Chapter 41

"And I told you no. No. No. No. And for the last time NO. I am not going back and if I even agreed to, it sure as hell wouldn't be with you. I would keep court with Crowley in Hell before I went anywhere with you."

Anger crossed Dean's face and his eyes held a hard, uncaring look I had never seen before. I wondered what had happened to him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You find a couple of guys to whore around with and now you become a selfish bitch?"

I saw red. "Kutabare. Watashi wa anata o koroshimasu!" 

I lunged forward and started to fight Dean. I heard shouts coming from my new family, my soulmates, Sam, and Cas. But I was hyper-focused on Dean. This battle would mark the lines in the sand on how things would continue, and I was determined not to lose. I sent a quick thought to Loki and Bucky. 'Only interfere if I am about to die. He isn't going to hold back, and neither am I. I will get bloody, and I will hurt, but it will heal. Promise me so I can focus.'

I felt they didn't like it but heard their accent in my head and turned my attention back to Dean. I bared my teeth at him. I darted in and swept his legs out from under him and knelt on his chest. He grabbed me and flipped me over his head, and I landed on the coffee table shattering it. He grabbed for me, and I rolled, feeling glass cut me in many places. They were small stings and quickly ignored. I flipped to my feet and did a spin kick to give myself room. He ducked, grabbed my leg, and slammed me to the floor. I bucked my hips and shoved him over my head. We both stood, watching each other. 

"We don't have to do this Ariane. Just come back with us. You have a job to do."

"Fuck you and whatever portal you rode in on."

"I can see you've been doing quite a bit of fucking so why not one more."

I gave a dark laugh. "Yeah, those days are over. I would fuck Lucifer before I did you. Hell, I would fuck every demon in that realm before you touched me again. You never satisfied me anyway. Besides, you are more a whore than I am. At least I can count my sexual partners on one hand. I don't have the kinda time it takes to count all yours, yariman."

I heard Bruce say in a loud whisper "What all is she saying? Like before they started fighting and just now?"

I heard Sam answer. "It's Japanese. Kutabare. Fuck you. Watashi wa anata o koroshimasu. I will fucking kill you." He shook his head. "Yariman means slut. Ariane tends to revert to Japanese when she's furious. Dean had better be careful. He is good but she's better and she's out for blood. He can't take her in a fight. Never could. So, I have no idea what he's doing this for."

I blocked them back out. Dean rushed at me, and I dodged and punched him in his jaw. His head snapped to the side, but he got his arms around me and pinned me with my back against his chest. I dug my elbow into his stomach, stomped on his instep, and used the back of my head to slam into his face. His nose started running with blood and he let me go.

"Give it up Ariane. You don't belong here. I bet they don't really even want YOU, just your fighting ability. That's where all your worth is. You're a fighter and one of the best. Why else would they want you? No one wants you for anything else."

I looked at him stunned and incredibly hurt. Why would he say that? He knew it was a fear I had about myself, that I was never good enough. I knew he was an ass but this? This was cruel and he was trying to destroy me. I was too new at having so many people care about me that it was working. My heart hurt as I felt he was right. It was the only thing I was good for. I had heard it my whole life. I stopped fighting and just stood still. 

"Is that all you really think of me? That I'm only worth something because I can fight? Because I'm good at it? What about me as a person? About who I really am?"

"You know no one cares who you really are. God doesn't, Lucifer doesn't, and I don't. We didn't train you for you to just disappear. Just realize and accept that you really are nothing in the grand scheme of things. You aren't worth much, but you need to come back and at least give what little worth you do have."

Everyone was too shocked at what he was saying to move. I froze. All my worst thoughts and fears voiced. Dark thoughts from my dark places. My thoughts ran in a jumble from the fear and pain that exploded in my mind. I knew he was right. What was I playing at thinking people would really love me, that I was worthy of being loved? Once they got to know all of me, who would want me? I was just a monster. They would turn from me in disgust and horror as everyone else in my life had. I went pale and dropped to my knees as the weight of what he said landed on my shoulders. I slumped and dropped my head. I had felt what happiness was, but for me, it was something that wasn't meant to last. Once again, the thoughts that I should have stayed and let the Monsters finish me filled my head as his words continued to circle in my mind. I was so lost in my darkness I didn't hear Bucky or Loki yelling for me. I felt my heart dying and I took that as a sign that I had imagined the whole thing, that it was just wishful thinking. 

Dean stepped closer. Sam grabbed him and tried to hold him back as he and Cas looked horrified at what Dean was saying. I didn't understand why. It was all true, wasn't it?

"Dean. Dude, what the fuck are you saying? Why are you acting like this? This isn't you. Who the fuck even are you now? Mom and Dad would be ashamed of you treating her like this. It's dirty. Just because you can't beat her in a physical fight doesn't mean you should talk to her that. This is Ariane, remember? You love her. It's why we spent the last year trying to find her."

Dean looked at Sam. "Not anymore. I'm not sure I ever did. And don't you dare bring Mom and Dad into this. They have nothing to do with her or any of this. I'm not saying anything that isn't the truth."

He shook Sam off and looked down at me. His eyes looked different and not quite sane. "You don't mean anything to anyone. You never did and you never will. Why would anyone care about you? You killed your dad, your mom, even your big sister. And all for what? A rabbit? You aren't a badass. You're just a selfish girl that cares only about herself. You killed the only people who would ever love you. You aren't worthy of love or affection. No stop being a spoiled ass little bitch, be a good girl, and get your worthless ass back where you belong and get back to work."

My mind and heart crumbled. I felt like I was bleeding inside from all his words and that I was going to bleed to death. I knew my face had lost all color, lost all hope. I braced my hands against the floor as I leaned forward, defeated. Dean walked the few steps until he was right next to me and nudged me with his boot. Cas tried to grab him, but Dean shoved him away.

"Get up. Stop being lazy and making everyone else do all the work. Damn, I don't even know why I fought so hard to come here for you. You are worthless and useless to everyone. You should have let things end in a fight instead of running here like a scared child. At least come back where you can try to do something useful before you die instead of just living off these people. I bet they will be glad to see the last of you too." Dean knelt down. "You know, it seems you are getting passed around through the group here. Maybe you do have at least one other thing you are good for. Next time we all get together back at the house, maybe we should find out how good. I mean I know you were a shitty lay before, but maybe they taught you a few tricks like a good little whore." He grabbed the back of my hair and yanked my head back hard. "I think I will enjoy finding out how well you have learned to fuck, whether you want to or not." He slammed my head to the floor.