Facing My Fears

[Music Recommendation: "Happy Journey" by Yu-Peng Chen (Genshin Impact OST)-available in Youtube or Spotify] ~ Please listen to it in a loop while you read this part to experience the utmost beauty of this chapter ~

Since I made my first online friend at midnight, and I was so happy about it to the point my mind was wide awake until three in the morning, I woke up that day with dark circles around my eyes. In my past life, I was used to sleeping for four hours or less and I'd have all the energy I needed for the whole day. But it seems that wouldn't be the case from now on since I'm still in my teenage body. I'm a growing teen and of course, I need lots of sleep. I should have known.

"You look awful, Sena," Hora greeted me with disgust written all over her face. She stood over the gate of our house to pick me up. "Don't tell me you played that game all night?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Sorry, I didn't notice the time," I responded with my voice sounding hoarse and lazy, and my mouth still yawning. Ugh. I felt so lightheaded. If only I could just go back to sleep. I shouldn't have stayed up too long.

"Tsk! Tsk!" she clicked her tongue. "If you keep that up, I'll confiscate that game. It's bad to stay up too late."

"Ha-ha-ha." I couldn't help but chuckle at her cute way of reprimanding me—like a small child telling off her parents.

"What's so funny?" she squinted her eyes as she pouted. Really, so cute. Just get adopted in our family and be my sister. I always preferred a younger sister than a brother.

"Nothing. It's just that… you're like a little hamster when you're angry."

"What? I'm not a hamster!"

We squabbled a little more after that until we reached school. The morning assembly and class went on as usual. At lunch, I bragged to Ken about how I found the "Garden of Sacred Weapons" and got myself a "Sacred Staff". He didn't believe me at first. I didn't blame him though. Grim Reaper did say that only 0.0001% of the player population could find it so it was basically an impossibility. But Ken knew that I suck at lying. I didn't bat an eye when I told him how I got it so he believed me after that. Also, I was able to describe everything in great detail considering I was a complete noob until yesterday.

"That's an awful lot of beginner's luck," he told me, still marvelling after the truth. "Even I who played it longer than you, never had the chance at it. My current weapon is a lot weaker than yours! Damn it, I want it too." Jealousy was obvious in his tone.

We talked about Grim Reaper as well. He said the name was familiar so he looked it up on his phone and turns out, he was the top player of Armageddon! Top 1 globally! Ken went nuts over my "enormous luck" as he described it. Not only did I get a Sacred Weapon in-game, but I also met the top player! How cool was that? I guess it was pretty cool, even though I wasn't appreciating it as much as Ken did. I would have preferred playing with them over meeting some top player whom I didn't know personally.

Meanwhile, I noticed Hora looked uninterested as we talked about the game. Aww… my poor sister must have felt out of place. I quickly changed the conversation after that and let Ken drown in jealousy the whole lunch period. Honestly, he could just ask me to lend it to him and I wouldn't mind if he wanted it so badly. Then maybe, since I'm friends with Mr. Top Player, I could arrange for them to meet? But I didn't tell him that yet. I wanted him to brood over it some more. Ha-ha! I felt so evil doing that. Somehow, I wanted to prank him.

Hours passed and classes ended—it was time to go home. This time, I walked back home alone because Hora's mom fetched her to go somewhere and Ken had to go to their shop. It was quiet, walking alone—a bit lonely, but also peaceful.

[Music Recommendation: "In Silence" by Janet Suhh (It's Okay Not To Be Okay OST)-available in Youtube or Spotify]

When I was just a few meters away from our house, I saw my dad sitting on the bench in the garden. My steps immediately halted as I saw him. He was early. He usually arrived home around seven or eight in the evening.

Perhaps it was because I stopped and simply stared at him that I noticed it…

Dad… he was looking far away.

It was the kind of look people who had heavy problems had. Just staring at nothingness. I knew it so much since I found myself doing that many times in my past life. But what could he be thinking? What problem could he be hiding? Was it those scammers? Did they approach him already? But if they did, shouldn't he be happy? He didn't know before that they were scammers, he just thought that it was a good investment and was so happy getting into a contract with them.

"Why does he look so sad?" that thought circled on my mind over and over.

Could it be… that I was just so focused on my anger with him from abandoning us and betraying us, but in truth… there was another side of the story that I didn't know?

Could it be… that all these years… I hated him for nothing?

I was still unready to face him that moment. But… I strengthened myself. Looking past my anger and bitterness, I decided to approach him, and talk to him.

It felt like the longest walk of my life… when I finally walked towards him.

I clenched my fist tight, trying to muster all my courage.

Yes, courage… because I was afraid to be disappointed. I was having doubts, and hoping that maybe he had a valid reason for leaving us. But what if he didn't? That it was really just like how I initially thought? I was scared of the truth that he would tell me.

At last, I stood in front of him, and said…

"Hi… dad."