getting any tonight.

"Of course you can, baby," He replied, sending Erin a look that said What can I say? I'm weak. "Let's go to sleep."

Then within seconds, Grace was in his arms, Maddie was in Erin's and they were walking into his bedroom to go to sleep. Together, as a family.

Okay, he thought. I guess I wouldn't have it any other way.

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"Jay," Erin whispered quietly across to the other end of the queen size bed. Jay's face was buried in Maddie's blonde hair, and she couldn't tell if he was asleep. "Are you awake?"

Grace and Maddie were definitely both asleep between them, each of them snoring lightly. It had been almost forty-five minutes since they had all snuggled into bed.

"Yeah," he responded, even though she could tell he wasn't. His voice thick with sleep.

She probably shouldn't bother him.

But why shouldn't she? She was all hot and bothered, and it was completely his fault.

"I was...uh... thinking of taking a shower," she whispered, suggestively. She sent him her best sultry smirk, but her face was partially obscured by Grace and she was hoping he would be able to just hear her intentions through her voice.

He did and he popped out of that bed faster than he had moved all day. "Yes," he replied, not sure why he hadn't thought of that before. "That is a fantastic idea." He hadn't even been asleep, his need to feel her naked skin against his had kept him awake.

She laughed, and the sound, deep and throaty, turned him on even more. He had to have her.

He moved his pillows to the outside of the bed, enclosing Maddie and Grace so they wouldn't roll from the large bed while they were gone.

Then he ran across the room and swept Erin into his arms. He kissed her mercilessly as they moved together towards the bathroom. He broke apart the kiss only to turn on the water to allow it to heat up.

When he turned back, he finally got a good look at Erin in the light. She was wearing green ARMY t-shirt, and her brown hair was rumpled and flowed past her shoulders. Her face was clean and fresh, and her eyes were bright with desire. God, she was so fucking beautiful to him.

He moved towards her, holding her gaze steadily, as he slowly removed her t-shirt and tossed it aside. He let his fingers skim against her breast, and she let out a quiet moan, leaning into him, all the while never breaking eye contact.

His fingers found the tops of her boxer shorts, and he shoved them away, revealing a hint of black lace underneath. He let his fingers travel underneath the silky fabric, tantalizing and teasing her, still keeping his blue eyes focused on her hazel ones.

When her eyes rolled back into her head and her breath hitched, he almost came himself.

Finding his eyes again, she removed his white undershirt, and let her fingers graze his bare shoulders and arms. She hooked her fingers on the top of his boxer briefs and shoved them down, revealing his impressive erection.

As she kicked off her own underwear, he noticed the steam rising from the shower. The water was finally hot.

He was ready for them to steam it up even more.

His hands found her butt and he pulled her body against his. He lifted her and kissed her as she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.

And then he carried her forward until they were both under the hot water.

Why the hell had they never done this before?

He pressed her body against the wall of the shower as the water pelted his back. He bent down to suck each breast, to tease each nipple, as her hands roamed his entire body.

When he finally entered her, she cried out in ecstasy, "Oh my god, Jay," She breathed.

He loved when she said his name like that - a cross between a turned on moan and a beautiful declaration of love. There was nothing like it.

He had never had this kind of sex before Erin. The kind that was as much about the love he had for the other person as the physical sensations.

He placed his hands on either side of her head for balance as he pumped his body against hers. Her legs wrapped even tighter around him.

He was close to losing control when she stopped kissing him. She looked into eyes, once again, and saw right into his soul.

"God, I love you," he breathed, still rocking against her.

"I love you, too, baby." She sighed into his mouth. "More than you'll ever know."

Her words were his undoing, and they reached their climax together.

Xoxo

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